Calculus Jokes

136 calculus jokes and hilarious calculus puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about calculus that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out these calculus jokes, perfect for math teachers, students and anyone who loves math! Laugh your way through the derivative, the tangent, the trigonometry and more. Get ready to discover math humor related to calculus, whether it be flirty, love, or birthday related.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Calculus Short Jokes

Short calculus jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The calculus humour may include short algebra jokes also.

  1. I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins. It was impossible to differentiate between them.
  2. Why don't white supremacists take calculus in high school? They don't want to see integration in their schools
  3. There is a good chance you'll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins. Because it's hard to differentiate between them.
  4. My 5 year old son found videos meant for adults only... ...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.
  5. I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins. I couldn't differentiate between them.
  6. My girlfriend is like an advanced calculus class. I don't have a clue what's going on but seems like those others guys are getting it.
  7. When writing your calculus exam, make sure you don't sit between twins. Because you might not be able to differentiate between them.
  8. Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas? Because everyone there hates integration.
  9. TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's. Apparently they opposed integration.
  10. "Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Share These Calculus Jokes With Friends

Calculus One Liners

Which calculus one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with calculus? I can suggest the ones about mathematics and trigonometry.

  1. dolphins doing calculus be like (eᴱ)' = Eeᴱ
  2. Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South? Because they don't like integration.
  3. Why is the south bad at calculus? They don't know how to integrate.
  4. Remember alcohol and calculus dont mix So don't drink and derive
  5. Why is teaching calculus so difficult in the South? They hate integration
  6. Man I really hate calculus. It just derives me crazy
  7. You can't solve every problem with calculus It has its limits
  8. Why doesn't Alabama have calculus teachers. They don't like integration.
  9. Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties? Because you should never drink and derive.
  10. Alcohol and calculus don't go together very well. Don't drink and derive.
  11. I just saved 15% or more on my Calculus test... by switching to radians.
  12. Drinking alcohol is like calculus. You have to know your limits.
  13. I heard the new Calculus movie was rated R It contains graphic content
  14. Calculus jokes should be an integral part of this sub
  15. I asked a friend if I could copy his calculus homework He told me to know my limits

Calculus Derivative Jokes

Here is a list of funny calculus derivative jokes and even better calculus derivative puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Got pulled over while doing calculus in my car last night Cop said I was deriving over the limit.
  • I failed Calculus when we reached differentials... I guess I should have known my limits. I could barely derive anything from what the teacher taught us.
  • My teacher took off points when I spilled my juice on my Calculus homework... ... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive.
  • Our school should start a calculus club We would all derive fun from it
  • Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
  • A group of people were hospitalised after a calculus midterm. The cops said they were drinking and deriving.
  • Why did the calculus students get arrested? For drinking and deriving.
  • I'm tired of people ripping on calculus all the time. It derives me crazy.
  • You shouldn't take calculus after alcohol It's irresponsible to drink and derive
  • I suppose we should have seen the Newton-Leibniz conflict coming. Calculus has always been derivative

Integral Calculus Jokes

Here is a list of funny integral calculus jokes and even better integral calculus puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you know that calculus was never taught in southern schools before the 1960s? They didn't believe in integration.
  • White folk hate math. Especially when they heard in Calculus they'd have to integrate.
  • How do you use calculus in real life? You integrate it
  • why do white supremacists hate calculus? It really pushed their *limits* on *integration*
  • Did you know that people who dislike calculus are typically racists? They hate integration.
  • Why are the southern states so bad at calculus? Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.
  • Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world. It is such an integral field of math.
  • When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson. He remembered to add the sea.
  • My whole family bonded over math. Calculus was our religion. Except my grandfather... ...he was against integration.
  • How was calculus taught in the Deep South prior to integration?
Calculus joke, How was calculus taught in the Deep South prior to integration?

Calculus Math Jokes

Here is a list of funny calculus math jokes and even better calculus math puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing! You can't cross a vector with a scaler.
    (Great math joke that came up in Calculus the other day)
  • Math joke My Calculus teacher told me:"Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead."
    I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"
  • Did you hear about the math teacher... ...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard?
    He really rose to the equation.
  • I was so busy with maths homework that I didn't brush my teeth for a week The calculus had built up, and it was starting to get quite hard.
  • In high school math class ... I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the "designated deriver".
  • father in law just made an accidental calculus joke By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.
  • I'm really struggling in math class. I've always been really good at math, and I guess I figured I could handle whatever was thrown at me.
    But Calculus is really making me find my limits.
  • Why did the math teacher get fired? He couldn't differentiate the branches of calculus.
  • Why are dentists so good at math? Because they study *calculus*.
  • Have you heard about the calculus professor who tried some bad amphetamines and ended up believing he was a moth? It's the old m**... math moth myth.

Calculus Limit Jokes

Here is a list of funny calculus limit jokes and even better calculus limit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics... But graphing is where I draw the line!
    Actually, graphing is fine, but calculus is my limit.
  • College calculus is like a drinking game against a super-heavyweight. Even if you know your limits, you're dead no matter what.
  • I like my women how I like my calculus: With limits.
  • I failed a Calculus exam today. I think I've finally found my limits.
  • Baby you make me wish I was good at calculus. Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.
  • What did the calculus student who failed his test and the guy who got a speed ticket have in common? They didn't know their limits
  • Why did Newton invent calculus? He wanted to test his limits.
  • Calculus is my Limit.
Calculus joke, Calculus is my

Silly & Ridiculous Calculus Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about calculus you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean calculations jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make calculus pranks.

Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus?

So he'd use natural logs!

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?


The instructions said if my e**... lasts longer than four hours to see a doctor...

My calculus professor was no help at all.

Math puns are boring

Algebra puns are too linear, arithmetic puns are too basic, trigonometry puns are too graphic, calculus puns are all derivatives. Only the statistic puns are the occasional outlier.

I learned a lot of Mandarin in just one semester!

Though I could have sworn the syllabus said "Calculus 2".

A student calls his college to enrol in a calculus course...

A student calls his college and says "I want to take calculus, but the system won't let me enrol". The woman on the other line looks at his record and says: "it looks like you're already taking a full course load! don't you know what the limit is?", to which he replies:
"That's what I'm trying to find!"

How do calculus students feel about undefined s**... in Cartesian planes?


Sometimes I do things to children that they're too young to understand...

...such as teaching them calculus and microbiology.

What kind of calculus do frogs use?

Der - ribbit - tives

Why did the k**... fail calculus?

Because they hated integration so much.

Why do Americans s**... at calculus?

White people have never been good at integration.

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:
"What am I being stopped for?"
The cop answers:
"Drinking and deriving."

A pub near my house has a calculus trivia night

They want their patrons to drink and derive

Why are you not allowed to do calculus intoxicated?

It's i**... to drink and derive.

A calculus professor enters a bar, and is arrested an hour later...

Apparently he was drinking and deriving

Don't date a calculus teacher

They're gonna replace u

Calculus has a steep learning curve...

But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!

The problem with math jokes

Calculus jokes are derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are too formulaic but arithmetic jokes are just basic.
The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.

There was a young man weeping

The man was sitting at a library table
A young lady approached him and asked what was wrong
He replied It's complicated
And showed his calculus homework

What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?

Calculus homework.

What do you call a wizard who is good at calculus?

A mathemagician

Why don't calculus teachers go to bars?

Because they don't want to drink and derive.

If you want to pass your calculus exam, don't sit in between two identical twins.

It's very hard to differentiate between them.

Calculus walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.
Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."
"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and derive".

Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties?

# Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties?
Because you should never drink and derive.

There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.
But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

How to stay in class

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the eyes," the bartender says. "But hard on the pupils?"

What did the calculus professor say when he saw his students at the bar?

Don't drink and derive.

why did newton die a v**...

Because he wasn't integrals (into girls) (he invented calculus)

I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus…

…but geometry is where I draw the line.

Calculus joke, I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus…

jokes about calculus