Hilarious Butter Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
A woman is buying groceries
A woman is buying groceries, she buys a banana, some milk and butter. At the checkout the clerk looks at her then the items in her basket and while scanning them says I can tell that you're single . The woman smiles and asks how can you tell and the clerk responds because you're ugly .
Have you guys heard the story about the butter?
You know what, never mind. I don't want to spread it around.
I used to make jokes about people with butter fingers;
stopped 'cause they couldn't handle it.
I've got butterflies in my stomach...
That's the last time I eat a cocoon.
Persuading girl into having s**... with you is like spreading the butter on a toast.
It is possible with credit card, but it makes more sense using a knife.
So I was walking past my local supermarket the other day and a man started to throw cheese, butter and milk at me.
How dairy.
For me, having s**... is a lot like spreading butter on toast.
It's possible with a credit card, but so much easier with a knife.
My friends keep telling me to stop impersonating butter.
But I can't. I'm on a roll now
Why didn't the butterfly go to the dance?
Because it was a moth ball.
Old people love
My grandma rubbed butter on granddad's feet when he was ill. He went downhill fast after that.
You can explore butter cream reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean butter crisco dad jokes. There are also butter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Last Halloween
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."
Have you guys heard the secret about butter?
I don't want to tell you because you might spread it around...
BONUS:
What concert is cheaper than 50 cents to attend?
50 Cent feat. Nickelback
*BUHDUMCHHH*
I was walking down the road...
...when the guy in front of me turned around and started throwing milk, eggs, yoghurt and butter at me.
I thought, "How dairy!".
A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...
He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.
The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.
Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Never mind, I better not spread it.
Last night, a guy tried to stab me with a butter knife
He said i was toast.
For me, getting girls is like spreading butter...
It's much easier with a knife.
A boy and his father are playing catch
A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."
The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)
Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?
I remember not long before grandpa died we covered his back with butter
he went downhill pretty quickly after that.
I am 20, Male, Dyslexic and love cockporn
with lots of butter of course!
Cute names to call your girlfriend with
1.sugar
2.honey
3.flour
4.egg
5.1/2 lb butter
6.stir
7.pour into pan
8.preheat to 375°
I thought the recipe was for making margarine, however,
it churned out to be butter.
I like my bread the way I like my women...
French and covered in butter.
Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.
An elderly man was on his deathbed.
A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the f**...!"
I like my butter how I like my family
In bread.
Did you guys hear the rumor about the butter?
I don't know if I should spread it.
A man robbed me of all my milk, cream, cheese, and butter.
How dairy..
While playing in the backyard, Johnny kills a honeybee
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?
n**... Son: Dad, remember when I killed that butterfly........
At Family Dinner:
Son: Dad, remember when I killed that butterfly and you told me, "no butter for a week?"
Dad: yeah...
Son: and when sis killed that honeybee and you said, "no honey for a week?"
Dad: yeah, that was a month ago. So what?
Son: Mom just killed a cockroach, should I break it to her?
Dad, is that dog over there a wiener dog?
Son, with enough peanut butter every dog is a wiener dog.
A little boy kills a butterfly. Dad says, "No butter for one week!" The little boy kills a honeybee. Dad says, "No honey for one week!"
Mom kills a cockroach. The little boy turns to his dad and says, "Are you gonna tell her or should i do it?"
When my granddad was ill the doctor told us to put butter on his back
after that he went downhill very quickly
I found a butter replacement today...
It's margarinely better.
I heard a rumour about butter...
Everyone's spreading it.
My wife insisted on mixing the butter and flour together.
I told her she would roux the day.
A butterfly climbs out of its chrysalis...
...and says, "Oh my god, I'm turning into my mother!"
Did you hear the rumor going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter?
They are both usually in bread.
What's the similarity between s**... and broccoli?
Even with butter, children will still not like them
In Alabama, when served rolls, they never serve the butter on the side.
Because they like it inbread.
A man just assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese
How dairy
Did you hear the rumor about the butter?
It's okay. I shouldn't spread it
How does a butter company measure its revenues?
net margarines
I bet jellyfish are sad...
that there are no peanut butter fish.
Little Johnny kills a butterfly
His dad says, "No butter for one week!" Little Johnny kills a honeybee. Dad says, "No honey for one week!" Mom kills a cockroach. Little Johnny turns to his dad and says, "shall I break the news to her?"
I'm trying to cut butter out of my diet...
...by a large margarine.
What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common?
They both spread for bread.
"Back in the day," my grandfather started to say,
"you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."
"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."
Man just attacked me with milk, cream and butter
How dairy.
A little boy killed a butterfly.
His dad looked at him disappointed and said,
"Son, because you killed that butterfly you won't get butter for a week."
A month later he killed a honeybee, his dad looked at him and said,
"Son, because you killed that honeybee you won't get honey for a week."
The boy looks at his father and says, "I also killed a cockroach."
The dad laughs at him and said, "Nice Try!"
Why did the little boy throw a stick of butter out of the window?
To see a butterfly!
Again, thanks dad.
A father and his son went outside for a walk.
The son steps on a butterfly. The father jokes : Your going to have to eat some butter now!
When they return back to their home, they find the kid's mother cooking in the kitchen. She accidentally steps on a cockroach. The son says to the father : I'll leave you guys to it then.
Have you heard of this new butter dish that can precisely measure servings for you?
It's said to have a very low margarine of error.
A little boy kills a butterfly and his dad says, no butter for 2 weeks. He kills a honeybee and his dad says, no honey for two weeks.
His mother kills a cockroach. He looks at his dad and says, are you going to tell her or should I?
I've never understood the difference between butter and ghee.
Perhaps someone could clarify.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Land O Lakes
Have you guys seen the new Land O Lakes butter packaging? They removed the Native American girl from their labels to be more politically correct.
Now that's the most American thing I've ever seen; remove the Indian and keep the land.
Can you believe a man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter...
How dairy!
I met a sorceress in the desert once
She told me I could have all the churned dairy products and preserved fruit I could ever want, but first I had to marry her and sign a legally binding agreement that she would get it all back if we ever got divorced
Until that day I'd never believed the legends of the prenup butter and jelly sand witch
Because of my cakeday, I'm going to make a joke about cake
You butter believe it
A guy walks into a grocery store and says "I want half a pound of butter"
He looks and sees shelves completely covered with boxes of salt. All over the grocery store, hundreds and hundreds of boxes of salt. So he says to the grocer, Listen, I don't want to pry, but do you sell a lot of salt? And the grocery man says, Me, if I'll sell a box of salt a month, I'm lucky. But the guy that sells me salt… Boy, can he sell salt."
My grandpa was buried with his entire butter making kit.
He'll be churning in his grave.
Would I post a bad joke on my cake day?
You butter believe it.
Butter get some upvotes on cake day..
Or I'll feel desserted!
Made some Indian food for dinner the other night. While telling my wife what was in it, I said I'd used butter in one part, but wished I'd had some ghee instead. She looked at me quizzically, and I continued "Because it's more traditionally Indian."
"Ah," she replied. "Thanks for clarifying."
Note: this actually happened! She's a gem and I'm keeping her.
I think butter substitutes are better than butter
But only margarinely
Presidential
Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. Jill says, I will have the petite filet medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and butter. The waiter asks, What about your vegetable? Jill replies, Oh, he will have the same.
What does a stripper and peanut butter have in common.
They both spread for bread.
I was looking for something to eat the other day & I found this Kentucky brand jelly my wife bought.
I tell you it don't matter, even if you put peanut butter on the bread too, you just can't make a decent sandwich with it. Got no taste.
I told her, "Woman, don't buy that k**... jelly anymore!"
My 9 year old just told me this joke and I thought I would share
What do you call rich peanut butter?
Jif Bezos
I'm sorry, when I said "butter" I really meant "ghee".
I should have clarified.
I tried to join a local butter of the month club here in our small rural community, but for some reason, they rejected my application.
I'll tell you, I've never felt so margarin-lized in my life!
Why do professional bakers and chefs always use butter?
Because there's no margarine for error.
Did I ever tell you the joke about the butter?
Actually I'd better not, you'll just spread it around.
I was reading an Indian cookbook the other day. The recipe asked for butter, they actually meant Ghee...
They should have clarified
Have you heard of I can't believe it's not butter ?
It's basically the same as butter, but there's a margarinal difference.
Three moles are crawling through their borrow on their way to breakfast, one right after the other.
The first mole says, I can already smell that sizzling bacon.
The second mole says, I'm pretty sure I can smell hot pancakes with fresh butter and syrup.
The last mole says, the only thing I can smell is molasses.
What did one butter stick say to another butter stick
you my butter from another udder
Why do restaurants try to spend less on butter?
They have to watch their margarines.
last week, i saw the obituary of a dairy farmer.
he's in a butter place now.
Why did Peanut butter not open the door for the Jelly?...
Because it was already ajar.
(Sorry, I'm a dad.)
I love clarified butter but it makes me urinate way too frequently
Ghee whizz
My son is so ungrateful
I bought him a peanut butter chocolate chip cake for his birthday. He just grabbed his EpiPen and complained to me about it; selfish brat!
