The Best 68 Caesar Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Caesar jokes. There are some caesar cleopatra jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these caesar julius caesar puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Caesar Jokes and Puns

Agreeable Caesar

He came, he saw, and he concurred.

Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova?

Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered."
Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici

meaning I came, I saw, I conquered.
Which is probably useful for explaining why the strip club down the street now has the motto:
Veni, vidi, veni.

Caesar joke, Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici

The night Julius Caesar met his wife

Julius Caesar is looking for a lady. A friend of his suggests a woman he knows. He meets the woman, and they go to his house. The next day, Caesar bumps into his friend again. The friend asks "how did it go"? Caesar replies, "I saw, I conquered, I came."

What do you call a Chicken with lettuce on its eyes?

Chicken Caesar salad.

What do Romans say when their wives run away?


A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...

A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".

Caesar joke, A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...

Julius Caesar sashays into a bar.

He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please!"

How do we know Julius Caesar wasn't gay?

Because you have to be straight to be a good ruler

Did you know that if you stab a salad 23 times,

It becomes a Caesar Salad

What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?

"Can someone get me some dry socks?"

You can explore caesar julius reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean caesar cesar dad jokes. There are also caesar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?

Veni, Vidi... Veni.

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

What did Julius Caesar say towards the end of a passionate night with Cleopatra?


What do you call a Chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

"Etude, Brute?"

Caesar joke, What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Any salad can be a Caesar salad.

If you stab it enough.

How does Brutus eat his salad?

With a knife and Caesar dressing.

Caesar comes across a problem

During Julis Caesar's campaigns against the Germanic tribes, he came across never before seen weather, it came crashing down on the men and stalled exit of the most recently conquered villages.
Amazed by this, he asks one of the local what it is.
"Hail, Caesar" The man replies.

My favorite Caesar quote.

"Pizza! Pizza!"

Caesar and Brutus are playing battleships.

A2, Brute?

What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered."

Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics?

All that backstabbing was too much for him.

How do you arrest a Roman woman?


Went to a restaurant with Brutus

He wasn't keen on the Caesar. But he still et tu.

Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?

He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.

What did the ancient Roman weatherman say when his emperor asked for a forecast?

"Hail, Caesar"

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici!

Roy Moore: Vidi, vici, veni.

So when are we going to kill Caesar?

At two, Brutus.

You can make any salad jnto a Caesar salad.

You just gotta add 23 knives.

A farmer is harvesting his lettuce field and suddenly drops to the ground

His wife runs over and screams; I think he's having a Caesar!

How do you turn a garden salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it a bunch of times.

What did Julius Caesar say after he made love to his wife


Julius Caesar and Brutus are having a conversation

Brutus asks: How many apples did you eat last night?

Julius responds: Et two, Brute.

A Caesar salad walks in to a bar

A piece of Romaine stabs him in the back

"Hey Caesar, what's the date?"

"8/2, Brute"

Sometimes I envy Julius Caesar...

He died surrounded by all of his friends.

I got stabbed by my friends at lunch today

Guess I shouldn't have ordered the Caesar salad

Last Halloween i dressed up as Julius Caesar, and my friends ditched me

Talk about getting stabbed in the back

Julius Caesar goes to a nightclub with his friends

While there he breaks off from his group of friends to talk to an attractive young woman. His friends don't see him for the rest of the night, and the next morning they're all eager to find out what happened. So when they next see him they ask him what happened.

"Vidi, vici, veni" replies Ceasar.

Julius Caesar: Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?

Brutus: Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's.

What did Julius Caesar say when the French tribesmen rebelled against him?

I can't believe you had the Gaul to do this.

You're driving me in-Seine. I can't handle this Rhine now.

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it 23 times.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.


One day, Julius Caesar was in the marketplace with a friend, looking for a celebratory item after coming back from a successful campaign. He was looking towards a bust of his face, carved in marble.

But that was when his friend said: "Hey! Don't get a head of yourself!"

What did the Senate say to Julius Caesar?

You've got a lot of Gaul!

People stabbing Julius Caesar were expecting a lot of things.......

Hearing Harder daddy! Was not one of them

What did Caesar say after he left the brothel?

Veni, Veni, Veni.

Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus are at the airport

Brutus: Which is our boarding gate Caesar?
Caesar: A-2 Brutus

Brutus: And what time is the flight Caesar?
Caesar: 8:02 Brutus

Brutus: By the way, I have sandwiches. Do you want one Caesar?
Caesar: Ate two Brutus

Brutus: This is an unusual paper size for a ticket. What size is it Caesar?
Caesar: A2 Brutus

Brutus (Thinking to himself): This man is really getting on my nerves. One of these days I'm going to have to kill him

There was once a chicken who was in a loving relationship with a salad. Unfortunately, the salad died and went to heaven. A few years later, the chicken got run over trying to cross the road. The chicken died and went to heaven.

Finally, the chicken Caesar salad.

What did Shakespeare eat for lunch?

Caesar salad.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says

I'll have a Martinus.

The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, Don't you mean a Martini?

Look, Caesar replies, If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!

What did Brutus say when Caesar ask him to do something

I'll take a stab at it

What did Julius Caesar say when he went to the strip club?

Veni, vidi, veni.

I made a Salad for 23 people to destroy

It was a Caesar salad

Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?

He didn't speak English.

Read this on an anniversary special edition of Reader's Digest

Julius Caesar was coming out of a fast food restaurant when Brutus bumped into him and asked,"How are the burgers, Julius?

Julius replied, "Ate two, Brute!"

I have done some research, and discovered what food you are most likely to die of a heart attack.

"Caesar Salad."


A sperm donor, a carpenter and Mehmed II, Ottoman Emperor are in a room. Julius Caesar walks in the room. What did he say?

"Veni, vidi, vici."

When the Romans landed in Britain...

When the Romans landed in Britain,

The weather proved a teaser!

The emperor asked "Could this be rain?",

But the answer was "Hail, Caesar"

Julius Caesar famously had a quick nap before crossing the Rubicon

the rest is history

What is the similarity between Julius Caesar and Tifa Lockhart?

Both of them were witnessed getting impaled in the Italian senate...

What did Julius Caesar say after visiting a strip club?

Veni vidi veni

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

Caesar is dead

The Romaine Empire has fallen, Lettuce pray

Any salad can be a Caesar salad

so long as you stab it enough times.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the caesar vici jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working caesar ceasar piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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