cage Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cage puns

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage

Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

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I won my first cage fight last night...

Fucking Parrot didn't know what hit it.

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I went to the zoo today and saw a bagel locked up in a cage.

Apparently it was bread in captivity.

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I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

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I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage.

The sign said "Bread in captivity".

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NSFW Mommy takes little johnny to the zoo..

As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.
"What's that, Mommy?" asks the child.
"Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.
A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?"
"That, son, is the elephant's penis."
"Mommy said it was nothing."
"Son, I've spoiled that woman."

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I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage...

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

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I went to the vet today and saw a baguette in a cage

It was bread in captivity

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Zoo...

I went to the zoo and saw a loaf in a cage.

A sign read: "Bread in captivity."

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Mommy takes little johnny to the zoo..

As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.

"What's that, Mommy?" asks the child.

"Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.

A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?"

"That, son, is the elephant's penis."

"Mommy said it was nothing."

"Your mother's spoiled, Son!"

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The Pet Rabbit

One day I came home to find my dog burying something under the steps of my front porch. Upon closer inspection, it was the neighbor's family pet rabbit. I felt terrible.

Since it was only a little covered in dirt and the dog had not torn it up noticeably, I decided to make it as presentable as possible and place it back in the cage on the side of the neighbor's house where they kept the rabbit. I was hoping they would find it and think it was natural causes.

It was the next day while replacing the spark plugs on my car that my neighbor walks over to have a chat. I was nervous that he would know about the rabbit. He made some small talk for a few minutes and I started to chill out.

But then he says "Did I tell you that the kid's rabbit died?". I attempted to look concerned while saying "Oh, no! Poor kids, I bet they are upset."

He says "They were but they got over it pretty quick...until this morning."

"What happened?"

"That rabbit died last week so we buried him. But then some asshole digs him up, gives him a bath and puts him back the cage!"

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Hope you liked it! The wording isn't as good as I remember hearing it from someone else.

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2 parrots

A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cageβ€”your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!

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Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.

As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"

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A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

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What do you call a kennel made of pennies, dimes, and quarters?

A Nickle-less Cage

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A man enters a pet shop...

...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"

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Gorilla Language

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at the zoo one day, when a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.

When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "fuck you" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better - and he vowed revenge.

The next day, he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and went right up to the gorilla's cage where he opened up his bag of goodies. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, reached through the bars, grabbed a hat from the bag, and put it on.
Next, the guy picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla reached out, picked up his horn, and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

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Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:

"HI GARY!!"

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Gorilla Encounter

Two gay guys are at the Zoo. They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?" he shouts. "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

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A lady walks into a pet store

A lady walks into a pet store and immediately sees a parrot in a cage.

The parrot sees the lady and starts talking to her;

Parrot: "Hey lady, hey!"

Lady: " What is it?"

Parrot: "You're ugly."

The lady gets offended and leaves the store.

The next day the lady comes back to the same pet store and sees the same parrot. The parrot, just like it did the day before, starts talking to her.

Parrot: "Hey lady, hey!"

Lady: "What is it?"

Parrot: "You're ugly."

The lady becomes furious and decided to talk to the manager. She told the manager that if they don't do anything about that parrot she will sue them. The manager apologizes and assures her that it will all be fixed and the parrot won't say anything offensive anymore, for it is a very smart parrot.

The lady returns to the same pet store the next day and sees the same parrot. The parrot, just like it did the last two days, starts talking to her.

Parrot: "Hey lady, hey!"

Lady: "WHAT?!"

Parrot: "...You know."

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A lady walks into a bar…

She orders a drink and notices a frog in a cage behind the bar. She asks the bartender about it and the bartender says this frog performs oral sex on women. The woman has a few more drinks and her curiosity gets the best of her so she asks the bartender to have the frog go down on her. She gets up on the bar in the appropriate position and the bartender puts the frog there and tells it to do its thing. The frog just sits there. The bartender moves the frog to the side and says, "I'm only going to show you one more time!"

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Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo...

...a zookeeper finds two finches which have dropped dead from old age. He puts them in a sack for cleanup and proceeds to the monkey cage.

In the monkey cage he discovers two of the oldest chimps have also kicked the bucket. Not wanting them to go to waste, he puts them in the sack with the finches and later tips them in the lion's cage at feeding time.

"Bloody hell," roars the lion upon seeing his meal, "Not finch and chimps again."

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I won my first cage match last night...

The parrot never knew what hit it...

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The Rooster

A farmer goes to the market looking for a new rooster. He finds one for very cheap and asks the owner what was wrong with it. "This rooster fucks everything and i cant get him to stop, please take him" said the man. So the farmer takes the rooster home and puts him in his cage. That night he heard his pigs squealing like crazy, next morning the farmer found the rooster in the pig pen and all of his pigs have been fucked. "Better cut that out or you'll kill yourself" the farmer said. The next night he hears the cows mooing and rustling around in the barn. Next morning he finds the rooster there and that all the cows have been fucked. "Rooster I'm tellin you your gonna kill yourself." the farmer told him. The next night the same thing happened with the horses and then with the goats. The farmer told his rooster the same thing,"Rooster your gonna kill yourself doing that." The next night the farmer doesn't hear a single thing for the first time since he got the rooster. In the morning he looked out into his pasture and saw the rooster laying on his back feet in the air with vulchers circling above him. The farmer went out to him and said, "You see rooster I told you, you were gonna kill yourself."
The rooster looked at him and said, "Shhh, they're about to land."

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I found my dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead and I panicked

I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blow dried its fur and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house hoping they would think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"

I said, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

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A kindergarten has a class pet, a mouse named Mister Squeaky

Mister Squeaky is a staple of the class, having been around for almost ten years. Every weekend, a different child takes him home to take care of him. One Sunday morning, a mom sees Mister Squeaky lying dead at the bottom of his cage. She rushes to the petstore and explains that she needs a replacement mouse. The man behind the counter pulls out a shoebox marked "MISTER SQUEAKY LOOK-ALIKES", pulls out a mouse and says "Here you go - that's the third one this month."

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A woman walks into a pet store..

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing. Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off. A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

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An old Soviet Russian joke pt.2

A Sunday morning at the zoo. Zoo director and his assistant are doing their everyday routine of checking animals and their habitats. Suddenly, director stops next to the cage with a strange, unpleasant smell.

"Why does that tiger in this cage look so ill and miserable?", asks director.

"Well, you see, today is the Sunday, right? We're expecting a lot of customers to come over today. But, unluckily, the tiger got a fever. So we replaced him with John the Security Guard dressed like a tiger", answers Assistant.

"I see. And why does he shits himself all the goddamn time?"

"Because the second tiger in this cage is real".

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Luke cage

In marvels luke cage everyone thinks that luke has super powers because he's bullet proof.

But bullet proof black people isn't a super power it's straight up evolution.

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Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle...

they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the ConnorPass.

At the ConnorPass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place…'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.

Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

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A lonely old man decides to get a pet caterpillar...

He takes the pet caterpillar home and sets up a cage for him.
The next morning, the man goes up to the cage and asks the caterpillar, "Hey, would you like to go out to breakfast with me?"
The caterpillar does not respond.
Lunch comes around and the man again goes to the cage and asks, "Would you like to go to lunch with me?"
The caterpillar still does not respond and the man walks away sad.
Dinner comes around and again, the man goes to the cage and asks, "Hey would you please like to go to dinner with me?"
To which the caterpillar responds, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"

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I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage.

It was bread in captivity

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Good Blonde Joke

A blind guy walks into a lesbian bar and orders a drink. He sits for a while and doesnt hear much so he asks if anyone wants to hear a blonde joke. The bartender says, before you tell your joke I want you to know that there is a big blonde softball player sitting next to you, two blondes that cage fight playing pool behind you, and I myself am a blonde female hockey player...So, do you still want to tell you joke? No. The man replies, not if Im going to have to explain it four times!

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I used to tell this joke all the time in elementary school

Two guys are running from the cops at night. One is smart and the other is stupid.

They get tired of running, so they decide to hide in a shack they come across. The smart one hides inside an animal cage, and the stupid one hides inside a potato sack.

The cops start searching the shack and they are about to look inside the cage when the smart one goes, "meow meow!" The cops say "oh, that's just a kitten" and continue searching.

Then when the cops are about to look inside the potato sack, the stupid one goes, "potato, potato!"

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One day, the wife welcomes her lover...

...but before they start their adulterous activites, the wife says:

'Honey! Let's put a blanket on the parrot's cage, because last time he almost busted us!'

So they put a blanket on the parrot's cage. However, before they start, the lover comes up with a new idea:

'Honey! I just invented a new position! You'll go on all fours, I'll jump up on the chandelier, swing in, and I'll penetrate with a deep thrust from behind!'

To which they hear the parrot's voice:

'You can cut out my tongue for all I care, but I wanna see **that**!'

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What are the best Cage puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cage? Well, here are the best Cage dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Cage pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes