Business Owner Jokes
52 business owner jokes and hilarious business owner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about business owner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Business Owner Short Jokes
Short business owner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The business owner humour may include short businessman jokes also.
- My wife doesn't like it when I support female business owners. …And she told me to stop calling OnlyFans girls that.
- When his brothel went out of business, what sign did the owner hang on the door? Beat it, We're closed.
- What did the teller say to a business owner who drops all of his checks At least they didn't bounce!
- A sister from a local convent became a Certified Public Accountant to help small shop owners manage their finances better. Her title: "Nun of Your Business."
- What does someone who kills female business owners and sells their organs get charged with? Inside her trading.
- The owner of a new business comes to work one day to see that their "Grand Opening" banner had come undone overnight and fell to the ground. "This is a bad sign" they remark.
- The owner of a dry cleaning business finds a $20 bill left in the pockets of a pair of pants that was dropped off. He now has a dilemma.... Does he tell his partner or not?
- People are always so confused when I say Mark Zuckerberg is a small business owner. I just don't understand it. I mean, look at the guy; he's 5'7!
- I was fired from my last job after the owner caught me having s**... with his wife. Which really s**..., because I was next in line to inherit our family business.
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Business Owner One Liners
Which business owner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with business owner? I can suggest the ones about entrepreneur and business woman.
- Whats a business owners favorite dessert ? A Profiterole
- If a Latino man and an Asian man co own a business which one is the minority owner?
- What did one lesbian company owner say to the other? "I'm gonna eat you out of business!"
Business Owner Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about business owner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean proprietor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make business owner pranks.
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald.
He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant.
"I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
When the office printer color started to look a little off the manager called the local repair shop.
To the manager's surprise, the clerk said that it would cost $50 but that he might try reading the manual and doing it himself.
The manager replied in astonishment, does your boss know that you discourage business that way?
"Yes", replied the clerk.
It was his idea.
We make more on repairs than cleaning printers if the owner tries to do it himself first.
In a small Texas town,
the owner of Joe's Bar began construction on a new building to increase his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
As the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing, he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."
A small business owner in financial trouble was told by his accountant that he needed to cut staff
The accountant said, "Jack and Susan have the highest salaries, so one of them will have to be laid off."
The owner replied, "Susan is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I'll have to think this over, and maybe discuss it with both of them."
The next morning, the owner waited for his employees to arrive. Susan was the first to come in, so he said to her, "Susan, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do."
Susan replied, "You'd better j**.... I've got a headache."
A small business fell on hard times
and the owner knew that the only way for his company to survive, he would have to let one of his employees go.
He struggled with the decision for weeks. Jack was always willing to put in the extra hours to get the job done right and Jill was talented and intelligent, just the kinds of people that any small business needs.
He confided in Jill, hoping that maybe she would know how to fix the company without any firings. He said, "Hey Jill, listen. I either need to lay you or j**...."
Jill replied, "I'm really tired. Could you just j**...?"
A man goes into a bar...
...and orders a beer. The barman gives him a beer and tells him that it is on the house.
When the man orders a second beer, he tries to pay but the barman refuses to take his money.
This continues for well over an hour, and the man realizes that the barman isn`t charging anyone for the drinks.
Finally he asks the barman why he is giving all the booze away for free. The barman answers, "I just found out that the owner is having an affair with my wife. So I am doing to his business what he`s doing to her."
So the church is losing money...
...and the friars decide that they need a new income source. To do this, they set up a flower stand, and do a pretty good business selling flowers in the small village. Unfortunately, there is another floral store that is losing business because of the friars. So, they go talk to the friars, telling them to stop selling flowers, because they are losing money. The friars say "no way man, free country, free enterprise."
The owners of the other floral shop decide to get real about these religious flower sellers, so they hire a hitman to go take them out. The hitman, named Hugh, shows up to the friars' store. Hugh, now, he's about 7'1', and 240 pounds of pure muscle. "Hey," he says, "you guys ought to stop sellin flowers." The petrified friars agree that maybe the floral business isn't such a good idea after all, and promptly shut it down.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...
...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
A little Irish humor
p**... and m**... were walking along a street in London.
p**... looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair".
p**... said to his pal, "m**... look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."
"Roight y'are p**..., I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business" said m**....
They go in and p**... said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised p**.... "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
A s**... club owner is lamenting about his dwindling business to his wife.
A s**... club owner is eating breakfast with his wife. He begins to cry. "Honey, things are changing. Men just ain't spending money at t**... bars like they used to."
"Oh that can't be." She responds. "There are some things men will always go to a s**... club for."
"But honey, I've tried everything. They just seem disinterested these days." He hangs his head in defeat, wiping tears from his eyes.
His wife leans in to try to comfort him. "It's ok. Your business will come back around. Men will always enjoy being groped by a strangers, spending hundreds of dollars for the VIP experience, the occasional BJ in the bathroom, and getting black out drunk then waking up in a completely different city. That's what s**... clubs are for."
The husband looks up and responds. "I know, but Delta airlines offers a round trip."
"free"
A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "free". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "free". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
A group of Irish friars was running short of funds...
A group of Irish friars was running short of funds, so they decided to start a business selling flowers from the cathedral gardens. Happily, their business was extremely successful- so successful, in fact, that the local flower shop could no longer stand up to the competition. The owner, determined not to give up so easily, asked the holy men to find some other way to make money.
"No," they replied. "God has guided us to success."
So the florist went down to the local tavern and hired Hugh McTaggart: the meanest, toughest brawler in town. He showed up at the friars' flower stand, knocked over the register, turned over the tables, and punched the abbot in the face, threatening to come back if they kept selling flowers. Naturally, the friars decided to close the shop and come up with another source of income.
The moral of the story? *Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.*
Wrong Flowers
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,…. Rest in Peace.
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,
Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: Somewhere, there is a f**... taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,… 'Congratulations on your new location!'
My Buddy is Running a Painting Company This Summer
So my buddy at school is running a painting company as a project for one of his business classes this semester. The point of the project is to gain experience as a business owner and not to turn a profit, so the company provides the paint and other supplies and charges a small fee for labor. Generally, the families are extremely appreciative and really nice to talk to. One day, I was helping him put the final coat on a house and I overheard his discussion with the homeowner as they were going over the bill.
"Wow, this is a great price!" Exclaims the homeowner.
"Yep! We're just happy to help out, the money isn't really important." Says my buddy.
With an inquisitive look, the homeowner scans the bill and asks, "it says here that I'm only being charged for labor, what about the paint?"
My buddy smiles, "it's on the house."
A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.
The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."
The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"
The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her.
They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out.
They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.
When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question.
We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire.
Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies,
"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and
expect it to be there when I return?"
There's a flower shop in my town...
...that always had great business until one day, a group of local monks opened a flower shop right across the street. Of course, everybody wanted to buy flowers from the brothers. The original flower shop began losing a dangerous amount of business. The owner of the shop began visiting the friars every day to try to ask, beg, and bribe the monks into shutting down their store. They were utterly unsuccessful. Finally, the shop owner went down to the local pub to enlist the help of Hugh McTaggert, the biggest, baddest drunkard in town. Hugh broke into the monks' flower shop in the middle of the night and absolutely trashed the place from top to bottom. He left with a note that said "leave now." Not surprisingly, the monks packed up the very next day and headed back to the monastery. The moral of the story: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
The business deal...
A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders 50.
The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of 50 and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"
The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each.
Business is Business!
Bar vs Church
A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!!!
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.
Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.
Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.
The Church Denied all Responsibility!!!
So, the judge commented,
"It's Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it"
Superb one.
What an irony!!
The Bar Joke That Got Me My Bestfriend
A guy walks into a bar and approaches the bartender...
"I'll have a beer," he says.
"That'll be a dollar", replies the bartender.
"A dollar!?", shouts the man, "In that case, I will have a steak and a burger too."
The bartender says, "That will be two dollars."
The man exclaims, "What?! Where is the owner of this bar?"
"Upstairs with my wife", says the bartender.
"What's he doing with your wife?" asks the man.
The bartender responds, "The same thing I am doing to his business."
Cheaper Pub in the World
Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint;
"That will be $0.05 please sir".
"Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too"
"Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir".
"Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps".
"0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together".
"This is astonishing, can I speak to the owner of this place, I'd like to thank him".
"Oh, not just now, he is busy, he is upstairs with my wife".
"...What is he doing upstairs with your wife?"
"Same thing I am doing down here with his business".
A woman walks into a pet store..
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing. Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off. A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
Paid to worry
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters." "OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?" "You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner. "Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?" "That," says the man, "is your first worry."
A guy walks into a bar...
...and orders a steak. The guy behind the counter tells him it'll be $1.
"One dollar?! I've been coming to this bar every week for who knows how long, and it's always been $12! Where's Phil the owner?"
"He's upstairs with my wife."
"Well, what's he doing with your wife?"
"The same thing I'm doing to his business."
String of Cheese Jokes
Hear about the French cheese factory that exploded the other day? DeBrie everywhere.
They think it might be an insurance scam by the owner though he's a bit mental, painted his wife the other day! He Double Gloucester.
He even tried to start up a new business making clothes out of cheese. Didn't go as well as expected, turns out fromage frays.
Decided to go into the business of making boats in his attic. Sails are through the roof!
a dyslexic customer walks into a bra
"how much for a beer?"
The bartender replies "$1".
The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender
"Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?"
The Bartender reply's "$5".
The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife".
The guy looks all confused then asks
"What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?"
The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".
A store owner is depressed when he noticed a sign on his neighbors business saying "Best Deals"
He feels even worse when the business on the other side of him puts up a sign saying
"Lowest Prices"
But then an idea struck him!
The next day he bought an even bigger sign reading "Main Entrance"
A c**... come to America looking for a job.
A local hardware store owner wants to prove he isn't racist so he hires him.
After he hires him, the business owner asks the c**... what skills the he has.
Nah much mister, mah Engrish nah bery Gud.
The business owner tells him to go work in the supplies department.
The business man goes out to lunch and when he gets back he asks if anyone seen the c**.... Everyone shrugs their shoulders but no one saw him leave.
Fearing the worst the look every for him.
The look high and low and all around the warehouse.
Then someone opens the broom closet, only to hear, Supplies!
A business owner is interviewing an attractive young lady...
A business owner is interviewing to hire a bookkeeper, and in walks an attractive young lady. To make sure that she understands money and math, he asks her "If I were to give you ten thousand dollars, minus 15%, how much would you take off?"
She thinks a moment and answers "Everything but my earrings!"
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, Rest in Peace.
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this. Somewhere there is a f**... taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location!'
Cheaper Pub in the World
Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint;
‟That will be $0.05 please sir .
‟Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too
‟Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir .
‟Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps .
‟0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together .
‟This is astonishing, can I speak to the owner of this place, I would like to thank him .
‟Oh, not just now, he is busy, he is upstairs with my wife .
‟...What is he doing upstairs with your wife?
‟Same thing I'm doing down here with his business .
A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!
The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....
Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...
The Mosque denied all responsibility!
So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!
The case is hereby dismissed!
a marketing mistake
A small business owner walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's business?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. We had quite a fiasco this week. I had a shipment come in containing 100 high-quality T-shirts that featured a glow-in-the-dark design of a 100 dollar bill on the front. They looked really cool in the catalog when we ordered them, but we didn't sell a single one all week," the business owner complains. "I guess it's true. Money doesn't glow on T's. "
A man walks into a bar and orders a pint
That'll be 2 dollars replied the barkeep.
That's it? How much are your burgers?
Those are also 2 dollars he replied.
How are your prices so low, are you the owner?
No, I'm a friend of the owner.
Well, where's the owner?
He's upstairs with my wife?
What's he doing up there?
The same thing I'm doing to his business.
A land owner has caught a trespasser on his land.
"Didn't you see my sign that said, Private. Trespassers will be prosecuted?"
"Well, it's like this. I saw the sign, but when I read 'Private', I didn't read any further 'cause I thought it wasn't any of my business."
\-- Modern adaptation of a joke from a 1913 newspaper.