Cali Jokes
51 cali jokes and hilarious cali puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cali that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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What is a good cali joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
What do California zombies eat?
Graaaiiins.
In California...
Did you know that in California you cannot take a picture of a woman with a basket of strawberries?
...you need a camera because strawberries do not take pictures.
Here in California Catholics use non-fat, high fiber communion wafers.
They call them "I can't believe it's not Jesus"
Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?
He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.
(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)
The California businessman
A California business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening.
Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, the Californian knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.
The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Californian joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "What do you mean wrong hole?"
California Roll
A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.
Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.
The cop pulls the guy out of the car and starts beating him.
The guy starts yelling "Stop! STOP!! What are you doing?! Stop!!!"
"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to stop or slow down?"
Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?
I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.
What's a Californians favorite type of comedy?
Dry humor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
California
Q: How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hella.
California Earthquake
Today there was a 4.8 magnitude earthquake reported in California.
Taylor Swift was quoted as saying "Shake it, shake it off".
How do you know someone is from California?
They tell you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the California Highway Patrol officer say to the h**... that was pulled over for speeding?
"Lick it, or ticket."
Why is the California golden gate bridge a great compass?
It is collapsible
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
California legalized m**...
I guess they had a high voter turnout.
How can California secede from the Us without any documents or agreements?
Earthquakes
I went to the California Air Show...
There was hella copters!
Californians hate walls so much...
They cried until the Oroville dam collapsed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Californian asks about upvoting Dwight Eisenhower cosplays and similar.
"Do you like like to like the likes of i**... look-a-likes?"
California is like a box of cereal...
When you get rid of all the fruits and nuts, all that's left are the flakes.
What do California and a breakfast on the beach have in common?
They both have a San Diego.
Why California is just like a bowl of cereal?
If you take out all the fruits and nuts all that's left is a bunch of flakes.
California seems to be Lit.
No but seriously, the whole place is on fire.
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Cali One Liners
Which cali one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cali? I can suggest the ones about expert and oxford.
- Laural from Kmart citrus height cali,you know who I am
- What type of fish reps the west coast? Cali-mari
