The Best 57 Calc Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Calc jokes. There are some calc equation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these calc derivative puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Calc Jokes and Puns

I think my calculator is broken...

The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.

Did you know that calculus was never taught in southern schools before the 1960s?

They didn't believe in integration.

How was calculus taught in the Deep South prior to integration?

Calc joke, How was calculus taught in the Deep South prior to integration?

Why did the calculus students get arrested?

For drinking and deriving.

Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?

Because everyone there hates integration.

I saw my calculator hitting on someone the other day.

He's a real casionova

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error.


Calc joke, Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

Calculus derives me crazy!!

The worst part of taking calc class

Every day, I deal with my e^x

What did the calculus student who failed his test and the guy who got a speed ticket have in common?

They didn't know their limits

What did the abacus say to the adding machine?

Calc you later!

You can explore calc chem reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean calc excel dad jokes. There are also calc puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How do they calculate global warming?


How do you use calculus in real life?

You integrate it

Calculators are useless

What I need is a calcunow

Calculated the angle in the triangle to be 45 degrees

I think that's about half right

Microsoft has developed a special version of the Halo 3 rendering engine which can run within LibreOffice Calc spreadsheets...

It's called Halo3.**ods**t

Calc joke, Microsoft has developed a special version of the Halo 3 rendering engine which can run within LibreO

Calculators May Be Ugly On The Outside

But Its What's On The Inside That Counts.

How much calcium is in a kiss?

Enough to make a bone hard.

I've done some calculations, and I figure, that at my current rate of pay I could live happily for the rest of my life.

If I died tomorrow.

Why was the calculator salesman happy when he sold his cheapest calculator?

Because they all add up!

Being a Calculator must be a huge responsibility...

everyone is counting on them.

Where do calculus students go when they are sick?

To L'Hopital.

Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.

I WAS at my y' = 0 of performance in calc

Context: in university now. Can confirm. Am failing.

How do calculus students feel about undefined slopes in Cartesian planes?


Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world.

It is such an integral field of math.

I can never calculate the derivative of a curve.

Every time I try, I go off on a tangent.

Why is a calculator my best friend?

Because I can always count on it.

Calculators can be pretty unreliable

But you can always count on your hands

Calculators are reliable.

You can always count on them.

What does a calculus professor say about his pupils?

Their potential is limitless :)

What do you use to calculate a cow?

What do you use to calculate a cow?

Me: a cowculator

I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie...

Fast 10: Your Seatbelts

I was trying to calculate work...

But I just got mad.

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:

"What am I being stopped for?"

The cop answers:

"Drinking and deriving."

What is the integral of 1/cabin?

You may have said log cabin. But just like I did on my calc 2 final, you forgot the c . It's a houseboat.

My calculator stopped working and I don't know why...

It just doesn't add up.

How do you calculate the weight of a dragon?

Depends on the scales.

A calculus professor enters a bar, and is arrested an hour later...

Apparently he was drinking and deriving

Calculus jokes

should be an integral part of this sub

What did the tired TI-84 say to the integration formula?

Meh, I'll calc you later.

Calculus has a steep learning curve...

But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!

What did the calculator say to his friend?

"You can count on me!"

Just kidding. Calculators can't talk.

How much calcium is there, in a women's breast?

Enough for me to grow an extra bone!

Why is the calculator a man's best friend?

Because you can always count on it.

Why don't calculus teachers go to bars?

Because they don't want to drink and derive.

My calculator broke again, but I'm not surprised

In fact, I was counting on it.

Calculus walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and derive".

Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties?

# Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.

What did the lazy algorithm say to the next iteration upon receiving an interim result?

Calc you later!

Calculator app

My 12-year-old daughter made this up.

She said she got a calculator app for her phone but it didn't give a plus key unless she paid additional fees.

Who calculates the price of amphetamines?

A Methematician

According to my calculations, about 40% of Americans are Republicans

But that's just a Conservative estimate

What did the calculus professor say when he saw his students at the bar?

Don't drink and derive.

What do you call a computer that does math really slowly?

A calc you later.

Why did the calculator retire?

Its days are numbered

You shouldn't take calculus after alcohol

It's irresponsible to drink and derive

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the calc trigonometry jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working calc radicals piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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