Cake Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Cake puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Cake

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

I can't believe no one has managed to come up with a cure for anorexia yet...

I thought it'd be a piece of cake...

It's my Cakeday! 8 Years on Reddit!

My life is the joke.

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

What food makes women stop giving blow jobs?

Wedding cake

What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day?

Extra Karma... I hope.

Eating too much cake is the deadly sin of gluttony

But not eating too much pie, because the sin of pi is always zero.

I bought a chessboard cake from the bakers last week.

Took one bite, looked up, and said "it's stale mate".

He seemed surprised, said "no, mate".

So I handed him the cake and said "check mate".

Why did the kid eat his homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

What one food reduces a woman's sex drive by 90%?

Wedding cake.

Actual joke dad said this morning

waitress: How do you like your eggs?

dad: in a cake

Q: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%?

A: Her wedding cake.

My friend drowned. So at his funeral...

...we took a cake shaped like a life raft.

After all...It's what he would have wanted.

In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:

A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.

The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction.

A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.

The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?"

"It's hard to say."

What's the one food guaranteed to kill a woman's sex drive?

Wedding cake.

How do you get a fat girl into bed?

Piece of cake!

I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend.

It was so emotional.

Even the cake was in tiers.

It was such an emotional wedding...

Even the cake was in tiers.

Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.

They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today.

I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake.

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

**Diabetes.**

What? Did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

*I waited an entire year to say this*

Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day

Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

I got my friend a cake in the shape of Pac Man

At least that's what I told him when he saw it.

I'm not saying you are old...

but the candles cost more than your cake.

(I heard this one at a bridge club today)

Did you hear about the party thief?

I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.

If you struggle cutting cake....

Is it still a piece of cake?

Ordering a cake over the phone

"And what would you like the cake to say?"

[covers phone to ask wife]

"Honey, do we want a talking cake?"

What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight?

Wedding Cake.

What do you call a 300 year old joke?

Congress



PS: One day till cake day :D 11m 30d

A guy goes to a cake shop and says:

- Can you please make me a cake that says "you are the only one for me"?
- Yes sir.
- Well, I'll order five of those.

Ever been to a bulimic's birthday party? (fixed)

The cake jumps out of the girl.

A friend once asked me how to get a fat girl to fall in love with me.

I replied, "piece of cake."

What is a food that, if eaten by women, could lower their sex drive by up to 90%?

Wedding cake

The cake is a lie.

A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?"

The mom quickly replied, "We were baking a cake."

A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake again?"

Surprised, she said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch."

If meat is murder...

...then is cake battery?

What do you feed a woman to stop her from having sex?

Wedding cake

What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth?

The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair

For my cake day, a joke...

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

Doctors say they found a food that causes years of pain and suffering after its eaten...

It's called wedding cake

I was at a wedding the other day

It was so moving, even the cake was in tiers

Useful Metric Equivalents

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 millipede = 1 centipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 10 monologues = 5 dialogues
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 8 nickels = 2 paradigms

Edit - formatting

I just took a Baking Class

The final was a piece of cake.

Is cakeday. Comment with best Latvian joke.

Make laugh. Is good distract from malnourish.

Want to know how to get a fat girl in bed?

It's a piece of cake

what is 40 feet long and only has 3 teeth?

The funnel cake line at the Arkansas state fair.

What food reduces a couple's sex life by 90%?

Wedding cake

A little girl went with her father to the barber to get his hair cut....

...and her father gave her a snack cake to keep her quiet.

As she she frolicked around the barber shop with it, the barber warned, "Little girl, you are going the get hair on your Twinkie!"

She replied, "I know! I'm gonna grow boobies too!"

Two men were lost in a desert...

Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.

The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.

Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.

As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.

The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.

The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"

The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."

What type of cake makes you no longer have sex?

Wedding cake

Two lady lesbians, both called Rachel, tried to buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. However, the baker refused to serve 'their kind'...

Not surprisingly, the two girls were hugely offended and asked him why he had a problem with gay nuptials.

The baker replied that he had no problems at all, however, he wasn't a supporter inter-Rachel marriage.

I went to a very emotional wedding last weekend.

Even the cake was in tiers.

What food makes a woman's sex drive fall to almost nothing?

Wedding cake.

Wanna know how easy it is to sleep with a fat chick?

Piece of cake

Bert, the oldest guy at the company was retiring...

At his retirement party, as a surprise, a large cake was rolled out, and a sexy, scantly clad woman jumped out! The woman called him over and whispered, "Hey there sexy, you want some super sex tonight?"
"Well", said Bert, "that depends, what sort of soup?"

Two Scotsmen walk past a baker

One turns to the other and says 'Is that a cake or a meringue?'

The other replies 'no you're right, it's a cake'

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

What food, when consumed by a female, causes a complete loss of desire?

Wedding cake.

How do you get a fat girl to bed?

I'll tell you, it's a piece of cake!

A cake joke, because it's my cake day!

How do you get a 300 pound woman into bed?

piece of cake

Last night I dreamt that I was a wedding cake.

I woke up in tiers.

Why did the German Christmas cake disappear?

Because it was stollen.

We had a pop quiz in culinary school today.

It was a piece of cake.

Its easy to distract fat people

It's a piece of cake

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To find people who care about its cake day.

Careful what you wish for!

I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have screwed me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.

β€”Anthony Jeselnik

Baking a Cake

A family was out at a movie and there was a sex scene. Their little girl asks "What are they doing?"
Her mom replies "They are baking a cake." On the way home they saw two people in the park having sex. The little girl asks the same question. Her mother replies "They are baking a cake honey."
The next morning the little girl asked her mom "Were you and daddy baking a cake last night?"
Her mom says "No of course not, why?"
"Because I licked the icing off the couch."

A Mother and Son are walking down a park..

when they see a couple having sex behind a tree. The son turns to his mother and asks what the couple was doing. In a state of panic, his mother told him they were making cake.

Later on in the day, during dinner, the son asks his mother, if her and dad had made cake on the living room couch.
Surprised, his mom had awkwardly said yes, then afraid if he had seen them, she quickly asked how he knew.
The Son replied that he licked the leftover icing off the Sofa.

I went to a wedding last week and it was beautiful

Even the cake was in tiers

It's my cakeday, so figured I'd tell this joke (game grumps told this joke)

What is a Jedi's Favourite Italian dessert...

OBI WAN CANOLI

I've heard a lot of good puns in my day but....

the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.

How do you seduce a fat woman?

Piece of cake.

I baked a cake shaped like Canada, and offered my brother the Quebec slice....

but he's having Nunavut.

What did the pastry say to the cake when they were in bed?

I'm crumbing!

Finish what you start!

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

A mother comes down to the kitchen and finds her daughter up early, eating a bowl of cereal...

The daughter asks- Mommy, I heard some strange sounds coming from your bedroom a little while ago. What were you and Daddy doing in there?

The mother is instantly embarrassed.

Um... your daddy and I were making a cake, sweetheart.

The next morning the mom comes down and the little girl asks- Mommy, were you and Daddy in there making another cake just now?

The mother says- Why yes, honey. Were we making too much noise again?

The little girl says- Not this time. I just noticed you have a little frosting on your chin.

When people start bullying me about my weight, I cut myself.....

another piece of cake

I went to a really depressing wedding recently.

Even the cake was in tiers.

Why did the student eat his homework?

Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Because of my cake here are a few physics jokes...

1.) Two kittens are on a roof which one falls off first?

The one with the lowest mew.

2.) what happens to electrons and they lose all the energy?

They become Bohred

3.) People call me lazy but I am just overflowing with potential energy.

4.) Did you hear about the man that was cooled absolute zero?

He is 0k now.

5.) I hear Chemistry jokes periodically, but Physics jokes have more potential.

6.) My Chemistry teacher threw Sodium Chlorite at me, is that considered a salt?


7.) βˆšβˆ’1 2Β³ Ξ£ Ο€

It was very delicious.

Hope you enjoyed them.

For my cake day, my favorite joke of all time: 87

There was a well-to-do businessman walking down a city sidewalk to get to his office, when he came across a construction site; he saw piles of tools and stacks of wood and concrete slabs, but no workers. The only person he saw was a lone worker, jumping up and down on top of a manhole. As the businessman walked closer, he could hear the worker shouting "87! 87! 87!" at the top of his lungs.

The businessman was intrigued. He went up to the worker and asked "why are you doing that?" The worker replied "oh man, it's so much fun, you gotta try it!" The businessman was skeptical, but he decided to humor the strange worker.

He stepped onto the manhole, and did a small hop, and mumbled "87." He jumped a little higher, saying "87. Hey, this is kinda fun!" He started jumping as high as he could, shouting "87! 87! 87! at the top of his lungs, when, at the top of his highest jump, the worker pulled the manhole cover out from under him, and he plummeted all the way down to the sewer.

The construction worker looked down the sewer, looked around, put the manhole cover back on, stood on top of it again, and began to jump.

"88! 88! 88!"

Did you know there's a food that's scientifically proven to kill a woman's sex drive?

Wedding Cake.

A man has his 98th birthday

A man has his 98th birthday. They wheel in a giant cake, and a sexy 21-year-old blonde jumps out.

She whispers to him "I can give you some super sex."

So the old man replies, "Well then, I'll have the soup."

Would you like to try some binary cake?

Sure, I'll have a little bit.

I don't understand what's so hard about describing a single portion of a soft and sweet baked good.

Honestly, it's a piece of cake.

Why did Helen of troy hate her wedding cake

It was to Menilayas

Yesterday I heard there was a robbery at a bakery, I've heard of stupid crimes...

But this one really takes the cake.

Birthday at the old-age home

So it's Phil's 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge "Happy Birthday" cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous busty blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says "It's your 90th birthday, and I'm here to give you super sex."

Phil looks at her and says "Please don't take this the wrong way, but at my age, I'd rather have the soup."

My ex-girlfriend made a really great cake the other day

Getting her legs to fit in the oven was a real hassle, though.

What do you say when someone asks you to make a fat person leave?

"Piece of cake."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes