cabbage Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cabbage puns

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

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Cole's Law

"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."

"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"

"No, what is it?"

"Thinly sliced cabbage."

(I remember hearing this from my dad, and to this day it makes me giggle like an idiot.)

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Have you heard of Murphy's Law? It states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Coles Law?

It's thinly sliced cabbage.

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A man named Eric Cole...

... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.

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We all know Murphy's Law, but little is known of Cole's Law

"Shredded Cabbage."

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"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law

"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

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Dad Knowing the Laws...

Dad: Have you heard of Murphy's Law?

Son: Yes, if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.

Dad: Yes! Have you heard of Cole's Law?

Son: Actually, no. What's that?

Dad: Thinly sliced cabbage.

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You guys ever heard of Murphy's law?

Murphy's law states that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.

You guys ever heard of Cole's law? Its thinly sliced cabbage with a vinaigrette, salad dressing.

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The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law

Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.

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Murphy's law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

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You're surely familiar with Murphy's Law, but do you know what Cole's Law is?

It's a cabbage salad, often served as a side dish at a BBQ.

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A man walks up to a counter and says . . .

A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."

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Please enter your new password

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIf

YouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

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Half a head of cabbage..

A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage.

The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"

"New Zealand, Sir" the boy replied.

"Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there.

"Is that right?" replied the manager," My wife is from New Zealand !"

"Really?" replied the boy, "Who did she play for?"

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Tried to Select a Password

WEBSITE: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50fuckingboiledcabbages
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one consecutive upper case character.
USER: 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss!
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation
USER: 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WEBSITE: That password is already in use.

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Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.

-Cole's Law

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A man goes to the doctor with a carrot in his nose, cabbage in his ears and ham over his eyes. What's wrong with me doc? He asks.

The doctor replies Well it looks like you're not eating right.

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PASSWORD PROBLEMS

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.

USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER : IWillHuntYouDown50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow


WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

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A professor was in class teaching his students about laws, and begun a conversation about Murphy's Law.

Professor: " Have you ever heard about Murphy's law?"

Student: "No, what's that?"

Professor: "Well basically, it's the principle that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong"

Students were impressed, so one student in particular decided to respond.

Student: "Oh yeah? Well have you ever heard about Cole's law?"

Professor: "No, I haven't. I don't believe that's actually a thing."

Student: "It is. It's thinly sliced cabbage"

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Blond man joke

An Irish, Mexican, and blond iron worker were sitting on the top of a skyscraper under construction for their lunch break.

The Irishman opens his lunch box, "Corned beef and cabbage again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"

The Mexican opens his lunch box, "Tacos again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"

The blond opens his lunch box, "A ham and cheese sandwich again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"

The next day the Irishman gets corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican gets tacos and jumps to his death. The blond gets a ham and cheese sandwich and jumps to his death.

At their wake, their wives sit together to mourn the men.

The Irishman's wife laments, "If he would have told me he hated his food I could have made something else."

The Mexican's wife agrees, "I could have made my husband quesadillas or enchiladas."

The women look over at the blond's wife, who responds, "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."

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Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

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My dad's favorite joke

Two men go out to lunch. One man orders a BLT, but the waitress says "We're out of BLTs." The man contends they cannot be out of BLTs, and asks whether they have bacon. The waitress answers in the affirmative. The man asks whether they have tomatoes. Again, the waitress answers "yes." The man asks whether they have lettuce, and the waitress states they are indeed out of lettuce. The man asks whether he can have cabbage instead of lettuce, and the waitress agrees to arrange for this.

When the food arrives, the man who ordered the BLT begins to dissect the sandwich. He wipes the mayonnaise off the bread and wipes it on the side of the plate. He sets the tomatoes aside, and crumbles the bacon and puts it on top of the tomatoes. He then begins rolling up the cabbage and stuffing it into his ear. His friend is confused and embarrassed, and asks the man to stop, saying "Why are you doing that with the cabbage?"

The man answers: "Because they were out of lettuce."

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Everybody's heard of Murphy's Law: "if something can go wrong, it will go wrong." However, few people know of Cole's Law...

It's thinly sliced cabbage and mayonnaise.

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What did the religous carrot say to the cabbage?

Peas be with you.

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Shredded cabbage tastes better than unshredded cabbage

Cole's Law

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Vegetables

What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?

Lettuce go

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What's the difference between Murphy's Law and Cole's Law?

Murphy's Law is the idea of anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Cole's Law is just thinly sliced cabbage.

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A Muslim immigrant.

A Muslim immigrant goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible" The doctor examines him and says "you need to piss and shit into a bucket for a week, throw some dead fish and a rotting cabbage in" Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapours for three days" The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor and says "I feel wonderful, what was wrong with me? The doctor replied "You are Homesick"

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The UK have just introduced a new law

Whenever you buy Mayonaise it's now compulsory that you buy Cabbage and Carrots with it. They're referring to it as Coles Law

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Everybody knows of Murphy's law, anything that can go wrong, will. But have you heard of Cole's Law?

It's usually just finely shredded cabbage.

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Laws

-Have you heard of Murphy's law?

-Yes, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

-What about Cole's Law?

-No, what is it?

-Thinly sliced cabbage drizzled with mayonnaise and sour cream

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Bratwurst, Sauerkraut, Cabbage, Potatoes, Cheese, Beetroot, Onions, Bread, Butter.

Schindler's mom's list.

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What's the difference between a bag that you take onto an airplane and the vegetables grown in Bilbo's garden?

One is cabin baggage, the other is Baggin's cabbage.

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What's it called when someone is murdered by a cabbage?

Slaw-der.

I know. It's awful.

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What is the law that requires cabbage to be shredded and covered in a vinaigrette?

Cole's Law

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What are the most funny Cabbage jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cabbage? Well, here are the best Cabbage dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cabbage pick up lines to share with friends.

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