Calculations Jokes
37 calculations jokes and hilarious calculations puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about calculations that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Calculations Short Jokes
Short calculations jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The calculations humour may include short maths calculation jokes also.
- My boss calls me "The computer" Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
- My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time, But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity
- According to my calculations, about 40% of Americans are Republicans But that's just a Conservative estimate
- A man downloaded a calculator app, but needed to pay extra to unlock the plus button He had to pay in order to use additional features
- 39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom Scientists still can't determine how much is needed for your mother though
- Apparently, drinking a pint of beer shortens your lifespan by nine minutes. According to my calculations I died some time in 1829.
- Apparently, when you drink a pint of Beer You shorten your lifespan by 9 minutes. So according to my calculations, i died sometime in 1644.
- Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth? Because there is always a rounding error.
- I thought about getting a pocket calculator... ...but then I realized I don't care how many pockets I have.
- Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it. Times were tough
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Calculations One Liners
Which calculations one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with calculations? I can suggest the ones about calculate and calculus math.
- What do you call an engineer who doesn't know how to use a calculator? A project manager.
- What is faster than a calculator? A Calcu-now.
- I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie... fast 10: Your Seatbelts
- Calculators May Be Ugly On The Outside But Its What's On The Inside That Counts.
- My girlfriend said she needs time and distance... Is she trying to calculate velocity?
- What works faster than a calculator? A calcunow
- When a woman asks for some time, and some space... ... she's trying to calculate speed
- My graphing calculator works really well... Some would say it functions perfectly.
- Why did mike tyson bring his calculator to church? He was invited to thunday math.
- Anyone have any good math jokes? [META] Right now I'm busy calculating sum.
- Calculators are useless What I need is a calcunow
- What do you get if you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on.
- My calculator stopped working and I don't know why... It just doesn't add up.
- What kind of instrument do Texans play? Calculators.
- Why is the calculator a man's best friend? Because you can always count on it.
Comical & Quirky Calculations Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about calculations you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean maths calculator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make calculations pranks.
My girlfriend and I broke up today
Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "There is a 99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
An anti-vaxxer and an engineer are crossing a bridge over a crocodile-infested river
The anti-vaxxer asks "What are the odds of us making it across the bridge safely?"
The engineer replies "After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely."
The anti-vaxxer then says "Forget it, I'll swim."
100 is a nice round number
The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar?
The American: 100, of course
The European: 100? Why not 62, or 37?
The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calculate. 62? You crazy Europeans.
The European: Right, gotcha. Thank you! So how many feet in a mile?
The American: Go back to Europe!
A biologist, a physicist and a statistician go hunting and they see a deer 70 feet in front of them.
The biologist calculates the deer's movement and shoots 5 feet to the left of the deer because he forgot to calculate the speed of the wind..
The physicist calculates the speed of the wind and shoots 5 feet to the right of the deer because he didn't calculate the deer's movement.
The statistician then shouts, "We've got it!"
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball
The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.
The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.
The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.
Pakistani math problem.
Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the e**....
A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.
They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"
A lawyer dies and goes to heaven . . .
"There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 49."
"49?" says St. Peter. "No, according to our calculations, you're 83."
"How did you figure that?" the lawyer asks.
"We added up your time sheets," answered St. Peter.