Cabbage Day Jokes
7 cabbage day jokes and hilarious cabbage day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about cabbage day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Cabbage Day Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good cabbage day joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Cole's Law
"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"
"Yeah."
"What is it?"
"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."
"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"
"No, what is it?"
"Thinly sliced cabbage."
(I remember hearing this from my dad, and to this day it makes me giggle like an idiot.)
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
A Russian, a Brit and an American are stuck on a mountain
While they wait for rescue to arrive, they get together for a meal. As everyone is taking out their kits and prepping, the Russian starts boasting "in the soviet army, they feed us 2000 calories of food a day". The Brit turns and scoffs at him, then he says " in the royal army, we are fed 4000 calories of food a day". The American waiting for his turns goes and says "in the us army we are fed 8000 calories a day". At that point, the Russian jumps up and yells at the American "NON SENSE. NO ONE CAN EAT THAT MUCH CABBAGE IN ONE DAY".
My favourite Russian joke.
3 soldiers are all sitting around bragging about their armies. A Russian, an Israeli and an American.
The Russian boasts, "In our army we get 500 calories of field ration per day."
The Israeli says, "We get 1000 calories a day for field ration."
The American says, "Well we get around 2000 calories a day for field ration."
The Russian blurts out, "That is b**..., you can't possibly carry that much cabbage!"
A guy sees a granny selling cabbages.
The business is not good and no one seems to be interested in buying them. They all cost 5 dollars each. He decided to buy one. He continued to buy one each day until he just gave money for a cabbage without taking one.
Then one day as usual he gave 5 dollars, turned to leave but the granny stopes him. He turns around and asked her:
"What is it granny? Do you want to know why i buy cabbages without taking one?"
The granny looks at him and says:
"No, i just wanted to say the price grew. Now it costs 10 dollars!"
Undefined illness
Who said that health care in Canada was not up to par???
A Muslim immigrant in Toronto goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."
The doctor examines him and then says:
"You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage.
Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."
The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 3 days later and says "I feel wonderful! what was wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "You were homesick."
Blond man joke
An Irish, Mexican, and blond iron worker were sitting on the top of a skyscraper under construction for their lunch break.
The Irishman opens his lunch box, "Corned beef and cabbage again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The Mexican opens his lunch box, "Tacos again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The blond opens his lunch box, "A ham and cheese sandwich again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The next day the Irishman gets corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican gets tacos and jumps to his death. The blond gets a ham and cheese sandwich and jumps to his death.
At their wake, their wives sit together to mourn the men.
The Irishman's wife laments, "If he would have told me he hated his food I could have made something else."
The Mexican's wife agrees, "I could have made my husband quesadillas or enchiladas."
The women look over at the blond's wife, who responds, "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."
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