Calf Jokes
47 calf jokes and hilarious calf puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about calf that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Want to make your friends laugh? Check out these hilarious calf jokes featuring all things bovine, from legs and muscles to mooing and heifer-related humor. Enjoy a giggle at the expense of our hoofed friends!
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Funniest Calf Short Jokes
Short calf jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The calf humour may include short cows jokes also.
- What did mr and mrs Cow name their calf who they sent away to be slaughtered? Little miss Steak.
- Chris used to drink only regular coffee, then he got in a car accident and lost both his legs below his knees... Now he goes with de-calf.
- If a veterinarian says a pregnant cow needs to have an abortion... Does that mean he's ordering a de-calf?
- A baby fish is called a fry. A baby whale is called a calf. A baby shark is a doo doo doo doo doo doo.
- Two types of cows Now, everyone knows that a cow without legs is called ground beef, but what do you call a cow with only one leg?
A calf. - Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria. - This boy and girl went to a party dressed as calf meat. I felt like a bit of a third veal.
- A young calf went to the deli's by himself even though he was told to stay home. He was grounded afterwards.
- How does Paul George take his coffee? Half-Calf
- A donkey, a calf and a foal walk into a bar... Its not a joke, it really happened in Melbourne not that long ago
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Calf One Liners
Which calf one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with calf? I can suggest the ones about cattle and hind legs.
- My leg keeps making a mooing sound. I think I have a calf injury.
- What did the momma cow say to the calf when it was up too late? It's pasture bedtime.
- What do you call a calf in the rain? *A moist cowlette!*
- What is the dairy farmer's favorite exercise? Calf Raises.
- What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks? Half calf
- Where do you put a tattoo of a baby cow? On your calf
- Did you hear about the farmer who named his male calf Terry? It was a Terry bull name.
- Why did the cow go on holiday? Because she had a wee calf.
- What do you call milk from a childless cow? De-calf Milk
- Why did the hungry baby calf cross the road? To get to the udder side.
- Why did the cow walk with a limp She had a new calf
- If you take meat from a calf... ... it could either be veal or below-knee.
- Why was the buffalo embarrassed about his calf? Because he had a bi son
- What do you call the calf who disobeyed his mother? Ground beef
- What hair style is a calf's favorite?
The cowlick.
Happy Calf Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about calf you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cow udder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make calf pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cow is talking to her three calves
The first calf asks "Why is my name Daisy?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a daisy fell onto your head, sweetie."
The second calf asks "Why is my name Rose?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a rose fell onto your head, dear."
The third calf says "Hargendflarfrebargen"
"Shut it, Cinderblock!"
A guy goes to the doctor with a sore leg....
The doctor runs the normal tests and takes some x-rays. Unable to find the problem he finally decides to listen to the leg with his stethoscope, at the knee he hears "hey give me $5" at the calf he hears "hey give me $10" at the ankle he hears "hey give me$15". He takes off the stethoscope, looks up the patient and says " I have some bad news, your leg is broke in three places"
What do you call a calf that doesn't listen to its parents?
Grounded beef.
This was made up by my 12 year old brother when we saw a calf escaped the enclosure on a neighbouring farm. I'll let him know what you all think.
[Posting cause randomly remembered it. Sorry if repost.] 2 friends were talking while having a drink together
Friend 1: my grandpa had a barnhouse so big, if you put a calf through one end, by the time it came out the other end it would be a full grown cow.
Friend 2: my grandpa had a bamboo so big he could move the clouds out of his way so he could see the moon and the stars at night.
Friend 1: You're bluffing. Where'd he even keep a bamboo that big?
Friend 2: In your grandpa's barnhouse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a pasture there are cows, a mom cow and 3 calfs
The 1st calf asks it's mom, "Why is my name Petunia?". The mom cow replied "Because a petunia fell on your head when you were born". The 2nd calf asked it's mom, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom replied with, "Because a Daisy fell on your head when you were born". The 3rd cow said, "REEEEEEEEEEE" and the mom said "Shut up cinderblock"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cowboys were riding their horses checking a line of fence and came across a calf with her head caught in a hole in the fence.
One of the cowboys got off his horse and looking around, noticed there was no one else around but the two of them. He then dropped his pants and started to have s**... with the calf. He then turned to his partner and said " You got to try this." So the other cowboy got off his horse, looked around, then dropped his pants and stuck his head in the fence.
Just had a strange phone survey
They asked:
* How's the knee feeling?
* Do you prefer shorts or long pants?
* Do you ever get cramps in your calf area?
I interrupted and said, Hey, this is weird. Why are you asking such strange questions?
The surveyor laughed and said, I'm just polling your leg.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wanna hear a joke about legs?
It's a real knee s**....
And that pun was only calf of the joke.
What do you call a burger made from 50% beef and 50% veal?
Half Calf
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the middle aged man charged with when he was found fondling a calf?
s**... Moolestion
One if my favorite jokes to tell.
The was a mama cow with 3 baby calves. The first calf named sunlight came up to her and asked, "Mama, why am I named sunlight?"
The mama replied, "When you were born, a ray if sunlight landed on your head."
The second calf named butterfly came up to her and asked, "Mama, why am I named butterfly?"
The mama replied, "When you were born, a butterfly came and landed on your head."
Finally, the third calf named cinderblock came up to her and said, "Herarrgghhhdeeerrr"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are five cows on a farm, one momma cow and four baby calves.
The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, Momma, why is my name Rose? The mommy cow replies, Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.
The next calf comes up and asks, Momma, why is my name Lily? The mother replies, Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.
The third baby comes up and asks, Momma, why is my name Daisy? The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head."
The final baby walks over and says, Huh Ruh Buh Duh! The momma cow says, Shut up, Cinderblock!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are five cows on a farm, one mommy cow and four baby calves.
The first baby walks up to the mom and asks: "Mom, why is my name Rose?" The mom replies: "Well, honey, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf comes up. "Mom, why is my name Lily?" The mom replies: "When you were born, sweetheart, a lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf comes up to mom. "Mom, why is my name Daisy?" The mom replies: "When you were born, my baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."
The fourth calf comes up. It says: "Hurr duh buh gah." The mom replies: "Oh, shut up, Cinderblock!"
