Button Elevators Jokes
40 button elevators jokes and hilarious button elevators puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about button elevators that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Button Elevators Short Jokes
Short button elevators jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The button elevators humour may include short elevator buttons jokes also.
- Why did the accordion teacher get a job as an elevator operator? He knew how to push all the right buttons.
- Don't feel bad about pressing the close door button when you see someone running for the elevator. If they have that much energy, they should take the stairs.
- What's the definition of a Russian elevator? A Chechen presses a button and five floors come down.
- If a building has 12 floors and each one is named after a month, how do you call the elevator? By pressing the button
- A man and woman get on an elevator. He pushes a button and says, I'm on the second floor—where are you going? She replies, to two too.
- Some people press the button in the elevator with their thumb and others press it with their index finger. Why? To get to the right floor.
- Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really...
- The technician didn't wire up the elevator b**... correctly It's wrong on so many levels…
- Someone replaced all of the b**... in the elevator in my apartment building... It was wrong on so many levels...
- Someone in my apartment rearranged all of the b**... on the elevator That was wrong on so many levels
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Button Elevators One Liners
Which button elevators one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with button elevators? I can suggest the ones about elevator and elevator operator.
- How do they call elevator in China? Well,on a button like everywhere else in the world
- How do asians call an elevator? By pressing the button like everybody else.
- Yo Mama is so fat, when she pressed the UP button on the elevator it went DOWN.
- My sole task as an elevator boy is pushing b**.... It's just depressing.
- Hitting all b**... in the elevator right before going out is wrong on so many levels.
- Why can't midgets reach elevator b**... on a sunny day? No Umbrella.
Charming Humor Button Elevators Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about button elevators you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elevator guy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make button elevators pranks.
This young lad gets in the elevator, I'm standing by the b**..., so he says "fifth floor mate?"
When we get there I say "There you go, son" and he says "Don't call me son! You're not my dad!"
And I say "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow?...
"What, you're coming empty handed?"
The Jewish Elbow
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.
There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow?
"What...you coming empty handed?"
Boy VS Girl Friends
A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you
The boyfriend says: Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow ?
Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?
A r**... family was visiting the city...
...and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma."
visiting grandma...
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow? .........
"What . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
I held an elevator door for an elderly patient...
I don't know if this belongs in jokes but I had to post it somewhere.
I am in the main hospital. I am going up to the 3rd floor and I call the elevator. I see an elderly patient coming and hold the door for him.
Patient: "Thank you"
Me: "Absolutely, where are we going?" wondering what button he needs pushed.
Patient: "I'd like to just go to heaven."
Me: *internal w**... moment, how tf do I respond to that. I look at the button panel.*
Me: "Well.....closest I can get you is 5th floor."
A visit to my grandmother
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.
There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow hit 14.
When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow"?
"You're coming empty handed"?
A man shuffles onto a crowded hotel elevator.
Since he couldn't press the floor button, he stated, "Ballroom please".
The lady next to him shuffles a little bit and replies "Sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.
There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in.
Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these b**... with my elbow"?
You're coming empty handed"?
A man gets in the hotel elevator
He hears a voice say "going up" and looks around, weirded out that he can't see anyone nearby who would have said that. But when he chooses his floor, the voice says "door closing" and he realizes it was the elevator talking.
So, after his vacation has ended, he gets into the elevator with his suitcase. When he pressed the ground floor button, the elevator says "goodbye son". The man says "how can I be your son? You're just a machine." And the elevator says "I brought you up, didn't I?"
A man walks into a bar.
He has a pleasant evening drinking with his girlfriend and buddies until the establishment closes.
As he is leaving he steps into a bar
-wood taxi, which he called to take him home.
As the taxi driver is pulling away he hits a bar.
To start the meter.
As the man enters his building he hits a bar.
To open the main entrance.
He steps into a bar,
of artificial light as he pushes the button for the elevator.
Then the man walks into a bar.
Swung directly at his head by his angry wife.
r**... and the elevator.
r**... Magic Elevator
A r**... family are visiting a big city for the first time.
The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.
"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.
"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.
Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.
The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.
They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old b**... blonde.
The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"
An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall and they were especially amazed by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again with a room inside.
The girl asked, Mother, what is this?
The mother, never having seen an elevator, responded, I have not idea."
While the girl and her mother watched with amazement, an old man in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
After he got in, the walls closed and the numbers counted up and then down. The walls opened up again and a hunky young man stepped out.
The mother, not taking her eyes off the young man, said quietly to her daughter, Go get your father.
You've Been Programming Too Long When...
When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.
Bob and Joe, old friends who haven't seen each other in years, meet in the street
"Joe!" says Bob. "Bob!" says Joe, "How are ya? It's been years!".
"It sure has!" said Bob, "But listen, I'm in a rush right now. Why don't you come to my place tomorrow and we'll catch up?"
"Sure!" says Joe.
"Ok. I live at Apartment 12, 110 Lexington. Come to the lobby door and press the buzzer with your right elbow. Push the door open with your left foot when I buzz you in. Go to the elevator and use your nose to press the call button. Apartment 12 is on the third floor, so use your left elbow to press the button, then come along to my apartment and give the door a tap with your right foot and I'll let you in."
"Ok Bob. But why all the elbows and feet and noses?" says Joe, perplexed.
Bob says "What, you're coming empty handed?!"
A woman is donating some blood to make a little extra money . . .
She heads to the hospital and gets on the elevator with a man about her age. They say hello and she tells him she is heading to the 4th floor and asks if he would push the button for her. He clicks the button and also hits the 6th floor button for himself. A few weeks later the woman returns to the hospital to donate and again runs into the same man. As they enter the elevator he clicks the 4th and 6th floor b**... and asks her why she is at the hospital again. She tells him that she makes $50 by donating blood and asks why he has returned to the hospital. He tells her he makes $100 donating s**.... The following month they once again end up on the same elevator and as they enter the man asks the woman, "4th floor?". She shakes her head and says with a full mouth, "No m goin to da shixth floor"
An Amish boy and his Dad . . .
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son . . .
'Go get your Mother'