The Best 22 Cabbie Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cabbie jokes. There are some cabbie chauffeur jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cabbie fist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cabbie Jokes and Puns

I hopped in a cab after work and said to the cabbie

"My wife won't put out any more. Take me somewhere I can get an easy chick that won't say no"

10 minutes later he dropped me off at my house and said

"Just tell her Larry sent you"

A devout Muslim entered a cab in London

He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio, because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music, because in the time of the prophet there was no music especially western music, which is the music of the infidel.

The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab, and opened the door. The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered,

"In the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so get off and wait for a camel!"

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London...

As they went past the Tower of London the cabbie explained what the building was and provided a brief history. Upon hearing that its construction started in 1346 and was completed in 1412, the Texan stated, "Really? A little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"

Next they passed the House of Parliament, and the cabbie again gave a brief history, omitting the construction dates this time. However, being eager to brag, the Texan questioned its construction too. The cabbie replied that it was built in 1544 and completed in 1618.

"Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a month!"

As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.

"Well? What's that over there?" asked the Texan.

The annoyed cabbie scratches his head and replied "I haven't the foggiest idea, Sir. It wasn't there yesterday!"

Cabbie joke, A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London...

3 drunk men

Three men hail a taxi. The driverβ€”seeing that they're drunkβ€”decides to pull a fast one. So he switches the engine on, then quickly switches it off and announces, We're here!
The first guy hands him the fare, the second guy says, Thanks, but the third guy angrily smacks the
cabbie's head.
What was that for? asks the cabbie, afraid he's been caught.
That, says the passenger, is for driving so fast!

After a night out on the town, a Jewish couple is taking a cab home.

When they arrive, the cabbie says, "That'll be $46, please."

The husband gives him a $50 bill and waits.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have change to give you." says the cabbie.

The husband says, "No worries, you can take us for a spin around the block a couple of times."


Two drunks stumble out of a hotel...

...and manage to get into one of the cabs. After a bit of a process getting seated, one of them tells the cabbie.

"To the Grand Hotel please."

The cabbie turns around and says, "But we're already at the Grand Hotel."

One of the drunks gives the cabbie a bill, and says, "Next time, don't drive quite so fast."

Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab.

Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says "hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here"?

Annoyed, the cabbie says "sure"

the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH

Cabbie joke, Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab.

Money-minded Cabbie!!

A guy is on a date with a girl, so he takes her to Lovers' Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you -- I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having sex.
After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver, and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''

A nun gets into a cab

The cab driver sees her in the backseat and says "I have always had a fantasy about nuns."

She answers "you and everyone else! Are you a Catholic?"

Driver says yes, so she tells him to pull over.

She hops in the front seat and gives him the best blow job he ever had. She gets done and the cabbie feels guilty and says "You know sister, I have to confess. I am not really Catholic."

"That's fine. My name is Ralph and I am going to a costume party."

A pakistani cabbie called me a racist

I didn't say a word and left the cab. Because you don't negotiate with terrorists

A man in a taxi is shocked with the cabbie runs right through a red light...

He shouts "Hey, are you crazy? You just ran that light!"

The cabbie says, "Don't worry. My brother is a cabbie too and he does it all the time."

A few seconds later he runs another red light. The passenger is still nervous but decides that the cabbie knows what he is doing.

Then as they approached a green light, the cabbie slams on breaks and comes to a screeching halt.

"Are you crazy?", the man shouts, "That's a green light! Why did you stop?"

"My brother might be coming the other way."

You can explore cabbie fare reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cabbie driver dad jokes. There are also cabbie puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A tipsy man staggered out of Melbourne Hotel and entered a taxi. "Take me to Melbourne Hotel," he told the cabbie. The cabbie was momentarily confused. They sat in silence for minutes. The cab never moved. Then the cabbie got out, opened the back door and told the guy: "Look. (Pointing)"

"The Melbourne Hotel." "How much for the fare?" "No charge," replied the cabbie. "Thanks. Next time, don't drive so fast!"

Couple went to New York and hired a Cab.

He had a broad Southern accent
Cabbies
: "whhhherre are Yaaah
Frumm?"
Wife: "what is he sayin?"
Husband: "asking where we from"
Husband to cabbie: "London"

Cabbie:" whereeee inn Londonn?"
Wife:"what is he sayin?"
Husband to wife: "asking where from in London"
Husband to cabbie: "Stamford"

Cabbie:" Stammfordd , I know the place, was there during the war and had an English girlfriend.
Had the worst sex of my Life"
Wife:"what is he sayin now?"
Husband: " He says he knows you!!"

A man rented an uber and and the cabbie arrived exactly on time

The passenger said: "wow you are so punctual just like frank"
Cabbie: excuse me?

Passenger: frank is a great guy, always on time, knows the best restaurants, wear the best clothes, always keeps his promises and never ever treat his family badly.

Cabbie: so is frank your friend or...?

Passenger: no I've never met him but I married his ex wife

Tense, moody joke

Guy lands at Logan, hops a cab, and says to the driver, "Well now that i'm in Boston, where can I get scrod?" Cabbie says, "You know, I've heard that question a thousand times, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."

If a cabbie drives a cab, what does a podiatrist drive?

A toe truck.

Cabbie joke, If a cabbie drives a cab, what does a podiatrist drive?

The cab

A Jewish guy in New York City is in a cab. The cab is going down the street when the cabbie sees a guy on the sidewalk mugging a woman. The guy is hitting her and trying to grab her purse. The cabbie zooms to the side of the road and jumps out to go help the woman.

The Jewish guy rolls down the window and yells, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop the meter!"

Paddies vs. Aussies

So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.

Do You Know A Good Place to Get Scrod?

A traveller who is a huge fan of seafood arrives in Boston for the first time. He leaves the airport and hails a cab. After he gets in, he excitedly says to the cabbie, "Hey, I'm new in town. Can you tell me a good place to go to get scrod?" The cabbie replies [in a thick Boston accent], "Pal, I've got to congratulate you. I've heard that question a lot over the years, but that's the first time I've ever heard it in the pluperfect subjunctive."


The cabbies are so friendly in New York city. When I stop them and ask them where they are from,

They say uppa U.S!

If it wasn't for you...

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am right now.

*A cabbie after reaching the pick-up location*

My cabbie is a motivator.

He drives me to do great things.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cabbie taxi jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cabbie window piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes