Cheeky Buzz Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?
Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.
Man runs over a cat
Yesterday the lady next door received a buzz from the front door. When she opened the door there was a man there.
With a saddened look the man says "Lady, I'm terribly sorry, I just ran over your cat."
Without hesitation the man tells the lady that he would like to replace the cat.
The lady looks up at the man and replies "Thats all right with me, but how are you at catching mice?"
A farmer walks into his barn with a bucket.
He starts milking his cow, while a pesky fly continues to buzz around the cows head. Suddenly the fly goes straight in to the cows ear. The farmer doesn't think much of it, just continues milking, when suddenly it shoots out into the bucket. The farmer, freaked out, exclaimed "it went in one ear and out the udder!"
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
What did the fly say to the second man on the moon?
Buzz.....
What do buzzards in Kansas eat?
Carrion, my wayward son.
How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish?
Clickbait.
I wonder if Buzz and w**... had ever met Andy's mom's toys.
They probably have the same names
Man on the moon
Buzz Aldrin's best pick-up line: 'Hey, I was the second man on the moon. Neil before me.'
Why didn't the buzzard have any luggage on the airplane?
Because he ate his carrion.
The Jewish Elbow
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.
There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow?
"What...you coming empty handed?"
You can explore buzz rumor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean buzz honeybees dad jokes. There are also buzz puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A buzzard carrying two dead badgers tried to check in at the airport for his flight.
The gate attendant told him, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion."
Rumour has it Toy Story 4 is going to focus on Andy's mom's toys
Coincidentally, they are also called w**... and Buzz
How do bees go to school?
They take the buzz
What did Jesse say to w**... when they were having a t**... with Buzz Lightyear?
You've got a friend in me
Did you hear w**... stabbed his best friend?
What a Buzz kill
What did w**... say to Buzz?
A lot. There were 3 movies.
Buzz Aldrin was the second man to step foot on the moon.
Neil before him. Neil.
After several drinks last night, I had a great Buzz.
Unfortunately I was no longer able to get a w**....
How many buzzfeed employees does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Click here to find out!
If your job ever feels pointless...
just remember somebody is the fact checker for Buzz Feed.
I saw a Buzzfeed article about the top 10 ways to execute someone.
Number 3 will shock you.
Buzzfeeds top 10 list of t**... methods
Number 7 will shock you
Why did the bee order a cup of coffee?
For a quick buzz
A BuzzFeed writer walks into a bar...
95% of americans were shocked to find out what happened next.
w**... caught Buzz and Bo Peep having toy s**...
w**...: "What's the meaning of this???!!"
Bo Peep: "You got a friend in me..."
Buzzfeed did a top 10 list of power measurements
You'll never believe Watt's number 6
What do Buzz Lightyear and Bees have in common?
They both can fly.
What?
You thought I was going to make a pun? I'm not that shallow.
Now buzz off.
Toy Story 4 Will Be About Sids Moms Toys
Giving a whole new meaning to Buzz and w**...
Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer
Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
What happens when a Buzzfeed writer becomes an electrician with no experience?
What comes next will shock you
A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar...
You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!
Three buzzfeed writers walk into a bar
You won't believe what happens next!
Buzzfeed must have been born between May 22nd and June 22nd...
Because it's definitely a Cancer
The mom from ToyStory has her own set of Toys.
Their names are also w**... and Buzz.
Where do bees catch their bus?
At the buzz stop. Haha
What did Bo Peep say when w**... walked in on her and Buzz cheating?
You've got a friend in me
Buzz feed steal so much content they should rename themselves
The Appropriated Press
Buzz Killington
Do you know why W.S Gilbert was frequently drunk on his transatlantic crossings?
Because he was a quartered on the portside!
Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on
Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called w**... and Buzz too.
What did Buzz say to w**...?
A lot, I mean there were three movies and a couple short films in that franchise.
The synopsis for Toy Story 4 has leaked.
This time it focuses on Andy's mother's toys, also named Buzz and w**....
Buzzards on a plane
Two buzzards were at the check in counter at their local airport answering the usual questions. The desk agent finally noticed the piece of rotting gazelle they had brought with them.
"Are you going to check that?" the agent asks.
"No. That's my carrion."
I caught Buzz Lightyear m**... in my freezer.
He said I come in peas.
Ironically, w**... and Buzz ...
were also the names of Andy's Mum's toys.
How many Buzzfeed workers does it take to form a firing squad?
10. But number 5 will blow your mind!
Why did the coke addict take to bee keeping to get sober?
Finally found something that would give him a buzz
People have often said that bees making honey sounds cool...
...but honestly, I never understood what all the buzz was about.
Did you hear about m**... hornets?
They're the latest buzz
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow?...
"What, you're coming empty handed?"
A buzzard gets on a plane with a rotting rabbit carcass.
The flight attendant says "You can't bring that dead animal on the plane."
The buzzard replies "It's OK. That just my carrion."
I missed the Vice Presidential debate...
Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about?
What did the dog say to w**... after accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear?
You got a friend in me.
How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?
Ten. But number four will shock you.
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.
There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in.
Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow"?
You're coming empty handed"?
How many Buzzfeed employees does it take to operate an electric chair?
10, but 4 will shock you.
how do bees travel?
by a buzz
I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon.
Neil before me!
A visit to my grandmother
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.
There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow hit 14.
When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow"?
"You're coming empty handed"?
How do bees let guests into their apartment building?
They *buzz* them in
I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon.
Neil before me.
What do barkeepers and beekeepers have in common?
That constant buzz around them.
A big bar chain opened a bar on Mount Everest.
Naturally a lot of people were really excited to be able to have a few drinks in the highest place in the world.
There was a lot of buzz and excitement about this new bar but when it came to opening day. The opening ceremony was poor, the drinks tasted bad and the service was terrible.
Everyone was bitterly disappointed that the bar did meet their expectations.
A lesson was learnt that day by the owners of the Everest Bar.
Don't set the bar so high.
Buzz Aldrin is a man who demands respect. I saw him speak a while ago and he said I'm the second guy to walk on the moon...
Neil before me
What do you do when there's a bee at your door?
You buzz it in.
What did the bear say to Buzz when he ate w**...?
You got a friend in me
What did the bee go to the barber shop for?
To get a buzz cut.
How to bees get to school?
The school buzz. Compliments of my 8yr old. Not sure if it's been posted before but this was her first and I just loved it.
visiting grandma...
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow? .........
"What . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
Andy's Mom in Toy Story probably has toys too.
They may even be called w**... and Buzz.
Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong are telling bad moon jokes at a party, and nobody is laughing.
Buzz sighs, "I guess you had to be there"
A tourist in Madrid
A tourist hires a guide to show him around Madrid. He tells the guide, "If you don't mind, I'm trying to learn Spanish, so if I say something wrong, please correct me." The guide agrees, and they set off walking.
A fly happens to buzz by, and the tourist says, "Look at the *mosco*!" The guide corrects him, "No, señor, the word you want is *mosca*, a feminine noun."
The tourist watches the fly carefully for a few moments. Then he turns back to the guide and says, "You must have fantastic eyesight!"
a blonde is standing on the street buzzing at a lantern
a blonde police officer sees her buzzing the lantern, stops and asks: what are you doing, madam? The blonde answers: I'm trying to buzz my friend down but he's not answering. Blonde police officer points confused at the light of the lantern and replies: but he must be home since the lights are on!
(my mom told me this in German the other day, I hope my translation makes sense! open for corrections!)
