Calf Jokes
49 calf jokes and hilarious calf puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about calf that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Want to make your friends laugh? Check out these hilarious calf jokes featuring all things bovine, from legs and muscles to mooing and heifer-related humor. Enjoy a giggle at the expense of our hoofed friends!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Calf Short Jokes
Short calf jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The calf humour may include short cows jokes also.
- What did mr and mrs Cow name their calf who they sent away to be slaughtered? Little miss Steak.
- Chris used to drink only regular coffee, then he got in a car accident and lost both his legs below his knees... Now he goes with de-calf.
- Why did the cow go on holiday? Because she had a wee calf.
- If a veterinarian says a pregnant cow needs to have an abortion... Does that mean he's ordering a de-calf?
- What do you call milk from a childless cow? De-calf Milk
- Two Scottish cows in a field, what one is on holiday? The one with the wee calf.
- Why did the hungry baby calf cross the road? To get to the udder side.
- A baby fish is called a fry. A baby whale is called a calf. A baby shark is a doo doo doo doo doo doo.
- Why did the cow walk with a limp She had a new calf
- If you take meat from a calf... ... it could either be veal or below-knee.
Share These Calf Jokes With Friends
Calf One Liners
Which calf one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with calf? I can suggest the ones about cows udder and cattle.
- What did the cow say to her calf? It's pasture bed time
- My leg keeps making a mooing sound. I think I have a calf injury.
- What did the momma cow say to the calf when it was up too late? It's pasture bedtime.
- What do you call a cow abortion? De-calf
- What do you call a calf in the rain? *A moist cowlette!*
- What is the dairy farmer's favorite exercise? Calf Raises.
- What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks? Half calf
- What do you call a cow that just had a baby? De-calf-inated
- What do you call a cow who has just had an abortion? De-calf-inated
- What did the bull say to his calf at 9pm? It's pasture bedtime!
- Where do you put a tattoo of a baby cow? On your calf
- What does a calf use to do maths? A cowculator.
- Did you hear about the farmer who named his male calf Terry? It was a Terry bull name.
- What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated
- What did Momma Cow say to her calf after sundown? It's *pasture* bedtime!
Leg Calf Jokes
Here is a list of funny leg calf jokes and even better leg calf puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two types of cows Now, everyone knows that a cow without legs is called ground beef, but what do you call a cow with only one leg?
A calf. - Wanna hear a joke about legs? It's a real knee s**....
And that pun was only calf of the joke.
Happy Calf Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about calf you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make calf pranks.
A cow is talking to her three calves
The first calf asks "Why is my name Daisy?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a daisy fell onto your head, sweetie."
The second calf asks "Why is my name Rose?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a rose fell onto your head, dear."
The third calf says "Hargendflarfrebargen"
"Shut it, Cinderblock!"
A guy goes to the doctor with a sore leg....
The doctor runs the normal tests and takes some x-rays. Unable to find the problem he finally decides to listen to the leg with his stethoscope, at the knee he hears "hey give me $5" at the calf he hears "hey give me $10" at the ankle he hears "hey give me$15". He takes off the stethoscope, looks up the patient and says " I have some bad news, your leg is broke in three places"
A man walks into the doctors.
He says dr it hurts when I touch here
And touches his arm
It also hurts here
And touches his ribs
and here
And touches his back
It hurts here too
And touches his calf
It hurts here
And touches his elbow
and here
And touches his head
It even hurts here
And touches his abdomen
And the dr says -
Yeah you have a broken finger.
What do you call a calf that doesn't listen to its parents?
Grounded beef.
This was made up by my 12 year old brother when we saw a calf escaped the enclosure on a neighbouring farm. I'll let him know what you all think.
[Posting cause randomly remembered it. Sorry if repost.] 2 friends were talking while having a drink together
Friend 1: my grandpa had a barnhouse so big, if you put a calf through one end, by the time it came out the other end it would be a full grown cow.
Friend 2: my grandpa had a bamboo so big he could move the clouds out of his way so he could see the moon and the stars at night.
Friend 1: You're bluffing. Where'd he even keep a bamboo that big?
Friend 2: In your grandpa's barnhouse.
On a pasture there are cows, a mom cow and 3 calfs
The 1st calf asks it's mom, "Why is my name Petunia?". The mom cow replied "Because a petunia fell on your head when you were born". The 2nd calf asked it's mom, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom replied with, "Because a Daisy fell on your head when you were born". The 3rd cow said, "REEEEEEEEEEE" and the mom said "Shut up cinderblock"
Two cowboys were riding their horses checking a line of fence and came across a calf with her head caught in a hole in the fence.
One of the cowboys got off his horse and looking around, noticed there was no one else around but the two of them. He then dropped his pants and started to have s**... with the calf. He then turned to his partner and said " You got to try this." So the other cowboy got off his horse, looked around, then dropped his pants and stuck his head in the fence.
Just had a strange phone survey
They asked:
* How's the knee feeling?
* Do you prefer shorts or long pants?
* Do you ever get cramps in your calf area?
I interrupted and said, Hey, this is weird. Why are you asking such strange questions?
The surveyor laughed and said, I'm just polling your leg.
Ok, time to see if a Scottish joke translates...
Two cows are standing in a field, which one is going on holiday?
The one with the wee calf.
Q. Two cows standing in a field. Which one is on holiday?
A. The one with the wee calf.
Why was the buffalo embarrassed about his calf? [OC]
Because he had a bi son
Two cows are in a field and one is going on a vacation. Which one is going?
The one with the wee calf.
What do you call the calf who disobeyed his mother?
Ground beef
