Following is our collection of funny Calculations jokes. There are some calculations calculator jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these calculations physicist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
But that's just a Conservative estimate
According to my calculations I died some time in 1829.
They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"
"There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 49."
"49?" says St. Peter. "No, according to our calculations, you're 83."
"How did you figure that?" the lawyer asks.
"We added up your time sheets," answered St. Peter.
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"
You shorten your lifespan by 9 minutes. So according to my calculations, i died sometime in 1644.
Now all I need is $50k
and a wife
The interviewer asked, what's 1 + 1.
The engineer draws up a plan and does some measurements and says. It appears that 1 + 1 is 2 .
The lawyer takes out his law book, checks all the rules then says according to the law, 1 + 1 is 2 .
The accountant takes out his book and calculator. Does a few calculations then whispers to the interviewer, What do you want the number to be?
After doing some extensive calculations, this year I burned roughly 5 calories.
A farmer has a bunch of chickens who aren't laying eggs. Puzzled, he enlists the help of a physicist to try and work out the problem. The physicist went away and did his calculations, then came back a week later.
'I have a solution to your problem, but...' the physicist said.
'But what?' Said the farmer.
'It only works for circular chickens in a vacuum.'
By my calculations, i died in 1872
You can explore calculations notepad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean calculations arithmetic dad jokes. There are also calculations puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
There must be some mistake, the lawyer argues. I'm too young to die. I'm only 42 years old!
Just 42? That doesn't sound right. says Satan.
The lawyer says, "Thank you so much, this must be some kind of mix up."
"Ah, here we have it," says Satan. "According to our calculations you're 97 years old."
"Where did you get that number from?" asks the lawyer.
Satan says, "We added up your time sheets."
are attempting to fire a cannon at a target 100 meters away. The physicist takes the lead, and performs numerous calculations to determine the cannonball's trajectory. He carefully aims the cannon and fires, coming short by 10 meters. The engineer, accounting for real world tolerances and imperfections, then performs his own calculations. After carefully aiming the cannon and firing, he overshoots by 10 meters.
The statistician then begins shouting with glee that they hit the target.
If I died tomorrow.
After sitting quietly on a hillside for a few hours, they spot a buck in the field below.
The mathematician measures up his shot and does some rough calculations on bullet drop, then fires. He misses about 5 feet to the left.
The physicist says "you forgot to account for wind!" He lines up his shot, and overcorrects, missing by about 5 feet to the right.
They both look over at the statistician, who proclaims: "We hit him!"
I am a master of fast calculations.

OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?

22!

Ha ha, that's wrong!

Might be, but it was fast!
they both feature some dim sums
The engineer is up first and hits 5 inches to the right of the bullseye. The physicist says, "No no no, you forgot to account for the curvature of the Earth and the wind." The physicist does his calculations, but misses 5 inches to the left of center. The mathematician yells: "BULLSEYE! Great job guys!!"
Candidate : 39!
Interviewer: What? That's not even close!
Candidate : Yeah, but it was quick!
They do this using algaerhythms.
There a new super computer that can compute over 2 billion calculations per second. That means that an event can be fired almost as quickly as a member of the Trump administration.
It was quite a cheeky NaNDDoS.
...you're going to get a speeding ticket.
Me: Hey are you good at math?
Friend: No....
Me: My calculations tell me that's incorrect.
I've done the calculations. I died in 1623.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the calculations mathematician puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working calculations engineer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.