Cabbage Jokes
88 cabbage jokes and hilarious cabbage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cabbage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious cabbage jokes! This collection of jokes includes puns and one-liners starring cabbage, kale, radishes, and lettuce. Whether you're a fan of cabbage rolls or the cabbage patch, you're sure to have a chuckle with these fun-filled gags!
Funniest Cabbage Short Jokes
Short cabbage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cabbage humour may include short cucumber jokes also.
- A man named Eric Cole... ... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law. - "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
- The pressure of a gas is inversely proportional to its volume—Boyle's Law. Any leftover cabbage must be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.
—-Cole's Law. - On the farm market Customer: Is that cabbage genetially modified?
Farmer: Why are you asking?
Cabbage: Yeah, why are you asking? - Vegetables What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?
Lettuce go - I heard U.S. Senator Herb Kohl once wrote a bill that would standardize the ratios of carrots, mayonnaise, and cabbage in his favorite side dish. He called it Kohl's Law.
- The UK have just introduced a new law Whenever you buy Mayonaise it's now compulsory that you buy Cabbage and Carrots with it. They're referring to it as Coles Law
- Murphy's Law : If there's any way they can do it wrong, they will . But Cole's Law: thats just cabbage.
- Bratwurst, Sauerkraut, Cabbage, Potatoes, Cheese, Beetroot, Onions, Bread, Butter. Schindler's mom's list.
- What's the difference between a bag that you take onto an airplane and the vegetables grown in Bilbo's garden? One is cabin baggage, the other is Baggin's cabbage.
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Cabbage One Liners
Which cabbage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cabbage? I can suggest the ones about radish and broccoli.
- Which vegetable tells us how old a taxi is? Cabbage.
- Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise. -Cole's Law
- Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
- What did the religous carrot say to the cabbage? Peas be with you.
- What do you get when you put cabbage in a wood chipper? Slaw dust!
- Shredded cabbage tastes better than unshredded cabbage Cole's Law
- What's it called when someone is murdered by a cabbage? Slaw-der.
I know. It's awful. - Cole's Law... Thinly Sliced Cabbage
- A cabbage and a carrot get into a race, who wins? The cabbage, it's a head
- What do vegetarian ogres eat? Cabbage Patch Kids
- What do vegetarian dingoes eat Cabbage patch kids
- What does the cabbage merchant use to fix his cabbages? A cabbage patch! - Sokka
- What did the cabbages say to the other vegetables in the vegetable bin? Lettuce in.
- How do you fix a cabbage? With a cabbage patch.
- What is a taxi driver's favorite food? Cabbage
Cabbage Patch Jokes
Here is a list of funny cabbage patch jokes and even better cabbage patch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Overwatch is getting a farm map in the next update It's a cabbage patch.
- What do call an epileptic person in a cabbage patch? Caeser salad.
- "For sale: Brown skinned Cabbage Patch doll..." It's only Harv Price
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Cabbage Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about cabbage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zucchini jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cabbage pranks.
A man walks up to a counter and says . . .
A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."
Blond man joke
An Irish, Mexican, and blond iron worker were sitting on the top of a skyscraper under construction for their lunch break.
The Irishman opens his lunch box, "Corned beef and cabbage again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The Mexican opens his lunch box, "Tacos again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The blond opens his lunch box, "A ham and cheese sandwich again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The next day the Irishman gets corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican gets tacos and jumps to his death. The blond gets a ham and cheese sandwich and jumps to his death.
At their wake, their wives sit together to mourn the men.
The Irishman's wife laments, "If he would have told me he hated his food I could have made something else."
The Mexican's wife agrees, "I could have made my husband quesadillas or enchiladas."
The women look over at the blond's wife, who responds, "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."
My friend Robert showed me a cross between a cabbage and a turnip...
I said, "That's cool, Robbie!"
What vegetable was on the badge in the cab?
A CABBAGE!
Undefined illness
Who said that health care in Canada was not up to par???
A Muslim immigrant in Toronto goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."
The doctor examines him and then says:
"You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage.
Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."
The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 3 days later and says "I feel wonderful! what was wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "You were homesick."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind man and cabbage
A blind man walks into a bar with a cabbage on a lead.
The bartender asks him why he has a cabbage on the lead, Cabbage? he replies... "oh god d**...... i got ripped off ... i was told it a collie!"
Cabbage get merried to Onion
Friends ask them about wedding nigh
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Cabbage told them in sad way "What wedding night, it tooks whole night to undress each other".
Please enter your new password
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIf
YouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
My dad's favorite joke
Two men go out to lunch. One man orders a BLT, but the waitress says "We're out of BLTs." The man contends they cannot be out of BLTs, and asks whether they have bacon. The waitress answers in the affirmative. The man asks whether they have tomatoes. Again, the waitress answers "yes." The man asks whether they have lettuce, and the waitress states they are indeed out of lettuce. The man asks whether he can have cabbage instead of lettuce, and the waitress agrees to arrange for this.
When the food arrives, the man who ordered the BLT begins to dissect the sandwich. He wipes the mayonnaise off the bread and wipes it on the side of the plate. He sets the tomatoes aside, and crumbles the bacon and puts it on top of the tomatoes. He then begins rolling up the cabbage and stuffing it into his ear. His friend is confused and embarrassed, and asks the man to stop, saying "Why are you doing that with the cabbage?"
The man answers: "Because they were out of lettuce."
What's green and invisible?
This cabbage
PASSWORD PROBLEMS
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER : IWillHuntYouDown50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tried to Select a Password
WEBSITE: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50fuckingboiledcabbages
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one consecutive upper case character.
USER: 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss!
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation
USER: 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WEBSITE: That password is already in use.
Question: What did the Cabbage say to the cab driver when he passed his stop?
Answer:
"STOP THE CAB-BAGE"
Ps - The joke is to say it out loud and figure out what you are actually saying.
Seriously bad cabbage joke
What do you call two long lines of cabbage?
A dual cabbage way
What is the law that requires cabbage to be shredded and covered in a vinaigrette?
Cole's Law
What did they call the popular cabbage in Vegetable school?
Cool Slaw
I'm guessing you guys have heard of Murphy's Law, right? It's the cynical principal that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole's Law?
It's thinly sliced cabbage.
What did the Christian Cabbage say before eating?
Lettuce Pray.
What did the Cabbage say to the broccoli that imprisoned them?
"Lettuce go!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Weapon Of Mass Destruction...
A cabbage and beer f**..., with a couple of boiled eggs thrown in, in the second pew at the 10:00 service at St. Agnes of the Holy Water Church...
What do you call a cabbage that insults everyone?
A Sabbage
On my way to work, I saw a cabbage talking to a carrot
My drug dealer didn't lie
What did the radish and cauliflower say to the cabbage that needed help, but refused?
Lettuce
I just mixed a cup of Murphy's Oil Soap with 2 pounds of shredded cabbage.
That's right, I'm making Murphy's slaw.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My favourite Russian joke.
3 soldiers are all sitting around bragging about their armies. A Russian, an Israeli and an American.
The Russian boasts, "In our army we get 500 calories of field ration per day."
The Israeli says, "We get 1000 calories a day for field ration."
The American says, "Well we get around 2000 calories a day for field ration."
The Russian blurts out, "That is b**..., you can't possibly carry that much cabbage!"
I went to Coles to buy a cabbage but apparently it's a legal requirement to buy mayonnaise and carrots too.
It's Coles Law.
The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law
Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.
A professor was in class teaching his students about laws, and begun a conversation about Murphy's Law.
Professor: " Have you ever heard about Murphy's law?"
Student: "No, what's that?"
Professor: "Well basically, it's the principle that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong"
Students were impressed, so one student in particular decided to respond.
Student: "Oh yeah? Well have you ever heard about Cole's law?"
Professor: "No, I haven't. I don't believe that's actually a thing."
Student: "It is. It's thinly sliced cabbage"
Dad Knowing the Laws...
Dad: Have you heard of Murphy's Law?
Son: Yes, if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.
Dad: Yes! Have you heard of Cole's Law?
Son: Actually, no. What's that?
Dad: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?
It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.
Why did the Momma cabbage hit her little baby cabbage?
He was being too fresh!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Potato and cabbage decided to have s**.....
Potato undressed and undressed cabbage entire night.
I had a dream I was attacked in my kitchen by a giant head of cabbage. I grabbed a knife and stabbed, hacked, and slashed at it, but it still kept coming! I threw a jar of mayonnaise at it, to no avail -- then I hurled a bag of carrots, but nothing would stop it! In the end...
I fought the slaw and the slaw won.
a message to the mods
so this isn't really a joke but please lettuce make cabbage jokes.
We've all heard of Boyle's Law and Charles's Law, but have you ever heard of Cole's Law?
It's thinly sliced cabbage.
TIFU by substituting lettuce for sauerkraut instead of cabbage.
Whoops, wrong sub.
You know Murphy's law right? Have you heard of Cole's Law?
It's like, chopped cabbage in mayonnaise.
Have you had your "cabbage verification" yet?
You're not sure? Then let us check.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a German cabbage that's getting clean?
Shower-k**...
^I'm ^sorry..
Two elderly ladies meet at the laundromat after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.
Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"
I opened a can of peas instead."
A guy sees a granny selling cabbages.
The business is not good and no one seems to be interested in buying them. They all cost 5 dollars each. He decided to buy one. He continued to buy one each day until he just gave money for a cabbage without taking one.
Then one day as usual he gave 5 dollars, turned to leave but the granny stopes him. He turns around and asked her:
"What is it granny? Do you want to know why i buy cabbages without taking one?"
The granny looks at him and says:
"No, i just wanted to say the price grew. Now it costs 10 dollars!"
My girlfriend broke up with me for being too delusional.
But I don't think that I have that problem, right giant cabbage?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Farmers are skilled at decapitation
We only ever find the heads of lettuce or cabbage
