The Best 49 Calculator Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Calculator jokes. There are some calculator cosecant jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these calculator sudoku puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Calculator Jokes and Puns
I think my calculator is broken...
The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.
I was trying to solve an equation when I realised that the minus button on my calculator was broken...
On the plus side, it still worked.
Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?
He was invited to thunday math.
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
I thought about getting a pocket calculator...
...but then I realized I don't care how many pockets I have.
Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?
There was a sin tax error.
[8.5]
My friend walks round with a broken calculator...
There's just something about him that doesn't add up.
I thought about buying a pocket calculator
and then I thought who care how many pockets I have
Calculators are useless
What I need is a calcunow
Calculators May Be Ugly On The Outside
But Its What's On The Inside That Counts.
"It's what's on the inside that counts" I told my ugly daughter
As I tried to explain to her how a calculator works.
She's also stupid.
You can explore calculator compute reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean calculator protractor dad jokes. There are also calculator puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Being a Calculator must be a huge responsibility...
everyone is counting on them.
What do you call a broken fisherman's calculator.
Something fishy that doesn't quite add up.
I know why Hogwarts doesn't have math class. They have a magical device for it.
It's called a calculator.
Why is a calculator my best friend?
Because I can always count on it.
A girl bangs a calculator on the desk to make it work
Math teacher: why are you making noise
Girl: my calculator isn't working so I'm banging it to make it work
Math teacher: the calculator's gonna break, how would you like it if i banged you on the table
Whole class: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
I recently had to sell my calculator manufacturing business.
The numbers just weren't adding up.
My graphing calculator works really well...
Some would say it functions perfectly.
Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
- She couldn't find the "10" button.
i watched my classmate murder our professor with a calculator
it was graphic
Calculators are reliable.
You can always count on them.
Working at a factory making huge calculator buttons isn't exactly my dreamjob, but at least my only task is to fabricate one kind of button.
That's a big plus.
What do you get if you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
A kid was begging his dad to move to California.
Dad: Give me one reason why I should agree
Kid: California starts with Cal
Dad: And?
Kid: Calculator also starts with Cal
Dad: What does that mean?
Kid: It all adds up
My calculator stopped working and I don't know why...
It just doesn't add up.
An engineer, a lawyer and an accountant are at a job interview
The interviewer asked, what's 1 + 1.
The engineer draws up a plan and does some measurements and says. It appears that 1 + 1 is 2 .
The lawyer takes out his law book, checks all the rules then says according to the law, 1 + 1 is 2 .
The accountant takes out his book and calculator. Does a few calculations then whispers to the interviewer, What do you want the number to be?
A man goes to an interview for an accountant firm
In this company, you need to be able to calculate fast without calculator
I'll give it a try. Test me
What is 35 x 47?
The man answers quickly 476
That's not even close
Yeah but thats fast
Man: Hi when do you use that calculator?
2nd Man: Oh, only on special equations.....
Do you know the difference between my old friends and a calculator?
For the calculator at least I can still count on it.
Why is the calculator a man's best friend?
Because you can always count on it.
My calculator broke again, but I'm not surprised
In fact, I was counting on it.
A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the police on suspicion of terrorism..
The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges. In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in procession of weapons of math instruction!"
What is faster than a calculator?
A Calcu-now.
One day at school the lad who sat next to me swallowed his calculator. I stood up for him when everyone else said he was a weirdo. I told them, "He may be a bit weird,
but it's what's inside him that counts!"
What works faster than a calculator?
A calcunow
A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive
"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!"
"Then why are Androids so much cheaper?", asked the journalist.
"Because," said Tim Cook, "an Android replaces just one device. The iPhone."
Three "facts" school taught me that turned out to be false
1. Pluto is a planet
2. You won't always have a calculator in your pocket
3. Girls don't like having their hair pulled
What do you call an Engineer who doesn't know how to use a calculator?
A project manager.
A man downloaded a calculator app, but needed to pay extra to unlock the plus button
He had to pay in order to use additional features
If you still have doubts about using a talking calculator, you should really just give it a try.
The results will speak for themselves.
Calculator app
My 12-year-old daughter made this up.
She said she got a calculator app for her phone but it didn't give a plus key unless she paid additional fees.
Oldie but goodie
During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not even close!" I said, "Yeah, but it was fast though!"
No idea where the original came from but this one gets me every time.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
Roses Are Red
Roses are red,
I like Darth Vader.
Poetry is hard,
calculator.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "There is a 99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
My math teacher was arrested for carrying a protractor, a calculator, and a ruler!
The FBI charged her with weapons of math instruction.
They really threw the book at her…
What's the opposite of a calculator?
A calcunow
Why did the calculator retire?
Its days are numbered
Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.
Times were tough
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the calculator subtract jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working calculator trigonometry piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.