The Best 69 Butt Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Butt jokes. There are some butt anal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these butt butt fucking puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Butt Jokes and Puns

What has two butts and kills people ?

An assassin

I saw a butterfly earlier

With a tattoo of a slag on it's wing.

I've got butterflies in my stomach...

That's the last time I eat a cocoon.

Butt joke, I've got butterflies in my stomach...

Why didn't the butterfly go to the dance?

Because it was a moth ball.

Buttsex is a lot like spinach

If you're forced to have it as a child. You'll never enjoy it as an adult.

Thank you Daniel Tosh.

the butter churner asked the milk "whats wrong..."

the milk responded "im just a bit stirred up but ill be butter in a while"

I like my butter how I like my family

In bread.

Butt joke, I like my butter how I like my family

A butterfly climbs out of its chrysalis...

...and says, "Oh my god, I'm turning into my mother!"

How does a butter company measure its revenues?

net margarines

Why did the butter start running so quickly?

Because it was on a roll.

Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command?

It goes without saying.

You can explore butt ass reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean butt buttock dad jokes. There are also butt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Butter makes everything taste better,

But now my girlfriend has a yeast infection.

Is buttcheeks one word...

or should I spread them apart?

What do you call a man with his hands up a horse's butt?

An Amish Mechanic.

What do you call a short Mexican researcher in Antarctica?

A Burrito

First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her butt off.

Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?

Ass skin for a friend.

Butt joke, Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?

Two freinds are sitting on a bench, a deaf elderly woman and a elderly man.

While they are chatting, the woman speaking and the man signing, the man would stop and laugh, making a visible laughing motion that the woman sees.

The woman eventually asks what is so funny and the man signs backing, "Oh it's nothing."

They move on and the woman eventually says that her butt has fell asleep.

The man signs that "I know, I could hear it snoring. Why do you think I was laughing?"

chicken butt joke

Knock knock

Who's there?

Interrupting cow

Interrupting cow who?

...chicken butt!

How does a duck fart?

Out of its butt quack

I was caught staring at a cute girl's butt

harassment a lot to me.

You know what's a REAL pain in the butt?

An uncomfortable chair.


A world without women would be a pain in the butt.

Well, your ass may be grass...

Butt hay, what can you do?

4 Nuns

Four Nuns are standing in line for confession.
Nun 1: Forgive me, father, I have seen a naked man.
Priest: Go wash your eyes in Holy Water and you will be forgiven.
Nun 2: Forgive me, father, I touched a naked man.
Priest: Go wash your hands in Holy Water and you will be forgiven.
Nun 4 (speaking to Nun 3): Can I go in front of you?
Nun 3 (responding to Nun 4): Why?
Nun 4: I am not going to gargle the Holy Water after you wash your butt in it.

Do you know what the difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is?

Depth perception

Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it!

I just can't ever see myself putting anything up my own butt

So I got a mirror.

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or do you have to spread them apart?

Little Johnny showed up to school butt naked except for a mask on his face.

When the teacher asked why he came to school like this, to which Johnny replied:

"They said admittance will be with mask only, so I came with a mask only."

What did the one butt cheek say to the other?

'Together we can stop this shit'

What did one butt check say to the other

Together we can stop this crap

A old husband tells his old wife:- " can't feel anything in my butt" she says:- "are you serious?"

He says:- " i am deadass serious"

What do you call someone who can't stop looking at other people's butt?

A Crack Addict!

What do you call a baguette up your butt?

A pain in the ass

A guy comes home with two black eyes.

A guy comes home with two black eyes and his wife looks at him in shock and asks how that happened. He replies: while I was in line at the supermarket I saw this woman with her dress wedged into her butt crack, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and that's when she turned around and punched me in the face.

He wife then looks at him confused and says: that explains one black eye, but not the other.

He then says: well, based on her reaction I assumed she wanted it that way, so I put it back.

What has 2 butts and kill people?

An assassin

What do you use if you want a thicc and muscular butt in space?


What would be the world without women?

Just pain in the butt.

Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke...

Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke. Quickly and without hesitation, one friend quickly lifts up the woman's dress, bends her over, and licks her right and left butt cheeks. Immediately, she spits out her food enabling her to breath again before slapping him.

As the man returned to his seat, his buddy exclaimed, Wow! I've heard of the hine lick maneuver, but I've actually never seen it done before.

Wait, if you slap Dwayne Johnson's Butt...

Do you Hit Rock Bottom?

A man comes home from a formal party with two black eyes

His roommate looks at him surprised and asks him how on earth it happened.

The man says there was a beautiful young woman wearing a formal gown at the party, and he noticed that her dress was riding up the crack of her butt.

"Obviously", he said, "that's embarrassing and I don't want her to walk around like that. So I pulled it out of her crack and she punched me in the face for it!"

"Okay, that explains the first black eye." Responds the roommate. "But what about the second one?"

The man says, "well, I figured she liked it there so I tucked it back in!"

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.

Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread them?

Can you believe their still together after all the shit they've been through? Who?

Your butt cheeks

Why was Uranus always mad?

Because it was the butt of everyone's jokes

What do you call a Latina with a flat butt?

Bottomless Margarita

My 9yo made a joke: what happens when you shoot someone in the butt?

You give them a butt hole.

I got one of those fancy butt sprayers for my toilet, but it never works at night...

I guess I can only use it bidet.

Why does a duck have tail feathers...

To cover it's butt quack.

I went to the doctors for some butt cream

I called the doctor the next day...

Me: Doctor, I've had quite a reaction from applying this cream you've given me

Doctor: oh really? Where did you apply it?

Me: on the bus.

What has 2 butts and kill people?

An ass-ass-in

Laugh, damn it

Butter get some upvotes on cake day..

Or I'll feel desserted!

Two old ladies are sitting at church ...

One of the ladies leaned over and whispered "the sermon is so long my butt fell asleep". Her friend whispered back "I know, I heard it snoring."

what happens when you slap Dwayne johnson in the butt?

You hit rock bottom.

Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.

Once done, one uses her panties to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.

The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any panties!"

"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

What happens when you touch Dwayne Johnson's Butt?-

You hit rock bottom.

What happens when you smack Dwayne Johnson's butt?

You get arrested for sexual assault. What did you think was going to happen?

Why Do Ducks Have Tails

To Cover Their Butt Quack

a man was in a party with his friend barney

he asked his friend: "how do you get women to like you so much?"

barney replied: "i have a trick, every time i meet them i squeeze them on the butt, it has some kind of pavlovian effect or something but it always works"

the man then went home, him and his wife haven't had sex for a couple of months now so he thought he should try this trick.

his wife was in the kitchen, he approached her from behind and squeezed her ass

his wife replied: "oh barney is that you?"

Speaking of a big fat butt!

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.

"My cat is very fat, she says.

"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."

The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.

Finally, she turns to the girl and says, I'm very sorry. I'm going to have to put your cat down."

"Oh no! Because he's so fat?"

"Yes, says the doctor. My arms are very tired."

What would a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

He might wipe his butt.

So the one butt cheek says to the other,

"Between you and me, something doesn't smell right."

Can butt skin be donated for skin grafts?

Ass-skin for a friend.

A guy goes to the doctor with bowel problems

"Doc. My butt just ain't right the past few days." he says.

"Alright," says the doctor.

"Pull your pants down and tell me where it's hurting exactly."

The guy does so, points and says,

"It's particularly painful near the entrance here."

The doctor is taken back and says,

"Well... I believe it is hurting because you just called it the entrance"

Is "Buttcheeks" all one word?....

**...*Or should I spread them apart*?**

What do turtles say to themselves to calm down?

My 7 yr old: dad, I made up a joke and it's really funny.
Me: ok hit me.
Her: what do turtles say to themselves to calm down?
Me: mmm I dunno, what?
Her: in through your nose, out through your butt.
Me: …
Her: …
Me: …
Her: turtles breathe through their butts, dad.
Me: oh! Haha nice one. Wow. You're smart.

I went to see my doctor today with a lettuce stuck in my butt.

He just applied a dressing and sent me home.

Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?

It was a pane in the ass.

Can I take a skin graft from my butt and put it on someone who isn't related?

ass skin for a friend

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the butt backside jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working butt bum piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes