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Buying Jokes

162 buying jokes and hilarious buying puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about buying that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Do you want to get your funny fix without having to buy jokes? Check out this article to find out how to get a chuckle without spending a dime. Learn how to find amusing items in everyday life and explore the possibilities of what you can do with those materials. Save your money and explore the world of buying jokes without breaking the bank.

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Funniest Buying Short Jokes

Short buying jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The buying humour may include short buys jokes also.

  1. If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called, 'Mark has read'.
  2. How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old) You order it from the Cat-alogue
  3. How many apple engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.
  4. I went to the shop the other day to buy six cans of Sprite. It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.
  5. A computer programmer goes to buy some bread. On his way out, his wife says, "and while you're there, get a carton of eggs".
    He never returned.
  6. I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
  7. If you buy a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a day… If you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life
  8. A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
    cashier: "Because you're ugly."
  9. Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market. Oh the irony.
  10. I said to the woman at the deli, I'd like to buy a corned beef and pastrami, with pickles. She replied, Sorry..." "We only take cash or card.

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Buying One Liners

Which buying one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with buying? I can suggest the ones about bought and purchase.

  1. I tried to buy a Mortal Kombat soundtrack. All I could find were Finnish Hymns.
  2. Batman: *buys catwoman a drink* Catwoman: *slowly knocks it off of the table*
  3. I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex He's a small arms dealer.
  4. Did you hear Jeff Bezos is buying Crunchyroll? He is renaming it to amazon Weeb Services.
  5. I used my stimulus check to buy baby chickens Money for nothing, and the chicks for free
  6. Why didn't Trump buy anything when he went to the UK? He only had one Pence
  7. I completely misunderstood Pride month… Anyway, who wants to buy 12 lions?
  8. If I buy 8 bitcoins... Does that mean I have one bytecoin?
  9. How many Congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
    Better buy a flashlight
  10. I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018 It's my new year's resolution.
  11. I got in touch with my inner self once... Never buying single ply toilet paper again.
  12. Jesus wants you to give him your soul Whereas satan is willing to buy it off you.
  13. Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2 Save up to $2160 by not buying it
  14. Why did the gamer cross the road? Buy the DLC to find out
  15. If you ever feel lonely, buy stocks. You will have company

Buying A Car Jokes

Here is a list of funny buying a car jokes and even better buying a car puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Bought my wife a beautiful big diamond ring. She asked, "Why didn't you buy me a new car ?"
    I told her, "They don't make fake cars."
  • Why do blondes prefer to buy cars with sun roof? Because there's more leg room.
  • When one door closes another one opens That's all well and good , I told the car dealer, but I'm not buying the car until you fix it!
  • What type of car does a Mandalorian buy from the used car lot? The Best Car.
  • Son asks his father (a bitcoin miner) to give him 1 Bitcoin for birthday. Father replies: "Son! 20485$ is much cash! Why do you even need 18572$? For 21568$ You can buy a good car!"
  • Money cant buy you happiness. But I'd rather have my tears hit designer Bugatti leather than the composite foam in my car.
  • An 18 year old in America is allowed to buy an AR-15, vote, enlist in the army, buy cigarettes, get a lottery ticket, and die for their country... ...but god FORBID they try to rent a car.
  • How do you help a mathematician buy a new car? Cosine
  • My father died recently and I came into a bunch of money. I decided to buy a car and pay cash... and the man at the dealership asked me, "Why are all these bills so sticky?!"
  • Why do black people buy old police cars? They never got to ride in the front seat.

Buying And Selling Jokes

Here is a list of funny buying and selling jokes and even better buying and selling puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15. Did you make a prophet?
  • Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME. As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.
  • What do you call someone who buys and sells shrimps? A prawn broker
  • The government offered to buy back all my guns I turned them down
    I don't feel right selling fire arms to organized crime.
  • The best thing about time machines ... ... is that you can buy it used and sell it new.
  • A man walks into a store "I'd like to buy an owl."
    "We don't sell owls here."
    "Someone told me you did."
    "Who?"
    "I just heard one."
  • How do you get an accordion to sound like a violin? Sell it and buy a violin.
  • [OC] In my day we used to use subliminal advertising to sell candy. And, buy gum, it worked!
  • Apparently Pfizer is now selling a pill that treats skepticism. But I'm not buying it.
  • BAD MATH JOKE TIME. For pi day, my friend was selling pies as a fundraiser, so because I love pie, I decided to buy two.
    I went from 0 to 2π.
    I went absolutely nowhere.
Buying joke, BAD MATH JOKE TIME.

Buying A House Jokes

Here is a list of funny buying a house jokes and even better buying a house puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door. That way, I always make a grand entrance.
  • Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.
    Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?
    Walter: It's on the house.
  • A programmer went to a store to pick up some groceries As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.
  • A programmer goes on a walk A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
    He never returned.
  • Did you hear about the guy who burnt his house down buy overcooking a Hawaiian pizza? ###He should have cooked it at aloha temperature...
    I know where the door is.
  • Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house? He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view.
  • My roofing business is having a great promotion right now... If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.
  • Gambling brought my family closer together. We had to buy a smaller house.
  • I had a chance to buy a couple of haunted houses and turn them into rental properties... but I said no, because who wants to be the lessor of two evils?
  • I can see myself getting married, buying a house and having kids but getting a tattoo? That is a real commitment.

Buying Flowers Jokes

Here is a list of funny buying flowers jokes and even better buying flowers puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Angelina Jolie walks into a florists.'I'd like to buy some flowers', she says. 'Orchids?' says the florist. 'No, just flowers today'.
  • Wife: Okay. Here's what's got to change. I'm sick of you saying I talk like a pirate and you never buy me flowers! Husband: I never knew you sold flowers!
  • Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers, is that true? Husband: Well to be honest I never even knew that she sold flowers
  • My wife complains I never buy her flowers I didn't even know she sold flowers.
  • Never buy flowers from a monk... Remember, only you can prevent florist friars.
  • My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers.. To be completely honest I didn't know she sold flowers...
  • my wife complains that i don't buy her flowers to be honest, i didn't know she sold flowers
  • Never buy flowers from a monk Only YOU can prevent florist friars
  • Don't ever buy flowers from monks. Only you can prevent florist friars.
    (Sorry if repost.)
  • My wife says I never buy her flowers In my defence, I never knew she sold flowers

Buying Condom Jokes

Here is a list of funny buying condom jokes and even better buying condom puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went to the store to buy condoms last night. The cashier asked, "Do you want a bag?"
    I replied, "No, she's not that ugly."
  • I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms.' He said, 'Just a minute.'
    And I said, 'Yep, that's my brand.'
  • They say Magnum condoms are only good for big schlongs I don't buy it
  • While buying condoms the cashier asked, "Do you need a bag?" I said, "Nah, he isn't *that* ugly."
  • A man goes to the pharmacy to buy condoms. The pharmacist asks: Do you need a bag?
    He answers: She isn't that ugly!
  • A customer was buying condoms at work today. I asked if he'd like a bag.
    "No, she's not that ugly."
  • A man went to the supermarket to buy some condoms Cashier: Do you need a bag?
    Man: Nah, she's not that ugly...
  • A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms. "How many do you want", pharmacist replies.
    "None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it".
  • A man walks into a convenience store.. A man walks into a convenience store to buy a pack of condoms ..
    The clerk asks if he would like a bag ..
    He responds "No thanks, she's not that ugly,"
  • A cowboy is buying condoms. "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please" he says.
    "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" asks the cashier.
    "Nah, she's purty good-lookin ..."
Buying joke, A cowboy is buying condoms.

Laughter Buying Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about buying you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean owning jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make buying pranks.

A woman is buying groceries

A woman is buying groceries, she buys a banana, some milk and butter. At the checkout the clerk looks at her then the items in her basket and while scanning them says I can tell that you're single . The woman smiles and asks how can you tell and the clerk responds because you're ugly .

There's a drunk guy in line at the grocery store...

The woman in front of him has a block of cheddar cheese, a half gallon of milk, and a dozen eggs.
He stumbles up to her and says, "Why, you must be single!"
Rather surprised, she looks at him and replies, "Yes, I am single! You could tell that just from what I'm buying?"
Without missing a beat, the drunk guy says, "No, it's 'cause you're f**...' ugly!"

Buying aspirin

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"

Two girls walking down the street when...

one sees her husband coming out of a floral shop with a bouquet of flowers. She says "Oh shoot, he's buying me flowers. I'll have to lay on my back for two days with my feet in the air. Her friend says "Would'nt it be easier to just buy a vase?

A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day

A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.
The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"
"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"
"Nah, you're ugly"

A preacher is buying a parrot


"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you s**... fool!" screeched the parrot.

Single Ladies.

A woman was once buying a very large cucumber, some condoms, and some Vaseline. She gets up to the checkout counter and the cashier says, "I can tell you're single." The flirtatious woman replies, "Oh really, how can you tell that?" The man looks at her with a stern face and says, "Because you're ugly."

The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.

The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"

A snail walks into a car dealership...

And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

Here's an update for you:
Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage...

Saw some great soviet jokes on here. Here's one from President Reagan...

Buying a car in the Soviet Union is not quite so easy as buying a car in the United States. There's a terrible automobile shortage so you have to pay the money up front and then wait, sometimes many years, until a car is made available to you.
On one occasion, at the height of the shortage, a man went down to his local dealership to buy a car. After he had accepted the man's money and the paperwork had been signed, the dealer informed the man that his car would be ready in 10 years and that he could come back then and pick it up.
Taking note of the date, the man turned to leave but paused on his way out the door and asked, "morning or afternoon?"
"It's 10 years from now, what difference does it make?" replied the dealer.
"Well, I'm busy in the morning." said the man.
Confused, the dealer asked, "what could you possibly have planned for the morning ten years from today?"
"The plumber's coming to fix my sink," replied the man.

I thought of this joke this morning in the shower

A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"

TIFU by buying an MP5K instead of a Mini-u**... from the Arms Store...

Whoops, wrong sub.

There were once some monks who decided to raise money by opening a flower shop

There was once an order of monks that needed to raise some money. They figured that the best way to do this was by opening a flower shop and selling flowers.
Now, these monks sold their flowers really cheap, and everyone liked the idea of buying flowers from men of God, so much so that all the other florists slowly lost all their business.
Realizing their predicament, the florists banded to figure out how to remove these monks. They finally settled on Big Hugh, the best kneecapper in town. Big Hugh went to the monks and made several casual comments about the flammability of their monastary. Cowed, the monks caved to his demands, thus proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

I'm never buying a Labrador...

Havent you seen how many of their owners go blind?

The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy.

I need to quit making rash decisions.

I thought about buying a pocket calculator

and then I thought who care how many pockets I have

My flatmates said I wasted my money buying a kilo of pasta..

..but I say it was worth every penne.

Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.

They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."

I love buying cardboard boxes online.

You always get one more than you pay for.

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."

He got fired.

Marriage joke

My husband and I couldn't decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.
If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, I said, what would you get?
A bulletproof one, he said. I'm married.

"When one door closes, another opens", he said.

"That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."
Unfortunately, the site I got this joke from many months ago is now down so I can't give them the credit it deserve. But here's a different site with it anyway...

How many people does it take to change a light bulb?

Is just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse....

When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing?

When you're buying salt.

My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas.

I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky...

I got in touch with my inner self this morning.

That's the last time I'm buying the cheap toilet paper.

My friend and I opened a shared bank account for buying w**....

It'll be our joint account.

A boy asks a girl to the prom and she says yes.

He goes to organise a limo at the rental limo place and due to everyone else wanting a limo for the prom he has to wait in line for ages to get one.
He then goes to the flower store to buy her some flowers but again everyone is there buying flowers and he's stuck in line for seems like hours.
After flowers he goes to get his tuxedo at the store and the line is huge again with everyone else getting their tux's too.
He finally makes it to the prom with his date, they arrive and he asks if she wants to go onto the dance floor. She says "I'm a little thirsty, can I get some punch first?" He says "ok" and goes up to get some punch and there is no punchline.

Buying yourself an Uber gift card is ironic.

Cause it's a free ride when you've already paid.

A guy is buying some game DVDs, some magazines and a six pack.

Cashier : "You must be single."
Guy: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

I was thinking about buying a blindfold, but decided not to

I just couldn't see myself wearing it

I'm done buying trash bags...

I always just end up throwing them away anyways

Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car

The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.
Guy: I would like to buy a car.
Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.
Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?
Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, it´s 10 years from now?
Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.
Credit goes to Ronald Reagan

A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.

A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.
The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man replied: " Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Donald Trump finally revealed his plans to defeat North Korea

He's buying it and turning it into a Trump brand business

I have been buying a lot of alcohol lately... I hope i am not becoming a

Shopaholic.

Apple is reportedly buying Shazam for some $400m.

Couldn't they just download it from the App Store for free?

One for $1, three for $4

A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.

GF: Why are you buying a puzzle when you don't have brain to play it?

BF: Do I complain when you purchase bras?

An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.''It's all right,'' says the husband. ''We share everything.''

A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he insists.''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.''Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?''The wife snaps, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''

I used to tell dad jokes.

But he still hasn't come back from buying that pack of cigarettes yet.

Two men on a train both have black eyes.

Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful b**... girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you s**... b**...'."

My friends keep insisting I'm too frugal.

I'm not buying it.

All my friends are constantly complaining that I'm too frugal.

I'm not buying it.

A woman opens up a stand near the train station selling apples for 1$

Each day, the same man walks over to the stand, leaves a 1$, but doesnt take any apples. This went on for an entire year, until one day, the man left a dollar and was about to leave but the woman grabbed him by the hand. The man says: "I see you are finally interested why I keep leaving a dollar but not buying any apples well-" The woman cuts him off: "No I am not the least bit interested, apples now cost 2$ instead of one".

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

I wanted to buy a drink from a vending machine, but there was a guy in front of me.

I tried to wait my turn patiently, but he just kept buying soda. I stood there for a while just watching him put in some money and take his drink, over and over until he had a whole bag of soda cans. He showed no signs of stopping, so I asked him, "Why do you keep doing that? Are you ever going to give anyone else a turn?"
He smirked and replied, "You're just jealous because I've won every time!"

A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones.

The ones on daddy's computer.

The cashier at Costco dared to ask me why I'm buying a giant tub of whiteout.

Big mistake.

My wife keeps telling me I'n the cheapest person she ever met.

I'm not buying it.

I really got in touch with my inner self today.

I should probably start buying thicker toilet paper.

After buying a new sail for my boat, Amazon told me it's too late to cancel my order.

That sail has shipped.

A guy says to his buddy, "I'm thinking about buying a labrador."

His pal warns, "That might not be such a good idea. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

During this pandemic I'm buying lots of stocks.

Beef stock, chicken stock, fish stock. Soon I'm going to be a bouillon-ere!

m**... is like buying IKEA furniture.

At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.

She clearly isn't a fan of protection

My wife says I'm the cheapest man in the world.

Well, I'm not buying it.

Women see s**... like buying a car

Can I see myself in this long term?
Is it safe?
Is it reliable?
Can it kill me?
Guys look at s**... like parking a car.
There's a spot.
There's another spot.
Oh I have to pay? Never-mind.
Handicapped? Hope no-one sees this!

Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day,

Teach a man to fish and he'll develop an addiction to buying fishing supplies he'll use once every few months.

There's a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.

But I'm not buying it.

I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff

As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."

My wife claims I'm the cheapest person she's ever met.

I'm not buying it.

A man is out buying bread in Soviet Russia

When he sees that the bakery is out of flour, he shouts:
"d**... this country, we are so poor, I haven't been able to get a loaf of bread in days"
A policeman hears that and approaches the man.
"Stop saying things like that or..." the policeman says as he uses his fingers to form a gun, points it toward the man and says "Bang!"
The man is stunned and walks home.
The wife sees that the man is shocked and asks:
"What happened? Did we run out of flour again?"
The man weakly replies:
"Not only that, it appears that we also ran out of bullets!"

If you are buying smart water for $5 a bottle...

It isn't working.

A Soviet citizen is buying a car

He finally saved up enough rubles, went to the agency, and paid for a car.
He is told, "Come back on August 8th, 1983 to pick up your new car"
"But that's eight years from now."
"Yes, isn't it wonderful? The wait used to be ten years."
"Okay, fine. August 8th, 1983. Morning or afternoon?"
"It's eight years away. What difference does it make?"
"The plumber is coming in the morning."

When I was 16 years old I told my mom I wanted to get a motorcycle...

She said, "You are not buying a motorcycle. My brother, your uncle who you never met, died in a horrible motorcycle accident. You can have his bike."

*Farmer's market* Wife: I'm buying these vegetables for my husband. Have you sprayed these with any poisonous chemicals?

Farmer: No madam, you'll have to do that yourself.

My wife says i'm cheap..

But i'm not buying it

In Gulag

Inmates discussing what they were sent to Gulag for.
"I was always 5 minutes late, so they sent me here for sabotage. You?"
"I was always 5 minutes early, so they sent me here for espionage. How about you, comrade?"
"I was always on time, so they sent me here for harming Soviet economy by buying watch in capitalist country"

Once you start buying cheap brakes.....

You won't be able to stop

Supposedly-psychic wife left me for buying her a too small t-shirt

Said she's clearly a medium

Will buying a bigger bed...

give me more bedroom?

Groaned a whole store with this one.

I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:
"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"
To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."
The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.

Buying joke, Groaned a whole store with this one.

jokes about buying