Calendar Up Jokes
129 calendar up jokes and hilarious calendar up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about calendar up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Calendar Up Short Jokes
Short calendar up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The calendar up humour may include short calendar jokes also.
- Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg The Gregorian calendar
- I hate that September, October, November, and December are somehow the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months of the calendar year Whoever messed that up ought to be stabbed
- Two guys were arrested for stealing a calendar they each got six months.
I'm so sorry.... - I'd like to wish all mothers a Happy Mother's Day! …and make all the Americans panic.
(It's Mother's Day in the UK, for those worriedly looking at their calendar.) - I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off. I am never working for a calendar company again.
- What's the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day.
- I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper… Now those days are behind me…
- Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar? They both got 6 months.
P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!
Sorry for the typo - September was the first calendar month no nfl players were arrested in six years. Kudos to their wives for being so well behaved last month.
- Hey Siri! My girlfriend broke up with me. Oh no, I'm so sorry! Do you want a joke to cheer you up?
Sure.
What is the difference between you and a calendar?
What?
The calendar has dates.
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Calendar Up One Liners
Which calendar up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with calendar up? I can suggest the ones about calendar factory and calendar date.
- Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months? He lost May
- Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar. I am completely dismayed
- They fired me from the calendar factory I don't know why. I just took a few days off.
- Two guys stole a calendar They both got 6 months
- I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
- I bought a Russian advent calendar. Every time you open a window an oligarch falls out.
- Heard about the two guys who stole a calendar? They both got 6 months
- Why does Peter Parker only have eleven months on his calendar? Because he lost May.
- You hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months.
- What's brown and sticky? My beyonce calendar.
- I recently got fired at my job at the calendar factory It's because I took a day off
- To the English teacher that stole my calendar... Your days are numbered. Mark my words.
- TIFU by getting fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
- What do a calendar and a non vaxxed kid have in common? Their days are numbered.
- Today is the rest of the world's 9/11 No, seriously, look up the calendar.
Calendar Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about calendar up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean alarm clock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make calendar up pranks.
Invisible calendars...
... that's something you don't see every day.
Number 7
Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.
The thief who stole my calendar...
Got 12 months.
Have you heard about the two guys who tried to steal a calendar?
They each got six months
Did you hear about the man that stole the Calendar?
He got twelve months.
Did you hear about the 2 guys who stole a calendar?
they each got 6 months
My smartphone is now all I need to organise events in my life
My calendar's days are numbered.
Did you hear about the couple who stole a calendar?
They both got six months.
Guys my calendar is really sick..
I think its days are numbered.
Bob, why were you kicked out from your job?
I took a couple of days off.
Oh, that's hard. Where do you work?
At the calendar factory
I lost my job at the calendar factory.
My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off.
I used to have a job;
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
I'm going to make a calendar of s**... Islamic extremists
I will call it, Ji-hotties
Man goes to a restaurant
Sits down at a table by himself and places a calender in front of him. The waiter ask why the calendar? Man replies "I didn't want to be alone so I brought some dates"
Did you hear about the two men who were arrested for stealing a calendar?
They each got six months
It must really s**... working for a calendar company
You can't take any days off
Did you hear about the 2 men who stole a calendar?
They each got 6 months.
I can't believe they fired me from the calendar company!
I just took a day off!
The day after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I lost my calendar.
My life has been pretty uneventful since.
Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar
but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...
Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...
What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?
Two thieves try to steal a calendar.
They each got six months.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar?
They each got six months!
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Why did the man get fired from his job at a calendar company?
He took a few days off
Did you hear about the two guys that got caught stealing a calendar?
They each got six months.
Did you hear about two guys stole a calendar?
**They each got 6 months.**
My advent calendar only has days that end in 1,3,5,7,9.
That's odd.
Did you hear about the two robbers who stole the calendar?
They each got six months.
How did the guy who touched the 2018 calendar get electrocuted.
.
.
.
.
Cause it was the **"current"** year.
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I got fired from my job at the calendar factory
I took a day off
Someone stole my calendar. Bad news for them...
They have to attend my mother-in-law's party next weekend.
did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar
he got 12 months
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?
He got twelve months for it.
What's the difference between me and a calendar?
The calendar has dates.
Me and my brother stole a calendar
We each got six months.
I was fired from the calendar factory, wanna know why?
I took a day off.
I got fired from the calendar factory...
... because I took some days off.
2020 has a new calendar out
January
February
Lockdown
December
Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?
He took a day off.
Two guys robbed a calendar from a store.
They both got 6 months each
I recently got a death threat from my calendar
It said that my days were numbered
BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar
He got twelve months
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off
I was fired from the calendar factory yesterday
All I did was take a week off
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
Because he tried to take a month off
Two guys stole a calendar.
They got six months each.
I don't know what animal the year 2020 is in the Chinese calendar
but I'm pretty sure it has rabies.
What's a calendar's favorite treat?
Dates!
(My first time posting here, but I was snacking on dates and this came to my mind)
Did you hear about the 2 guys that got caught stealing a calendar?
They both got 6 months.
Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone.
What kind of sicko does that to someone's advent calendar?
What did the calendar say on its death bed?
My days are numbered.
What did the calendar say after Tuesday?
w**...
When January finally arrives we'll find out whether we've defeated the evil year 2020 or not. According to my calendar...
Twenty-twenty won.
People may have hope for the year after that, but I hear it'll be twenty-twenty too.
What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days
(ba dum tsssss)
New Year 2021 calendar
I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer.
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
Someone removed the fifth month from the calendar
I was really dismayed
We were so poor that all we had for toilet paper was a calendar...
Now those days are behind me.
The vet said she will put the dog down.
"But why?!" exclaimed the owner.
"Because he's heavy." explained the dogtor.
-taken from a cat calendar.
A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.
Police suspect highly organised crime.
I got fired from my job at the calendar factory a couple weeks ago.
I don't know why, all I did was take a few days off.
But it's okay, I think I'm going to become a mirror washer. It's something I can really see myself doing.
I told my doctors I have a phobia of calendars
He asked me why
I replied, "Because its days are numbered."
I'm worried about the calendar
It's days are numbered
Coworker: Long day, huh?
Me: *looks at calendar* The longest.