The Best 85 Bury Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Bury jokes. There are some bury headstone jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bury dig puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Bury Jokes and Puns
A funeral stone: This is where rests in peace an attorney, a good and honorable man
A guy passing buy is shocked: " Wow! I never knew they can bury 3 people in the same grave."
A ship sinks and 100 men and 2 women end up on a desert island
After 1 year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the women kill themselves.After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year, the men bury them. After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the men dig them out.
What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?
A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.
3 men and a woman are stranded on a desert island...
After the first week, the woman gets so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After the second week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury the woman.
After the third week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her back up.
A husband and Wife from the States visit the Holy Land...
During the trip the wife tragically dies. A funeral director in Israel tells the husband that she can be buried in the holy land for $500, or shipped back to the US for $4000. The husband immediately says, "Let's ship her back to the states." The funeral director asks why, when it's so much cheaper to bury her her. Husband says "Someone else came back to life after 3 days being buried here before, I'd rather not take that chance."
My kinda Dr.
a woman goes to a new gynocologist for the first time, for her annual pap smear. as the dr.is getting everything ready, and the woman is in the usual position, the dr. explains that there will be some discomfort. he then asks if she would like to numb the area first so she is more comfortable. she tells the dr. *yes please* and he then proceeds to bury his face between her legs and says...num num numnum...
What do a teenage boy and a dog have in common?
They both want to bury their bone.
Real Middle-aged Texting.
Man: "Fair maiden, wherest doth thou reside on this fair evening?"
Woman: "Good sir, I am trapped within the reside of mine parents"
Man: "Oh, mine love, how I wish mineself were trapped in thine reside so I could bury my face deep within thine bossom."
Woman: "Mine parents shall rest in the hour next. Upon that time, I shall make mine escape, and help you polish your sword."
Man: "Mine sword shall stand in waiting for thine touch."
Can't take that chance
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take
that chance."
Bury the dead!
One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!!!"
Dirty Joke
My sex life with my wife has started degrading.
Guess it's time to Bury her corpse
You can explore bury coffin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bury grave dad jokes. There are also bury puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What did one shovel say to the other during a recurring fight?
Can we just bury this?
Why did the farmer bury his money?
To make the soil rich
I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.
I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
A joke about Germans - I´m German and i was rolling on the floor laughing about it
Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground?
A: Because deep down they are really nice.
A boy runs into his parent's bedroom at 3am and says, "Dad! Dad! There's a burglar in the kitchen eating all of mom's leftover chili!"
The dad replies, "Go back to bed, son. We'll bury him in the morning."
Stranded on an island
Two men and a women end up shipwrecked on an island. Weeks and months go by and nature takes it's course, to pass the time, the woman starts having casual sex with the two men.
Months later the woman gets sick and dies. As time passes, once again nature takes it's course and they men do what the have to do.
After a while they start to feel guilty, so they bury the body.
When Lionel Messi dies..
He should have his Argentinian team mates bury him so they can let him down one last time..
A man and his ever-nagging wife are on vacation in Jerusalem
While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "you can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the holy land, for $150.
The man thought about it, and finally decided he would have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when you can have her burried here for so much less?"
The man replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was burried here, and three days later, he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
The Funeral
A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been a very avid fisherman.
"Oh, he still is," remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife.
A ship wrecks onto a deserted island.
Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore so they keep having sex. After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about what they've been doing...
So they bury her.
An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..
...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.
Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?
Because he was dead
I recently had to bury my beloved grandmother in the local graveyard.
She should be dead by now
Do you know why...
...they bury lawyers 10 feet under, instead of the usual 6 feet under?
Because "deep down" they're good people.
[body shape - help request] M, 18, struggling to get rid of a body fit for a 46 year old...
Seriously guys, do I cut it up or just bury it whole?
![Bury joke, [body shape - help request] M, 18, struggling to get rid of a body fit for a 46 year old...](/images/jokes/bury-jokes-the-earth-used-to-be-flatn-n-but-then-they-buried.jpg "Bury joke, [body shape - help request] M, 18, struggling to get rid of a body fit for a 46 year old...")
I walked into the nuclear plant operators office...
I walked into the nuclear plant operators office and asked him what to do with the barrels of radioactive waste.
"Bury 'em" he snarled at me,
"No sir, it's actually uranium"
A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery
...and come across a gravestone that reads "here lies a lawyer and a good man"
The boy asks his father "Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"
If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"
Credit to my friend Chris
Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem
One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.
'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'
'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'
'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'
We wanted to bury our cat Ivy under our ivy
but it was too thick to get through so we renamed it dumpster instead.
Why do they bury lawyers 20ft down?
Because deep down, they are good people
They don't bury an Amish man with his beard.
They bury him with shovels.
You're so ugly, when you were born your mom said...
What a treasure and your dad said Lets go bury it!
Why do they bury police officers 6ft under.
Because deep down they are good people.
3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.
After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.
Stranded on an Island
Two men and a women are stranded on an island. After a week, the woman is so ashamed of what they were doing, she killed herself...
After another week, the two men are so ashamed of what they are doing, so they bury her.
After another week, they are so ashamed of what they are doing, they dig her up again.
I've been told I've got terrible body odor.
I suppose I do need to bury the corpses sometime.
"Will it cost extra to bury my wife?"
I said to the funeral director, "Will it cost extra to bury my wife?"
He asked, "Why, is she a big woman?"
"No, still alive."
I'm digging this extremely irresistible woman
They really do bury them six feet underground.
Had to bury my mother-in-law today and I must admit, it was quite a shocking experience…
I didn't expect her to scream for as long as she did…
A plane crashes on a desert island and there are three survivors, a woman and two men.
After two weeks on the island the woman is so ashamed of what they have been doing that she kills herself. Two weeks after she kills herself the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing that they decide to bury her. Two weeks after they bury her the two men are so ashamed at what they have been doing that they dig her up again.
Why do they bury politicians under 6 feet of dirt?
Because deep down, they're good people.
Always carry some fiber cable with you when hiking
If you get lost, just bury it in the ground. A backhoe will be along shortly to cut the cable, and you can ask for directions.
I ran over ny neighbors foot with a lawn mower today...
Guess I need to bury him deeper.
Why do They bury Lawyers 12' down instead of the standard 6'?
Because deep down, their really nice people.
We have to bury my dog today.
Mom: Don't be sad. All dogs go to heaven.
Me: Thanks mom. Where does updog go?
Mom: What's up dog?
Me: Not much dog. Just looking for a shovel.
My ex wife and I have decided to quit arguing and bury the hatchet.
Now we just have to decide whether it should be in her chest or mine!
I like my shovels like I like my women..
I like my shovels like I like my women.
Sturdy. Dependable. Can help me bury a body.
Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?
Because deep down, they're really good people
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"
I spent a few hours crying by my wifes grave again today
It's gonna be rough getting through each day until I get to bury her in there.
A trucker calls his boss.
He says:
- I just ran a pig over, what now?
The boss asks him:
- Dead?
- Dead.
- Truck's OK?
- OK.
- So bury it and drive away.
Then the trucker disconnects, and later calls again. The boss asks him:
- You buried it?
- Yes, but I don't know what to do with his cop car.
Villian: I'm going to bury superman this evening, bwahahahha!
Henchman: yeah, lol, heard this one before.
Villian: No really! At sundown, I'm going to lure him into this mausoleum and lock the door, it's his weakness!
Henchman: What are you talking about, that'll never work!
Villian: Of course it will, it's his crypt tonight.
Standing in a graveyard, Lex Luthor and his subordinate are planning Superman's demise
Lex: This is the night I bury Superman!
Henchman: You've finally figured out his weakness?
Lex: Yes, this evening, I'll lure him into this tomb and he'll be incapacitated!
Henchman: How does that work?
Lex: It's his crypt-tonight.
You're so old...
When they bury you, paleontologists will be racing to dig you back up.
Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?...
I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said, "here lies a lawyer and an honest man".
Why can't you bury a man living east of the Mississippi in a graveyard west of the Mississippi?
He's still alive.
(Learned from my 6th grade math teacher Mr. Warren)
A government plane crashes between united states and mexico, where do you bury the survivors?
What plane?
Where do New Zealanders bury lobsided people?
Asymmetry
An elderly couple were on vacation in Israel
While they were there the wife suddenly dies of a heart attack.
A local mortitian explains the husband that it would cost him 100$ to bury her in Israel but it would cost him 3.000$ to have her transported to America tp have her buried at home.
The husband thinks about it for a while and then says to the mortitian that he would like to have her transported home.
The mortitian asks the why he wouldn't let her be buried in Israel when he could save a lot of money!
The husband then says "well I've heard of a guy who died and was buried here many years ago and he came back after three days. I'm not gonna risk that!"
Trump goes to Israel
and while praying at the wailing wall, suffers a massive heart attack and dies. The Israeli diplomat says they can bury him in the Holy Land for 100 bucks or embalm him and ship him back for 50k. The American diplomat opts for the 50k option. The Israeli asks why take the most expensive solution? The American responds, well another man buried here rose from the dead and we cannot take that chance.
When the time comes, I want to bury my parents when they die.
So I can let them down for one last time.
romanian joke: 300 sailors and one woman get shipwrecked on an island
After one month, completely disgusted by what the sailors have been doing to her, the woman kills herself.
After another month, completely disgusted by what they did that month, the sailors decide to bury her.
After another month, completely disgusted by what they've been doing, the sailors decide to dig her up.
My sisters and I met yesterday to discuss whether or not to bury or cremate our mother..
We couldn't come to a decision between the two so we are letting her live for now.
Three rich guys bury a friend
First throws a thousand bucks into the coffin, saying "I want you to never need anything in the next life".
Second one, richer than the first, throws 5000 behind it.
All look to the third who is even richer than the other two. He writes a check over 100 grand, throws it in the coffin and remarks "Cash it if you need any".
People who live near cemeteries typically don't get buried there
You don't tend to bury alive people
A lawyer died and was so big they almost had to bury him in a piano case.
Instead they gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
my nagging wife died suddenly on a trip in Jeruselum
Funeral director: "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem"
Me: "ship her home"
Funeral director: "But sir, why don't you bury her here in the Holy Land and you can save money"
Me: "A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead, I can't take that chance"
Burying my wife made me feel like an iPhone
Was so damn hard throwing away the box I came in
Two men and a pig are trapped on a deserted island
A month in and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to kill the pig.
A month later and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to bury the pig.
One more month and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to dig the pig back up again.
Ugly Kid
You're so ugly, when you were born, your mum said, "what a treasure!" and your dad said, "Yeah. Let's Bury it!"
Three rich guys bury a friend.
First guy throws a $1000 bucks into the coffin, saying "I want you to never need anything in the next life".
Second one, richer than the first, throws $5000 behind it.
All of them look to the third who is even richer than the other two. He writes a check for over 100 grand, throws it in the coffin and remarks "Cash it if you need anything".
Three brothers and the lights
Three brothers are arguing about whom will turn the lights off. The first orders the second, and the second orders the third to turn the lights off. In the end they agreed if someone talks he'd turn the lights off.
Days past and the neighbours are starting to get worried about them so they decided to break in. They found the three brothers all dead!
The neighbours saddened by their lost bury the brothers next together. But the third brother starts to shout that he isn't dead and the other two tell him to go turn the lights off.
Where will they bury Superman?
Crypt O' night
How does an old rich man propose to a young beautiful woman?
Will you bury me?
My friend said he had to bury his son the other day, I said
that's not how you grow those.
We had to bury our grandfather today.
It was a grave situation.
Why do cats bury their poop?
Because if they bronzed it and put it on a shelf, it would be a catastrophe!
Why they bury lawyers 12 feet under?
Because deep down they are good people.
Some people are such treasures
That you just want to bury them
John gets a call from the undertaker who says...
"About your mother-in-law, should we embalm her, cremate her, or bury her?" John replied, "Do all three. Don't take any chances."
My friend Barry passed away.
It was a truly sad day when we had to bury Barry Berry. (joke only works in English)
Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep?
Because deep down, they're really nice guys.
The elder statesman was giving his farewell speech.
"And when I die, bury my head in Central Pennsylvania, for that was where I had my brightest ideas. Bury my hands in Washington, D.C., for that was where I accomplished the most work. Bury my feet on the West Coast, for that was where I ran the hardest."
Just then, a journalist interrupted, "Sir, where should we bury your ass? Because you've made the whole country a shithole!".
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bury cremation puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working bury dead piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.