Following is our collection of funny Butt jokes. There are some butt anal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these butt butt crack puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
An assassin
That's the last time I eat a cocoon.
Because it was a moth ball.
If you're forced to have it as a child. You'll never enjoy it as an adult.
Thank you Daniel Tosh.
the milk responded "im just a bit stirred up but ill be butter in a while"
In bread.
...and says, "Oh my god, I'm turning into my mother!"
net margarines
It goes without saying.
or should I spread them apart?
An Amish Mechanic.
You can explore butt ass reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean butt buttock dad jokes. There are also butt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Burrito
First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her butt off.
Ass skin for a friend.
While they are chatting, the woman speaking and the man signing, the man would stop and laugh, making a visible laughing motion that the woman sees.
The woman eventually asks what is so funny and the man signs backing, "Oh it's nothing."
They move on and the woman eventually says that her butt has fell asleep.
The man signs that "I know, I could hear it snoring. Why do you think I was laughing?"
Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting cow who?
...chicken butt!
harassment a lot to me.
An uncomfortable chair.
Depth perception
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
So I got a mirror.
Or do you have to spread them apart?
When the teacher asked why he came to school like this, to which Johnny replied:
"They said admittance will be with mask only, so I came with a mask only."
'Together we can stop this shit'
Together we can stop this crap
He says:- " i am deadass serious"
A Crack Addict!
A pain in the ass
A guy comes home with two black eyes and his wife looks at him in shock and asks how that happened. He replies: while I was in line at the supermarket I saw this woman with her dress wedged into her butt crack, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and that's when she turned around and punched me in the face.
He wife then looks at him confused and says: that explains one black eye, but not the other.
He then says: well, based on her reaction I assumed she wanted it that way, so I put it back.
An assassin
Asteroids
Just pain in the butt.
Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke. Quickly and without hesitation, one friend quickly lifts up the woman's dress, bends her over, and licks her right and left butt cheeks. Immediately, she spits out her food enabling her to breath again before slapping him.
As the man returned to his seat, his buddy exclaimed, Wow! I've heard of the hine lick maneuver, but I've actually never seen it done before.
Do you Hit Rock Bottom?
His roommate looks at him surprised and asks him how on earth it happened.
The man says there was a beautiful young woman wearing a formal gown at the party, and he noticed that her dress was riding up the crack of her butt.
"Obviously", he said, "that's embarrassing and I don't want her to walk around like that. So I pulled it out of her crack and she punched me in the face for it!"
"Okay, that explains the first black eye." Responds the roommate. "But what about the second one?"
The man says, "well, I figured she liked it there so I tucked it back in!"
Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."
Or should I spread them?
Bottomless Margarita
You give them a butt hole.
I guess I can only use it bidet.
To cover it's butt quack.
An ass-ass-in
Laugh, damn it
Or I'll feel desserted!
You hit rock bottom.
Once done, one uses her panties to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.
The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any panties!"
"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
You hit rock bottom.
To Cover Their Butt Quack
he asked his friend: "how do you get women to like you so much?"
barney replied: "i have a trick, every time i meet them i squeeze them on the butt, it has some kind of pavlovian effect or something but it always works"
the man then went home, him and his wife haven't had sex for a couple of months now so he thought he should try this trick.
his wife was in the kitchen, he approached her from behind and squeezed her ass
his wife replied: "oh barney is that you?"
A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.
"My cat is very fat, she says.
"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."
The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.
Finally, she turns to the girl and says, I'm very sorry. I'm going to have to put your cat down."
"Oh no! Because he's so fat?"
"Yes, says the doctor. My arms are very tired."
Ass-skin for a friend.
"Doc. My butt just ain't right the past few days." he says.
"Alright," says the doctor.
"Pull your pants down and tell me where it's hurting exactly."
The guy does so, points and says,
"It's particularly painful near the entrance here."
The doctor is taken back and says,
"Well... I believe it is hurting because you just called it the entrance"
My 7 yr old: dad, I made up a joke and it's really funny.
Me: ok hit me.
Her: what do turtles say to themselves to calm down?
Me: mmm I dunno, what?
Her: in through your nose, out through your butt.
Me: …
Her: …
Me: …
Her: turtles breathe through their butts, dad.
Me: oh! Haha nice one. Wow. You're smart.
It was a pane in the ass.
ass skin for a friend
I'm going to have to ask my girlfriend if she wants to try butt stuff just so we can hold hands.
The surgeon's going to hand my ass to me.
If I high five someone did they technically smack my ass?
I was in my local pub last night enjoying a nice cold pint of beer, when this butt ugly fat bird came up to me and slapped me in the back, and said how about giving me your number handsome
I looked at her and asked Do you have a pen sure! She said.
So I said, Well you better get back in it before the farmer notices you're missing!
My dental surgery is this Friday!.
But only margarinely
Because change comes from within.
Man: Excuse me, Miss, can I smell your butt?
Woman: (Disgusted) What!? Of course not!
Man: Oh, I see... well then I guess that must be your breath.
The same is true with explosive diarrhea
A plastic surgeon walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've been wondering... Can you successfully transfer a skin graft off one person's butt to another person who isn't related to the donor?" the bartender asks. "Ass skin for a friend."
One wants to heal your soul for money.
The other wants to seal your hole for Gunny.
The girl replies, "Happy butt." The teacher is a little annoyed and asks again. The girl answers, "Happy butt." The teacher wants to set an example on the first day and sends the girl to the principal's office.
The principle looks at the girl's file and says, "Why didn't you give your correct name? It says here your name is Gladys."
The girls says, "Glad ass, happy butt- what's the difference?"
Guy: Doc, these worms be killing me, what can we do ??
Doc: Get a watermelon, sit on it, once the worm leader gets a taste, He'll call his buddies to join him out.
And sure enough our guy does as instructed, after hours of watermelon sitting, the worm leader crawls out for little taste.
The worm leader: Yo me hearties, on my three, and.. LIFT!
My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked "Does this make my butt look big?"
I texted back "Noo!"
My phone autocorrected my response to "Moo!"
Please send help!
To cover their butt quacks.
.....I'll gather your upvotes and see my way out.
His wife had gone to an earlier service while he slept in and she was shocked when he came home.
"What happened to you at church?" she asked.
He explained, "We stood up to sing a psalm and I noticed the lady in front of me had her dress tucked way up her butt. You know me, always wanting to help others, I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!"
The wife asked about the other eye.
He explained, "Well you know me, always wanting to help others, I tucked it back in."
One's a smart fella, the other is a fart smella.
I just sat on the toilet and realized my butt speaks fluent Humpback Whale!
The assfault.
Biden takes the mustard bottle, shoves it in dogs mouth, then squeezes. "That's animal cruelty!" the other two protest.
Macron takes a sausage, puts the mustard inside it, then give it to the dog. "That's cheating!" the other two protest.
Putin takes the mustard, then squeezes it all on the dog's butt. The dog howls in pain, licking off the mustard from his butt, whining the whole time. Putin, with a victorious smile on his face: "That's how we do things in Russia: voluntarily, and with a song!"
A guy and his dog walk into a bar. The guy orders a beer and the dog flops down on the floor and immediately starts licking its butt. "This is my new attack dog," the guy tells the bartender. "He's very dangerous." The bartender looks at the dog that is still flopped down, panting, licking. "He doesn't look too scary from here, he's more interested in his butt." "Oh, don't mind that," the guy replies. "He just got done biting my lawyer. He's still trying to get the taste out of his mouth."
It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
I should have clarified.
Superhero bidet.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the butt bum jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working butt butt fucking piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.