The Best 71 Calendar Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Calendar jokes. There are some calendar august jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these calendar advent calendar puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Calendar Jokes and Puns

Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg

The Gregorian calendar

You hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

Number 7

Mark dreams number 7.

He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.

He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.

Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.

Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.

The horse comes seventh.

Calendar joke, Number 7

The thief who stole my calendar...

Got 12 months.

Have you heard about the two guys who tried to steal a calendar?

They each got six months


Did you hear about the man that stole the Calendar?

He got twelve months.

Heard about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months

Calendar joke, Heard about the two guys who stole a calendar?

Did you hear about the 2 guys who stole a calendar?

they each got 6 months

What's brown and sticky?

My Beyonce calendar.

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day.

Did you hear about the couple who stole a calendar?

They both got six months.

You can explore calendar resolutions reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean calendar calender dad jokes. There are also calendar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Guys my calendar is really sick..

I think its days are numbered.

Bob, why were you kicked out from your job?

I took a couple of days off.
Oh, that's hard. Where do you work?
At the calendar factory

TIFU by getting fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

September was the first calendar month no NFL players were arrested in six years.

Kudos to their wives for being so well behaved last month.

I lost my job at the calendar factory.

My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off.

Calendar joke, I lost my job at the calendar factory.

I used to have a job;

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

I'm going to make a calendar of sexy Islamic extremists

I will call it, Ji-hotties


Man goes to a restaurant

Sits down at a table by himself and places a calender in front of him. The waiter ask why the calendar? Man replies "I didn't want to be alone so I brought some dates"

It must really suck working for a calendar company

You can't take any days off

Did you hear about the 2 men who stole a calendar?

They each got 6 months.

The day after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I lost my calendar.

My life has been pretty uneventful since.

Today is the rest of the world's 9/11

No, seriously, look up the calendar.

Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...

What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?

Two thieves try to steal a calendar.

They each got six months.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper…

Now those days are behind me…

Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

Why did the man get fired from his job at a calendar company?

He took a few days off

Did you hear about the two guys that got caught stealing a calendar?

They each got six months.

Did you hear about two guys stole a calendar?

**They each got 6 months.**

I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.

I am never working for a calendar company again.

Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months.

P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!

Sorry for the typo

What do a calendar and a non vaxxed kid have in common?

Their days are numbered.

What's the difference between me and a calendar?

The calendar has dates.

Me and my brother stole a calendar

We each got six months.

I was fired from the calendar factory, wanna know why?

I took a day off.

They fired me from the calendar factory

I don't know why. I just took a few days off.

I got fired from the calendar factory...

... because I took some days off.

I recently got fired at my job at the calendar factory

It's because I took a day off

2020 has a new calendar out

January

February

Lockdown

December

Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?

He took a day off.

BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar

He got twelve months

I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday

They say it's because I took a day off

I was fired from the calendar factory yesterday

All I did was take a week off

Two guys stole a calendar.

They got six months each.

I don't know what animal the year 2020 is in the Chinese calendar

but I'm pretty sure it has rabies.

Did you hear about the 2 guys that got caught stealing a calendar?

They both got 6 months.

What did the calendar say on its death bed?

My days are numbered.

What did the calendar say after Tuesday?

WTF

What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?

He got 25 days!

Someone removed the fifth month from the calendar

I was really dismayed

The vet said she will put the dog down.

"But why?!" exclaimed the owner.

"Because he's heavy." explained the dogtor.


-taken from a cat calendar.

I'm worried about the calendar

It's days are numbered

Calendars are becoming obsolete.

In fact, I think their days are numbered.

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory a couple weeks ago, and all I did was take a few days off.

But it's alright, I think I'm going to become a mirror washer.

It's something I can really see myself doing

I'm afraid for the calendar.

It's days are numbered.

Two guys were arrested for stealing a calendar

they each got six months.

I'm so sorry....

I once got fired from a clock factory.

and after all those extra hours I put in...

And then I got fired from the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

And then I got fired from the calendar company. I put in 8 days a week and they were PISSED!!!

News just in: Two men have been convicted of stealing a calendar

They both got 6 months

The guy who stole my calendar finally got caught …

He got twelve months

I got fired from the calendar factory.

I only took a day off.

Why do calendars have short lifespans?

Their days are numbered

I got fired from the calendar factory

Just for taking a day off

Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months?

He lost May

Maybe you should start getting worried about the calendar

because its days are numbered

To the English teacher that stole my calendar...

Your days are numbered. Mark my words.

Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar.

I am completely dismayed

I had a job at a calendar factory

I got canned for taking a couple days off

Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months on his calendar?

Because he lost May…

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the calendar february jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working calendar september piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes