Calendar Jokes

Funniest Calendar Short Jokes

Short calendar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The calendar humour may include short agenda jokes also.

1. Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg The Gregorian calendar
2. Two guys were arrested for stealing a calendar they each got six months.
   I'm so sorry....
3. I'd like to wish all mothers a Happy Mother's Day! …and make all the Americans panic.
   (It's Mother's Day in the UK, for those worriedly looking at their calendar.)
4. I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off. I am never working for a calendar company again.
5. What's the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day.
6. I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper… Now those days are behind me…
7. Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar? They both got 6 months.
   P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!
   Sorry for the typo
8. September was the first calendar month no nfl players were arrested in six years. Kudos to their wives for being so well behaved last month.
9. Hey Siri! My girlfriend broke up with me. Oh no, I'm so sorry! Do you want a joke to cheer you up?
   Sure.
   What is the difference between you and a calendar?
   What?
   The calendar has dates.
10. I used to have a job; I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

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Calendar One Liners

Which calendar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with calendar? I can suggest the ones about schedule and gallery.

1. Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months? He lost May
2. Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar. I am completely dismayed
3. They fired me from the calendar factory I don't know why. I just took a few days off.
4. I bought a Russian advent calendar. Every time you open a window an oligarch falls out.
5. What's brown and sticky? My beyonce calendar.
6. What do a calendar and a non vaxxed kid have in common? Their days are numbered.
7. Today is the rest of the world's 9/11 No, seriously, look up the calendar.
8. Have you heard about the two guys who tried to steal a calendar? They each got six months
9. The thief who stole my calendar... Got 12 months.
10. What did the hitman say to the calendar? Your days are numbered.
11. Guys my calendar is really sick.. I think its days are numbered.
12. 2020 has a new calendar out January
    February
    Lockdown
    December
13. BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar He got twelve months
14. What did the calendar say on its death bed? My days are numbered.
15. Invisible calendars... ... that's something you don't see every day.

Calendar Up Jokes

Here is a list of funny calendar up jokes and even better calendar up puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone... What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?
• A man giving a long-winded speech finally says,…. "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
  A voice from the crowd says, "There's a calendar behind you."
• My new cat is obsessed with sitting on the calendar, so I took that as an inspiration for his name I'm still doubting between Greg or Ian
• The day after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I lost my calendar. My life has been pretty uneventful since.
• The vet said she will put the dog down. "But why?!" exclaimed the owner.
  "Because he's heavy." explained the dogtor.
  -taken from a cat calendar.
• I don't know what animal the year 2020 is in the Chinese calendar but I'm pretty sure it has rabies.
• I'm afraid for the calendar. It's days are numbered.
• New Year 2021 calendar I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer.
• Why did the calendar maker get fired from his job? He took a day off
• Bob, why were you kicked out from your job? I took a couple of days off.
  Oh, that's hard. Where do you work?
  At the calendar factory

Calendar Factory Jokes

Here is a list of funny calendar factory jokes and even better calendar factory puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I'm an expert at dating After all, I work in the calendar factory 12 hours a day
• I just got this sick job at the Calendar factory. Unfortunately, I still can't get a date.
• Why did the human get fired from the calendar factory? Because they took a few days off.
  Probably a repost, but IDC
• Why did I get fired from CALENDAR factory, all I did is took a DAY off?

Calendar Date Jokes

Here is a list of funny calendar date jokes and even better calendar date puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Man goes to a restaurant Sits down at a table by himself and places a calender in front of him. The waiter ask why the calendar? Man replies "I didn't want to be alone so I brought some dates"
• What's a calendar's favorite treat? Dates!
  (My first time posting here, but I was snacking on dates and this came to my mind)
• What's the difference between a calendar and a average Redditor? Calendars have dates
• What's the difference between Leonardo di Caprio and a calendar Leo's dates only go up to 25
• Why are calendar puns so bad? Because they are always so week and dated
• Why is Stevie wonders calendar like meeting people on tinder? It's all blind dates...
• My calendar has all the dates rubbed off. Now whenever I cross one of the boxes my roommate thinks I'm playing Tic-Tac-Toe with him.
• I love my calendar! We go out on so many dates each month!
• Mary and Joseph talking Mary: Oh no my period is late
  Joseph: Oh no how late
  Mary: I dunno, what's the date
  Joseph: hmm, according to the calendar it's 9 months BC
  Mary: 9 months what now
• How did the sailor stranded on an island with a calendar survive a year? Eating the dates and Sundays.

Advent Calendar Jokes

Here is a list of funny advent calendar jokes and even better advent calendar puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone. What kind of sicko does that to someone's advent calendar?
• Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...
• What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days
  (ba dum tsssss)
• My advent calendar only has days that end in 1,3,5,7,9. That's odd.
• I can never finish anything so I bought a cyanide advent calendar.
• Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? Because it's his only chance to open the door to Number 10!
• I moved into an advent calendar today... Its very cold, all the windows are open.
• 12 days of Labour Why does Jeremy Corbyn enjoy advent calendars?
  Because it is the only time he will open the door to Number 10.
• Just came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone... What sort of sick person does that to someone's advent calendar?
• On a cold, late December day... ... the wall calendar looked across the room at the advent calendar and said:
  "It looks like our days are numbered, pal".

Cheeky Calendar Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about calendar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make calendar pranks.