Bush Jokes
150 bush jokes and hilarious bush puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From the subtle to the outrageous, get ready to laugh at these funny bush jokes! You'll find plenty of jokes about garden bushes, trimmed bushes, pubic bushes, Australian bushes, a burning bush, and much more to make you chuckle. Plus, we also have jokes covering topics like the Bush administration, Dubya, and Sarah Palin.
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Funniest Bush Short Jokes
Short bush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bush humour may include short white house jokes also.
- My crush just sneezed and I accidentally replied "bless you !" Now she's staring at the bush, wondering who said that.
- I accidentally said Gazuntite after my crush sneezed. Now she's staring at the bushes wondering who said that.
- If hillary clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
- What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common? They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
- Barack Obama is having a race with joe Biden around the white house. After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11." - What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)
- Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins? Society
- It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles.. At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.
- Why is Jeb! Bush still running for president? Because the Bush family thinks that no child should be left behind.
- George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, Too soon. It was September 10th.
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Bush One Liners
Which bush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bush? I can suggest the ones about jungle and saddam hussein.
- Last night my wife started calling me Jeb Bush. I also pull out way to late.
- how do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
- Why did only a few people laugh when Bush made a 9/11 joke? Because it was an inside joke
- What do you call a pig that gets stuck in a bush? A hedge hog.
- I can describe my girlfriend and 9/11 in one word bush
- I'm saving up some money to plant bushes for my backyard. That's…my hedge fund.
- Events like 9/11 don't grow on trees They grow on Bushes
- What did george bush say when he was fighting in war? I ambush
- Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes
- How will Texans be celebrating earth day this weekend? They will be planting a Bush.
- I like my women like I like my government. No Bush.
- Bin Laden and Bush just started playing chess... and Bush already lost two towers.
- What did Bush used to say to his kids when they refuse to eat? Here comes the airplanes.
- Why is George Bush in bed every night by 9:10? Because nothing good happens after 9:11.
- What do you call a man hiding in the bushes? Russell........
George Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny george bush jokes and even better george bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear there was a fire in George Bushes personal library? It was awful! Most of his books hadn't even been colored in yet.
- George W. Bush couldn't decide what country to invade next... He says, "It seems we're stuck between iraq and a hard place.."
- An actual quote by President George Bush "The problem with the french is that they don't have a word for entrepreneurs"
- How did George Bush get Afghanistan pregnant? He never pulled out
- BUSH AND BILL Jokes Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House?
A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also "Mr. Bush." - What was the main difference between the war in Vietnam and the war in Iraq? George Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam.
- The Clock is Ticking... 9:09
9:10
George Bush
9:12
9:13 - George W. Bush would have stopped 5G, thus stopping COVID-19. He hates towers.
- So Saddam Hussein was trying to give George Bush a high-five... But George Bush left him hanging.
- Roses are red... Harambes in heaven, George Bush had advanced knowledge of 9/11.
President Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny president bush jokes and even better president bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did President Bush know that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction? Well he kept the receipts.
- What do you call it when one president comes in and another president comes out? Barbara's bush
- It is important to remember that Bill Clinton Spent his entire presidency between two Bushes.
- If President Clinton had a show it would be called... Between two Bushes
- Where does President Clinton come? On a blue dress between two bushes.
- There's a Bush and a Clinton running for president next year.
- Where was Bill Clinton during his presidency? He was right between the Bushes.
- A test have been filled by living presidents consisting of 11 points Bush did 9/11
- Bill Clinton really likes Obama's new portrait. Now he's not the only President who has been surrounded by Bushes.
- I heard people talking on the street today, they were saying that we should dry George W Bush in concrete But I think that's setting a bad president
Tree Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny tree bush jokes and even better tree bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They say money doesn't grow on trees But my cousin planted a few bushes with a funny smell in his wardrobe and is now making 4k a week
- Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush. - Two trees stood ogling a bush... One says to the other, "I totally wood."
- Sherlock Holmes and Watson are in a greenhouse when Watson says "Is that an orange bush, Holmes?" Holmes replies, "It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"
- Manscaping is like gardening... Trimming the bush makes the tree look taller
- The tree said to the bush You should get trimmed like me, it will make you look larger down there
- Political(& Subtle) Joke Why was the Tree afraid of the Bush?
Because the Bush did 9/11 - If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it... did bush still do 9/11?
George W Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny george w bush jokes and even better george w bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Say what you will about George W Bush, but he wouldn't have stood for North Korean aggression... He'd have invaded New Zealand by now...
- What is George W. Bush's favorite song? Twisted Sister - I Want Iraq
- Why did Trump invite George W Bush to the white house? His accountant said he needed a W2 for taxes
- Whats George W Bush's favorite game? Jenga
- Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport? Because it's way to cold for planting Bushes in Maine.. told to me by my mother
- Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger inspire George W Bush to become president? A: Because he could explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German!
- George W. Bush was once asked about his favorite political philosopher.. And he responded that it was Jesus.
- What time does George W. Bush get up in the morning? 9:11
- Why did George W. Bush cross the road? To ask his dad how to run the presidency.
- George W Bush is commemorating 9/11 by... Having someone explain 'My Pet Goat' to him.
Trimming Your Bush Jokes
Here is a list of funny trimming your bush jokes and even better trimming your bush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My gf told me if I trimmed my bush it would make my deck bigger She's been spending a lot of time with the landscaper so I'm guessing she learned it from him
- TIFU by accidentally trimming by neighbor's bushes. Whoops, wrong shrub.
- The 41st US president hired a barber for his family His job was to trim the bushes
- Is your dad a gardner? Him: Is your dad a gardner?
Her: (sarcastically) - Why, because you've never seen a flower like me?
Him: No, I wondered if you trim your bush.
Delightful Fun Bush Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about bush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean president barack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bush pranks.
Why do hunters make good lovers?
1. They always go deep in the bush.
2. They shoot often.
3. They always eat what they shoot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Saddam Hussein never have s**...?
....because he was afraid he'd see Bush.
So George W. Bush is in his office..
when his secretary of defense walks in, "we lost 2 Brazilians in Iraq today."
GW puts his head in his hands looks up very sullen and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks in a bar asks the bartender
"Isn't that Bush sitting over there?" Guy walks over and says:"Wow,this is a real honor.What are you doing here?"
Bush:"We're planning WWIII.
Guy:"Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush:"Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."
Guy exclaimed:"Bicycle repairman! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"
Bush turns to Powell,punches him on the shoulder and says:"See, d**...! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Patriotism
A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her p**... and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My uncle always said "One in the hand is worth two in the bush."
He died a v**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old woman went on a walk looking for her husband of 50 years...
As she strolled down the sidewalk outside of the retirement home, so approached a shaking bush. When she peered inside, she saw her husband getting a h**... from old Gurt. Startled, they got up. The woman cried to her husband, "how could you do this to me?" He hung his head in shame. "What makes her so great?! What does SHE have that I don't?"
The old man just smiled, and replied, "Parkinson's."
Why did moses vote for Al Gore?
Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
This is a very old joke that I'm sure most people have heard.
One day George W. Bush was walking through Washington when he spotted a boy selling week old "Republican Puppies", delighted he resolved to come back with reporters in a few weeks for his campaign. When he came back the boy was now selling "Democratic Puppies". Disgruntled he asked why and the boy said,
"They used to be Republican Puppies, but now they've opened their eyes."
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.
The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"
vintage Bush joke
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....
.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.
He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.
His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."
Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Bin Laden stop having s**...?
Every time he looked between a woman's legs, he saw Bush.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
What does your mom and a rain forest have in common?
If you look deep enough in the bush, you might find a cockatoo.
Jeb Bush just tweeted a picture of a gun engraved with 'Gov. Jeb Bush' with the caption 'America'
At least he'll never have to get it re-engraved
Why did Jeb Bush cross the road?
To get to the other side! ^^Please ^^Clap
I finally got the confidence to be a peeping tom
For the longest time, I was just beating around the bush
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
My English teacher had a sore back today.
When someone asked him why, he said, "Well, i was trimming hedges, and I finished the first one, and i felt a little pinch in my back, but i just ignored it. But after the second one, my back just gave out on me."
To which i replied: "So, like the american economy- Fine after the first bush, collapsed after the second."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I love a girl with a trimmed bush....
Only because its makes it easier to see her through the window at night.
I was walking my dog when a man approached me.
He said, "My car's just broken down. Could you give me a push?"
"Of course," I said.
Then he fell into the bush.
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
Hillary and Trump tie in the election...
And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with
But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read
All of the animals went on a picnic and they discovered they forgot the salt. The animals sent the turtle to get them the salt. After 3 days of waiting, the animals decided to start eating
And then the turtle jumps from the bush and says:"Aha! I knew you wouldn't wait for me"
Yoko Ono is apparently being lined up to assist with the bush tucker trials in the I'm a Celebrity jungle.
After all she has been living off a dead beetle for the last 36 years.
Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents
Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States
-Eisenhower
-Kennedy
-Johnson
-Nixon
-Ford
-Carter
-Reagan
-Bush
-Clinton
-GW Bush
-Obama
But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, m**... is twice as effective as s**...
So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.
Jeb Bush Unanimously Confirmed by Senate
for Secretary of Low Energy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know, those people who insult Obama and the Clintons..
really need to stop beating around the Bush.
Bush, Obama, and Trump go on a hunting trip.
Their hunting guide instructs them to find and follow tracks and they should be able to find their quarry.
Bush follows some tracks and gets a bear. Obama follows some tracks and gets a deer.
Trump follows some tracks and gets hit by a train.
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are running around the White House…
After they finish their lap they check their stopwatch which says 10:38,Mike Pence asks if thats a white house record, Trump says no Bush did 9:11
I'm sick and tired of beating around the bush, so I have to ask...
Are there any other ways to satisfy my girlfriend?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend never shaves his p**..., so he doesn't like talking about m**....
He just beats around the bush
Why is Sean Spicer moving to Australia?
He's gotten really good at roaming around the bush.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did o**... Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
God is talking with the presidents.
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
George and Barbara Bush were driving through Texas...
...when the First Couple stopped at a restaurant.
Barbara Bush recognized the waiter was an ex-boyfriend from high school. George and Barbara had a friendly conversation with the waiter, and then continued their drive.
In the car, George Bush said to Barbara, "Can you imagine what life would be like if you'd married him instead of me?"
Barbara Bush replied, "Yes. He'd be President and you'd be serving coffee."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young m**... on his first term in Africa..
..was reading his bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down on his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his bible. As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him. Moral: Do not try to read between the lions.
When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.
Bush wasn't that bad.
I saw my neighbour hitting his plants with a long stick. I asked him why he was doing it but he wouldnt give me a straight answer,
He just kept beating around the bush.
Trump is beginning to be like a bikini wax...
all of a sudden, having Bush wasn't so bad...
American presidents are on a sinking ship!
Ford says: What do we do?
Bush says: Man the lifeboats!
Reagan says: What lifeboats?
Carter says: Women and children first!
Nixon says: Screw the women!
Clinton says: You think we have time?
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. Hello, Bush said. Nice weather we're having, huh? Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.
Come to think of it, it's a good thing Bush won the 2000 election over Al Gore...
Now we have to deal with Bushisms... otherwise we would have had to deal with Algorithms!
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. A bacon tree ! We're saved! He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the middle of a war...
A group of soldiers are making their way through thick grass when an e**... goes off.
One of the soldiers shouts Be careful it's an armed bush
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy says to a g**... tinder You can call me the GOAT Why? Cause you're the greatest of all time?
No, cause I'm gonna eat your bush
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Red Riding Hood walks alone through the dark forest.
Suddenly she hears a rustling behind a thick bush.
She pushes the branches and bushes aside and suddenly the big bad wolf is sitting in front of her.
"Oh, bad wolf. Why do you have such big red eyes?"
"Get out of here. I'm p**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a time traveler meets George W Bush...
Time Traveler: "What year is it?"
George Bush: "2001"
TT: "Before or after the 9/11 t**... attack?"
GB: "Before"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do good Christian men fall for gingers?
I'm no scholar but it's something about a burning bush
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to confront my friend about his s**... attraction to plants
But he kept on beating behind the bush
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together
Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11."
An American goes to Australia
And is attending a talk by Bush rangers while taking a wild tour about how it is very dangerous and you should always be on your watch. After the bit about how kangaroos are dangerous, he asks "Is there anywhere in Australia where something or someone isn't trying to kill you?"
"School"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cosmonaut c**... lands
A Russian cosmonaut has an emergency during his reentry into earth's atmosphere and his space craft c**... lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere. After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush hospital clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is really bandaged from head to foot and sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he lay in his cot.
"Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear.
"No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yerster dye."
