Bursts Jokes

Following is our collection of sees humor and yells one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Bursts puns for adults, dirty break jokes or clean bubble gags for kids.

There is an abundance of erupt jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 58 funniest jokes on bursts. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any explosion witze you can hear about bursts.

The Best jokes about Bursts

A blonde and her husband are watching the news...

News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.

The blonde bursts into tears

Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.

Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?

GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

Β 

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.Β  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.Β  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

Β 

"What?" said her Grandpa.

Β 

"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!

Β 

A man bursts into a doctor's office...

...and is frantically looking for the doctor. Finally he finds him in one of the rooms but he is with someone. Still, the man shouts out, "Doctor! Doctor, you have to help me. I think I'm shrinking!"

And the doctor says, "Now, now. You'll just have to be a little patient."

Sexual harassment

The supervisor of a local firm is startled when his secretary bursts into his office to file a complaint of sexual harassment against a man working in the same department. "What on earth did he do?", asks the boss. "It's not what he did but what he said!", the secretary shrieks. "He said my hair smelt nice!". "And what is so wrong with him telling you that?", asks the boss. "He's a midget" ,huffs the woman.

A masked thief bursts into a bank...

As he climbs over the counter his balaclava catches and comes off for a second, before he quickly puts it back on.

The thief says to the cashier "did you see my face?", the cashier says "yes, I did!". Then the thief shoots her dead.

The thief then goes up to a customer and says "did you see my face?", the customer says "yes", then the robber shoots him right in the head.

The thief then runs up to a couple and says to the man "did you see my face?", then man says "no, but my wife did!".


Rupert Grint bursts into the room, "Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!"

"Serious?"

"No, Ron."

Knock knock

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
It's Dave!
Dave who?

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..

A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.

As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.

Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.

Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"

The pharmacist

Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.

The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.

Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.

Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.

So did you follow him? asks pharmacist

Yup.

Where did he go?

Your house.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all pregnant, are in the waiting room for the OB/GYN....

The brunette says "I was on top, so I'm gonna have a boy."

The redhead says "I was on the bottom, so I'm gonna have a girl."

The blonde bursts into tears and says, "I'm gonna have puppies!"

My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.

The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.

Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"

Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"

Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.

Love this kid!


A teacher reminds her class for tomorrow's exam

A teacher reminds her class of the yearly test tomorrow.

"And remember class, there is no excuse for missing the test tomorrow, not a hurricane, not a funeral, not a nuclear attack, nothing!"

Little Johnny in the corner then pipes up and says

"What would happen if I came into class suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?

The whole class bursts into laughter. The teacher walks up to Johnny and smiles and says

"I'd guess you'd have to write the test left-handed."

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head

Are all sitting in the waiting area of the ob/gyn. The brunette says, "I heard if he's on top you're going to have a boy." The red head says, "well I heard if she's on top you're going to have a girl."

The blonde bursts into tears. The other two rush to her asking what's wrong.

Through tears and sobs she says, "I'm going to have puppies".

Trump and Putin...

...get cryogenically frozen after their respective deaths, and are re-woken 200 years later.

They decide to take a walk through the city together. Suddenly, Putin stops and bursts out laughing, pointing at the headline at a newsstand: "USA in worst financial crisis in history"

They walk on through the futuristic city, when Putin once again bursts out into laughter pointing at the headline of another newsstand: "EU votes against fourth humanisitic intervention in US-Crisis"

Trump is pretty downcast. They decide to finish their walk, when suddenly it is Trump who is crying from laughter pointing at yet another newsstand: "Skirmishes at German-Chinese border continue"

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex

Confused he asks his parents what they're doing. Without missing a beat his dad tells him he's making him a little sister and he has to go play in the back yard.

The boy wanders outside and see's the neighbours dogs having sex. He asks the neighbour what they're doing and the neighbour explains they're making puppies.

The little boy runs back in and bursts into his parents room yelling DAD! Flip her over I'd rather have a puppy!

Vacation in Jamaica

Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Β Upon arriving, she meets a black
man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What
is your name?'

'I can't tell you,' the black Β man says.

Every night they meet and every night Β she asks him again what his
name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her
last Β night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?'

'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me.' says the black Β man.

'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,' Β the lady says.
'Fine, my name is Snow!' Β the Β black man replies. And the lady bursts
into laughter, and the black man gets mad and Β says, ' I knew you
would make fun of it'.

The Β lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm Β thinking of
my husband who won't believe me when I Β tell him that I enjoyed 10 inches
of Snow every day in Β Jamaica.πŸ’ƒπŸ—»πŸ†

Guy bursts into a dentist's office

Guy bursts into a dentist's office and says "HEY, listen here buddy, you have to help me NOW: my teeth are SO sensitive they can sense impending EARTHQUAKES" the dentist looked at him sternly for a moment and said "you've got some nerve"

People on a plane

Bill Gates, Tony Blair, an old man and a schoolchild are on a plane, when the pilot bursts out of the cabin

"The plane is about to crash, and there are only four parachutes. And one of them is mine!"
The pilot jumps out of the plane with the parachute

Tony Blair stands up, grabs a parachute and says
"I was Prime Minister of the UK, I deserve to live!"
He jumps out of the plane

Bill Gates stands up and says
"I am the smartest man alive, I should survive"
He grabs a parachute and jumps out

The old man turns to the child and says
"There is only one parachute left, I am old and have lived my life, you take it"

The child replies
"No need, Bill Gates just jumped out with my backpack"

Prisoners are telling jokes

and because they heard all jokes a lot of times, they only say number of certain joke.
"Number 256" says first inmate as the rest of them laughs.
"Number 145" says second one as the rest bursts in laughs.
"Number 323" ,and while all laughs and and get ready to hear the next,one one guy is laughing a lot longer then rest.
Everyone is looking at him when someone ask him why he laughs so much.
He replies:"It's the first time i heard this one ".


A Turtle,Hippo, and Zebra are told to tell a joke to a Lion....

The Lion tells the three animals if he doesnt laugh at their jokes then he will kill them

The Turtle steps up and tells his joke, the Lion doesn't laugh, so he kills the Turtle

The Hippo, nervous, steps up and tells his joke, the Lion doesn't laugh, so he kills the Hippo

The Zebra, completely scared to death, steps up and tells his joke, the Lion bursts into uncontrollable laughter

"Did you really find my joke funny?"

The Lion responds, "No, I just finally got the joke the Turtle told me."

Ooops

Joe bursts into a house with great urgency

Joe: "Mom! I just saw dad doing something with the neighbor lady!" exclaimed Joe

Mom: "What is that?"

Joe: "She was kneeling in front of him, and he was pushing that...thing into her mouth"

Mom: "Well, how about you tell that to everybody at the party tonight" said mom coyly.

Later that evening at the party:

Joe: "I have something to say to all of you. Earlier today I saw my dad pushing his....Mom, what is it called, the thing that mailman always pushes in your mouth?"

so many poor jokes, where to begin?

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead, all heavily pregnant, are waiting for a scan; the brunette says 'I was on top, so I'm going to have a bay', the redhead responds with 'I was on the bottom, so I'm going to have a girl', at which point the blonde bursts into tears. The other two manage to calm her down, and ask what is wrong? 'I'm going to have puppies!'

An elderly woman is holding a funeral for her recently deceased husband

After the viewing, she discusses how kind and honest of a man her husband was, how she was so sad to see him go, and she bursts into tears.

Her nephew, after consoling his mourning aunt , asks May I say a word .

Through tears she says, Of course

He takes a moment and says Plethora .

His aunt, wiping her eyes, says Thank you, that means a lot.

Rorschach's Joke

**Rorschach's Journal August 24, 2012**

I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci." Good joke.

**Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.**

So it's an old man's 99th birthday...

...and his caretakers decide to hire a prostitute for him. So they find one who's into old guys and set it all up. She bursts into the old man's room, all sexed up and looking great. She walks up to him and seductively says: "Tonight, I'm going to give you some SUPER sex."

The old man looks at her and says, feebly: "... I'll take the soup!"

This is the worst joke I've ever told, and I think it's hilarious. Am I really alone?

A woman bursts into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor! I'm having a panic attack!"

The doctor looks at her and says, "Calm down."

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex...

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"

The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy."

"OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.

The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?"

Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby."

His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"

1st thing to do when you win the lottery

A man bursts through his front door with a look of excitement on his face. He runs to his wife.

"Honey, pack your bags. I just won the lottery!" he exclaims.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" she claps her hands, "where are we going?"

"I don't care where you go, just make sure you're out of here by tomorrow morning."

A man wins the lottery

He bursts into his bedroom and screams to his wife WOW, I won! I finally won the lottery! Pack your bags quick . The woman all excited replied should I pack for cold or hot weather? To which the man said I don't care as long as you are out of my house by noon

Two missionaries...

Were in a foreign country, when their captured by a group of cannibal. So the cannibals put the missionaries in a big cauldron filled with water over a fire to boil. The two missionaries are sitting in the cauldron when one of them bursts out laughing. The other one looks at him and says " look, we're about to be eaten, due to the seismic activity I've noticed there's going to be a massive earthquake here in about a day, and with the tidal movements a tidial wave will hit shortly after the earthquake, if we get somehow manage to get out of this our boss will skin us. But we're going to be boiled to death before any of that can happen. So I submit to you this is not the time to laugh." The other missionary smiles and says giggling " I peed in the soup."

In Soviet Russia, a Judge bursts into his chambers laughing

*"I've just heard the funniest joke about Stalin... ever!"*

*"Well, go ahead and tell us."*, the other Judges ask.

*"I can't. I just gave someone a life sentence for it."*

A Father and his Son are sitting in the grass in the park..

The young boy asks his father, "Dad, Dave's Father always makes the funniest jokes.. How come you don't do that?"

The father replies to the son, "What are you talking about, Jim? I Made you?"

The boy runs off home where he then runs into his mother's arms and bursts into tears.

"What's wrong, honey?" The mother asks her beloved little boy.

"I asked dad why he never makes funny jokes like Dave's dad." He said. "And he told me that I was wrong because he made me."

She began to comfort him "Oh honey, that man is just cranky because he didn't get the raise he wanted."

"And for the record, you were right.. Dave's Dad *does* make the best jokes..."

An original.

The casting of the movie Grease was a slow process. They'd soon found their Sandy in Olivia Newton-John, but they just couldn't find someone to play Danny.

After weeks of Olivia reading lines with various actors and failing to have any chemistry with them the movie looked like it could be a flop until a casting agent bursts in.

'I've found our Danny' he cried.

Olivia replied, 'who is he?'

'John somebody, I can't remember his surname, but he says he knows you'

It was not much of a clue as Olivia knew ten John's.

Little man in a bar, staring sadly at a shotglass for hours.

A big burly guy comes in, slaps him on the back, and downs the shot in a single gulp. The little guy bursts into tears.

"Hey, calm down, man, it was just a joke," says the big guy. "Look, I'll buy you another drink."

"No, you don't understand!" blubbers the little guy, struggling to keep it together. "I'm having the worst day of my life! Today at work, I flubbed a big sales deal. The boss chewed me out in front of the whole company and fired me on the spot. I came home early to find my wife in bed with another man. And just when I had decided to end it all, you went and drank my poison!"

Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office and declares, Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday 
I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!

The hypnotherapist shakes his head. Not again …

A blonde, a red head and a brunette are at the OB-GYN...

..the read head says to the brunette, "I'm having a boy because he was on top.", The brunette says, "I'm having a girl, because I was on top." They both turn to the blonde and ask her, "What are you having?" The blond suddenly bursts into tears. "Oh, honey." they say, "What's the matter?" The blonde looks at them and says, "I'm having puppies!"

Mr. No-One and Mr. Nobody are sitting in a tree.

Under them, Mr. Stupid is sitting on a bench.

Suddenly Mr. No-One spits on Mr. Stupid's head. Mr. Stupid is livid and storms off to the Cops to report him.

He bursts through the door and yells:

'No-One spat on my head and Nobody saw it!'

The officer looks at him dumbfounded and asks: 'Are you stupid?'


'Yep, that's me!'

A patient bursts into a doctor's office, "Doctor, I believe I'm a deck of cards!"

The doctor calmly replies, "Go sit in the waiting room, please, I'll be dealing with you later."

Rorschach Test

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office for his first appointment. After the initial interview, the shrink decides to ease the man into the process with a simple inkblot test. After a few minutes, however, the shrink calls a halt.

"I think its fairly clear at this point that we're dealing with an Oedipus Complex." says the shrink.

"*I'VE* got an Oedipus Complex?!?" the man bursts out, "*You're* the one with all these pictures of my parents having sex!"

What's the difference between a ginger girl and a vampire?

One bursts into flames in the sunlight, and the other is a vampire.

Choices and Consequences

A man and his wife are having dinner for their tenth wedding anniversary. Suddenly the man bursts into tears.
"What's wrong?" the wife asks.
"I was just thinking," the man says, "about when I asked you to marry me. Your father came to me and said 'I know about all that money you embezzled from work. If you don't marry that ugly daughter of mine, I'm turning you in." The man cries harder as he says "And if I'd turned him down I'd be a free man now!"

The United CEO, the Pepsi head of marketing, and Sean Spicer walk into a bar.

The bar bursts into flames.

What bursts when dropped , but can never be caught

A Fart.

An old southern farmer is out one day with his dog repairing a fence row when suddenly part of it bursts into flames..

Wow I did not expect this post to blow up.

I sleep like a baby at night,

rarely and with short bursts of crying and pooping, sometimes both

Sunday morning, a man bursts into church and interrupts the sermon, shouting "It's a miracle! I'm walking! I'm walking!" "What happened?" the preacher asked.

"They stole my car" the man replied.

Mario decided to take up an extra job at the bank.

He had only been working a few weeks and was having a rough day when suddenly a masked man bursts through the door and yells: "This is a robbery!"

This was the last straw for Mario and pulls a shotgun out of his desk, aims it at the man and gives him til the count of 3 to get out or hell blast him.

"Woah woah," says the robber, "calm down I won't hurt you I just want to grab some money. Can you tell me what department you work in?" Mario cracks a smile, racks a shell into the chamber and says, "I'm a-counting."

Redeeming jew joke

So I'm at a party, and this guy drops a really offensive jewish holocaust joke. Everybody out the party bursts out laughing thinking it's hilarious, except one guy. When asked why he didn't laugh the guy said: "I don't think holocaust jokes are funny. My grandfather died in the holocaust." Everybody got super quiet, and awkward. About ten minutes passed, and he said: "You guys want to hear his story?" Everyone nodded meekly, and he proceeded to say: "Yeah, one night, he got just drunk and fell off the guard tower." Roaring laughter ensued.

A Β£1 and a Β£2

A Β£1 and a Β£2 are making drugs in a shack.
There's a 50 pence on watch. One day while Β£1 amd Β£2 are making drugs the 50p bursts through the doors and says "We've got coppers."

Inigo dies and ascends to heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, he meets Saint Peter.

St. Peter: Inigo Montoya, you are in the wrong place. You should go to Jannah, as you are a Muslim.

Inigo: St. Peter, I am a devout Christian. Why do you say I am a Muslim?

St. Peter: We have records of you always using you left hand to wash yourself after you do a No. 2.

Inigo bursts out laughing and St. Peter asks: Inigo, why are you laughing?

Inigo: Because I know something you don't know! I am not left-handed!

A man walks into a bar and leaves his Great Dane outside

All of a sudden, someone bursts into the bar and asks the man: "Excuse me, is that your Great Dane outside? My Chihuahua has just killed it!"

The man stares back very confused. "What? Your Chihuahua has just killed my 150lb Great Dane? That's impossible! What could your Chihuahua have done to kill my Great Dane?"

"Well, I think it choked on my Chihuahua"

What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien?

One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears

Sheriff dog bursts into the saloon and says

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

A black piece of tarmac is having a quiet drink at the pub...

...when the door bursts open and a red piece of tarmac comes storming in loud and aggressively.

The piece of black tarmac turns to the barman anxiously: *"Don't even think about serving him!"*

*"Why not?"*, the barman asks.

*"Isn't it obvious? He's a freaking cycle path!"*

A dictator is sitting in his office sipping his tea when his secretary bursts into the room.

"Sir you have to look at this newspaper, it's a huge scandal!" she says.

"They've written an article accusing several of your cabinet ministers being involved in a child sex ring."

The dictator's face quickly turns from worry into surprise. "What absolute idiots, how could they do something like this!" he exclaims. "Do those editors really enjoy being tortured that much?"

Help, I think I'm a moth...

So a guy bursts into a doctor's office flapping his arms like crazy and screaming, "Doc, you gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!" The doctor just looks at him bewildered, struggling for words. The guy continues, "Please doc, help me, I think I'm a moth!" The doctor finally stammers out, "Well, what can I do? You don't need to see me, you need to see the shrink down the hall." And the guy says, "Yeah I know, but your light was on."

A man goes the doctor claiming to be constantly tired during the day.

The doctor says to him "Play the song "Losing my Religion" on repeat in your bedroom, while you sleep."


The man obviously thinks that it is a ridiculous treatment, but obliges the doctor nonetheless.


The next day the man bursts into his doctor's office and yells: "I feel fantastic!! How the did that actually work?!"


The doctor replies: "You weren't getting enough REM sleep."

A man goes to prison for life...

On the first day at dinner, somebody yells out: "22!" The entire table bursts out laughing except for that one man, confused by the laughing. A few minutes later, somebody yells: "34!" Again, everybody bursts out laughing. The man, confused, asks the person next to him: What is going on? The person tells him, "everybody has been here so long that they know every joke, so we have a system where each joke has a number. That way, we just have to yell the number of the joke and everybody will laugh." The man decides to learn every joke to become popular, and after a year, he has every one memorized. Finally, at dinner, he shouts out: "57!"

Nobody laughs. Confused, he asks the man next to him: "What's wrong? Why did nobody laugh?"

"Ah, but you see," comes the reply, "it's the way you tell the joke."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes