calendar Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious calendar puns

Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg

The Gregorian calendar

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Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg

Gregorian Calendar.

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I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

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I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.

I am never working for a calendar company again.

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What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day.

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Heard about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months

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I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper…

Now those days are behind me…

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You hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

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What's brown and sticky?

My Beyonce calendar.

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Number 7

Mark dreams number 7.

He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.

He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.

Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.

Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.

The horse comes seventh.

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Did you hear about two guys stole a calendar?

**They each got 6 months.**

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September was the first calendar month no NFL players were arrested in six years.

Kudos to their wives for being so well behaved last month.

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TIFU by getting fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

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I used to have a job;

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

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Today is the rest of the world's 9/11

No, seriously, look up the calendar.

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Have you heard about the two guys who tried to steal a calendar?

They each got six months

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The thief who stole my calendar...

Got 12 months.

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Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...

What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?

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I lost my job at the calendar factory.

My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off.

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Just bought a Jehovah Witness Advent calendar...

Every time you open a door, a voice tells you to fuck off.

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Guys my calendar is really sick..

I think its days are numbered.

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I can't believe I got terminated from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

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Did you hear about the 2 guys who stole a calendar?

they each got 6 months

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Did you hear about the two guys that got caught stealing a calendar?

They each got six months.

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What is brown and sticky?

My BeyoncΓ© calendar

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Did you hear about the couple who stole a calendar?

They both got six months.

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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

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A Rabbi on Yom Kippur

Rabbi Ben Simmons was fed up with his congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf.

Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf course. He naturally reported it to God. Moses suggested God punish the rabbi severely.

As he watched, Moses saw the rabbi Ben Simmons playing the best game he had ever played. The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on the course and then again on the next hole.

Moses turned to God and asked, 'I thought you were going to punish him. Do you call this punishment?'

God replied, 'Who can he tell?'

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Two thieves try to steal a calendar.

They each got six months.

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Butcher Shop

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

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The day after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I lost my calendar.

My life has been pretty uneventful since.

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Did you hear about the 2 men who stole a calendar?

They each got 6 months.

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Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

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Did you hear about the man that stole the Calendar?

He got twelve months.

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Bob, why were you kicked out from your job?

I took a couple of days off.
Oh, that's hard. Where do you work?
At the calendar factory

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What are the most funny Calendar jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Calendar? Well, here are the best Calendar dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Calendar pick up lines to share with friends.

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