Businessman Jokes

What are some Businessman jokes?

Two retired business men sitting on a beach.

Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.

John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.

Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"

Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman

But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.

A businessman is at the office.

He was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off? " he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings. "

A little help with your math

A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."

Over smart.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

There was a Jewish businessman

There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts

down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.

An American businessman was in Japan...

He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

Why was God such a savvy businessman?

He knew how to make prophets.

On the plane

A businessman travels on the plane, first class. He tries to start a conversation with beautiful stewardess:

-What's your name?

-Angela Benz, sir.

-That is a beautiful name! Is there any connection with Mercedes Benz?

-Yes, sir. A very close one.

-How close?

-Same price.

A worried flyer asks a statistician...

"What are my chances of getting on a plane that has a bomb on it?" to which the statistician replies, "very, very low". But I fly a lot, said the businessman. Then, said the statistician, Take your own bomb with you. The odds against being on a plane with two bombs on it are 50 billion to one.

One day, these parents wanted to find out what their Son was going to be when he grew up,

So they put a $100 bill, a bible and a whiskey bottle on a table.
If he picked up the $100 bill, it means that he was going to be a businessman, if he picked up the whiskey bottle, it means that he was going to be in the entertainment industry, and if he picked up the bible, it means that he was going to be a pastor.
The child came in and picked up the bible, his Mother smiled.
Then he picked up the whiskey bottle and took a swig of it then proceeded to pocket the $100 bill and left.
Well I'll be damned the father said
He's going to become a politician.

A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...

As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.

"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"

Moments later, another car speeds ahead.

"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"

Then once more, another car rushes ahead.

"Oooooh," exclaims the businessman, "a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan and very fast again!"

Then they reach their destination.

"Why bill so big?!" complained the Japanese.
"Meter's made in Japan," replied the driver. "Very fast!"

Sex Statistics on a Plane.

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average penises and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland.
When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity."
"Oh, my," said the father. What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his old friend Jacob what to do.
Jake said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the rabbi.
The rabbi said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people?
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do.
Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven.
The Voice said, "Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my Son to Israel...

A man passes away...

A man passes away and his funeral is set to be held in his hometown where one of his sons lives. The other, a wealthy businessman, unfortunately can't make it to the ceremony so instead he offers to pay for the entire thing. A few months later, the businessman is looking over his finances and notices a recurring bill of $120 a month. Confused, he called up his brother and asks him if he knows anything about it.

"Oh yeah" the brother replies. "Dad always wanted to go out in style so we rented him a tuxedo"

Trip to Japan

An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan, and he hires a hooker. The whole night the hooker keeps screaming, "Hosthimota! Hosthimota!"

The man doesn't know what the word means, but he's positive he's pleased the hooker to the best of his abilities, and thus assumes it's positive.

The next day he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partners when he makes a hole in one! Everyone is congratulating him, and he can't think of anything to say but, "Hosthimota!"

The applause stop, and one of the business partners turns to him and says, "No, sir. That *was* the right hole.

What did the businessman wear to the thai restaurant?

A plaid tie.

Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.

Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.

An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan.

One day he decides to hire a hooker.

The whole night this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!"

He can't quite remember what the word means, but he is positive that he pleased the hooker to the best of his ability.

The next morning he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner, when he suddenly makes a hole in one.

Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese, and he can't think of anything to say but "Hoshimota!"

Concerned, his partner turns to him and says: "What do you mean 'The wrong hole'?"

A businessman is driving to an important meeting when his car breaks down...

Luckily, he breaks down near a mechanic, who agrees to tow his truck and fix it for him. However, the it would take awhile to fix, the businessman was going to be late if he didn't get going soon. Luckily, the mechanic had a donkey he was willing to lend to the businessman.

"There's only two things you need to know. To make him go, say 'Thank goodness'. To make him stop, say 'Woah'."

The businessman thanked the mechanic, put his briefcase in the saddlebag, and shouted "Thank goodness".

Now, the donkey quickly got into a regular rhythm, and the businessman, tired for lack of sleep, soon feel asleep. He awoke sometime later to see the donkey idiotically careening towards a cliff. "WOAH" he shouted, and the donkey started to slow down. Just at the edge of the cliff, the donkey comes to a full stop.

"Phew," the man said "Thank goodness"

An American businessman goes to Japan (NSFW)

An American businessman goes to Japan to meet with a client so the night before, he hires a prostitute. While they're having sex, she keeps moaning "machigatta ana." The man is confident about himself and goes to meet with his client the next day at a golf course. While there, the client makes a hole-in-one and the businessman congratulates the client by saying "machigatta ana" to which the Japanese client says "what do you mean 'wrong hole?'"

The business deal...

A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders 50.

The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock ofย 50 and this time for $75.00 each.

The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each.

Business is Business!

A rapist, a businessman and a Russian spy walk into a bar

The bartender says: "what may I get for you Mr. President?

A Jewish businessman meets a redhead...

A Jewish businessman was awe-struck by the beautiful redhead at the hotel bar.
Seeing his interest, she quietly informed him that she was a prostitute and that
her price was $500. He was taken aback by the price, but after a few minutes of
thought he took her up to his room. She spent a few minutes in the bathroom and
was shocked when she came out to see him masturbating furiously on the bed.

"What are you doing?", she asked.

"Baby, for $500, you're not going to get the easy one!"

American Businessman's First Visit to Japan

A successful American businessman heads to Japan to meet with a big supplier. Naturally, the Japanese are going to set him up with a good time and loads of entertainment. The first night, they go to Karaoke and a gorgeous young Karaoke hostess is sent back to the man's hotel room to entertain him further.

Despite her willingness, she still wants everything done with the lights off. As he is going at it, she is crying out "Oshimigaso, Oshimigaso", over and over.

When it is all said and done, he asks her, "What does Oshimigaso mean?"

"Oh," she says blushing, "it means 'fantastic' or 'incredible'."

The next morning, the businessman joins his Japanese hosts for a round of golf. Naturally.

On the fifth hole, the CEO of the Japanese company hits a hole-in-one.

Aiming to impress, the American cries out, "Oshimigaso, OSHIMIGASO!!".

The Japanese CEO replies, "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"

Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?

It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?

What's the difference between a businessman on a tricycle and a homeless man on a bicycle?

Attire.

For my cake day, my favorite joke of all time: 87

There was a well-to-do businessman walking down a city sidewalk to get to his office, when he came across a construction site; he saw piles of tools and stacks of wood and concrete slabs, but no workers. The only person he saw was a lone worker, jumping up and down on top of a manhole. As the businessman walked closer, he could hear the worker shouting "87! 87! 87!" at the top of his lungs.

The businessman was intrigued. He went up to the worker and asked "why are you doing that?" The worker replied "oh man, it's so much fun, you gotta try it!" The businessman was skeptical, but he decided to humor the strange worker.

He stepped onto the manhole, and did a small hop, and mumbled "87." He jumped a little higher, saying "87. Hey, this is kinda fun!" He started jumping as high as he could, shouting "87! 87! 87! at the top of his lungs, when, at the top of his highest jump, the worker pulled the manhole cover out from under him, and he plummeted all the way down to the sewer.

The construction worker looked down the sewer, looked around, put the manhole cover back on, stood on top of it again, and began to jump.

"88! 88! 88!"

James Bond gets called into M's office

M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!

M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.

A blonde and a businessman are watching the 11 o'clock news when reports of a jumper on the roof comes on.

The businessman turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $20 that the guy jumps."

The blonde agrees and 5 minutes later the guy jumps. As the blonde takes out her wallet to pay the businessman, he says, "no it's ok, i saw this story on the 8 o'clock news and i knew that would happen."

The blonde turns to the man with a somber expression and says, "I watched it too, but I didn't think he'd jump again."

A doctor, a businessman, and a pre-school teacher...

A doctor, a businessman, and a pre-school teacher are invited to be part of a social experiment.

The doctor is brought into a room with a gorgeous blonde, brunette, and redhead, and asked which one he would most like to sleep with.

The Doctor replies, "I my professional experience, blondes tend to be more sensitive to stimulation, so I would do the blonde."

They repeat the experiment with the business man, and he replies, "In my professional experience, brunettes tend to be more assertive, and that's what I want in a lover, so I'd do the brunette."

Then the pre-school teacher came in. They showed him the blonde, the brunette, and the redhead, and asked him which woman he'd rather sleep with. He replies, "In my professional experience, If you're happy and you know it, do all three!"

Mad Japanese Businessman

So a Japanese businessman comes to America and seeks to have the time of his life. He goes to the bank, gives them some yen, and he gets $1,000. A night on the town was in order and he goes crazy and spends it all. The next day he is excited to do it again, gives the teller the same amount of yen, but only gets $900. In a rage he is furious with this injustice being served.


Through the broken silences of madness the teller fits in "fluctuations", the Japanese business man goes red and screams "Flucktuamericans!!"

Nakamushi! Nakamushi!

A businessman is on his first trip to Japan. To relax himself the night before his big meeting he gets a call girl. While he's banging her she keeps on screaming

Nakamushi! Nakamushi! which he assumes is a complement on his sexual prowess.

The next his meeting goes well and he's invited to play golf with the Japanese CEO. The CEO sinks a particular long putt for a birdie and the businessman thinks 'I'll impress him with some Japanese' so he applauds the CEO and says

Nakamushi! Nakamushi! But the CEO frowns at him and says

What do you mean 'Wrong hole! Wrong hole'?

taxi cab

A businessman takes a vacation in Vegas. He has a horrible run of luck, and spends his life savings and maxes out his credit cards. All he has left is his airline ticket home.

Getting into a taxi, he explains his plight to the cabbie. He offers to leave his drivers license or anything else until he can mail the fare to the taxi driver.

"You ain't got ten bucks for the cab fare to the airport? Get out of my cab!" yelled the taxi driver.

The man walks to the airport, flies home, and for the next year, he works very hard, and builds back his fortune. He goes back to Vegas, and this time he wins big.

Feeling good about himself, he steps out of his hotel to leave for the airport. At the end of a long line of taxis, he sees the cab driver who refused to help him last year in his hour of need.

He immediately figures out a way to get even with this guy.

He gets into the first taxi and asks what the fare to the airport is. "Ten dollars." says the driver. He then asks how much for a blow job. "What? Get out of my cab."

He proceeds down the line of taxis repeating the process and getting the same results.

He finally gets into the cab with his old friend, and asks him how much to get to the airport. "Ten bucks," says the driver. "Good." he says to the driver.

And as they cruise past all the other drivers in their cabs, he gives them all a smile and a thumbs up.

The smart smuggler

A shrewd businessman was crossing a border with two donkeys and some luggage. The border guard stops him and checks the packs, but finds nothing in them. He lets him pass.

This cycle repeats itself, with the businessman crossing the border back and forth, and the border guard never finding anything. Many years later, both the businessman and guard are retired and by chance meet up at a coffee house.

The guard sees that the businessman is very rich, so he asks him "Please answer honestly. I know you were smuggling something, but I can't for the life of me figure out what. What was it?"

The businessman replies: "Donkeys!"

This is a story from one of the adventures of a Persian sage called Mulla Nasrudin. Nasrudin's stories are both wise and funny. If you enjoy this one, I can post more. I had a book about these stories and remember quite a few.

A businessman enters a tavern...

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

A rich Texan is visiting Japan....

A rich Texan businessman is visiting Japan, so he decides to hire a Japanese hooker. That night, as they're reaching the climax of the night's activities, she begins yelling, "Nagasai! Nagasai!" He obviously doesn't speak the language, so he guesses she was yelling "Yes! Yes!".

The next day, the Texan goes to play golf with a group of fellow businessmen who are Japanese. On the green of one of the later holes, one of the businessmen sink a 35 foot, double breaking putt for an Eagle. Remembering the hooker from the night before, the Texan starts yelling "Nagasai! Nagasai!"

The group of businessmen turn to him with faces of confusion. The man who sank the putt then says "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"

(I heard this joke this morning on 1310 KTCK in DFW)

Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana.

He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

Crossword Puzzle Pope

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.

"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today."

Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane and sits next to him.

I am surely blessed the man thinks. Here I am, a good Catholic on a flight with the Pope sitting next to me.

The plane takes off and after a few minutes the passengers take off their seat belts.

The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take out a crossword book. Marvelous, he thinks, not only am I blessed with the Pope next to me but he does crosswords and so do I. He notices that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that the Pope is tapping his pencil, thinking.

The Pope turns to him and says, "I usually don't talk to anyone on flights, but I wonder if you can help me?"

"Anything, your Eminence ... What is it?"

"Do you know a four letter word that ends in 'u-n-t' that means something associated with women?"

The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally he says, "The only word I can think of is aunt."

The Pope looks at him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?"

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of manager of a large division...

He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two".

The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it."

The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001."

Next came an attorney. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four."

Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

A man decides he wants to try the Boston seafood specialty of scrod

A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, "Do you know where I can get scrod around here?" "Sure," said the cabdriver. "I know a few places... but I can tell you it's not often I hear someone use the third-person pluperfect indicative anymore!"

My wife Mei said to me, "You just rike Trump."

"Confident? An alpha male?" I said.
She shook her head.
"Real-estate savvy? A canny businessman?"
She looked at the floor and sighed.
"Proud father of - "
"No Steve!" She said, slamming the knife down on the counter. "Both roose erection!"

The three businessman: Canadian, Mexican and American, are flying to the meeting...

โ€ฆ the pilot comes on the radio and tells the three passengers that they need to throw something that they don't need.
Mexican goes first and throws out tacos. They ask him why he threw that out. He replies: we have a lot of them back home.
Canadian throws out hockey stick. They ask him why he threw that out. He replies: we have a lot of them back home.
American throws out the Mexican saying: we have a lot of them back home.

The California businessman

A California business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening.

Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, the Californian knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.

The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Californian joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "What do you mean wrong hole?"

A heart transplant

A patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in a car accident, the 2nd is a 35 year old businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?"
"I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy," said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."

Mohammad is a great name for a businessman

It's all about the prophet.

In a very large commercial building there were three stores owned and run by three different businessmen.

The businessman who had his store at one end of the building put up a sign that read "Year End Clearance Sale".

At the far end of the building, not to be outdone, the other businessman put up a sign that read "Closing Out Sale".

The businessman who ran the store in the middle got nervous. He was afraid that his business would certainly be hurt due to the two big signs put up by his competitors.

After grilling his mind for a bit he goes and puts up a sign flashing "Main Entrance"

Phrase of the day

An American businessman is in Japan for an important contract. Feeling stressed out, he goes to a brothel and finds a cute, young girl. Although shy at first, soon she starts moaning and panting, and keeps on screaming "Soko janai! Soko janai!". While he couldn't speak or understand Japanese, the man is glad to know that he managed to please her so much.

The next day, he strikes the deal, and is invited to play golf with his Japanese associates. On the hardest hole of the course, one Japanese businessman manages to score an impressive hole-in-one. His colleagues start cheering him in Japanese, and the man, not wanting to be left out, starts chanting "Soko janai! Soko janai!". Suddenly everyone goes quiet, and one of them turns to him and says "No sir, I'm sure that's the right hole."

A businessman in China (mild nsfw)

A businessman in China to meet the CEO of a major corporation decided to loosen up the day before his big meeting by having a call girl come to his room. They are going through the motions and towards the end she exclaims " ding bao, ding bao!"
Afterwards he asked her what that meant, in a shy voice she said that it meant "excellent!"
The next day his meeting went so well that the CEO invited him to a round of golf. The CEO sank a hole in one on the second hole. Thinking it would make him seem cultured, the businessman exclaimed "Ding Bao, sir!".

The CEO paused, looked at him befuddled, and asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"

An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.

The doctor says, 'We have three possible donors.

One is a young, healthy athlete.

The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.'

'I'll take the lawyer's heart,' says the patient.

'Why?' asks the doctor.

The patient replies, 'It's never been used.'

I much prefer Kim Jong Un to Donald Trump

One of them was a businessman for most of his life, while the other has been a politician for his whole Korea!

A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.

He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?"

The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option."

The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house."

The man, very grateful, replies, "Yes! That would be nice. Thank you so much, sir." He points at the end of the road and says, "There's another family of 5 there. They also haven't eaten in a long time! Would you mind if they come along as well?"

The businessman says, "Sure, as long as they can fit in my car. My house isn't far down this road so it shouldn't be a problem. Besides, I haven't mowed my lawn in months."

Why was Noah a great businessman?

He floated his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

A Japanese and American businessman are closing a deal.....

The American was new in Japan and did not know the customs or language. He was a quick learner though and after weeks of negotiations, he sealed the deal.
The Japanese man says, "ask for anything to make your last couple of days more enjoyable.". The American says, well I'd love a beautiful Japanese woman if you know what I mean. The Japanese businessman fulfilled his promise and that night he had a japenese beauty in his bed. They start at it and the girl start shouting " mosuki mosuki". He goes harder and she yells in passion, " mosuki mosuki". The business man start thinking, that must mean good job or great. They part ways and he wakes up next morning to play golf with the business man. On the first green as the Japanese man is about to sink his pity he American thinks to impress him with his Japanese vocbulary. As he sinks the putt he says, "mosuki" the Japanese business man looks at him puzzled and asks. " what do you mean wrong hole?"

A businessman boarded a plane...

to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning, diamond ring he had ever seen.

He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.

"Mr Klopman."

LPT: To prevent a snake from biting, grasp their tail firmly and shake vigorously

Since snakes don't have hands, the snake will think that you are a businessman and that he is a business snake, and you are about to make a handshake deal.

A businessman, a worker, and a mexican are sitting around a table with 3 cookies on it

The businessman takes 2 and says to the worker, "Watch out, that mexican is gonna steal your cookie."

Did you hear about the man who went on a business trip?

A few months after he got home he got a call from a woman he had spent some time with while he was out of town. "Remember me from a while back? We had a few drinks and I was a good sport; we had a good time." He said, "Of course how could I forget about you Janet?" She told him, "Well, I just found out I'm pregnant... and I'm going to kill myself." The businessman chuckled and said, "WOW, you are a good sport!"

At a testimonial dinner in his honor

A wealthy businessman gave an emotional speech. "When I came to this city fifty years ago," he said, "I had no car, my only suit was on my back, the soles of my shoes were thin, and I carried all my possessions in a paper bag." After dinner, a young man nervously approached. "Sir, I really admire all your accomplishments. Tell me, after all these years, do you still remember what you carried in the brown paper bag?" "Sure, son," he said. "I had $500,000 in cash and $1,000,000 in negotiable securities."

A English businessman was rushing through an airport when

A English businessman was rushing through an airport when all of a sudden, he bumps into a tiny Asian women.

She immediately says, "I'm sorry!" in a Chinese-english accent.

In a hurry, the businessman says, "I'm sorry too."

She responds with, "I'm sorry three!" in broken english.

Confused, the businessman stops and says, "What are you sorry for?"

She yells, "I'm sorry five!!!"

If 157 awards makes you an overrated actress, what does 6 bankruptcies make a businessman?

President of the United States

British Airways bags the best in-flight service award!

On a long haul UK flight, a mother took her young son to the toilet and told him she would come back for him, in five minutes.

However, he was finished in two minutes so he left the toilet and wandered off down the aisle, in the opposite direction from where his mother was.

Meanwhile, a businessman entered the toilet and locked the door.

After the five minutes were up, the mother knocked on the door and called out, "Do you need any help with the zipper?"

From behind the door, a startled male voice said, "Good God!!! That's what I call service!โ€ฆ."

A English businessman was rushing through an airport when

A English businessman was rushing through an airport when all of a sudden, he bumps into a tiny Asian women.

She immediately says, "I'm sorry!"

In a hurry, the businessman says, "I'm sorry too."

She responds with, "I'm sorry three!"

Confused, the businessman stops and says, "What are you sorry for?"

She yells, "I'm sorry five!!!"

An American businessman

An American businessman travels to Japan to do business with a Japanese company.

He is in his 50's so he hasn't had sex in years so he decided to hire a prostitute .

He led her to his room and started railing on her , it was great sex but she kept on yelling this same Japanese phrase that he didn't know.

A couple months later he was back in America and was golfing with his Japanese friend.

His friend was really great at golf and he got a whole in one .

He wanted to impress his friend on his Japanese so he said the same phrase that the prostitute told him.

His Japanese friend turned to him confused and said

Wrong hole?

What did the businessman say when he woke up in a hotel room Monday morning next to two prostitutes?

Hi ho. Hi ho. It's off to work I go.

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