The Best 35 Butcher Shop Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Butcher Shop jokes. There are some butcher shop jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these butcher shop puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Butcher Shop Jokes and Puns

Old Soviet Joke

Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?

His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.

Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?

His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."

A woman walks into a butcher shop

"How much for the pig's head?"

"Ma'am, that's a mirror"


A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."

A Butcher is Selling Meat and Has One Chicken Left

A butcher is selling meat at his shop and is down to his last chicken.

A woman comes into the store and approaches the butcher. She asks the butcher for a chicken.

The butcher goes into the freezer and pulls out his only remaining chicken. He returns and puts it on the counter.

The woman takes a look at the chicken and asks the butcher if he has any larger chicken.

The butcher takes the chicken and puts it back in the freezer. He waits a minute, pulls the same chicken back out of the freezer, and returns. He puts it in front of the woman and says this is a bigger chicken.

Great! Says the woman, I'll take them both!

I took a massive gamble and just sunk all my life savings into a Butcher shop on a blimp.

The steaks have never been higher!

I had a butcher come into my shop and introduce me to his wife...

He said, "Meet Patty".

Not quite what she was expecting...

Guy: I work with animals every day!

Girl: That's so sweet! Are you a vet or a pet shop own-

Guy: I'm a butcher.

A black women named betty goes to a butcher shop.

Betty: Can I get a half pound of beef?

Butcher: No Black Betty, ham or lamb.

A lawyer's dog

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded.

The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher receives a mail from the lawyer.

The contents read

"Pay Consultation fee: $25.00."

A man walks into a butchers's shop

and says to the butcher "Oi mate! Are you a gambling man?

The butcher says "Yes, I'm a gambling man".

So the guy says "Alrighty, I bet you Β£20 you can't touch that piece of meat hanging above your head!"

So the butcher looks up.

He looks down, and back at the man.

"I'm sorry" says the butcher, "I can't take that bet".

"Why not?" says the man, "I thought you were a gambling man?"

"I am" says the butcher, "but the steaks are too high".

There is a clerk at the butcher shop. He is 5'10" and wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weight?


You can explore butcher shop reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean butcher shop dad jokes. There are also butcher shop puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A man goes into a butcher's shop

and says "I bet you 50 bucks you can't hand me the ribeye from the top shelf."

The butcher says: "I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high."

A man walks into a butcher shop...

... one day and while he is browsing the meat selection the butcher approaches him and says, "I have an offer for you. If you can jump up and slap one of these peices of meat I have hanging here, I'll give you what you want for free. However if you can't reach them then you have to pay triple the amount." The man takes a moment to think it through and replies to the butcher, "Sorry, but the steaks are too high."

A woman goes to the butcher shop to buy some sausages

When she gets them, she notices that they're half pork and half cornmeal. Bringing this up to the butcher, she says, "it's cornmeal on the left and pork on the right!" He tells her "It's to cut costs, ma'am. In this economy, it's so hard to make all ends meat."

A woman walks into a butcher shop.

She says to the butcher, "I'd like that pig's head over there."

To which the butcher replies, "I'm sorry to tell you ma'am, but that's a mirror."

A lady goes grocery shopping.

So, a lady goes to the grocery store to buy a few things, and she approaches the meat section on the store. She says to the butcher "how much for that pig's head??" To this the butcher replies "ma'am, that's a mirror."

Black Betty walked into a butcher shop and asked for beef.

The butcher replied, "No Black Betty, Ham or Lamb?"

The stakes

A man walks into a meat shop and asks if he can have a nice cut of prime steak. The butcher goes to the back of the shop but comes back empty handed. The man asks why he didn't bring back any meat, and the butcher replies "the meat was on the top shelf and I couldn't reach it... The stakes were just too high.

Guy walks into a butcher shop

A guy walks into a butcher shop and sees a butcher standing in front of a shelf with various meats.

The guy says "I betcha 20 bucks you can't reach the meat on the top shelf."

The butcher looks at the shelf and replies, "Nah, those steaks are too high."

So an Englishmen walks into a Welshmen's butcher shop...

And says "I would like a goats head please." And the Welshmen says "alright, one goats head." And then the Englishmen says "no I don't want a Welshmen's goat, I want an English goat." And the Welshmen says "oh you want an English goat alright, I will take the brains out."

Why did the mountain top butcher shop go out of business?

The steaks were to high.

I was gonna start a butcher shop

But I hear it's a pretty cut throat business

A woman walks into a butcher shop...

"Excuse me," she says. "But I bought these sausages here yesterday and, well, the middle is fine, but both ends are made of sawdust."

The butcher shrugs. "Sometimes it's hard to make ends meat."


The very next day, the butcher is feeling overwhelmed. He accidentally backs into his meat grinder.

He got a little behind in his work.

I fancy having a bit of Rabbit for my dinner tonight.

Could anyone tell me if it's cheaper from a Butchers or a pet shop.?

Boulangerie is a french bakery. Boucherie is a french butcher shop. What's a french ice cream shop?


A woman goes in to a butchers shop

Lady: Is that a pigs head in your window?

Butcher: No madam, it's a mirror.

What did the surrealist butcher name his shop?

Salvador Deli

A man walks into a butcher shop...

A man walks into a butcher shop and asks if the butcher has any duck meat.

The butcher says of course he does, but can only give it on a special condition.

"You can only get the duck if you stab yourself with a butcher's knife" the butcher tells the man.

The man was confused and Immediately demands an explanation for the absurd rule.

The butcher simply points to a sign located outside his store and it clearly reads

"No Harm No Fowl"

An oldie but a goodie

A guy walks into a butcher shop and says "I'd like two pounds of kidleys."
The butcher looks at him and says "Don't you mean you want two pounds of *kidneys*?"
The guy is all confused. "I *said* kidleys, diddle I?"

Why did the midget decide not to open his own butcher shop?

Because, the steaks were too high!

A zombie is at the butcher shop.

A zombie is at a butcher shop for the undead. He tells the butcher, "Give me 40 pounds of human brain and 60 human legs. And keep them in the boxes, they're going straight in my truck."

The butcher says, "Do you need a hand with that?"

My local butcher's shop is so clean

You could eat a raw sausage directly out of the butcher's trouser pocket. I know this because I spotted my wife doing it in the back of his shop the other day and she seems to have suffered no ill-effects.

An old woman walks into a butcher shop and asked the butcher if he had a sheep's head.

The butcher replied "sorry no it's just the way I part my hair".

Grandma walks into a butcher's shop

Grandma: "Hi, I'd like to buy one baloney."

Butcher: "Pre-sliced or in one piece?"

Grandma lifts her skirt and says: "Does this look like a CD player to you?"


Just walked past the Butchers Shop window, sign says Turkey Β£29. That's a bargain! Β£150 more at Thomas Cook. (UK only joke)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the butcher shop jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working butcher shop piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes