Buttocks Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A husband and wife are in a car crash

They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the crash and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.

The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."

The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"

And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.

A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"

"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."

Incredibly lame joke my 9 yr old cousin told me. (NSFW)

So this old guy is lying face down in the sand on a nude beach.

A hot blonde comes along and starts rhythmically smacking his buttocks like drums.

Then the geezer flips around, grins toothlessly at her and says, Why don't you play the flute instead of the bongos?

Accident

A young woman's face is badly injured during a car crash. Before surgery the surgeon removes a large part of skin from her husbands buttocks so he can transplant it to her face. The operation is a success and the woman looks almost the same as she did before. Gratefully, the woman thanks her husband: 'You're so sweet you did this for me, when we get home I will make sure you'll have the night of your life'. 'No need' the man says, 'It's thanks enough to know that every time your mother kisses you, she will be kissing my ass!'

Silver lining....

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The Doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.

The husband then donated some of his skin..... however, the only place suitable to the Doctor was from his buttocks.

The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before!

All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty.

She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what he did.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!"


He replied, "Oh, don't worry, Honey, I get plenty of thanks every time your Mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"

What do you call an Avogadro's number of buttocks?

Molasses.

A married couple was in a terrible accident...

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

A cheeky sacrifice

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny, so the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. The doctor took a large piece from her buttocks.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face!

One day, when he was alone with his wife, he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice and said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

John Travolta has just been accused of sexually assaulting a masseur by groping his buttocks.

Let's just hope this story has a happy ending.

Dr Watson asks Sherlock Holmes...

"Holmes, why are you spreading fruit juice on my buttocks?"

"Lemon entry dear Watson, Lemon entry"

The Sun God Helios, feeling lazy, stuck his bare glowing buttocks over the horizon...

... it was the crack of dawn.

A man is in urgent need for transplant buttocks after an accident.

Doctors report no end in sight.

A lady was accused of slapping the buttocks of Dwayne Johnson

She hit rock bottom

There was once a psych researcher with a rare genetic defect that gave her four buttocks.

She was fired for being bi-assed.

Did you hear about the woman who injected concrete into her buttocks?

Talk about hitting rock bottom.

ALTERNATE: What a hard-ass.

Recently my friend told me he identifies as a pair of buttocks. Anyone have any advice?

Arse-kin for a friend.

What are the funniest buttocks jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Buttocks? Well, here are the best Buttocks puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Buttocks pick up lines to share with friends.

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