Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
Then I remembered I can't drive a bus.
One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.
An ambulance you racist.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.
"Fuck off" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
When they arrive at the pearly gates, St Peter Acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you a pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well fuck off straight to hell right now!".
9 of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.
St Peter calls after them. "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!"
That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
Ones a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean.
"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably just yogurt."
"It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yogurt"
Then I wait for the next bus
But she did
And there's an old lady there with a little chihuahua.
It's constantly jumping at my leg, begging for some sandwich.
I ask the lady,
" Do you mind if I throw your dog a bit?"
" Why no, go ahead", she says, sweetly.
So I threw the yappy little bastard under a bus.
That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"
"No, he minded his own damn business."
I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.
When they arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter acknowledges them.
He sees that they're all priests and immediately says, "If any of you are paedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well fuck off straight to hell right now!"
9 of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.
St. Peter calls after them,
"AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!"
Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop.
Someone tells her:
"Excuse me, Ms. You shouldn't walk like this with your breast out"
She looks at him. Looks at her breast. Turns back and runs away yelling:
"Fuck! I left my baby in the bus!"
"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yogurt."
"It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yogurt."
"Jump in", I yelled, "I'll give you a lift home". "Fuck off!", he shouted back. 'What an ungrateful bastard' I thought as I zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.
Unless it's a rear view mirror, and you're driving a school bus
A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.
β...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his throat and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
She told me, "Probably just some yogurt." Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt.
Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.
Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.
Man : By eating chocolate?
Boy : No. By minding his own business.
A bus full of children
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver - "will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head, "no, I'm sorry, it won't" he says.
The other blonde leans inside and asks, "how about me?"
Its mostly to drown out the voices on the bus; people saying things like, "You should be more responsible, you're the driver." I'm like, "You know what lady, I get your kids to school on time, Monday through Friday."
So I became a bus driver.
Ones a rusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
ahahhahahahahah
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
A passenger. You homophobic racist
He waits for it at the next stop.
...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:
"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"
To which the little boy replies:
"How can you think about sex in a time like this?"
Lost my job as a bus driver.
He believed he could masturbate on the bus.
He sits down next to a blonde who keeps looking at his pants.
After a few minutes of noticing she can't take her eyes off him, he looks at her and says "golf balls."
"What?" The blonde replies.
"It's golf balls," the man responds.
"Oh," says the blonde. "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"F*ck you!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little cunt," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
Jump in, I'll give you a lift home I said.
Fuck off he shouted back.
What an ungrateful little cunt I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
I felt like I was on the voice.
So I became a bus driver.
"Excuse me, can you show me how to get to the hospital"?
I said "No problem"
Then I pushed her under a bus
I said "hop in, i'll give you a lift!"
He gave me the finger and told me to fuck off.
So I just zipped up my backpack and continued walking.
"You have some semen on the back of your jacket."
"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yogurt."
I replied her "It's definitely semen,
I don't ejaculate yogurt."
He says :" Honey! Honey! I missed the bus today and chased it all the way home. I saved myself 2 dollars!"
The wife responds: " you idiot! You should've chased the taxi. You could have saved 20 dollars!"
When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says, "If any of you did the wrong things with altar boys, there's no point waiting here. You might as well go straight to hell right now!
Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.
St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!
It was really ironic, since we were at the bus stop at the time.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off β go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".
A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...
"Maybe I shouldn't have been masturbating on a bus..."
One says to the other, "I bet she was a looker in her day."
...And suddenly, this old lady gets up and starts screaming "you can't do that here, have you no shame? in front of everyone???".
Everybody turns around, the old lady keeps screaming, the woman with her baby stands here mortified...
...I had to pull my pants back up and get off the bus...
I lost my job.
Which was pretty ironic, considering we were at a bus stop.
That's how I lost my job as a bus driver
Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver. Ugh.
Become a Bus Driver.
are all waiting at the bus stop for the bus to take them to the mental institution.
The zoophile says: "I'm bored. Let's fuck a cat!"
The sadist says: "Let's fuck a cat, then kill it!"
The necrophile says: "Let's fuck a cat, kill it, and then fuck it again!"
The pyromaniac says: "Let's fuck a cat, kill it, fuck it again, and then set it on fire!"
The masochist says: "Meow!"
Three little old ladies were at the bus stop in front of their church when a young man ran up to them and exposed himself. The oldest one had a stroke. The other two couldn't reach.
She said "No, its probably yogurt or something." I apologized and explained that no, "I don't ejaculate yogurt." She was furious, but hey, my stop was next, and I had to get off.
"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.
"Yes", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
"I know, but she's good with the kids."
I couldn't help but think, it would work much better on the front.
It took the bus.
Man - "Well, I know. But she's a really good cook and she's great with the kids".
He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.
Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.
Ones's a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station
"Yea, I know, but she takes it up the ass and is good with kids"
one's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean
Unfortunately they made me give it back today
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.
"Fuck off!" He shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued to walk.
But she did.
The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
(I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.)
Coach.
An old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. The driver, being polite, accepts and munches them.
Every 5 minutes she gives him a handful more peanuts.
Driver : Why don't you eat them yourself ?
Old lady : I can't chew them. Look, I have no teeth.
Driver : Then why do you buy them ?
Old lady : Oh, I just love the chocolates around them.
He kept telling me to fuck off and get my own.
This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.
At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "
His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."
1) My neighbor said he didn't like me
2) My neighbor got hit by a bus
3) I lost my bus drivers licenseο»Ώ
Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.
Went out with some friends last night and tied one on.
Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before.
I took a bus home. I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising
as I have never driven a bus before.
It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours
The conductor tried to intervene but it was no use.
Finally, from up the front, the driver said, Just let the ugly one have it!
Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.
An old man walks up to a kid waiting at a bus stop. He says to the boy h-how d-d-do I g-get t-to high st-street? The boy looks at him but doesn't answer. The old man asks the boy a second time, and no answer. By this time, another man came by the bus stop, and gave the directions. Knowing the boy as being a local kid, he says to him "why didn't you give that man directions? Your local you know where it is." The boy replied "d-did you t-think I-I w-wanted m-m-my a-ass k-k-kicked?
She didn't stand a chance against the 6 of usο»Ώ
Suddenly, an old lady started yelling "how dare you do this in public!!", she kept on screaming and screaming, like "that's disgusting", "what a disgrace" etc...
In hindsight, it probably wasn't the time or place for a wank.
I was at the bar last night and had a few drinks. I knew it was unsafe to take my car home so I took a bus. This was really difficult for me; I've never driven a bus before.
First - My ex got run over by a bus
Second - I got fired as a bus driver
A bus full of kids
But I was fired from my job as a bus driver
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