Business Idea Jokes
42 business idea jokes and hilarious business idea puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about business idea that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Business Idea Short Jokes
Short business idea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The business idea humour may include short business plan jokes also.
- So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?" I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."
- An unfortunate business idea I once started a restaurant inside an airplane that was no longer functional. Sadly, it never took off.
- My wife said that her shaving foam was missing. "I've no idea, honey," I replied. "I've been busy in the kitchen making you profiteroles."
- I have a friend whose an ophthalmologist, and he thinks I'm not so enthusiastic about the idea of him going into business for himself... In my words. I said Open up a store for all eye care.
- I got a new business idea "Cosmetologist-Astrologist" Change your future with a face massage
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Business Idea One Liners
Which business idea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with business idea? I can suggest the ones about starting a business and business development.
- New business idea We sell cammo tshirts.
We call it "Casual tees of war"! - Business idea Souvernir Shops in abortion clinics - so noone leaves empty handed
- I have a great idea for a business. Combination nair and rogaine, I'll call it no gain.
- Worst Business Idea Ever Biodegradable Bricks
- Business Idea: A Ponzi Restaurant
- Business Idea: Audio books for deaf people
Business Idea Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about business idea you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean business operations jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make business idea pranks.
When the office printer color started to look a little off the manager called the local repair shop.
To the manager's surprise, the clerk said that it would cost $50 but that he might try reading the manual and doing it himself.
The manager replied in astonishment, does your boss know that you discourage business that way?
"Yes", replied the clerk.
It was his idea.
We make more on repairs than cleaning printers if the owner tries to do it himself first.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Peace'n quiet in Auz
Tom had been in Police work for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks thank you.'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'
'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'
'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! .
I'll be there. Thanks again.'
'More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,'
'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'
'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.
Bank Loan
A young girl, named Patricia Wack, starts a new job as a loan officer at the bank.
A frog walks in an asks her for a loan, she looks at him for a moment amazed that a frog could talk but proceeds professionally.
He needs five hundrded dollars for a new business venture and is willing to offer her a candle stick as collateral.
She is of course surprised by this strange offer of collateral and tells the frog that she's not sure she can approve the loan.
The frog gets upset and demands to see the manager. He says "Do you have any idea who I am? My father is Keith Richards, I deserve this loan!".
Patricia dismisses herself for a moment to go see the manager about this very odd case. She tells him the story and he looks at her for a moment then says "It's a knick-knack Patty Wack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, a man goes on a business trip..
To Japan, he gets there during the night and is pretty nervous about the business meeting so he decides to order up a p**..., a fine lady walks into his room and they make love for hours, the entire time she is going wild, taking it from behind and screaming "Machigatta ana" after he finishes he's feeling pretty relaxed so he goes to bed.
The following day he meets up with his business clients and they tell him they are taking him to one of Japan's best golf courses. The man is excited as he loves golf and off they go, all is going well and on the 7th hole, a par three, one of the Japanese men gets a hole in one! All the men are ecstatic, jumping up and down when the businessmen gets an idea, he will impress the Japanese men by using the phrase the p**... used the night before, it must have been something good right?! So he loudly proclaims "Machigatta ana!" And both the Japanese men look back at him puzzled and say "huh? No, That's the right hole.."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Alaskan retirement.
Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress,
he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from
humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and
gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and
quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks
on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Stan, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having
a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at
about 5:00."
"Great", says Jeff, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."
As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some
drinkin!"
"Not a problem" says Jeff. "After 25 years in the business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely
gonna be some fighting' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right and, if not, I can
handle myself pretty well .....I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Jeff, warming to the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the
way, what should I wear?"
"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."
So the church is losing money...
...and the friars decide that they need a new income source. To do this, they set up a flower stand, and do a pretty good business selling flowers in the small village. Unfortunately, there is another floral store that is losing business because of the friars. So, they go talk to the friars, telling them to stop selling flowers, because they are losing money. The friars say "no way man, free country, free enterprise."
The owners of the other floral shop decide to get real about these religious flower sellers, so they hire a hitman to go take them out. The hitman, named Hugh, shows up to the friars' store. Hugh, now, he's about 7'1', and 240 pounds of pure muscle. "Hey," he says, "you guys ought to stop sellin flowers." The petrified friars agree that maybe the floral business isn't such a good idea after all, and promptly shut it down.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marriage business
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20 for their first l**... encounter. In his highly a**... state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the decades she had 'charged' him for s**..., these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth millions, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dinner with parents
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a
dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had s**... before, so he takes a trip
to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his
first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the
boy everything there is to know about condoms and s**....
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to
buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes,
and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'
The boy turns, and whispers back,
'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First time s**...
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to
meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her
boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and
make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had s**... before, so he
takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the
boy everything there is to know about condoms and s**....
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and
all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house
and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come
on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your
father was the pharmacist!"
Catholic School
So there's a bad jewish kid and he swears all the time. He gets expelled from school. His behavior combined with the town he lives in being so small where everyone knows everyone's business, causes his family to become pariahs.
Desperate for a solution, the parents ask the local Rabbi for help who suggests sending the boy to a *yeshiva* - a Jewish private school. The parents try this, but sadly, this seemed to make him worse, now he swears in both English and Hebrew.
The next week, Thanksgiving rolls around and the parents have the neighbors over to eat Turkey with them. The neighbor after a while can't help but remark "I know it's not my place, but your son is very unruly."
The parents sigh and say they have no idea what to do with him. The neighbor replies "I know you're Jewish but try Catholic School. Those nuns instill serious discipline in children."
Feeling out of options, the parents do enroll the son in Catholic School, and that same day he comes home from school the model son they always wished he was.
The parents are flabbergasted. They ask "Did the nuns beat you?", and the son replies "No mother, they did not." So the parent's say "Then how did this happen?" and the son replied "Well, when I saw the guy hanging on the wall there, I knew they meant business!"
A man went to New York on a business trip...
When the trip was over, he took a cab to get to the airport. The cab driver decided to have a little fun at the man's expense, so he asked, "My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third?"
The passenger had no idea.
The driver replied, "The third one was ME!"
The man went home to his wife and said to her. "Hey honey, here's a riddle for you. My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third one?"
His wife was stumped and said, "I don't know, who?"
The man responded, "Believe it or not, some cab driver in New York."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's this shopkeeper named John...
His business is doing beautifully. One day, a heavenly voice calls out to him, "John, sell your shop."
He says, "What?"
"John. Sell your shop."
John, not going to question a heavenly voice calling out to him, does so for several hundred thousand dollars. Then, "John, go to Vegas."
John has no idea what this is leading to but goes to a casino in Vegas anyway. "Go to a Blackjack table." Ok. He goes to the nearest Blackjack table. "Put all of the shop's money on this next hand." John, confident in the voice, puts down all of his money in this next hand.
John is dealt a 19 with the dealer showing a 6. It looks good for John. Then, "Take a hit, John."
"But-"
"Take a hit, John."
John hits. An ace turns up. 20. John's going to win. "Take another hit."
John gets really nervous. "Take another hit." John takes the hit. He can't even bare to watch. The card comes down. He opens his eyes. 21.
The voice exclaims,"Un-f**...-believable!"
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Monk
A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and a Buddhist Monk go golfing. After a few holes they decide to get down to business. They're trying to figure out how much of their money they should donate to the church. How much should they tell their members to give?
After much debate the Catholic Priest says, "let's draw a circle around the cup and throw all of our money in the air. Whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give that percentage to God. It is his will.
The Buddhist monk says, "I like that idea but why don't we donate everything that lands outside the box instead?"
The Rabbi looks at both of them and says, "Why don't we throw the money in the air and let God keep what he wants?"
Professor San Holo
Prof San Holo was busy at his lab. He was experimenting with splicing genetic material from rams into eggs of bees. With global warming, certain species of flowering plants flourish while others perish. The idea was to give bees the ability to digest leaves and grass to make honey and thereby reduce the need to be reliant on nectar and pollen from flowers.
The first splicing was a disaster. The bee digestive system became dysfunctional.
The second attempt disrupted the honey production with lactose contaminant.
The bee grew tiny horns in the third!
He then tried DNA from a sheep and Eureka! Yes indeed. It worked because he
Made the Fourth Bee with Ewe.
There were once some monks who decided to raise money by opening a flower shop
There was once an order of monks that needed to raise some money. They figured that the best way to do this was by opening a flower shop and selling flowers.
Now, these monks sold their flowers really cheap, and everyone liked the idea of buying flowers from men of God, so much so that all the other florists slowly lost all their business.
Realizing their predicament, the florists banded to figure out how to remove these monks. They finally settled on Big Hugh, the best kneecapper in town. Big Hugh went to the monks and made several casual comments about the flammability of their monastary. Cowed, the monks caved to his demands, thus proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had a great idea for a courier business, run by l**....
I'd call the company "Lickety Split Delivery".
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.
It read… MAIN ENTRANCE.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I came up with the idea of opening a new business that hires only Palestinian women...
...Gonna call it the Gaza s**... Club.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American man goes on a business trip to Japan
His meeting is the next day and he decides to find a Japanese h**... as he's heard great things from his colleagues .
He has s**... with a h**... and the whole night she screams :
"HOSHI MOTA!, HOSHI MOTA!"
But the man had no idea what that meant.
He goes to a morning golf game the next day with the Japanese CEO.
The business man makes a hole in one and is so excited he doesn't know what to say so he yells:
"HOSHI MOTA!, HOSHI MOTA!"
The CEO turns to him confused and asks:
"What do you mean "wrong hole?" "
An Irish peanut farmer recently got married...
His new bride wants to be a part of the family business, and the farmer thinks that's a great idea, so he has her start trucking deliveries into town. A couple days go by, and the farmer's neighbor stops in to see how things are going with the new misses, and the farmer says Well, she just started drivin' me nuts.
My account said I'm crazy for investing all my money in my idea of building a business that offers a boxing gym, a dentist, and a manicurist all under one roof.
But I told him I'm going to fight tooth and nail for it. Now if I could just think of a clever name for it, I'd be all set.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lonely superman
So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women n**... on the beach having what looks like a w**....
He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he goes in for the kill.
Wonder women in shock screams at the top of her voice "What the h**... was that?!" The invisible man in agonizing pain tells her "I have no idea but my a**... is killing me"
A man's printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.
A friendly young man informed him, Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.
Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?
Actually, it was my boss's idea, said the young employee. He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend tried to start a restaurant called h**.... But he didn't get very good business.
Apparently, the idea of a restaurant where all the waitresses have big noses doesn't appeal to a lot of people.