The Best 35 Business Meeting Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Business Meeting jokes. There are some business meeting corporate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these business meeting linkedin puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Business Meeting Jokes and Puns

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"

"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."

"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."

Two retired business men sitting on a beach.

Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.

John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.

Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"

Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market

A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?

B: You can have both

A: Three

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"

Barry says "make it $1000".

An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...

During sex, she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!

The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!

The client replies What the hell do you mean that's the wrong hole?!


What do you call a gay business meeting?

A mandate :3

There was a Jewish businessman

There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."

A man goes on a business trip to Japan. The night before his big meeting, he hires a prostitute.

He really seems to be having a good time, because as they do their thing, she keeps enthusiastically saying things in Japanese over and over again.

The next day, he invites the Japanese businessmen out for a game of golf after their meeting. After a nice hole-in-one, he decides to try out a phrase his prostitute used the other night to express his excitement. One of the businessmen turns to him and says, "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"

A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...

This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese hooker. He has his way with the hooker and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his hooker. He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"

A man visits his doctor...

and asks him how to improve his sexual performance because he has a date with his girlfriend the next day. The doctor suggests masturbating a couple of hours before a sexual encounter.

After leaving the doctor's office, he decides he needs to find a window of time to do the deed. He can't risk doing it at work for fear of being fired, and he can't do it at home because he is meeting his girlfriend at a nice restaurant and won't have time to stop. After a little more thinking, he devises a brilliant plan: he will pretend he is fixing the underside of his car and do it there so no one can see him.

The next day, the man leaves work and heads to the restaurant. He pulls over to the side of the busy highway, discreetly slides under his car, closes his eyes and begins furiously slapping the salami. Some time goes by when another car pulls up behind him. A police officer steps out and says, "Excuse me sir, can I ask what you're doing there?"

"Oh, I'm just fixing my axles." The man replies.

The officer responds, "Well you might want to fix your brakes too, because your car rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

So a man is at an airport.

He approaches the Customs officer, passport in hand.

The customs officer looks it over and says, "So is this trip business or pleasure?"

The man sighs. "Neither. Im meeting my wife."

You can explore business meeting discuss reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean business meeting consulting dad jokes. There are also business meeting puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So Paddy was driving down the street

And he was in a sweat. He was late for an important business meeting and he couldn't find a place to park. In desperation he looked up to god and prayed, "if you find me a parking space, I will go to mass every Sunday from now on and give up drinking whiskey." Miraculously a spot appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "nevermind, I found on."

My friend had this really fancy business meeting...

He had this special outfit prepared, but he needed it to be properly fitted, to look nice. I offered to do it but he said he could do it himself

"Fine," I said...

"Suit yourself"

A woman from Connecticut goes on a business trip to Arkansas...

...and, her meeting over and business concluded, she goes to the hotel bar to enjoy a quiet drink.

The bartender, hearing her order, says "Yew shore talk purty. Whar did yew go to school?"

Smiling slightly, the lady says "Yale."

Bartender draws a deep breath and says "YEW SHORE TALK PURTY. WHAR DID YEW GO TO SCHOOL?"

Business can be generated any how!

An advocate goes to a gift shop 7 days before Valentine's Day.

He bought 40 beautiful cards and wrote - "To my love !! I hope you recognize! Meet me in the evening, "I love you"
The shopkeeper asked: What is the matter?
So the lawyer said - I sent such cards to the nearby colony on the last Valentine's Day. In a few days, I got four cases of divorce.
This time I am sending 40 cards

Barber

So a busy guy needed to get his haircut, but later found out he had a meeting right after.

He went into the barber shop where he was greeted warmly.
He sat down in a chair, and asked the barber if he could hurry up.

"I could, but I'd have to cut it a little short"

A Dairy Farmer got into the healthy Oat Milk business.

He *barley* made ends meet.

During a business meeting yesterday, someone asked me about my background. So I told him about my education, career, family, hopes and dreams.

Turns out he was asking about what was behind me on our Zoom call.

A kid is dying at a hospital and wanta to meet eminem.

The nurse then says

"He's pretty busy but you are going to meet Tupac real soon."


Officials from Bangkok are attending a business meeting in Jamaica this weekend…

They're calling it a black-Thai event.

So a boss walks into his business meeting

He sits at the head of the table and says
We need to stop testing our products on animals

One of his employees exclaim Why?! Makeup brands do it all the time!

He turns to her and says Susan? We make hammers, what do you not understand!

Busy all night

A married couple couldn't make ends meet and ran out of money. They decided since they had to pay the bills the wife would go to the streets to do some hooking.
The next morning she returns with $302 The husband says" Wow, thats great, but which assh*** gave you $2???". "All of them!" said the wife

A business is at a hotel in NYC.

Ah the Big Apple! He is excited and goes down to get breakfast at the hotel restaurant before his meeting. He looks over the menu and the waiter comes after an slightly extended wait.
I'll have the short stack of pancakes the business man says with interest.
Very good remarked the waiter.
Oh ... glancing at his watch the business asks will they be long?
The waiter quickly responds No sir , they'll be round ...

Tough business

I started a business breeding chickens, but I'm struggling to make hens meet.

Betty was away from home on a business trip, and on a break between meetings decided to call home collect...

...as her husband was outside changing the oil on his car, her 6 year old son Bobby picked up the phone.

Putting his ear to the receiver, he heard a man say: *"We have a Betty on the line, will you except the charges?"*

Terrified, Bobby ran outside screaming:

"DAD!!! THEY'VE GOT MOM!!! AND THEY WANT MONEY!!!"

Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal?

He ran his business on a skeleton crew.

A therapist runs his business out of a parking garage...

He frequently meets people that are going through a lot.

Two gentiles meet on the street.



One says, "How's business?"

The other says, "Great!"

Let's spare a thought for the Malaysian business man on flight MH370.....

who told his wife that he was going to China for a meeting and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment.

What does a logical person wear to a low-key meeting?

Business causal

A business man walks down a harbor...

He meets a fisherman, the fisherman offers him 5 fish for free. The business man says "what's the catch?".

What kind of cookie is awkward and unprofessional to bring to a business meeting?

A snickerdoodle

Campbell's Soup annual business meeting

Current products are selling fine...See everyone next year.

A recent study showed that hookers in Alabama are having a hard time making ends meet.

They get plenty of business, but are losing too much money on family discounts.

I'm not saying you're old, but....

Ok guys I need some ammo for my ongoing age war with my business partner. So, I need your help. Here's a few I've used to get you started.

I'm not saying you're old, but I did hear that Moses owes u $20.

You know it's bad when dirt sees you and says, "now that's old!!"

What was it like to meet Lincoln?
(I thought about changing that to "shoot Lincoln," but I don't wanna start any new conspiracy theories)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the business meeting telemarketing jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working business meeting businesses piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes