businessman Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious businessman stories

What are the best Businessman puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Businessman? Well here is a complete list of Businessman to have fun with:

Phrase of the day

An American businessman is in Japan for an important contract. Feeling stressed out, he goes to a brothel and finds a cute, young girl. Although shy at first, soon she starts moaning and panting, and keeps on screaming "Soko janai! Soko janai!". While he couldn't speak or understand Japanese, the man is glad to know that he managed to please her so much.

The next day, he strikes the deal, and is invited to play golf with his Japanese associates. On the hardest hole of the course, one Japanese businessman manages to score an impressive hole-in-one. His colleagues start cheering him in Japanese, and the man, not wanting to be left out, starts chanting "Soko janai! Soko janai!". Suddenly everyone goes quiet, and one of them turns to him and says "No sir, I'm sure that's the right hole."


A businessman is at the office.

He was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off? " he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings. "


A little help with your math

A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."


Over smart.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."


There was a Jewish businessman

There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."


45 Cents

A Jewish daughter says to her mother,
"I'm divorcing Nathan.
All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece,
when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece."
Her mother says …..
"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman!
You live in an 8 bedroom mansion!
You drive a $250,000 Ferrari!
You get $2,000 a week allowance!
You take 6 vacations a year and
you want to throw all that away
over 45 cents?"


An American businessman was in Japan...

He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."


A businessman returns home early from his business trip...

...and calls out to his wife. Hearing no answer, the businessman thinks that she must be out, and decides to go to his room to unpack and wait for her. However, when he reaches his room and opens his wardrobe, he discovers his wife inside, barely clothed. Suddenly, a naked man bursts out from behind the curtains of the window to the wardrobe's left, screaming, "It's me, John Lawrence, the serial rapist from the news!" and runs out the door. A moment after, another man bursts out from under the bed, saying, "It's the esteemed police detective George Masterson, here to finally catch John Lawrence! Have you seen where he went?" Confused, the businessman gestures towards the door. "Alright!" says the man, "We'll catch him! SWAT team, follow me!"


A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...

As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.

"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"

Moments later, another car speeds ahead.

"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"

Then once more, another car rushes ahead.

"Oooooh," exclaims the businessman, "a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan and very fast again!"

Then they reach their destination.

"Why bill so big?!" complained the Japanese.
"Meter's made in Japan," replied the driver. "Very fast!"


What did the businessman wear to the thai restaurant?

A plaid tie.


An American businessman goes to Japan (NSFW)

An American businessman goes to Japan to meet with a client so the night before, he hires a prostitute. While they're having sex, she keeps moaning "machigatta ana." The man is confident about himself and goes to meet with his client the next day at a golf course. While there, the client makes a hole-in-one and the businessman congratulates the client by saying "machigatta ana" to which the Japanese client says "what do you mean 'wrong hole?'"


Voodoo Dick

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo dick, my ass!"


Business Trip to Japan

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fujifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable..

The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo".

The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."


A doctor, a businessman, and a pre-school teacher...

A doctor, a businessman, and a pre-school teacher are invited to be part of a social experiment.

The doctor is brought into a room with a gorgeous blonde, brunette, and redhead, and asked which one he would most like to sleep with.

The Doctor replies, "I my professional experience, blondes tend to be more sensitive to stimulation, so I would do the blonde."

They repeat the experiment with the business man, and he replies, "In my professional experience, brunettes tend to be more assertive, and that's what I want in a lover, so I'd do the brunette."

Then the pre-school teacher came in. They showed him the blonde, the brunette, and the redhead, and asked him which woman he'd rather sleep with. He replies, "In my professional experience, If you're happy and you know it, do all three!"


The dry cleaning bill.

A businessman is drinking heavily in a bar and suddenly pukes all over himself.
He is really bummed out and mumbles his wife is going to kill him.
"No worries" says the bartender, "put a twenty in your shirt pocket and when you get home tell your wife some other guy puked on you and gave you the twenty bucks for dry cleaning."
"That's a great idea" slurs the drunk.
When he gets home his wife, as expected, is disgusted with him.
But he tells her about the twenty bucks in his pocket for dry cleaning.
She reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out the money.
"There is $40 in here" she says.
"Oh yeah" says the drunk. "He shit in my pants too!"


The smart smuggler

A shrewd businessman was crossing a border with two donkeys and some luggage. The border guard stops him and checks the packs, but finds nothing in them. He lets him pass.

This cycle repeats itself, with the businessman crossing the border back and forth, and the border guard never finding anything. Many years later, both the businessman and guard are retired and by chance meet up at a coffee house.

The guard sees that the businessman is very rich, so he asks him "Please answer honestly. I know you were smuggling something, but I can't for the life of me figure out what. What was it?"

The businessman replies: "Donkeys!"

This is a story from one of the adventures of a Persian sage called Mulla Nasrudin. Nasrudin's stories are both wise and funny. If you enjoy this one, I can post more. I had a book about these stories and remember quite a few.


A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, (kinda NSFW)

A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone. So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence.

After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store clerk for help. The store clerk recommended the "Voodoo Dick."
"How does it work?" asked the businessman.

The clerk unwrapped the Voodoo Dick from its ceremonial tiki box and said to it, "Voodoo Dick that door." The vibrator flew out of the box and attacked the door with such vigor that the door split in half.

"Fantastic," said the man. "I'll take it!"

He instructed his wife on how to use the Voodoo Dick and left on his business trip. Soon, his wife decided to try it out and said the magic words: "Voodoo Dick my pussy."
The Voodoo Dick flew out of the box and gave her orgasm after orgasm. But soon it became too much, and she couldn't figure out how to make it stop. So she got into her car and began driving to the hospital, swerving so much that she got pulled over by the police. The policeman asked her why she was driving so recklessly and she explained to him that she had a Voodoo Dick inside her that wouldn't leave her alone.
The policeman looked at her skeptically and said, "Voodoo Dick, my ass."


Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana.

He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."


A man decides he wants to try the Boston seafood specialty of scrod

A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, "Do you know where I can get scrod around here?" "Sure," said the cabdriver. "I know a few places... but I can tell you it's not often I hear someone use the third-person pluperfect indicative anymore!"


The California businessman

A California business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening.

Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, the Californian knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.

The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Californian joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "What do you mean wrong hole?"


A businessman in China (mild nsfw)

A businessman in China to meet the CEO of a major corporation decided to loosen up the day before his big meeting by having a call girl come to his room. They are going through the motions and towards the end she exclaims " ding bao, ding bao!"
Afterwards he asked her what that meant, in a shy voice she said that it meant "excellent!"
The next day his meeting went so well that the CEO invited him to a round of golf. The CEO sank a hole in one on the second hole. Thinking it would make him seem cultured, the businessman exclaimed "Ding Bao, sir!".

The CEO paused, looked at him befuddled, and asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"


Best Secretary

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I gave you $1,500 minus 3%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."


Why was Noah a great businessman?

He floated his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.


Did you hear about the man who went on a business trip?

A few months after he got home he got a call from a woman he had spent some time with while he was out of town. "Remember me from a while back? We had a few drinks and I was a good sport; we had a good time." He said, "Of course how could I forget about you Janet?" She told him, "Well, I just found out I'm pregnant... and I'm going to kill myself." The businessman chuckled and said, "WOW, you are a good sport!"


The Businessman

A travelling businessman gets in the elevator at his hotel after a long day in conferences.

To his weary dismay, each floor up the elevator gets more and more crowded.

On the 4th floor a large group enters, including a very busty woman.

Exhausted, but trying to accommodate, the man shuffles around and accidentally elbows the poor lady in her chest.

"Please, if your heart is as soft as soft as your bosom you'll forgive my offense." the businessman says in embarrassment.

The woman replies with a wink, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 816."


Why was Noah the best businessman?

He floated his stock while the rest of the world was in liquidation.

The greatest journalist? Samson. He took two columns and made an impression on everyone.


Wrong Flowers

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's alright." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen."
"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party."
"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.
"'Congratulations on your new location'." was the reply.


What'd you call a German businessman?

An enterpreNeuer.


The Chef

A travelling businessman gets in the elevator at his hotel after a long day in conferences.
To his weary dismay, each floor up the elevator gets more and more crowded.
On the 4th floor a large group enters, including a very busty woman.
Exhausted, but trying to accommodate, the man shuffles around and accidentally elbows the poor lady in her chest.
"Please, if your heart is as soft as soft as your bosom you'll forgive my offense." the businessman says in embarrassment.
The woman replies with a wink, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 816."


A businessman decides to go on vacation to NY !!!

A businessman decides to go on vacation to NY but he wants to fly cheap.
He goes to the airport and buys a ticket from brothers airlines, and halfway to New York the plane blows out an engine.
The captain lets them know they can make on three engines then a second engine blows out.
Again the captain says they can make it on two engines.
Then a third engine blows and the man starts to panic.
The captain comes on to say: "*We are approaching new harbor, to the right is the Statue of Liberty and to left is the Empire state building and directly below in the life raft is the captain and crew, thanks for flying brothers airlines*."


Simple jokes

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream?
he got hit by a bus
Why did Timmy drown?
he couldn't swim
What did the businessman say to the other businessman?
We're businessmen


A businessman comes into work distraught, wearing a bloody suit.NSFW

A coworker asks him, "What happened to your tie?" He responds, "I had to kill that whore because she had a freaking dick."


What's the easiest way for a rich businessman to make his daughter happier?

Pay to officially swap the words "pregnancy" and "SAT."


What is the stinkiest businessman?



Choosing a Secretary

A businessman decides that it is time to hire a new secretary and has it narrowed down to a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. Unable to choose between the three of them, he decides to conduct an experiment. At the end of the day he places a five dollar bill on the ground in his office to see how each girl would react. The blonde sees the money, picks it up, and places on his desk and then walks out. The redhead sees the money but ignores it and walks out. The brunette sees the money, looks around, and puts it in her pocket before leaving. Which girl did the businessman hire?

The one with the biggest tits.


Mad Japanese Businessman

So a Japanese businessman comes to America and seeks to have the time of his life. He goes to the bank, gives them some yen, and he gets $1,000. A night on the town was in order and he goes crazy and spends it all. The next day he is excited to do it again, gives the teller the same amount of yen, but only gets $900. In a rage he is furious with this injustice being served.

Through the broken silences of madness the teller fits in "fluctuations", the Japanese business man goes red and screams "Flucktuamericans!!"


A Japanese and American businessman are closing a deal.....

The American was new in Japan and did not know the customs or language. He was a quick learner though and after weeks of negotiations, he sealed the deal.
The Japanese man says, "ask for anything to make your last couple of days more enjoyable.". The American says, well I'd love a beautiful Japanese woman if you know what I mean. The Japanese businessman fulfilled his promise and that night he had a japenese beauty in his bed. They start at it and the girl start shouting " mosuki mosuki". He goes harder and she yells in passion, " mosuki mosuki". The business man start thinking, that must mean good job or great. They part ways and he wakes up next morning to play golf with the business man. On the first green as the Japanese man is about to sink his pity he American thinks to impress him with his Japanese vocbulary. As he sinks the putt he says, "mosuki" the Japanese business man looks at him puzzled and asks. " what do you mean wrong hole?"


An American businessman on a business trip in Japan meets this beautiful Japanese girl at a bar.

She hardly understands any English and he tries his best to communicate with her using sign language. She is very amused.

They both end up in bed together and "get it on !
It's pretty dark in the room and all the guy hears is the girl screaming "TSING TO"!!!!
To him it sounded something like "Fuck yeah" so he kept going all night long.

The next day at a golf court:
A potential Japanese client shoots a hole in one. The American then takes his chance to make use of his newly learned language skills and yells "TSING TO"!!!!

The Japanese businessman then replies: "What do you mean wrong hole"?


Sinko De Mayo

It's a little known fact that in the early 1900s, the Mexican people had an absolute fascination with English mayonnaise Unfortunately, it was very hard to come by in those days. One day, an enterprising businessman collected money from people all over the Mexico to buy one huge shipment of mayonnaise. He went to England, bought the mayonnaise, but discovered that only one ship was large enough to accommodate the quantity of mayonnaise he was bringing home to Mexico. Unfortunately, that ship was the Titanic. To this day, the Mexican people still mark the sinking of the Titanic with the celebration of Sinko de Mayo.


For my cake day, my favorite joke of all time: 87

There was a well-to-do businessman walking down a city sidewalk to get to his office, when he came across a construction site; he saw piles of tools and stacks of wood and concrete slabs, but no workers. The only person he saw was a lone worker, jumping up and down on top of a manhole. As the businessman walked closer, he could hear the worker shouting "87! 87! 87!" at the top of his lungs.

The businessman was intrigued. He went up to the worker and asked "why are you doing that?" The worker replied "oh man, it's so much fun, you gotta try it!" The businessman was skeptical, but he decided to humor the strange worker.

He stepped onto the manhole, and did a small hop, and mumbled "87." He jumped a little higher, saying "87. Hey, this is kinda fun!" He started jumping as high as he could, shouting "87! 87! 87! at the top of his lungs, when, at the top of his highest jump, the worker pulled the manhole cover out from under him, and he plummeted all the way down to the sewer.

The construction worker looked down the sewer, looked around, put the manhole cover back on, stood on top of it again, and began to jump.

"88! 88! 88!"


So an American businessman and a Jamaican travel guide both walk into a bathroom...

An American businessman and a Jamaican travel guide both walk into a bathroom. They step up to the urinals next to each other and undo their trousers. The Jamaican man happens to glance over to his side while going about his business and catches a glimpse of the American man's member. He notices a familiar tattoo on it that reads "WY". The Jamaican forces himself to say something, seeing as he too has a tattoo on his member that reads "WY".

"Say, why do you have that tattoo on your schlong?"

Before the American even realizes the Jamaican man had been looking at his knob, he blurts out, "I used to date a woman named Wendy. When I'm erect, the tattoo spells out her name, Wendy."

The Jamaican man nods slightly and goes about finishing his business. A few moments later, the American speaks up and asks, "How about yours? Did you date a woman named Wendy as well?"

The Jamaican man shakes his head...

"When I'm erect, my tattoo spells out 'WELCOME TO JAMAICA HAVE A NICE STAY"

The American man went silent.


A little girl and a businessman are sitting next to each other on a plane.

The girl is reading, but the businessman is obviously getting bored. So, he says to her "ya know, talking is the best way to pass the time on a flight." The girl, showing slight annoyance, puts down her book and says "okay, what do you want to talk about?" He says "let's talk about religion, do you believe in God?" The girl answers "yes." "Well, I don't," says the man, "how could anybody believe that an invisible man who floats in the sky created everything?" The girl responds with "there are three animals, a rabbit, a horse, and a cow. The rabbit poops little pellets, the horse poops chunks, and the cow poops patties. Why is that?" The man hesitates, and says "I don't know." "Well," the girl says, "don't try to talk about God when you don't know crap."


The three businessman: Canadian, Mexican and American, are flying to the meeting...

… the pilot comes on the radio and tells the three passengers that they need to throw something that they don't need.
Mexican goes first and throws out tacos. They ask him why he threw that out. He replies: we have a lot of them back home.
Canadian throws out hockey stick. They ask him why he threw that out. He replies: we have a lot of them back home.
American throws out the Mexican saying: we have a lot of them back home.


taxi cab

A businessman takes a vacation in Vegas. He has a horrible run of luck, and spends his life savings and maxes out his credit cards. All he has left is his airline ticket home.

Getting into a taxi, he explains his plight to the cabbie. He offers to leave his drivers license or anything else until he can mail the fare to the taxi driver.

"You ain't got ten bucks for the cab fare to the airport? Get out of my cab!" yelled the taxi driver.

The man walks to the airport, flies home, and for the next year, he works very hard, and builds back his fortune. He goes back to Vegas, and this time he wins big.

Feeling good about himself, he steps out of his hotel to leave for the airport. At the end of a long line of taxis, he sees the cab driver who refused to help him last year in his hour of need.

He immediately figures out a way to get even with this guy.

He gets into the first taxi and asks what the fare to the airport is. "Ten dollars." says the driver. He then asks how much for a blow job. "What? Get out of my cab."

He proceeds down the line of taxis repeating the process and getting the same results.

He finally gets into the cab with his old friend, and asks him how much to get to the airport. "Ten bucks," says the driver. "Good." he says to the driver.

And as they cruise past all the other drivers in their cabs, he gives them all a smile and a thumbs up.


A rich Texan is visiting Japan....

A rich Texan businessman is visiting Japan, so he decides to hire a Japanese hooker. That night, as they're reaching the climax of the night's activities, she begins yelling, "Nagasai! Nagasai!" He obviously doesn't speak the language, so he guesses she was yelling "Yes! Yes!".

The next day, the Texan goes to play golf with a group of fellow businessmen who are Japanese. On the green of one of the later holes, one of the businessmen sink a 35 foot, double breaking putt for an Eagle. Remembering the hooker from the night before, the Texan starts yelling "Nagasai! Nagasai!"

The group of businessmen turn to him with faces of confusion. The man who sank the putt then says "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"

(I heard this joke this morning on 1310 KTCK in DFW)


A Jewish businessman meets a redhead...

A Jewish businessman was awe-struck by the beautiful redhead at the hotel bar.
Seeing his interest, she quietly informed him that she was a prostitute and that
her price was $500. He was taken aback by the price, but after a few minutes of
thought he took her up to his room. She spent a few minutes in the bathroom and
was shocked when she came out to see him masturbating furiously on the bed.

"What are you doing?", she asked.

"Baby, for $500, you're not going to get the easy one!"


Crossword Puzzle Pope

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.

"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today."

Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane and sits next to him.

I am surely blessed the man thinks. Here I am, a good Catholic on a flight with the Pope sitting next to me.

The plane takes off and after a few minutes the passengers take off their seat belts.

The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take out a crossword book. Marvelous, he thinks, not only am I blessed with the Pope next to me but he does crosswords and so do I. He notices that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that the Pope is tapping his pencil, thinking.

The Pope turns to him and says, "I usually don't talk to anyone on flights, but I wonder if you can help me?"

"Anything, your Eminence ... What is it?"

"Do you know a four letter word that ends in 'u-n-t' that means something associated with women?"

The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally he says, "The only word I can think of is aunt."

The Pope looks at him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?"


A businessman is driving to an important meeting when his car breaks down...

Luckily, he breaks down near a mechanic, who agrees to tow his truck and fix it for him. However, the it would take awhile to fix, the businessman was going to be late if he didn't get going soon. Luckily, the mechanic had a donkey he was willing to lend to the businessman.

"There's only two things you need to know. To make him go, say 'Thank goodness'. To make him stop, say 'Woah'."

The businessman thanked the mechanic, put his briefcase in the saddlebag, and shouted "Thank goodness".

Now, the donkey quickly got into a regular rhythm, and the businessman, tired for lack of sleep, soon feel asleep. He awoke sometime later to see the donkey idiotically careening towards a cliff. "WOAH" he shouted, and the donkey started to slow down. Just at the edge of the cliff, the donkey comes to a full stop.

"Phew," the man said "Thank goodness"


Why is the Mexican pepper salesman so annoying?

Because he's jalapeno business-man!


What did the businessman say to the other businessman?

We're both businessmen.



You've read some of the best businessman jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty businessman gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

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