The Gregorian calendar
Gregorian Calendar.
All I did was take a day off.
I am never working for a calendar company again.
A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day.
They both got 6 months
Now those days are behind me…
They each got six months.
My Beyonce calendar.
Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.
**They each got 6 months.**
Kudos to their wives for being so well behaved last month.
All I did was take a day off.
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
No, seriously, look up the calendar.
They each got six months
Got 12 months.
What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?
My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off.
Every time you open a door, a voice tells you to fuck off.
I think its days are numbered.
All I did was take a day off.
they each got 6 months
They each got six months.
My Beyoncé calendar
They both got six months.
They each got six months.
Rabbi Ben Simmons was fed up with his congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf.
Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf course. He naturally reported it to God. Moses suggested God punish the rabbi severely.
As he watched, Moses saw the rabbi Ben Simmons playing the best game he had ever played. The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on the course and then again on the next hole.
Moses turned to God and asked, 'I thought you were going to punish him. Do you call this punishment?'
God replied, 'Who can he tell?'
They each got six months.
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
My life has been pretty uneventful since.
They each got 6 months.
He got 12 months.
He got twelve months.
I took a couple of days off.
Oh, that's hard. Where do you work?
At the calendar factory
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