Cadillac Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?"

The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...

The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."

Three Southern ladies are sitting on the porch drinking cocktails

Betty Lou says, "After I had little Bubba Junior, Bubba bought me a brand new Cadillac convertible."

Bobby Sue says, "That Bubba is one sweet and generous husband."

Darla Jean says, "Well ain't that sweet."

Bobby Sue says, "When I gave birth to little Dale Junior, Dale said we needed a bigger house and bought me a new four bedroom with central air."

Betty Lou says, "I declare that Dale is a wonderful man."

Darla Jean says, "Well ain't that sweet."

Bobby Sue says, "Darla Jean, what did Lester get you after Les Junior was born?"

Darla Jean says, "He sent me to charm school."

"Charm school?"

"Yes, and it worked, too. I used to just say fuck you, but now I say, 'Well ain't that sweet'.

I give you my Aunt's best joke - The Cadillac dealership

A man walks into a Cadillac dealership and begins to browse. After a few minutes, a car salesman approaches the man. "Good morning Sir, are you thinking about buying a Cadillac today?" The man pauses. "Well, I'm going to buy a Cadillac today. But I was thinking about pussy."

A very rich snail slimed into a Cadillac dealership...

...and said,"I want your most expensive car."
The salesman said,"Very well sir. Is that all?"
The snail said,"No. I'd like it to have a custom paint job." The salesman said,"Yes sir. What do you want the car to look like?"
The snail said,"I'd like every door painted
with a large letter S." The salesman said,"May I ask why,for reasons of curiosity?"
The snail said,"Because when I drive down the street,I want every single head to turn,and for them to all say: 'Look at that
S car go!'"

A Texan in Scotland

A Texan is touring Europe and he ends up in a Scottish pub sitting across from an older Scotsman. As Texans tend to do, he starts bragging about how big everything is in Texas.

Down on my ranch outside Dallas, I can walk out my front door at sunrise, get in my big ol' Cadillac, start 'er on up, put my boot flat down on the gas, and when the sun goes down, I still ain't reached my front gates.

The Scotsman takes a big swing of his stout, and says,

Ach, aye. I had a car like that once, too!

What's the difference between a golf ball and a Cadillac?

Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 100 yards without hitting a tree.

What is the difference between a Cadillac and five dead Asian hookers?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage

Two Husbands Talk About What They Are Getting Their Wives For Their Birthdays - NSFW

The one says to the other, "What are you getting your wife for her birthday?"
"A cadillac and a diamond ring."
"Why are you getting her that?"
"Well I figured if she didn't like the cadillac she'd like the diamond ring and if she didn't like the diamond ring she would like the cadillac.... What are you getting you wife for her birthday?"
"Slippers and a dildo."
"Why are you getting her that?"
"Well I figured if she didn't like the slippers she could go fuck herself."

What's the definition of mixed emotions?

Your mother-in-law driving off a cliff in your new Cadillac

What's the worst part about seeing 4 black people go off a cliff in a Cadillac?

Cadillac seats 5.

Dirty dead baby jokes?

My dad told me some pretty bad ones, so I guess let's collectively get them out there

Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?

A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?

A: I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.

Did you hear they got rid of air bags in the new Cadillac?

It now features a Velcro headrest!

An elderly man is having difficulty keeping up with his wife any more

so he goes to see the doctor and is gone for most of the day.

When he gets home, he arrives in a chauffered Cadillac, and is resplendently turned out in pinstripe trousers, waistcoat, frock coat, top hat and spats. He has a gold pocket watch in the waistcoat, a gigantic cigar, and an ebony walking stick topped with a silver ram's head almost the size of a real one.

His wife takes one look at him and says, "Wilbur, for the land's sake, what have you got on?"

And he replies, "Marge, honey, the doctor told me I was impo'tant. And if I'm impo'tant, then I'm surely gonna look impo'tant!"

What kind of car does a cat drive?

A Cadillac.

What do you call a car made out of Canadian money?

A CADillac.

New Kind Of Car

At the bar, Tom and Bill were talking. My uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took the wheels from a Cadillac, the radiator from a Lexus, and tires from a Ford," said Tom.

What did he get?" asked Bill.

Two years, said Tom

What's wrong with 5 Clinton supporters driving a Cadillac off of a cliff?

The car holds 6. (It also works for Trump supporters- try it!)

What's sad about three black guys driving over a cliff in a Cadillac?

They were my friends :(

I finally bought something today I've wanted since 1998...

A 1998 Cadillac.

I crapped in my Cadillac.

Now it's a Poop D'Ville.

What do you call a Cadillac with a staircase on the back?

An escalador.

Two men are discussing what they got their wives for Christmas...

The flashy guy says, "I got my wive a pink Cadillac and a diamond ring." The humble guy replies, "Why did you choose that combo?" Flashy responds, "Well, if she doesn't like the diamond ring I picked out, she can always drive herself back to the store and pick out a new one! ... So, what did you get your wife?"
The humble guy thinks about it and says, "Well, I, kind of, got the same thing: pink slippers and a dildo." The flashy guy looks perplexed. "Why did you get her that?" he asks. Humble replies, "Well, if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself."

Source: My dad on a camping trip.

What's the shame in 5 people going off a cliff in a Cadillac?

Cadillac's seat 6.

Why did russian oligarch buy new Cadillac 1 week after buying 1 already

Full Ashtray

The Cadillac salesman got pissed off at me so I regretfully upgraded my SUV purchase...

The whole situation really Escaladed quickly.

Kennedy wasn't really a fan of GM

He wouldn't be caught dead in a Cadillac.

A black man is at a Cadillac dealership

A salesman walks up to him and says "Are you thinking about buying a Cadillac?

The black guy looks at him and says "Nope, I am buying a Cadillac, I'm thinking about pussy"

What are the funniest cadillac jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Cadillac? Well, here are the best Cadillac puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Cadillac pick up lines to share with friends.


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