The Best 84 Button Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Button jokes. There are some button atr jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these button press puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Button Jokes and Puns
I was trying to solve an equation when I realised that the minus button on my calculator was broken...
On the plus side, it still worked.
Apple employee pick-up lines.
"Are you a play button? Because I'd zero-length swipe that."
I think my iPhone is broken
I keep pressing the home button but I am still at work
You seem to like blonde jokes around here. Here is my favorite: Why did the blonde have such a terribly bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend was blond as well.
In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly.
The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.
Just out of curiosity, does anyone here use RES?
Because I'm really wishing that they'd changed the 'Hide Child Comments' button for the Chris Hansen AMA.
When I worked as Tech Support for an ISP I had a woman call outraged that we allowed "filth" on her computer...
After she calmed down slightly she explained that her 10 year old Granddaughter was sleeping over and they were having a "Spa Night" and did a web search on "Facials". . . .I was able to hit the mute button in time to avoid making matters far worse... True Story!
I heard 2k14 is so real that when you give the ball to kobe,
the pass button stops working
Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....
changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."
What's the definition of a Russian elevator?
A Chechen presses a button and five floors come down.
Today just wasn't my day.
I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. Finally leave the house for work and the doorknob comes loose and just breaks off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom..
You can explore button ctrl reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean button cursor dad jokes. There are also button puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the name of NASA's launch button?
The "Space Bar"
Blonde Joke
Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?
Because blonde guys aren't smart either (Sorry if it's a repost.)
A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex.
The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."
A man brought some cookies to a party...
His friend approached him later during the party. He asked for the recipe to show his wife.
"You see, the secret trick is that I put the dough in my belly button to measure out the perfect size of each cookie," he tells his friend.
"That's absolutely disgusting," says the friend.
He answers, "Oh, you're not going to like the way I make donuts then."
I was telling my Asian friend about my phone
I told my Asian friend that was fresh off the boat about how I can push a button on my phone and tell it to do something and it does it. He said "That's just Siri"
Boy VS Girl Friends
A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you
The boyfriend says: Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow ?
Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?
Potty Training
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did a good job.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
@Men..bet your female friend...
..that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.
You can thank me later.
What did the mexican do when he lost his car in the parking lot?
He pressed hispanic button
The Jewish Elbow
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.
There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
"What...you coming empty handed?"
I asked a guy at the gym how to use a piece of equipment.
"Just push the button," he replied, "Like you would with any other hand dryer."
What is the difference between a hyper-active gamer and someone with a predilection of violence towards sheep?
One's a button masher, and the other is a mutton basher.
Holding down the power button until my device turns off feels like strangling someone until they stop breathing.
Except I usually hope my device turns back on.
Saw a tv for sale on eBay for £5. Only problem was the volume button was broken.....
How can I turn that down?
I walked up to a guy in the gym.
I said, "How do you use this piece of equipment?"
"It's pretty simple," he replied, "Just push the button and it dries your hands..."
The Republican primary race should be called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
It's way too long, and the protagonists are becoming more juvenile as it goes on.
I just got a new doorbell that when the button is pressed has a gorilla singing about table tennis.
It's called The King Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong
John and Peter
John: Dude my girlfriend is pregnant, but I use a condom every time.
Peter: Come here my dear friend and I will explain it to you
John: Ok.
Peter: A man went into the jungle with an umbrella. He saw a tiger coming right at him. He touched the button of his umbrella and the tiger died.
John: Haha!But that's impossible. Maybe someone else shot the tiger.
Peter: Exactly..
The inventor of the snooze button has passed away.
His funeral will take place tomorrow at 8:00, 8:06, 8:11, 8:13, and 8:14.
A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button...
... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi.
I think my iPhone is broken.
I clicked the home button but I'm still at work...
Why can't Chuck Norris complete forms and applications on the internet?
Because he can't bring himself to click the "submit" button.
What does an older woman have between her breast that a younger one doesnt?
Her belly button.
Why is the blondes belly button bruised?
Her BF is blonde too
Twelve-year-old Timmy was talking with his classmate, Lisa...
Timmy: "Hey Lisa, I'll give you a dollar if we can go in the closet and you let me stick my finger in your belly button."
Lisa: "Okay."
They go into the dark closet.
Lisa: "Hey Timmy! That's not my belly button!"
Timmy: "That's okay. That's not my finger."
I saw a sign that said disabled toilet
No one will help me find the button to enable it.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever.
I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the Like button.
Why did the blonde burn to death?
She couldn't find the snooze button on the smoke alarm.
Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
- She couldn't find the "10" button.
What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common?
They both turn o into an O .
What is green but turns red when you push the button
A frog in a blender
Don't feel bad about pressing the close door button when you see someone running for the elevator.
If they have that much energy, they should take the stairs.
The iPhone X removes the home button.
Meaning you'll be homeless on several different levels.
What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...
Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the buttons for nuclear warfare!
[Scariest of all is that it's true :( ]
Working at a factory making huge calculator buttons isn't exactly my dreamjob, but at least my only task is to fabricate one kind of button.
That's a big plus.
Not saying we were poor, but many a time, my mother would send me next door with a button...
...and ask our neighbor if she would sew a shirt on it.
What do you call a Kia with push button start?
Nokia
Some girl texted me the space button on her phone is broke
She texted "thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokencanyoupleasegivemeanalternative" Can someone please tell me what ternative means.
Kim Jong Un: I have a big button on my desk Donald Trump: I have a big button on my desk
Hawaii Emergency Alert Guy: Hold my beer
Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command?
It goes without saying.
My friends distanced themselves from me because I became convinced that I was a power button.
Anyway, I'm off.
I can watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button over and over.
Never gets old.
I had a friend who said he liked to practice self control.
I didn't know what he meant until I saw him press the cross walk button only once.
I love pressing the F5 button
It's so refreshing
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
I do 10 sit ups every morning
It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]
Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.
He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.
Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeeper if they can sell him XL shirts. That question made the shopkeeper curious, thus he asked the designer:
\-Do you really want to purchase that many shirts?
Why did the blonde have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend was blonde too.
Why did the blonde woman have bruises on her belly button?
Because blonde men are stupid too.
Your mom drinks so much...
she gets smashed more than the like button.
Kids who are visiting Disneyland for the first time get a button that says It's my first time at Disneyland!
Do Make-a-Wish kids get a button that says It's my last time at Disneyland! ?
A man shuffles onto a crowded hotel elevator.
Since he couldn't press the floor button, he stated, "Ballroom please".
The lady next to him shuffles a little bit and replies "Sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?...
"What, you're coming empty handed?"
I just read this strange new book about a dark blue star exploding out of a sailor's belly button
It's a novel naval navel navy nova novel
V
edit : sorry, my ctrl button is broken
The only time I've been mechanically inclined
Is when I press the recline button on my couch
A man realized he needed to pu...
A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.
"Anything from $2 to $2,000."
"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."
"How does it work?" asked the customer.
"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."
How do you win an argument with your family this Thanksgiving?
Click the 'End Meeting' button
Step One. Implant a tiny bomb in your head and prepare the detonation button.
What happens next will blow your mind.
How do they call elevator in China?
Well,on a button like everywhere else in the world
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.
There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in.
Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?
You're coming empty handed"?
A man with a piece of paper in his hand comes into an office...
another man is sitting next to a shredding machine.
"Do you know how to operate this thing?" he asks. "I have an important paper here and I want to make sure this is done right."
"Sure," the other man answers. "Just put the paper in here and press this button."
The first man does so, saying, "Great. And where do the copies come out?"
What type of belly button does a car have?
An Audi.
A visit to my grandmother
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.
There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow hit 14.
When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?
"You're coming empty handed"?
A man downloaded a calculator app, but needed to pay extra to unlock the plus button
He had to pay in order to use additional features
For Sale. 42 inch TV. Volume button doesn't work $20.
A deal you can't turn down
Slots
A woman is on vacation in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines. It's her first time in a casino, so she asks a casino employee, "How does this work?" The worker shows her how to insert a bill, how to hit the spin button, and to operate the machine's release handle. "And where does the money come out?" the woman asks.
The casino employee smiles, motions to the far wall, and says, "Usually at the ATM."
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
^(\[OC?\])
I held an elevator door for an elderly patient...
I don't know if this belongs in jokes but I had to post it somewhere.
I am in the main hospital. I am going up to the 3rd floor and I call the elevator. I see an elderly patient coming and hold the door for him.
Patient: "Thank you"
Me: "Absolutely, where are we going?" wondering what button he needs pushed.
Patient: "I'd like to just go to heaven."
Me: *internal wtf moment, how tf do I respond to that. I look at the button panel.*
Me: "Well.....closest I can get you is 5th floor."
My new SUV has a button that says, Rear Wiper …
I'm afraid to push it.
Why was the press conference cancelled?
Cause they forgot to bring a button.
Why did the machine stop working?
Because it's power button got depressed
Why can't bears watch tv?
B/c they're always hitting the paws button
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the button depress jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working button keyboard piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.