The Best 34 Cactus Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cactus jokes. There are some cactus sorceress jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cactus alot puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cactus Jokes and Puns

What do you call a gender confused cactus that relocates to another country?

A trans plant.

My pet cactus died

I am literally less nourishing than a desert.

(Not my original joke)

How do you react when looking in the mirror?

You cry because you shoved a cactus up your peckar.

Cactus joke, How do you react when looking in the mirror?

Why did Thor sit comfortably on a cactus?

He has an Asgard

...I'll see myself out

What do you call a human that's now a cactus?

A transplant.


What did one Northern cactus say to the other Northern cactus?

'Allo Vera

Did you hear about the cactus that went to the party?

He spiked the drinks.

Cactus joke, Did you hear about the cactus that went to the party?

What did the cactus say to his wife?

'Aloe Vera!

What do you call a lot of cactus?

A cac-ton

2 cactuses are talking to each other

One of them asks the other, "Hey, do you know how to speak the human language?"

To which he responds, "yeah it's easy, they always say ouch!"

Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus

They say its bark is worse than its bite.

You can explore cactus call reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cactus siberian dad jokes. There are also cactus puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a pig stuck in a cactus?

A porcupine.

I dropped my cactus the other day

Worst part is, I caught it

Why did the cactus have no friends?

Because he was a no-pal.

I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...

But I can't put my finger on it.

What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?

A megalo-sore-ass.

Cactus joke, What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?

Why do you get the serial killer at work a cactus for Secret Santa?

What did the food critic call the cactus pie?

A succulent meal.

Bob the cactus is talking to his wife, Mandy.

Mandy says: "You're so selfish. You have to remember that it's cact-US."

Bob responds: "Actually, the plural of cactus is catc-I."


I ate a cactus today...

It had a ''Sharp taste!''

If Mexican restaurants have taught me anything

it's that people in Mexico only sleep with their back to a cactus while wearing a forward slanted sombrero.

Where did the cactus go for an abortion?

Plant Parenthood

A blind man walks into a bar

... and a wall, and a tree, and a cactus

What do you call a feline sitting in a planter?

A cactus.

What does a cactus smell like when you get close?

It smells like blood.

There's two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!

The other goes What Cactussssss

What do you call...

What do you call a succulent in the Hunger Games?

Cactus Everdeen

If one cacti is a cactus, is a single broccoli a broccolus?

Just some food for thought.

So a cactus walks into a bar and shouts "BOO"

Everyone then got really...pricky

Never go on a date with a cactus

They'll spike your drink

Hey man, how much for the goth cucumber?

Sir, that's a cactus.

Me: How much for the goth cucumber?

Clerk: That's a cactus.

Here's a joke my 5yo told us last night

What do you call a pineapple with no yellow part?

A cactus.

A man was crossing the desert with his camel and his dog, when suddenly ..

the camel asked him "are you sure we're heading in the right direction ?"

Freaked out by the talking camel, he ran away, threw himself behind a nearby cactus. The dog freaked out too and followed his master. As he was catching his breath, the dog asked : "what did that asshole say ?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cactus arizona jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cactus apiary piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes