Calculator Jokes
104 calculator jokes and hilarious calculator puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about calculator that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Whether you're an engineering student or a mathematician, these calculator jokes are sure to make you chuckle. We've got scientific calculator jokes, maths calculator jokes, jokes about asymptotes and computing. So grab your calculator and get ready to compute some laughs!
Quick Jump To
- Short Calculator Jokes
- Calculator One Liners
- Maths Calculator Jokes
- Pocket Calculator Jokes
- Scientific Calculator Jokes
- More Calculator Jokes
Best Short Calculator Jokes
Short calculator puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The calculator humour may include short toolbox jokes also.
- My boss calls me "The computer" Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
- My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time, But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity
- According to my calculations, about 40% of Americans are Republicans But that's just a Conservative estimate
- A man downloaded a calculator app, but needed to pay extra to unlock the plus button He had to pay in order to use additional features
- 39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom Scientists still can't determine how much is needed for your mother though
- Apparently, drinking a pint of beer shortens your lifespan by nine minutes. According to my calculations I died some time in 1829.
- Apparently, when you drink a pint of Beer You shorten your lifespan by 9 minutes. So according to my calculations, i died sometime in 1644.
- Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth? Because there is always a rounding error.
- I thought about getting a pocket calculator... ...but then I realized I don't care how many pockets I have.
- Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it. Times were tough
Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about calculator can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of calculator puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !
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Calculator One Liners
Which calculator one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with calculator? I can suggest the ones about processor and caller.
- What do you call an engineer who doesn't know how to use a calculator? A project manager.
- What is faster than a calculator? A Calcu-now.
- I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie... fast 10: Your Seatbelts
- Calculators May Be Ugly On The Outside But Its What's On The Inside That Counts.
- My girlfriend said she needs time and distance... Is she trying to calculate velocity?
- What works faster than a calculator? A calcunow
- When a woman asks for some time, and some space... ... she's trying to calculate speed
- My graphing calculator works really well... Some would say it functions perfectly.
- Why did mike tyson bring his calculator to church? He was invited to thunday math.
- Anyone have any good math jokes? [META] Right now I'm busy calculating sum.
- Calculators are useless What I need is a calcunow
- What do you get if you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on.
- My calculator stopped working and I don't know why... It just doesn't add up.
- What kind of instrument do Texans play? Calculators.
- Why is the calculator a man's best friend? Because you can always count on it.
Maths Calculator Jokes
Here is a list of funny maths calculator jokes and even better maths calculator puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did ChatGPT's mom always ask it to solve math problems? Because it was good at calculating attention!
- My math teacher was arrested for carrying a protractor, a calculator, and a ruler! The FBI charged her with weapons of math instruction.
They really threw the book at her… - I know why Hogwarts doesn't have math class. They have a magical device for it. It's called a calculator.
- Teacher arrested on airplane after bag was searched A protractor, a ruler, a calculator, and a book of graph paper. He was charged with possessing implements of math instruction
- I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans. They commit math genocide on a daily basis.
- ISIS math problem Ahmed has 5 bags. If he gives 2 to Mohamed and 1 to Jamal. Then calculate the radius of the blast.
- Never mess with a scientist doing math out in the snow... He's cold and calculating.
- What do you say Everytime maths wants you to calculate value of his X Dear Maths, I'm sick & tired of finding your 'X' she's gone dude and don't ask 'Y'
- I've finally created a field of math which can calculate the degree to which Donald Trump is compounding his problems... Cuckulus
- What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator? A chronic math debater
Pocket Calculator Jokes
Here is a list of funny pocket calculator jokes and even better pocket calculator puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I thought about buying a pocket calculator and then I thought who care how many pockets I have
- Three "facts" school taught me that turned out to be false 1. pluto is a planet
2. You won't always have a calculator in your pocket
3. Girls don't like having their hair pulled - I don't see the point of a pocket calculator. Who doesn't know how many pockets they have?
Scientific Calculator Jokes
Here is a list of funny scientific calculator jokes and even better scientific calculator puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do scientific calculators communicate with each other? Sine language
- I'm pretty sure I'm going to die without knowing what 95% of a scientific calculator is used for.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Calculator Jokes
What funny jokes about calculator you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean console jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make calculator prank.
[garden of eden]
**Snake:** Pssst! want an apple?
**Eve:** No thanks, I do not sin.
**Snake:** What's the length of the opposite side of a 30° right triangle with a hypotenuse of 20?
**Eve:** 10
**Snake:** Thanksss
**Adam:** How did you calculate that?
**Eve:** Oh no.
I think my calculator is broken...
The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.
I was trying to solve an equation when I realised that the minus button on my calculator was broken...
On the plus side, it still worked.
An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out drinking
To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.
Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.
The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.
The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.
A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.
They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"
A lawyer dies and goes to heaven . . .
"There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 49."
"49?" says St. Peter. "No, according to our calculations, you're 83."
"How did you figure that?" the lawyer asks.
"We added up your time sheets," answered St. Peter.
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
My friend walks round with a broken calculator...
There's just something about him that doesn't add up.
A guy once told me that his favorite pastime was calculating averages.
I asked him, "What do you mean?"
How do they calculate global warming?
Al-gore-ythms
Pakistani math problem.
Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the e**....
My girl said she need distance and time
Still dont know what she's trying to calculate the velocity of...
A Physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings
The Physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculater, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The mathematician runs to a chalkbaord, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, "There IS a solution!", and then burns to death.
What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?
Logger-rhythms.
"It's what's on the inside that counts" I told my ugly daughter
As I tried to explain to her how a calculator works.
She's also s**....
Being a Calculator must be a huge responsibility...
everyone is counting on them.
s**... burns 300 calories an hour.
After doing some extensive calculations, this year I burned roughly 5 calories.
A girl bangs a calculator on the desk to make it work
Math teacher: why are you making noise
Girl: my calculator isn't working so I'm b**... it to make it work
Math teacher: the calculator's gonna break, how would you like it if i banged you on the table
Whole class: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were monitoring a house...
They saw one person walk in, but several months later they saw two walk out.
The biologist said: "They must've reproduced!"
The physicist said: "It must be a calculation error"
The mathematician said: "If one more walks in, the house will be empty"
i watched my classmate m**... our professor with a calculator
it was graphic
Calculators are reliable.
You can always count on them.
Working at a factory making huge calculator b**... isn't exactly my dreamjob, but at least my only task is to fabricate one kind of button.
That's a big plus.
My girlfriend and I broke up today
Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"
An engineer, a lawyer and an accountant are at a job interview
The interviewer asked, what's 1 + 1.
The engineer draws up a plan and does some measurements and says. It appears that 1 + 1 is 2 .
The lawyer takes out his law book, checks all the rules then says according to the law, 1 + 1 is 2 .
The accountant takes out his book and calculator. Does a few calculations then whispers to the interviewer, What do you want the number to be?
My girlfriend told me she needed some time and distance…
I think she wants to calculate velocity…
Because hippos are surprisingly dangerous, zoologists use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the length of their backs.
This is called finding the hippotenuse.
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"
A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the police on suspicion of terrorism..
The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges. In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in procession of weapons of math instruction!"
A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive
"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!"
"Then why are Androids so much cheaper?", asked the journalist.
"Because," said Tim Cook, "an Android replaces just one device. The iPhone."
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball
The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.
The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.
The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.
Oldie but goodie
During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not even close!" I said, "Yeah, but it was fast though!"
No idea where the original came from but this one gets me every time.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
Graphing calculators cannot be trusted.
Theyre plotting something, I can feel it.
An anti-vaxxer and an engineer are crossing a bridge over a crocodile-infested river
The anti-vaxxer asks "What are the odds of us making it across the bridge safely?"
The engineer replies "After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely."
The anti-vaxxer then says "Forget it, I'll swim."
An engineer, a physicist and a statiscian go hunting in the woods.
They spot a deer and take turns shooting at it. First goes the physicist. He look at the angle, calculates the speed of the bullet and shoots but his shot goes 50 meters to the right. The engineer says he didn't count for the wind and he also makes his measurement and shots but his shot goes 50 meters to the left. Then the statiscian yells hapilly: We did it!
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "There is a 99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
Breaking News
At Miami International Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement which has struck t**... into the lives of many for generations. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
t**...
At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
After calculations I found out that my wedding will cost $50k
Now all I need is $50k
and a wife
100 is a nice round number
The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar?
The American: 100, of course
The European: 100? Why not 62, or 37?
The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calculate. 62? You crazy Europeans.
The European: Right, gotcha. Thank you! So how many feet in a mile?
The American: Go back to Europe!
Scientists have today discovered that dark matter actually does not exist.
The source of the unknown mass in the galaxy was never dark matter, but the result of a calculation mistake.
The scientists admit that they forgot to include your mother in the calculations, and therefor the last (approximately) 80% of the mass in the Milky Way has finally been discovered.
Just found out that I can't use a calculator for my exam
I was really counting on that
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go hunting...
The three see a buck a little distance away.
The physicist makes a quick, back-of-the-envelope calculation, assuming an ideal bullet and neglecting wind resistance, and then fires. The bullet lands 10 meters in front of the buck.
The engineer has been doing his own calculations, adding in wind resistance and adding a fudge factor to include wind variations, Coriolis forces, and other, unknown variables. He fires, and the round lands 10 meters behind the buck.
The statistician jumps up and yells, "We got him!"
ChatGPT's favorite game is Minesweeper, it can calculate all the probabilities in seconds!
I bet the ChatGPT servers are too busy trying to calculate the meaning of life to respond quickly.
What's a simple method for calculating the number of bees in a beehive?
Easy. Just count all their legs and divide by six.
A biologist, a physicist and a statistician go hunting and they see a deer 70 feet in front of them.
The biologist calculates the deer's movement and shoots 5 feet to the left of the deer because he forgot to calculate the speed of the wind..
The physicist calculates the speed of the wind and shoots 5 feet to the right of the deer because he didn't calculate the deer's movement.
The statistician then shouts, "We've got it!"
Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!
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The impact of these calculator jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.