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Bury Jokes

114 bury jokes and hilarious bury puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bury that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Bury Short Jokes

Short bury jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bury humour may include short burg jokes also.

  1. If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris
  2. Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got
  3. My sisters and I met yesterday to discuss whether or not to bury or cremate our mother.. We couldn't come to a decision between the two so we are letting her live for now.
  4. I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
  5. My uncle was the first man to be fitted with a lead pacemaker. He died last week. We buried him with a heavy heart.
  6. Dark I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. 
     
    It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
  7. Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?... I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said, "here lies a lawyer and an honest man".
  8. I like my shovels like I like my women.. I like my shovels like I like my women.
    Sturdy. Dependable. Can help me bury a body.
  9. Why do they bury politicians under 6 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they're good people.
  10. Everyone keeps asking me why I buried my mom in such a terribly ugly outfit We were shopping a few years ago and she said that was the last thing she'd ever want to wear.

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Bury One Liners

Which bury one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bury? I can suggest the ones about berry and yard.

  1. The earth used to be flat, but then they buried yo mama.
  2. Why are lawyers buried 12 feet under? A: Because deep down they're really good people.
  3. Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep? Because deep down, they're really nice guys.
  4. Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago Because he's still alive
  5. What do you call a body that's been buried in the wrong tomb? A grave mistake.
  6. Why do they bury police officers 6ft under. Because deep down they are good people.
  7. The Earth was flat.... ...until they buried yo mama.
  8. Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep?
    Because deep down they're good people.
  9. When they buried the man who invented Tetris ...the whole cemetery disappeared.
  10. A woman and a dog once fell in love. He buried his bone in her backyard.
  11. When beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.
  12. The man who invented the crossword also died today He was buried 6 down and 5 across.
  13. My grandpa was buried with his entire butter making kit. He'll be churning in his grave.
  14. Your mum is so fat Before she was buried the earth was a disc.
  15. When the Kardashians die, they won't be buried or cremated. They'll be recycled.

Bury joke, When the Kardashians die, they won't be buried or cremated.

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Bury Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about bury you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bung jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bury pranks.

A f**... stone: This is where rests in peace an attorney, a good and honorable man

A guy passing buy is shocked: " Wow! I never knew they can bury 3 people in the same grave."

A ship sinks and 100 men and 2 women end up on a desert island

After 1 year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the women kill themselves.After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year, the men bury them. After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the men dig them out.

What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.

3 men and a woman are stranded on a desert island...

After the first week, the woman gets so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After the second week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury the woman.
After the third week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her back up.

A husband and Wife from the States visit the Holy Land...

During the trip the wife tragically dies. A f**... director in Israel tells the husband that she can be buried in the holy land for $500, or shipped back to the US for $4000. The husband immediately says, "Let's ship her back to the states." The f**... director asks why, when it's so much cheaper to bury her her. Husband says "Someone else came back to life after 3 days being buried here before, I'd rather not take that chance."

My kinda Dr.

a woman goes to a new gynocologist for the first time, for her annual pap smear. as the dr.is getting everything ready, and the woman is in the usual position, the dr. explains that there will be some discomfort. he then asks if she would like to numb the area first so she is more comfortable. she tells the dr. *yes please* and he then proceeds to bury his face between her legs and says...num num numnum...

What do a teenage boy and a dog have in common?

They both want to bury their bone.

Real Middle-aged Texting.

Man: "Fair maiden, wherest doth thou reside on this fair evening?"
Woman: "Good sir, I am trapped within the reside of mine parents"
Man: "Oh, mine love, how I wish mineself were trapped in thine reside so I could bury my face deep within thine bossom."
Woman: "Mine parents shall rest in the hour next. Upon that time, I shall make mine escape, and help you polish your sword."
Man: "Mine sword shall stand in waiting for thine touch."

Can't take that chance

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take
that chance."

Bury the dead!

One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your f**...' cat!!!"

Dirty Joke

My s**... life with my wife has started degrading.
Guess it's time to Bury her corpse

What did one shovel say to the other during a recurring fight?

Can we just bury this?

Two guys and a girl are stranded on an island...

After a few weeks the girl is so ashamed of the things that the three of them are doing that she kills herself. After a few more days the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing they decided to bury her. After another few days the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing they eventually dig her back up.

Why did the farmer bury his money?

To make the soil rich

I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.

I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.

A joke about Germans - I´m German and i was rolling on the floor laughing about it

Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground?
A: Because deep down they are really nice.

A boy runs into his parent's bedroom at 3am and says, "Dad! Dad! There's a burglar in the kitchen eating all of mom's leftover chili!"

The dad replies, "Go back to bed, son. We'll bury him in the morning."

I tried to use the bury a dog above a body trick

the graveyard employee didnt let me

Stranded on an island

Two men and a women end up shipwrecked on an island. Weeks and months go by and nature takes it's course, to pass the time, the woman starts having casual s**... with the two men.
Months later the woman gets sick and dies. As time passes, once again nature takes it's course and they men do what the have to do.
After a while they start to feel guilty, so they bury the body.

When Lionel messi dies..

He should have his Argentinian team mates bury him so they can let him down one last time..

A man and his ever-nagging wife are on vacation in Jerusalem

While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "you can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the holy land, for $150.
The man thought about it, and finally decided he would have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when you can have her burried here for so much less?"
The man replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was burried here, and three days later, he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

The f**...

A f**... procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.

A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been a very avid fisherman.

"Oh, he still is," remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife.

A f**... procession pulled into a cemetery....

Several carloads of family members pulled followed in a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
A passerby remarked, "That guy must have been an avid fisherman".
"Oh, he still is." replied a mourner. "He's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife."

A ship wrecks onto a deserted island.

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have s**.... Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore so they keep having s**.... After a few days of s**..., they feel guilty about what they've been doing...
So they bury her.

An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..

...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.

I couldn't afford a coffin, and had to bury my father in the package my TV came in.

Obligatory RIP inbox

Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

I recently had to bury my beloved grandmother in the local graveyard.

She should be dead by now

Do you know why...

...they bury lawyers 10 feet under, instead of the usual 6 feet under?

Because "deep down" they're good people.

[body shape - help request] M, 18, struggling to get rid of a body fit for a 46 year old...

Seriously guys, do I cut it up or just bury it whole?

I walked into the nuclear plant operators office...

I walked into the nuclear plant operators office and asked him what to do with the barrels of radioactive waste.
"Bury 'em" he snarled at me,
"No sir, it's actually uranium"

A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery

...and come across a gravestone that reads "here lies a lawyer and a good man"
The boy asks his father "Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"

Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem

One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.
'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'
'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'
'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'

We wanted to bury our cat Ivy under our ivy

but it was too thick to get through so we renamed it dumpster instead.

Why do they bury lawyers 20ft down?

Because deep down, they are good people

They don't bury an Amish man with his beard.

They bury him with shovels.

You're so ugly, when you were born your mom said...

What a treasure and your dad said Lets go bury it!

Why do they bury cops six feet under?

Because deep down they're actually good guys!

What do you call it when you bury the wrong body at a f**...?

A grave mistake

3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.

After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.

Stranded on an Island

Two men and a women are stranded on an island. After a week, the woman is so ashamed of what they were doing, she killed herself...
After another week, the two men are so ashamed of what they are doing, so they bury her.
After another week, they are so ashamed of what they are doing, they dig her up again.

Little Minnie was digging a pit in her house's backward ...

... Curious, her neighboring lady asked her what she was doing.
"My parrot died yesterday. I'm preparing to bury him."
"Ohhh, that's so sad. But why such a big grave for a little parrot?"
"Coz he's in your cat's stomach."

I've been told I've got terrible body odor.

I suppose I do need to bury the corpses sometime.

"Will it cost extra to bury my wife?"

I said to the f**... director, "Will it cost extra to bury my wife?"
He asked, "Why, is she a big woman?"
"No, still alive."

I'm digging this extremely irresistible woman

They really do bury them six feet underground.

Had to bury my mother-in-law today and I must admit, it was quite a shocking experience…

I didn't expect her to scream for as long as she did…

A plane crashes on a desert island and there are three survivors, a woman and two men.

After two weeks on the island the woman is so ashamed of what they have been doing that she kills herself. Two weeks after she kills herself the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing that they decide to bury her. Two weeks after they bury her the two men are so ashamed at what they have been doing that they dig her up again.

Always carry some fiber cable with you when hiking

If you get lost, just bury it in the ground. A backhoe will be along shortly to cut the cable, and you can ask for directions.

I ran over ny neighbors foot with a lawn mower today...

Guess I need to bury him deeper.

Why do They bury Lawyers 12' down instead of the standard 6'?

Because deep down, their really nice people.

We have to bury my dog today.

Mom: Don't be sad. All dogs go to heaven.
Me: Thanks mom. Where does updog go?
Mom: What's up dog?
Me: Not much dog. Just looking for a shovel.

My ex wife and I have decided to quit arguing and bury the hatchet.

Now we just have to decide whether it should be in her chest or mine!

I bury. You bury. They bury.

It's not the best poem...
But it's pretty deep.

Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people

If you're a surgeon, you bury your mistakes...

If you're a tree surgeon, your mistakes bury you.

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.

The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"

Why did the squirrel bury the tuna?

Because if you spell it backwards, it's a nut.

I spent a few hours crying by my wifes grave again today

It's gonna be rough getting through each day until I get to bury her in there.

A trucker calls his boss.

He says:
- I just ran a pig over, what now?
The boss asks him:
- Dead?
- Dead.
- Truck's OK?
- OK.
- So bury it and drive away.
Then the trucker disconnects, and later calls again. The boss asks him:
- You buried it?
- Yes, but I don't know what to do with his cop car.

Villian: I'm going to bury superman this evening, bwahahahha!

Henchman: yeah, lol, heard this one before.
Villian: No really! At sundown, I'm going to lure him into this mausoleum and lock the door, it's his weakness!
Henchman: What are you talking about, that'll never work!
Villian: Of course it will, it's his crypt tonight.

Standing in a graveyard, Lex Luthor and his subordinate are planning Superman's demise

Lex: This is the night I bury Superman!
Henchman: You've finally figured out his weakness?
Lex: Yes, this evening, I'll lure him into this tomb and he'll be incapacitated!
Henchman: How does that work?
Lex: It's his crypt-tonight.

Mommy! I don't want to sleep with grandma anymore

Honey I already told you we don't have enough money to bury her.

You're so old...

When they bury you, paleontologists will be racing to dig you back up.

Why can't you bury a man living east of the Mississippi in a graveyard west of the Mississippi?

He's still alive.
(Learned from my 6th grade math teacher Mr. Warren)

A government plane crashes between united states and mexico, where do you bury the survivors?

What plane?

Where do New Zealanders bury lobsided people?

Asymmetry

An elderly couple were on vacation in Israel

While they were there the wife suddenly dies of a heart attack.
A local mortitian explains the husband that it would cost him 100$ to bury her in Israel but it would cost him 3.000$ to have her transported to America tp have her buried at home.
The husband thinks about it for a while and then says to the mortitian that he would like to have her transported home.
The mortitian asks the why he wouldn't let her be buried in Israel when he could save a lot of money!
The husband then says "well I've heard of a guy who died and was buried here many years ago and he came back after three days. I'm not gonna risk that!"

Trump goes to Israel

and while praying at the wailing wall, suffers a massive heart attack and dies. The Israeli diplomat says they can bury him in the Holy Land for 100 bucks or embalm him and ship him back for 50k. The American diplomat opts for the 50k option. The Israeli asks why take the most expensive solution? The American responds, well another man buried here rose from the dead and we cannot take that chance.

When the time comes, I want to bury my parents when they die.

So I can let them down for one last time.

romanian joke: 300 sailors and one woman get shipwrecked on an island

After one month, completely disgusted by what the sailors have been doing to her, the woman kills herself.
After another month, completely disgusted by what they did that month, the sailors decide to bury her.
After another month, completely disgusted by what they've been doing, the sailors decide to dig her up.

So this dog gets arrested and taken to the police station

Detective: What did you get arrested for?
Dog: I buried a bone.
Detective: Where did you bury it?
Dog: In your mom.

Three rich guys bury a friend

First throws a thousand bucks into the coffin, saying "I want you to never need anything in the next life".
Second one, richer than the first, throws 5000 behind it.
All look to the third who is even richer than the other two. He writes a check over 100 grand, throws it in the coffin and remarks "Cash it if you need any".

People who live near cemeteries typically don't get buried there

You don't tend to bury alive people

A lawyer died and was so big they almost had to bury him in a piano case.

Instead they gave him an e**... and buried him in a shoebox.

my nagging wife died suddenly on a trip in Jeruselum

f**... director: "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem"
Me: "ship her home"
f**... director: "But sir, why don't you bury her here in the Holy Land and you can save money"
Me: "A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead, I can't take that chance"

Burying my wife made me feel like an iPhone

Was so d**... hard throwing away the box I came in

Bury joke, Burying my wife made me feel like an iPhone

jokes about bury