The Best 39 Calf Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Calf jokes. There are some calf leg jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these calf udder puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Calf Jokes and Puns

What is the dairy farmer's favorite exercise?

Calf Raises.

Two Scottish cows in a field, what one is on holiday?

The one with the wee calf.

What was the middle aged man charged with when he was found fondling a calf?

Sexual Moolestion

Calf joke, What was the middle aged man charged with when he was found fondling a calf?

A cow is talking to her three calves

The first calf asks "Why is my name Daisy?"

The cow replies, "When you were born, a daisy fell onto your head, sweetie."

The second calf asks "Why is my name Rose?"

The cow replies, "When you were born, a rose fell onto your head, dear."

The third calf says "Hargendflarfrebargen"

"Shut it, Cinderblock!"

What do you call a calf that doesn't listen to its parents?

Grounded beef.
This was made up by my 12 year old brother when we saw a calf escaped the enclosure on a neighbouring farm. I'll let him know what you all think.

Two cowboys were riding their horses checking a line of fence and came across a calf with her head caught in a hole in the fence.

One of the cowboys got off his horse and looking around, noticed there was no one else around but the two of them. He then dropped his pants and started to have sex with the calf. He then turned to his partner and said " You got to try this." So the other cowboy got off his horse, looked around, then dropped his pants and stuck his head in the fence.

If you take meat from a calf...

... it could either be veal or below-knee.

Calf joke, If you take meat from a calf...

What do you call the calf who disobeyed his mother?

Ground beef

Looking at cows in a field, how can you tell which one's on holiday?

It's the one with the wee calf. (Think Scottish)

What do you call a burger made from 50% beef and 50% veal?

Half Calf

What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?

Half calf

You can explore calf heifer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean calf cow dad jokes. There are also calf puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A guy goes to the doctor with a sore leg....

The doctor runs the normal tests and takes some x-rays. Unable to find the problem he finally decides to listen to the leg with his stethoscope, at the knee he hears "hey give me $5" at the calf he hears "hey give me $10" at the ankle he hears "hey give me$15". He takes off the stethoscope, looks up the patient and says " I have some bad news, your leg is broke in three places"

A donkey, a calf and a foal walk into a bar...

Its not a joke, it really happened in Melbourne not that long ago

What did a buffalo dad said to his calf after giving him a ride to the school?


Why did the hungry baby calf cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

What does a calf use to do maths?

A cowculator.

Calf joke, What does a calf use to do maths?

What did Momma Cow say to her calf after sundown?

It's *pasture* bedtime!

Two cows are in a field and one is going on a vacation. Which one is going?

The one with the wee calf.

Why did the cow walk with a limp

She had a new calf

Why was the buffalo embarrassed about his calf? [OC]

Because he had a bi son

What did the cow say to her calf?

It's pasture bed time

Why did the cow go on holiday?

Because she had a wee calf.

A man walks into the doctors.

He says dr it hurts when I touch here
And touches his arm
It also hurts here
And touches his ribs
and here
And touches his back
It hurts here too
And touches his calf
It hurts here
And touches his elbow
and here
And touches his head
It even hurts here
And touches his abdomen

And the dr says -
Yeah you have a broken finger.

Two types of cows

Now, everyone knows that a cow without legs is called ground beef, but what do you call a cow with only one leg?
A calf.

Q. Two cows standing in a field. Which one is on holiday?

A. The one with the wee calf.

On a pasture there are cows, a mom cow and 3 calfs

The 1st calf asks it's mom, "Why is my name Petunia?". The mom cow replied "Because a petunia fell on your head when you were born". The 2nd calf asked it's mom, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom replied with, "Because a Daisy fell on your head when you were born". The 3rd cow said, "REEEEEEEEEEE" and the mom said "Shut up cinderblock"

Where do you put a tattoo of a baby cow?

On your calf

What do you call a calf in the rain?

*A moist cowlette!*

A young calf went to the deli's by himself even though he was told to stay home.

He was grounded afterwards.

This boy and girl went to a party dressed as calf meat.

I felt like a bit of a third veal.

Wanna hear a joke about legs?

It's a real knee slapper.

And that pun was only calf of the joke.

A baby fish is called a fry. A baby whale is called a calf.

A baby shark is a doo doo doo doo doo doo.

Did you hear about the farmer who named his male calf Terry?

It was a Terry bull name.

Ok, time to see if a Scottish joke translates...

Two cows are standing in a field, which one is going on holiday?

The one with the wee calf.

Just had a strange phone survey

They asked:

* How's the knee feeling?
* Do you prefer shorts or long pants?
* Do you ever get cramps in your calf area?

I interrupted and said, Hey, this is weird. Why are you asking such strange questions?

The surveyor laughed and said, I'm just polling your leg.

What did mr and mrs Cow name their calf who they sent away to be slaughtered?

Little miss Steak.

[Posting cause randomly remembered it. Sorry if repost.] 2 friends were talking while having a drink together

Friend 1: my grandpa had a barnhouse so big, if you put a calf through one end, by the time it came out the other end it would be a full grown cow.

Friend 2: my grandpa had a bamboo so big he could move the clouds out of his way so he could see the moon and the stars at night.

Friend 1: You're bluffing. Where'd he even keep a bamboo that big?

Friend 2: In your grandpa's barnhouse.

What did the bull say to his calf at 9pm?

It's pasture bedtime!

My leg keeps making a mooing sound.

I think I have a calf injury.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the calf hamstring jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working calf herd piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes