caesar Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious caesar puns

How do you arrest a Roman woman?

Caesar.

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Agreeable Caesar

He came, he saw, and he concurred.

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Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova?

Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered."
Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."

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Any salad can be a Caesar salad.

If you stab it enough.

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Julius Caesar: Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?

Brutus: Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's.

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What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered."

Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

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Julius Caesar sashays into a bar.

He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please!"

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Did you know that if you stab a salad 23 times,

It becomes a Caesar Salad

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Julius Caesar....

Is offering his friends some delicious ancient roman pizza (because fuck logic, this is a joke). Everyone eats a single slice. Brutus sneakily eats another one.

Caesar catches him in the act and says

"Ate two, Brute?"

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"Hey Caesar, what's the date?"

"8/2, Brute"

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Latin killed the Ancient Romans and now it's killing me...

Julius Caesar walks into a bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says. The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks "Don't you mean a martini?" "Look," Caesar retorts, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"

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What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad

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Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici

meaning I came, I saw, I conquered.
Which is probably useful for explaining why the strip club down the street now has the motto:
Veni, vidi, veni.

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Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici!

Roy Moore: Vidi, vici, veni.

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What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?

Veni, Vidi... Veni.

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How do you turn a garden salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it a bunch of times.

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What did Julius Caesar say after he made love to his wife

Veni

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I got stabbed by my friends at lunch today

Guess I shouldn't have ordered the Caesar salad

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Caesar walks into a bar

Caesar walks into a bar and orders a martinus.

The bartender says, "Don't you mean a martini?"

Caesar says, "If I wanted a double, I would have ordered a double!"

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A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...

A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".

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What do you call a Chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad

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How do we know Julius Caesar wasn't gay?

Because you have to be straight to be a good ruler

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So when are we going to kill Caesar?

At two, Brutus.

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What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

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What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

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Sometimes I envy Julius Caesar...

He died surrounded by all of his friends.

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What did Julius Caesar say towards the end of a passionate night with Cleopatra?

"Veni."

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Caesar comes across a problem

During Julis Caesar's campaigns against the Germanic tribes, he came across never before seen weather, it came crashing down on the men and stalled exit of the most recently conquered villages.
Amazed by this, he asks one of the local what it is.
"Hail, Caesar" The man replies.

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Last Halloween i dressed up as Julius Caesar, and my friends ditched me

Talk about getting stabbed in the back

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Caesar and Brutus are playing battleships.

A2, Brute?

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What did the ancient Roman weatherman say when his emperor asked for a forecast?

"Hail, Caesar"

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What do you call a Chicken with lettuce on its eyes?

Chicken Caesar salad.

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Went to a restaurant with Brutus

He wasn't keen on the Caesar. But he still et tu.

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For the Ides of March...

Caesar walks into a bar, and tells the bartender "I'll have a martinus."

The bartender says "Don't you mean a martini, sire?"

Caesar scowls, and says "If I wanted a double I would have said so!"

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Julius Caesar goes into a bar...

... and asks for a martinus. Puzzled, the bartender asks,
"Do you mean a martini?"
"No. Just one, please."

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What are the most funny Caesar jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Caesar? Well, here are the best Caesar dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Caesar pick up lines to share with friends.

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