Cali Jokes
52 cali jokes and hilarious cali puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cali that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cali Short Jokes
Short cali jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cali humour may include short hippocampus jokes also.
- My obese Ex-wife, Ally, worked in a Californian grenade factory. She got struck by a grenade during her lunch break while covered in sticky u**.... Supper Cali frag a lick stick ex pee Ally dough sus
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Cali One Liners
Which cali one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cali? I can suggest the ones about expert and oxford.
- What do you call it when someone bullies an over weight ISIS member? Cali-fat shaming.
- Laural from Kmart citrus height cali,you know who I am
- What type of fish reps the west coast? Cali-mari
Share Hilarious Cali Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about cali you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean education jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cali pranks.
In California...
Did you know that in California you cannot take a picture of a woman with a basket of strawberries?
...you need a camera because strawberries do not take pictures.
A California state trooper pulled over a driver who ran a stop sign.
"C'mon, Officer. I slowed down, didn't I?" argued the driver.
"But you must come to a complete stop at the sign," said the trooper.
"'Stop.' 'Slow down.' What's the difference, really?" quibbled the driver.
The cop was so irritated that he whipped out his billy club and started hitting the man's arm with it, shouting, "Well, do you want me to stop or slow down?!"
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb.
None. Californians screw in hot tubs.
Here in California Catholics use non-fat, high fiber communion wafers.
They call them "I can't believe it's not Jesus"
Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?
He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.
(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)
California Roll
A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.
Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.
The cop pulls the guy out of the car and starts beating him.
The guy starts yelling "Stop! STOP!! What are you doing?! Stop!!!"
"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to stop or slow down?"
Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got to choose first
Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?
I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.
What's a Californians favorite type of comedy?
Dry humor
California
Q: How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hella.
California Earthquake
Today there was a 4.8 magnitude earthquake reported in California.
Taylor Swift was quoted as saying "Shake it, shake it off".
How do you know someone is from California?
They tell you.
What did the California Highway Patrol officer say to the h**... that was pulled over for speeding?
"Lick it, or ticket."
Why couldn't Caligula get anything passed in the Roman Senate?
His horse kept casting too many neigh votes.
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs and infinity pools.
How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)
California legalized m**...
I guess they had a high voter turnout.
How can California secede from the Us without any documents or agreements?
Earthquakes
Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey have the most toxic dumps?
New Jersey got to pick first.
- from Law and Order
I went to the California Air Show...
There was hella copters!
Californians hate walls so much...
They cried until the Oroville dam collapsed.
A Californian asks about upvoting Dwight Eisenhower cosplays and similar.
"Do you like like to like the likes of i**... look-a-likes?"
California is like a box of cereal...
When you get rid of all the fruits and nuts, all that's left are the flakes.
What do California and a breakfast on the beach have in common?
They both have a San Diego.
Why California is just like a bowl of cereal?
If you take out all the fruits and nuts all that's left is a bunch of flakes.
California seems to be Lit.
No but seriously, the whole place is on fire.
California hasn't fallen into the sea, so apparently it worked.
Back in the 1970's there was a cult in California who believed that they could save California by appeasing the San Andreas. There were parts of San Andreas that literally gaped open wide, and members of the cult were noted for throwing all their earthly possessions down into the amazingly deep cracks in the Earth's crust. Of course, skeptics accused the cult of being merely generous to a fault.
Did you know California supplies 2/3 of the nations fruits and nuts?
And a lot of produce too.
The best way to tell if you're in California
Is to look up at the sun, and see if there is a may cause cancer warning label on it.
In California, what do you do to someone choking at Disneyland?
You perform the Anaheimlich Maneuver
Thank you
What's A Californians Favorite Waffle?
A Sandy Eggo (San Diego)
If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.
We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible
I've been calibrating my new device which measures the electric charge of subatomic particles by testing it on Protons
So far, the results have been positive.
Now that most of California has banned the use of straws,
I just going to have to drink my frappuccino through this assault rifle.
Where do Californian Italians score touchdowns?
In the calzone.
California is looking to eradicate a once popular item.
Apparently it was the last straw.
So, how do you like California?
Well done.
Why does California like the Hunger Games?
It's always catching fire.
While in California, I wanted to enjoy breakfast at Mission Beach and some guy just threw my waffle on the ground.
I hate sandy Eggo.
California should be known as the granola State.
It's chock full of fruits, nuts, and flakes.
California drivers are so bad, they could host the world's first bad drivers' olympics...
But they would all just get into a massive accident on the way there.
California Condor
A man was in court the other day accused of shooting and killing a California Condor. The judge asked the man, "Why on Earth would you kill one of the magnificent creatures?" The man replied, "Your honor, I have been out of work for quite a while and me and my family were hungry with nothing to eat and I looked up and saw this big bird over head so I shot it down and fed my family with it." The judge said, "That is a tough story. I am sorry for your situation and I will certainly take it into consideration when I sentence you, but by the way, I am a little curious as to what it tastes like." The man replied, "It's really not bad. Kind of a mix between a spotted owl and a baby seal."
What did the California legislature say when all the turtles were dying?
You know what, that's the last straw.
California Census
When California was determining its census rules, a law similar to the three fifths compromise was considered, under which two Asian Americans would be counted the same as one caucasian.
The law was rejected, because the lawmakers all agreed that two Wongs don't make a white.
In California, one American queuing for Coronavirus testing
In California, one American queuing for Coronavirus testing, waited half a day and getting angry, told the person behind him that he had enough of this waiting. He requested the person behind him to save his place in the queue as he is going to shoot Trump.
After few hours he came back.
The person that saved his place for him asked : did you shoot him? He replied, "No, the Q there is even longer than here!"
Why did California become a red state?
Someone threw a gender reveal party.
In what California city did the Flintstones' family pet forget to apply his sunblock?
Sunburnadino
Why are California almond farmers so concerned about the record cold temperatures?
They don't want their nuts to freeze off.
