Caesar Jokes

What are some Caesar jokes?

How do you arrest a Roman woman?

Caesar.

Agreeable Caesar

He came, he saw, and he concurred.

Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova?

Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered."
Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."

Any salad can be a Caesar salad.

If you stab it enough.

Julius Caesar: Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?

Brutus: Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's.

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered."

Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

Julius Caesar sashays into a bar.

He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please!"

Did you know that if you stab a salad 23 times,

It becomes a Caesar Salad

"Hey Caesar, what's the date?"

"8/2, Brute"

Latin killed the Ancient Romans and now it's killing me...

Julius Caesar walks into a bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says. The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks "Don't you mean a martini?" "Look," Caesar retorts, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici

meaning I came, I saw, I conquered.
Which is probably useful for explaining why the strip club down the street now has the motto:
Veni, vidi, veni.

What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?

Veni, Vidi... Veni.

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici!

Roy Moore: Vidi, vici, veni.

How do you turn a garden salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it a bunch of times.

What did Julius Caesar say after he made love to his wife

Veni

I got stabbed by my friends at lunch today

Guess I shouldn't have ordered the Caesar salad

Caesar walks into a bar

Caesar walks into a bar and orders a martinus.

The bartender says, "Don't you mean a martini?"

Caesar says, "If I wanted a double, I would have ordered a double!"

A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...

A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".

So when are we going to kill Caesar?

At two, Brutus.

How do we know Julius Caesar wasn't gay?

Because you have to be straight to be a good ruler

What do you call a Chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad

What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it 23 times.

Sometimes I envy Julius Caesar...

He died surrounded by all of his friends.

What did Julius Caesar say towards the end of a passionate night with Cleopatra?

"Veni."

Caesar comes across a problem

During Julis Caesar's campaigns against the Germanic tribes, he came across never before seen weather, it came crashing down on the men and stalled exit of the most recently conquered villages.
Amazed by this, he asks one of the local what it is.
"Hail, Caesar" The man replies.

Caesar and Brutus are playing battleships.

A2, Brute?

Last Halloween i dressed up as Julius Caesar, and my friends ditched me

Talk about getting stabbed in the back

What did Julius Caesar say when the French tribesmen rebelled against him?

I can't believe you had the Gaul to do this.

You're driving me in-Seine. I can't handle this Rhine now.

What did the ancient Roman weatherman say when his emperor asked for a forecast?

"Hail, Caesar"

What do you call a Chicken with lettuce on its eyes?

Chicken Caesar salad.

Went to a restaurant with Brutus

He wasn't keen on the Caesar. But he still et tu.

For the Ides of March...

Caesar walks into a bar, and tells the bartender "I'll have a martinus."

The bartender says "Don't you mean a martini, sire?"

Caesar scowls, and says "If I wanted a double I would have said so!"

Julius Caesar goes into a bar...

... and asks for a martinus. Puzzled, the bartender asks,
"Do you mean a martini?"
"No. Just one, please."

Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics?

All that backstabbing was too much for him.

Julius Caesar goes to a nightclub with his friends

While there he breaks off from his group of friends to talk to an attractive young woman. His friends don't see him for the rest of the night, and the next morning they're all eager to find out what happened. So when they next see him they ask him what happened.

"Vidi, vici, veni" replies Ceasar.

What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?

"Can someone get me some dry socks?"

Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?

He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.

My favorite Caesar quote.

"Pizza! Pizza!"

A farmer is harvesting his lettuce field and suddenly drops to the ground

His wife runs over and screams; I think he's having a Caesar!

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

How does Brutus eat his salad?

With a knife and Caesar dressing.

The night Julius Caesar met his wife

Julius Caesar is looking for a lady. A friend of his suggests a woman he knows. He meets the woman, and they go to his house. The next day, Caesar bumps into his friend again. The friend asks "how did it go"? Caesar replies, "I saw, I conquered, I came."

One day, Julius Caesar was in the marketplace with a friend, looking for a celebratory item after coming back from a successful campaign. He was looking towards a bust of his face, carved in marble.

But that was when his friend said: "Hey! Don't get a head of yourself!"

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

"Etude, Brute?"

You can make any salad jnto a Caesar salad.

You just gotta add 23 knives.

A Caesar salad walks in to a bar

A piece of Romaine stabs him in the back

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

What is Caesar Zeppeli's least favorite genre of music?

Rock

Gaius Julius Caesar walks into a baguette shop.

The owner stops him at the door and says: "I cannot believe you have the Gaul to just strut in here like that!"

Brute tries to kill Caesar.

But Caesar's not home. They ask the servant, "Where is Caesar?"

"He's just Roman"

Gaius Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered

Gayus Julius Caesar: I saw, I conquered, I came

Julius Caesar and Brutus are having a conversation

Brutus asks: How many apples did you eat last night?

Julius responds: Et two, Brute.

What did Caesar say when he found out someone laced his raw vegetable appetizer with E. coli?

Et tu crudite'?

Julius Caesar bought a Google GPS

and said, 'Youtube, route us'.

What did Julius Caesar exclaim after years of impotency?

Veni! Veni! Veni!

Julius Caesar walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and...

says to the bartender *I'll have 5 beers, please*

I discovered that Julius Caesar was so religious...

that he died a holy man.

What do you call a salad that looks like it was repeatedly impaled by knives

Caesar salad.

What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?

A Chicken Caesar salad

Caesar and Brutus decided to have lunch together.

They meet in front of the restaurant and Caesar sees a big knife in Brutus' hand.

β€žWhy do you have a knife with you? he asks.

Brutus answers: β€žit's for the salad later

What do you get when a samurai crosses swords with a Roman dictator?

A Caesar salad.

Happy belated Ides of March, everybody!

What did Caesar say when was in agreement?

I came. I saw. I concurred.

How you convert a regular salad to a Caesar salad?

You stab 23 times!

I saw a cockerel in a store looking at the tomatoes, cucumbers and lettuce...

I knew what it was - it was a chicken Caesar salad. (chicken sees a salad).

How did Caesar describe his sex life?

Vidi, Vici, Veni.

How to make Caesar jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Caesar to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Caesar? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Caesar pick up lines to share with friends.

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