Business Management Jokes
33 business management jokes and hilarious business management puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about business management that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Business Management Short Jokes
Short business management jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The business management humour may include short business studies jokes also.
- What do you call a Subway manager who spends too much time helping make sandwiches up front and not enough time back in the office attending to business matters? Counter productive.
- If I ask a Catholic sister to work for me as a manager ... Does that make her nun of my business?
- A man walks into a restaurant After some time, he says "This business is stupud and you only hires idiots!" , so the manager said "did you want an application?"
- A prediction business recently shut down due to bankruptcy. It wasn't going well to begin with, seeing as though they didn't manage make any prophets.
- A sister from a local convent became a Certified Public Accountant to help small shop owners manage their finances better. Her title: "Nun of Your Business."
- So I went to the bank today.. So I went to the bank today to see the Small Business Manager but he couldn't see over his desk
- What did one doughnut say to the other... ...you look a little glazed
- What did the manager say to the comedian who was messing around? Hey, no more funny business!
- My friend needed to rack up some quick finance for our partnership business who would just sleep through and not meddle with management. So we took in a 'sleeping'-partner.
- Rumor has it the upper management at my company wants to hire on a religious figure for some reason But that's nun of my business.
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Howlingly Hilarious Business Management Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about business management you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean business development jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make business management pranks.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders finest scotch.
Bartender: (giving him the drink) that would be $2 Sir.
Guy: woah, this is cheap. You are good people. I want to thank your manager. Where is he?
Bartender: in the hotel room Sir, with my wife.
Guy: What's he doing with your wife?
Bartender: The same thing I'm doing with his business.
A Doctor was chatting at a party with a Chartered Accountant.
He asked, "How do I manage this delicate issue when people even at a party like this ask me about their joint pains and heartburn and gas trouble. Just because I am a doctor.... not fair!"
The CA friend replied coolly, "Just tell them the right things politely but send them a bill from your clinic the next morning... only once! Word will soon get around and it will stop immediately!"
"Wow! Thanks for the tip, said the doctor."
Next morning the doctor got a bill from his CA friend, "Consulting charges for Business Development."
Hugh Hefner
Today, famous p**... Hugh Hefner successfully managed to stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the p**... Mansion, where they had been selling flowers.
Said one friar, "Well if it was anyone else we could've gotten away with it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
A Scottish Terrier walks into a bank
He sits at the desk of the Loan Officer, a Ms. Patty Black. He asks if he's eligible for a small business loan.
Do you have any collateral? , Patty asks.
I do have this, replies the Terrier, rooting around in his bag and pulling out a small porcelain figurine.
I'm not sure if we can accept this, says Patty. Let me ask my manager.
Patty calls her manager over and explains the situation. The manager says
It's a knickknack, Patty Black, give the dog a loan.
I was sitting in a recliner n**... eating cheetos minding my own business
And the Walmart manager calls the police
Business coach: remember, career ladder is like driving a bicycle.
If it's hard, then u go up.
One of the managers to himself: then whole my life i was riding without a saddle and off road.
A business that sells belts
to executives of garbage collection agencies called "Waist Management"
Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Linus Torvalds walk into a restroom in 2005...
When Bill Gates finishes doing his business, he goes to the sink, washes his hands, pulls 20 paper towels from the dispenser, and dries his hands completely as Steve Jobs walks up.
Bill says "at Microsoft, we like to be thorough."
Steve Jobs washes his hands even cleaner than Bill, then takes only one paper towel, using every last little bit of it, and still managing to dry his hands completely.
Steve says "at Apple, we like to be thorough AND efficient."
Just then, Linus Torvalds walks up to the sink and pulls out a laptop.
Bill and Steve give Linus a confused look. "what are you doing?" they ask.
Linus says "I'm reading the man page for the sink."
A business was looking for office help and puts a sign on the window
The sign reads: "HELP WANTED: We are an equal opportunity employer looking for someone good with computers, Word, Excel and is bilingual"
One day a dog walks up, sees the sign and goes inside. He looks at the receptionist, looks back at the sign and barks.
Figuring out what the dog came here for, the receptionist gets the office manager, who looks at the dog surprised. However, the dog looked so confident that the manager leads him into the office, where the dog jumps on a chair and looks at the manager. The manager sits down, looks back at the dog and says "I can't hire you, the sign says that you have to be able to use a computer and Word."
The dog jumps down, walks to a computer and begins to create a word document, drafting a letter for the manager. Caught off guard but unconvinced, the manager says "The sign also says you have to be good with excel."
The dog then goes on to create a perfect spreadsheet that works flawlessly the first time.
Dumb-founded, the manager looks at the dog and says "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog with some interesting abilities. However, I still can't hire you."
The dog jumps down and walks over to a copy of the sign, putting his paw on the phrase "Equal Opportunity Employer".
The manager says "Yes, we are an equal opportunity employer. However, the sign also says you need to be bilingual." The dog looks at the manager confidently and says, "Meow."
Hackers brought down my online business but I managed to keep the website address and that's domain thing.
When the office printer color started to look a little off the manager called the local repair shop.
To the manager's surprise, the clerk said that it would cost $50 but that he might try reading the manual and doing it himself.
The manager replied in astonishment, does your boss know that you discourage business that way?
"Yes", replied the clerk.
It was his idea.
We make more on repairs than cleaning printers if the owner tries to do it himself first.
A family of 5 in an Audi Quattro are driving through the south of Italy.
They stop for a ferry to Sicilia. A worker tells them to stop.
The driver says, "Why should we stop?"
The worker replies with, "You know, its i**... to have 5 people in a Quattro.
D (driver): Why?
W(worker): Quattro means 4. There are 5 of you, one will have to stay behind.
D: **HERE, HAVE A LOOK AT THE b**... PAPERS AND YOU WILL SEE IT'S BUILT FOR 5 PEOPLE.**
W: Nah, you aren't pulling that one on me!
D: **LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER OR YOUR SUPERVISOR OR ANYONE MORE INTELLIGENT THAN YOU!**
W: My supervisor is busy with those two b**... in a Fiat Uno.
A blonde is looking for a job
On the first day she applied for a clerk in a business firm and had an interview. When she's finished the manager said,"I'm afraid you're not capable of the duty."
On the second day she applied for the McDonald's and had an interview. The manager kicked her out and said,"you dumb get lost."
Her friends laughed at her and don't think she would ever get a job.
On the third day she proudly announced to her friends that she earned a job at a research centre. Everyone was amazed, asked"what research centre?"
The blonde smiled and and answered with great confidence,"a human intellgence research centre."
"What is your post then?"
"The research subject."
A man in a business suit walks into a bar during normal working hours
He yells "Barkeep! I'll have a shot and a beer"
Bartender pours his drinks and slides them over to the man.
The man pounds the shot and takes a sip of his beer. He smiles at the barkeeper and says, "That's certainly refreshing after the day I've had"
The Bartender replies, "I was wondering why a man in a suit like yours was drinking in a bar like mine at 2pm"
The man replies, "I just got laid off from my job as store manager selling European luxury goods. Whole store is shutting down"
The bartender says, "I'm sorry to hear that; but you seem to still be in good spirits"
The man shrugs and says, "Well when one Dior closes; another opens"
The CEO of a successful hummus production company talking to his financial advisor...
Our profitability is at an all-time high, we have over 2,500 employees and everyone seems happy. I feel like I've done all I can in the hummus business world and I want to branch out. This might sound strange, but I've always wanted to create and manage a g**..., f**...-type website. What are your thoughts on that?
The advisor, with a puzzled look on his face, pauses for a few seconds and responds: I think you need to be more versatile with your investments. You'd be taking on a huge risk considering the profitability of both companies would be 100% reliant on chickpea.
Happy Hour
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a cup of coffee. The bartender replies: "Two cents."
The guy thinks it's a joke and asks: "Ok, how much for a beer?"
Bartender replies: "Two cents."
The guy gets angry: "And the steak dinner? How much?"
Bartender replies again: "Two cents."
The guy has had enough of the joke and says: "Can I speak to the manager?"
Bartender replies: "No, he's upstairs with my wife."
Guy: "What is he doing with your wife?"
Bartender: "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
Two pilots with white canes proceed to enter their plane's cockpit...
Two pilots with white canes are on their way to their passenger plane's cockpit. They tap here and there with the stick and enter the cockpit. One of the passengers , a business man , notices and exclaims , " Hey , are those two pilots blind?!" . This arises panic between the passengers. Soon afterwards , the pilot announces " The plane is ready to take off , please fasten your seatbelts." About 2 minutes later , the plane accelerates and prepares to take off. The passengers shout " This plane is gonna drown , after the runway ends , there's nothing but a vast sea ahead!" . Just moments before the runway ends , the passengers shout in unison , but they notice that the plane is actually airborne and managed to succeed in taking off. Meanwhile , in the cockpit , the first pilot says to the other , " One of these days , they aren't gonna shout and we're all gonna die.."
A couple are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary....
A couple are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary when the husband asks his wife if she's ever been unfaithful.
"Three times," answer the wife. "Remember when you needed money to start up your business and no one would give you any? Well I slept with the bank manager to secure you a loan."
"You made that sacrifice for me?" asks the astonished husband. "That was wonderful of you. What was the second time?"
"Remember that operation you needed that no one would perform because it was too dangerous? Well, I slept with the surgeon so he'd do it."
"Oh my God," says the husband. "You saved my life. And what was the third time?"
"Well," says his wife, "Remember when you wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 52 votes short...?"
Man and wife visit the super bull farm.
They are shown round the prize bulls. The manager shows them a great strapping beast.. this one is our gold medal bull he mates without fail every three days. The wife is impressed and nudges hubby.. nodding approvingly.
They move on and next the manager shows them the double gold medal bull. He is a beast! This one, the manager explains proudly can do the business every other day without fail.
Wow.. Says the wife, with sideways look at her husband .. I'm very impressed.
Then the manager shows them Rocky, the triple gold medal bull. Rocky here, he says patting the muscular r**... of a steaming hot stomping beast, is a every single day boy.. 365 copulations a year.
The wife looks at her sulking husband. Now that's what I call a super stud!
Yes.. he says, scratching his chin,
but I bet Rocky here doesn't have to sleep with the same old cow every night.
Lord is my Savior
Father Jones was barely alive, clinging to the remaining wooden flanks of the sinking ship he was on. Rescue boats were busy rescuing other survivors in the ocean as soon as possible, but Father Jones wouldn't want any of that for himself. Being an ardent believer, he insisted *''Lord is my savior!''*, when a lifeboat came to rescue him. After almost an hour, another rescue boat came to search for anyone remaining alive, and they spotted Father Jones, who, as usual, insisted *''Lord is my savior!''*. The rescue boat finally went reluctantly.
Finally, after two hours, Father Jones managed to reach the Pearly Gates of Heaven. He prostrated before Jesus and said *"Lord my God, thank you for bestowing this grace upon me by showing yourself to me. I just have one question. All my life, I have firmly believed that you would always be there save me. Why did you not save me?"*
And Jesus spoke *"Well, my child, what do you think I was sending those rescue boats for?"*
What can happen when a car breaks down?
A woman's car breaks down on a busy highway. She manages to ease it over to the shoulder and gets out and opens the trunk.
Immediately two men clothed only in trench coats leap out and begin to open and close their coats, exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic.
Pretty soon a police officer stops. "What's going on here?" the cop asks.
"My car just broke down," the woman responds.
"NO, I mean those two guys," the cop continues.
"Oh," the woman replies, "they're just my emergency flashers."
Mr. Toad was window shopping...
...when he saw a tiny porcelain snowman figurine that he just *had* to have. He enters the store to inquire about the price and learns that it costs much more than he can afford. Undaunted, he sets off to meet with lending officer at the bank, Mr. Paddywaque.
"No job, a dismal credit rating, a wife and 38 tadpoles to support?", says Paddywaque. "I don't think I can approve this application, Mr. Toad."
"*PLEASE*, I implore you, I MUST have this snowman! Surely, there's something you can do!", said Mr. Toad.
Paddywaque gives in to his client's pleading and agrees to show the application to his manager, Mr. ....uumm.....Jones.
Jones, terribly busy at the moment and not wanting to be bothered, takes a quick glance over his glasses at the application and says...
"It's a knick knack Paddywaque, give the frog a loan!"
An 80 year old man and his 25 year old pregnant wife are in hospital.
The old man's young wife manages to give birth to a healthy baby. After the birth, the midwife goes up to the old man in private and says, "I know this is none of my business, but how can someone as old as you manage to have a baby with someone who is as young as your wife is?" The old man laughs and says "You've just got to keep the engine running, if you know what I mean!"
A year later, the same couple are back in the hospital to have another baby. The same midwife delivers the baby, and again, she asks the same question, even more intrigued. Again, the man gives the same answer: "You've just got to keep the engine running."
The very next year, the couple again are back in hospital to have yet another baby. This time, the midwife says to the old man, "This time, I want a proper answer: how could someone as old as you have a baby with someone so young?" The old man says, "I keep on telling you: you've just got to keep the engine running!" The midwife replies, "Well, looks like you've forgotten to oil your engine." "What do you mean?" asks the old man.
"Your baby is black."
