The Best 49 Calculate Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Calculate jokes. There are some calculate radicals jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these calculate calculator puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Calculate Jokes and Puns

[garden of eden]

**Snake:** Pssst! want an apple?

**Eve:** No thanks, I do not sin.

**Snake:** What's the length of the opposite side of a 30° right triangle with a hypotenuse of 20?

**Eve:** 10

**Snake:** Thanksss

**Adam:** How did you calculate that?

**Eve:** Oh no.

What would you get if you calculated the rate at which approx. 350 tonnes would fall from approx. 30,000 feet?

The live-action remake of Up.

I'm really glad I'm taking physics...

...because although my grade falling, at least I can calculate it's velocity.

Calculate joke, I'm really glad I'm taking physics...

Shame to admit, my german grandpa told me this joke

How do you calculate the escape route of a jew?

Chimney Height * Strength of wind

A mathematician goes to a confession booth...

He says to the priest: 'Father, I have a sin to confess'

The priest says: 'Don't worry, tell me and the lord will see if he can forgive you'

The mathematician says: 'I used the opposite side instead of the adjacent to calculate cos.'

My Girlfriend is doing majors in Physics

Yesterday she texted me she needs time and distance.

I dont even know why she wants to calculate the velocity

How do they calculate global warming?


Calculate joke, How do they calculate global warming?

Jihadi math university question: Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan.

Calculate the area it will cover after the explosion.

ISIS math problem

Ahmed has 5 bags. If he gives 2 to Mohamed and 1 to Jamal. Then calculate the radius of the blast.

Pakistani math problem.

Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

You can explore calculate function reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean calculate accelerate dad jokes. There are also calculate puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My girl said she need distance and time

Still dont know what she's trying to calculate the velocity of...

How do you calculate the length of rosemary?


Mahmoud has 9 apples. Ahmed has 11 apples.

Calculate the radius of the explosion

(Note: stole this from Yik Yak)

My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time,

But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity

What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?


Calculate joke, What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

My girlfriend got mad and said she need some time and distance as she left the house crying...

I still don't get it why she wants to calculate the velocity

How do you know someone is fat?

You have to calculate their stomach in terms of π.

When a woman asks for some time, and some space...

... she's trying to calculate speed

Calculated the angle in the triangle to be 45 degrees

I think that's about half right

One Day Mr. James Went To A Clothing Store And Said To The Sales Girl,

Mr. James: My Wife Needs A Pair Of Jeans. But I Don't Remember Her Waist Size.

Sales Girl: You Can Touch My Waist And Try To Calculate.

Mr. James: Oh I Forgot. She Also Needs A Bra.

I've finally created a field of math which can calculate the degree to which Donald Trump is compounding his problems...


What do you say Everytime maths wants you to calculate value of his X

Dear Maths, I'm sick & tired of finding your 'X' she's gone dude and don't ask 'Y'

Calculate the volume of a thick crust pizza with height "a" and radius "z".


I can never calculate the derivative of a curve.

Every time I try, I go off on a tangent.

Friend: Whats wrong?

Me: I can't remember how to calculate sine

Friend: ah

Me: No that's cosine

Friend: oh

Me: Right, thanks!

My girlfriend said she needs time and distance...

Is she trying to calculate velocity?

My gf just told me that she needed some space and time

I think she wants to calculate velocity.

i calculated my BMI recently, and i realised i need to

gain several inches

Why couldn't Luke calculate Abs(-1)?

Only a sith deals in absolutes.

How do pimps calculate their finances?

They use QuickieBooks

What do you use to calculate a cow?

What do you use to calculate a cow?

Me: a cowculator

I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie...

Fast 10: Your Seatbelts

Pakistani Maths Problems are like really really complex

Abdul has 3 lunch boxes.

He gives one to Rafiq and another to Hassan.

Calculate the radius of the explosion.

I was trying to calculate work...

But I just got mad.

How would you calculate the mass of crystals

using crystal maths

Cat overlords have taken over the world and installed a new economy...

...problem will be how to calculate the purr capita income.

My girlfriend told me she needed some time and distance…

I think she wants to calculate velocity…

How do you calculate the weight of a dragon?

Depends on the scales.

A man was trying to calculate when the sun would rise...

.... and then it dawned on him.

Today my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance...

"Well...," a friend replies, "...I'm going to be honest with you: you should take advantage of that, she's not for you. She is seeing other guys, she even had an affair with me, your best friend! I'm glad she said that. How did she start the conversation?"

The other guy stays speechless for a while. "she... was studying for a test, for physics. She needed random numbers to calculate velocity."

yo mama so fat

that a recursive algorithm to calculate her mass suffers from a stack overflow error before completion.

What is written on the tombstone of a mathematician? - "Guess he couldn't calculate that."

I would never hire a woman.

Would be way too much trouble to calculate 78% of a normal salary.

Have you ever calculated how much your wife or girlfriend costs you?

Then consider if it'd be cheaper to just get the occasional hooker?

A man goes to an interview for an accountant firm

In this company, you need to be able to calculate fast without calculator

I'll give it a try. Test me

What is 35 x 47?

The man answers quickly 476

That's not even close

Yeah but thats fast

Because hippos are surprisingly dangerous, zoologists use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the length of their backs.

This is called finding the hippotenuse.

What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin sizes?

A mathemortician.

I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the calculate reckon jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working calculate tangent piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes