Bush Jokes
154 bush jokes and hilarious bush puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From the subtle to the outrageous, get ready to laugh at these funny bush jokes! You'll find plenty of jokes about garden bushes, trimmed bushes, pubic bushes, Australian bushes, a burning bush, and much more to make you chuckle. Plus, we also have jokes covering topics like the Bush administration, Dubya, and Sarah Palin.
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Funniest Bush Short Jokes
Short bush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bush humour may include short white house jokes also.
- My crush just sneezed and I accidentally replied "bless you !" Now she's staring at the bush, wondering who said that.
- I accidentally said Gazuntite after my crush sneezed. Now she's staring at the bushes wondering who said that.
- If hillary clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
- What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common? They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
- Barack Obama is having a race with joe Biden around the white house. After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11." - What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)
- Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins? Society
- It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles.. At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.
- Why is Jeb! Bush still running for president? Because the Bush family thinks that no child should be left behind.
- I love a girl with a trimmed bush.... Only because its makes it easier to see her through the window at night.
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Bush One Liners
Which bush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bush? I can suggest the ones about jungle and saddam hussein.
- Last night my wife started calling me Jeb Bush. I also pull out way to late.
- Roses are red, Violets are red, Bushes are red,
Trees are red,
My garden is on fire. - how do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
- Why did only a few people laugh when Bush made a 9/11 joke? Because it was an inside joke
- What do you call a pig that gets stuck in a bush? A hedge hog.
- I take my women the same way i take my presidents. Half black and no Bush.
- Yo momma's pussay is like the white house: No bush, and there's a black guy in there now.
- I can describe my girlfriend and 9/11 in one word bush
- I'm saving up some money to plant bushes for my backyard. That's…my hedge fund.
- Events like 9/11 don't grow on trees They grow on Bushes
- What did george bush say when he was fighting in war? I ambush
- Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes
- How will Texans be celebrating earth day this weekend? They will be planting a Bush.
- I like my women like I like my government. No Bush.
- Bin Laden and Bush just started playing chess... and Bush already lost two towers.
George Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny george bush jokes and even better george bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, Too soon. It was September 10th.
- Did you hear there was a fire in George Bushes personal library? It was awful! Most of his books hadn't even been colored in yet.
- George W. Bush couldn't decide what country to invade next... He says, "It seems we're stuck between iraq and a hard place.."
- An actual quote by President George Bush "The problem with the french is that they don't have a word for entrepreneurs"
- Why is George Bush in bed every night by 9:10? Because nothing good happens after 9:11.
- How did George Bush know there were WMDs in Iraq? He got the receipt. lol
- George Bush and his son like to refer to each other as "41" and "43." I don't know why they'd be so proud of IQ's that low.
- How did George Bush get Afghanistan pregnant? He never pulled out
- BUSH AND BILL Jokes Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House?
A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also "Mr. Bush." - What was the main difference between the war in Vietnam and the war in Iraq? George Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam.
President Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny president bush jokes and even better president bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile. Trump made a time of 11:56
Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31
Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03
But Bush did 9:11 - Who was the most racist president? Bill Clinton. He hid from the black guy in between the Bushes.
- How did President Bush know that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction? Well he kept the receipts.
- What do you call it when one president comes in and another president comes out? Barbara's bush
- It is important to remember that Bill Clinton Spent his entire presidency between two Bushes.
- If President Clinton had a show it would be called... Between two Bushes
- Where does President Clinton come? On a blue dress between two bushes.
- In the past, U.S.A. has had for president..... Bush senior, Bush junior and now Bush groper.
- If you push George W Bush into a vat of concrete. It would set a very bad president.
- President George W. Bush was once informed that 4 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. He responded, "How many is a brazilian?"
Tree Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny tree bush jokes and even better tree bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynocologist? One looks up your family tree, the other looks up your family bush.
- What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush. - They say money doesn't grow on trees But my cousin planted a few bushes with a funny smell in his wardrobe and is now making 4k a week
- Everytime someone asks me why I drive out to the country on the weekends, I tell them directly that I go to punch the biggest trees I can find I don't like beating around the bush
- Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush. - Two trees stood ogling a bush... One says to the other, "I totally wood."
- People have gone too far, we call a Christmas Tree a Holiday Tree So why don't we call a Hanukkah Bush and Holiday Bush
- Sherlock Holmes and Watson are in a greenhouse when Watson says "Is that an orange bush, Holmes?" Holmes replies, "It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"
- Drunk girls are like COD campers when they go peeing... ...hiding behind a bush or tree and pressing circle...
- Manscaping is like gardening... Trimming the bush makes the tree look taller
George W Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny george w bush jokes and even better george w bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- George W. Bush would have stopped 5G, thus stopping COVID-19. He hates towers.
- Why would George W Bush be a bad blacksmith? He apparently can't melt steel beams.
- Say what you will about George W Bush, but he wouldn't have stood for North Korean aggression... He'd have invaded New Zealand by now...
- Roses are red... Harambe's in heaven, George W. Bush did 9/11
- What is George W. Bush's favorite song? Twisted Sister - I Want Iraq
- Why did Trump invite George W Bush to the white house? His accountant said he needed a W2 for taxes
- Whats George W Bush's favorite game? Jenga
- I heard people talking on the street today, they were saying that we should dry George W Bush in concrete But I think that's setting a bad president
- Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport? Because it's way to cold for planting Bushes in Maine.. told to me by my mother
- Arnold Swarzeneggar pushup contest. Arnold Swarzeneggar challenged former President George W. Bush to a pushup contest, and the President accepted.
Swarzeneggar did 910,
But Bush did 911.
Trimming Your Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny trimming your bush jokes and even better trimming your bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My gf told me if I trimmed my bush it would make my deck bigger She's been spending a lot of time with the landscaper so I'm guessing she learned it from him
- TIFU by accidentally trimming by neighbor's bushes. Whoops, wrong shrub.
- The 41st US president hired a barber for his family His job was to trim the bushes
- Is your dad a gardner? Him: Is your dad a gardner?
Her: (sarcastically) - Why, because you've never seen a flower like me?
Him: No, I wondered if you trim your bush. - The tree said to the bush You should get trimmed like me, it will make you look larger down there
- When is it time to trim your bush? When your cat finds you n**... and tries to hunt it.
Delightful Fun Bush Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about bush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean president barack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bush pranks.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
During the Bush administration...
G. W. was sitting in his office when one of his advisors approached him and said, "Mr. President, three Brazilian citizens were killed today."
G. W. gives him a pained look and replies, "Oh my God! How many millions is that?"
George W. Bush joke....
One morning while George was having breakfast, Condoleezza Rice walks in saying, "Mr. President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in action yesterday." "Dear God, " he replied, "how much is a brazilian?"
Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek
It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20.
Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him.
"...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" exclaims Einstein. Of course, Newton is the first person he sees so he tags him. "Gotcha, Newton!"
To which Newton responds, "Nope. Pascal!"
George W. Bush and Karl Rove are talking...
Karl Rove walks into the Oval Office and says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Four Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq" The president buries his head in his hands, crying "no! No! No! That's awful, that's terrible...." He pauses, collects himself, and says "wait.... How many is a Brazilian?"
Brazillian
So it's 2004 and the War in Iraq is r**... on.
President Bush calls Sec. Rumsfeld into the Oval Office to discuss the campaign.
Rumsfeld begins by saying, "Sir, there have been no American deaths today. But we do have word that 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed."
Much Rumsfeld's surprise, President Bush begins crying and b**... his hands on the desk in the office.
Rumsfeld says, "Sir, what's wrong?"
Bush replies under his heavy sobs, "Exactly how many is a Brazillian?"
President George W. Bush is sitting in his office...
...When one of his informants walks in to report,
"Mr. President, yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed by Al Qaeda."
Bush is silent for a moment as he holds his head in his hands in immense sadness.
"Sir, what's wrong?" asks the informant.
Bush brings his head up to look at the man and asks,
"How many is a Brazilian, exactly?"
Why did Saddam Hussein never have s**...?
....because he was afraid he'd see Bush.
So George Bush is in his office...
His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an e**... at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"
A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy
The boy sees her bush and asks, "Mommy what is that?" The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, "Why that's my sponge, sweetie." The boy then says, "Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one." Apalled, the mother asks, "How do you know something like that?" The boy responds with, "I know because I saw her washing daddy's face the other day."
A guy walks in a bar asks the bartender
"Isn't that Bush sitting over there?" Guy walks over and says:"Wow,this is a real honor.What are you doing here?"
Bush:"We're planning WWIII.
Guy:"Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush:"Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."
Guy exclaimed:"Bicycle repairman! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"
Bush turns to Powell,punches him on the shoulder and says:"See, d**...! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
Patriotism
A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her p**... and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"
George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...
and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane c**... early this morning.
Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"
My uncle always said "One in the hand is worth two in the bush."
He died a v**....
Why did moses vote for Al Gore?
Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
This is a very old joke that I'm sure most people have heard.
One day George W. Bush was walking through Washington when he spotted a boy selling week old "Republican Puppies", delighted he resolved to come back with reporters in a few weeks for his campaign. When he came back the boy was now selling "Democratic Puppies". Disgruntled he asked why and the boy said,
"They used to be Republican Puppies, but now they've opened their eyes."
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.
During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.
His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"
George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.
The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"
vintage Bush joke
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....
.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.
He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.
His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."
Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."
Why did Bin Laden stop having s**...?
Every time he looked between a woman's legs, he saw Bush.
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
Two nuns were out walking in the woods
When two thugs jumped out from behind a bush and started r**... the nuns, the first nun started praying to God, asking him to forgive the men as they knew not what they were doing, the second nun turned to the first and told her, yours might not know what he is doing but mine sure does.
What does your mom and a rain forest have in common?
If you look deep enough in the bush, you might find a cockatoo.
Jeb Bush just tweeted a picture of a gun engraved with 'Gov. Jeb Bush' with the caption 'America'
At least he'll never have to get it re-engraved
Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House...
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".
Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
Hillary and Trump tie in the election...
And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with
But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read
Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents
Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States
-Eisenhower
-Kennedy
-Johnson
-Nixon
-Ford
-Carter
-Reagan
-Bush
-Clinton
-GW Bush
-Obama
But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump
Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, m**... is twice as effective as s**...
So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.
You know, those people who insult Obama and the Clintons..
really need to stop beating around the Bush.
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are running around the White House…
After they finish their lap they check their stopwatch which says 10:38,Mike Pence asks if thats a white house record, Trump says no Bush did 9:11
Physics Joke
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all hanging out and bored so they decide to play hide and go seek. Einstein decides to count first, and as they are counting Pascal leaves to hide in a bush. Newton on the other hand draws a box under himself and just stands there. When Einstein is done counting he walks up to Newton and is like,"Newton, you're not even hiding". Newton then says,"Ah, but you found Newtons over meters squared! You found a Pascal!!".
I'm sick and tired of beating around the bush, so I have to ask...
Are there any other ways to satisfy my girlfriend?
My friend never shaves his p**..., so he doesn't like talking about m**....
He just beats around the bush
Why did o**... Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
God is talking with the presidents.
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.
Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.
Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.
God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.
Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.
God invited him to take the seat to His left.
Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.
His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter c**....
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?
When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.
Bush wasn't that bad.
Obama was running with a secret service member...
And he was trying to break the record on running 4 laps around the White House lawn. When he finished the Secret Service agent said We'll done sir, your time is 9:22, one of the best times we've had.
Obama then replied, One of the best? Not the best?
The agent replied No sir, Bush did 9:11
American presidents are on a sinking ship!
Ford says: What do we do?
Bush says: Man the lifeboats!
Reagan says: What lifeboats?
Carter says: Women and children first!
Nixon says: Screw the women!
Clinton says: You think we have time?
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. Hello, Bush said. Nice weather we're having, huh? Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.
Studies suggest that m**... is twice as effective as s**... for dealing with stress.
So one in the hand really is worth 2 in the bush
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. A bacon tree ! We're saved! He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert.
No food or drink. One of them spots a tree draped in bacon! He shouts A bacon tree, we're saved and runs towards it. As he gets closer it shoots him full of bullets.
Turns out it wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
Little Red Riding Hood walks alone through the dark forest.
Suddenly she hears a rustling behind a thick bush.
She pushes the branches and bushes aside and suddenly the big bad wolf is sitting in front of her.
"Oh, bad wolf. Why do you have such big red eyes?"
"Get out of here. I'm p**...!"
Two men are lost in the desert when they spot a tree covered in bacon.
One of the men exclaims "a bacon tree! we're saved". However as he rushes over to it he dies in a hail of bullets. It turns out that it wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
I tried to confront my friend about his s**... attraction to plants
But he kept on beating behind the bush
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One sees a tree that's draped in bacon. 'A bacon tree, we're saved!' He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together
Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11."
Two blondes were taking a walk through a bush when they came across a set of tracks.
'I'm sure they're bear tracks!', said the first blonde.
'No, they're deer tracks', said the second blonde, confidently.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A cosmonaut c**... lands
A Russian cosmonaut has an emergency during his reentry into earth's atmosphere and his space craft c**... lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere. After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush hospital clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is really bandaged from head to foot and sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he lay in his cot.
"Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear.
"No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yerster dye."
A group of tourists in Africa where enjoying a guided tour….
A group of tourists in Africa were enjoying a tour of the bush observing the wild life. The guide says to everyone , Don't be surprised if you see an elephant wearing sunglasses.
One of the tourists asks-
why would an elephant be wearing sunglasses?
The guide replies- "Well, they do this to so they can go unnoticed at the beach."
The tourist then said- That's ridiculous!! My hotel is right on the beach and I've never seen an elephant."
The guide replies-
"I guess it works."
An elderly woman phoned the police and said she saw her neighbour, n**... walking around his bedroom with blinds open.
Police turn up and says to her, sorry madam, but you cannot even see his bedroom, there is a fence and a bush blocking the view.
She replies, you can if you stand on top of the wardrobe.
