The Best 73 Burst Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Burst jokes. There are some burst broke jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these burst tellers puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Burst Jokes and Puns
CPR
I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.
"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."
"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"
"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."
My young daughter asked me this morning....
My young daughter asked me this morning, "Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream."
"Nothing, darling," I replied.
It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head.
A farmer just burst into tears because nobody likes eating his apples anymore...
I told him to grow a pear.
For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.
One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby kicking. Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!"
Latvian Joke
Man sits in broken cottage with daughter. Man is cold and hungry. Man not have potato for days.
"Knock, knock" is heard at door.
"Who there is" man say.
"Politburo"
"Politburo who" say man.
Politburo burst in cottage rape daughter. Man now cold, hungry and sad.
My grandma was getting her IV put in for her euthanasia...
"Please don't put it in my hand, that will hurt for a week!" The doctor glares over to her as she burst out laughing
John Boehner is lucky Pope Francis didn't splash any holy water on him.
He wouldn't have been crying. He would have burst into flames.
A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..
A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.
As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.
Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.
Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"
My sister came out of the closet last week
She invited her girlfriend over to our house over the weekend.
My dad asked them, "So, do you guys plan on eating here or eating out?"
He burst out laughing and ran up the stairs giggling...
[Not mine]
A cardiologist died...
..and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said: "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own funeral..I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.
My 8 year old son made me laugh with a dad joke...
We were trying to decide where to eat, I offered up Buffalo Wild Wings, but my son and daughter were being indecisive. I finally said ok guys, make up your mind My son replied with a cocky grin "C'mon Mom we'll just wing it"...he then burst into laughter for five minutes....his fathers humor is really rubbing off on him.
You can explore burst outburst reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean burst snuck dad jokes. There are also burst puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
i put tinder on my kindle
it burst into flames
I know a hypnotist who could control the whole audience.
He'd enter the room, say 'sleep' and everyone would fall asleep.
He'd say ''laugh'', the audience would burst out laughing.
One day, he entered the room where he would make his show as usual, but tripped in the stairs; and yelled ''shit''!
The room took three hours to clean.
*burst into doctor's office*
ME: I'm no longer canstopetid
DOCTOR: You mean constipated
ME: No I've had a vowel movement
DOCTOR: Get out
A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.
"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"
The teller said "Don't you mean history?"
The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"
I used to be a telemarketer
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
What do you call ill-mannered burst of strong wind in the desert?
Darude Sandstorm.
As the navy seals burst into osama bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...
"It was just a prank bro"
A man goes to recieve tests results from the doctor
A worried man goes to recieve tests results from the doctor. Stepping into the office, he says "Give it to me straight doc! Just do it!"
The doctor replies, "No, I'm not gay."
They both burst into laughter. "Besides", the doctor says, "I don't want HIV"
I told my dad I wanted to get gay married. He burst into tears.
Then he said yes and we went ring shopping
I was reading a book about paint today and I just burst into tears
I was overcome by emulsion
Your cat died
A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.
A flower shop burst into flame...
It was a florist fire.
What bursts when dropped , but can never be caught
A Fart.
I've started competing in discus meets
I almost won a trophy yesterday. I threw the discus really far, but this other competitor named Gus got my throw erased. He said my throw got lifted by a burst of wind, so he went to the track officials.
This Gus discussed his disgust on the discus.
What type of fuel do painters prefer?
Whatever makes the van gogh..
-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.
A man run homes excitedly, burst open the front door and yells to his wife "Honey! I won the lottery, pack your bags!" The wife excitedly jumps up hand grabs her suitcase and begins throwing clothes in it. She says "Ohmygod, that's amazing! Where should I pack for?"
The man replies " I don't care! Just get out!"
What do you call a neo-nazi that's burst into flames
A fire cracker
Frank's been drinking too much at the dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife
"To my wife, the love of my life, and the sexiest woman I know. But it's too bad only one of those three is here tonight!"
There was a burst of laughter from the crowd, but Frank's wife took it in stride, raising here glass for a toast of her own.
"To my husband, a good provider, and the father of my children. Too bad only one of those could make it."
A miner said he could make anyone laugh
He showed me something
And I immediately burst out laughing
What was it?
A shiny yellow stone
It was comedy gold
A plane was about to take off when a man burst out of the cockpit naked, yelling
"this is your captain streaking"
My friend burst into my room, complaining that someone stole his sisters peas. He was shocked when I told him...
I have herpes.
Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert
Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?
A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle.
A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle. Suddenly a genie burst forth and yelled,
"YOU HAVE FREED ME FROM MY 1000 YEAR PRISON, WHAT DO YOU DESIRE? I WILL GIVE YOU THREE WISHES!"
The Hippie looks at the genie and says, "Cool man. I want too be Uptight, Out of sight, and in the groove."
So the genie turns him into a tampon.
Ig the Knight
Once upon a time, there was a soldier named Ig. In a recent battle, Ig showed courage and bravery, saving 20 men by himself!
To honour Ig's heroic act, the Queen of the kingdom was to knight him. Ig knelt before Her Majesty, as she tapped each shoulder of his with a sword. As she finished, Ig the Knight burst into flames! The Queen, astonished by what happened, asked her squire why he lit on fire.
Stunned, the squire spoke, "Ig...Knighted..."
Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears...
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
I'm a Latino nurse and while I was doing my rounds, one of the surgeons burst out of the operating room and told me to help finish the operation.
I cut the patient's organ on the wrong spot but luckily I miscalculated and saved their life. No one thought I could do it and I shocked them all. Nobody expected the Spanish missed the incision.
A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand
The man yelled at the top of his lungs
"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"
The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied
"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"
My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!
So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"
Two married ladies go for a girly holiday to the Carribbean
They meet a handsome muscular black man on the first day.
They have a wild week of threesomes and parties, and on the last day the ladies say we never asked you your name.
He replies "my name is snow"
The ladies immediately burst out laughing.
The man looking rather upset asks why they are laughing.
And the ladies say "I don't think our husbands will believe that we got 10 inches of snow in the Caribbean.
The Doctor & The Plumber
A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
Hate to burst your bubble, but..
the mixture needs more glycerin.
I guess Maroon 5...
Burst our bubble(bowl).
How is France like francium?
They both burst into flames when coming in contact with anything.
A vietnamese contract killer named Pung burst into a bar and promptly murdered the 10 people inside.
Pung in, ten dead.
When did a gut feeling save your life?
When my appendix burst.
I was walking down the street when a group of kids threw a block of cheese off me, they burst into laughter and I yelled
That's not mature is it
On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month
How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!
It was 11 years ago today that my best friend burst through the door, tears streaming down his face, yelling out, It's a boy! It's a boy!
We haven't been back to Thailand since.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?"
I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Billy saw the barn was ablaze, sprinted down the street, burst into a bar room full of gunslingers and shouted "Fire! Fire!"
And they did.
My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.
The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!
I called my son a bloody disappointment and my girlfriend burst out into tears
Appartently, she's sensitive about her miscarriage
Did you hear about that kid that got overwhelmed and burst into tears when his parents threw him a huge Thor themed 6th birthday party?
He wanted something a little more Loki.
My son got busted at school for masterbating.
When I got home, I burst into his room shouting you can't be doing stuff like that boy, you'll go blind!
He said, I'm over here Dad!
Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?
He just burst in there, buns glazing!
I said I love you to my cake.
It burst into tiers.
A lawyer and a priest are walking down the street, when the lawyer sneezes. "Bless you", says the priest.
The lawyer promptly burst into flames.
I was once in a pretty serious relationship with a cake
We went on several dates over the course of a few weeks. The chemistry was great and I thought we really had a connection. One special night I leaned in close to my cake and whispered, I love you."
The cake burst into tiers.
Bought a new jacket the other day and it burst into flames.
Well, it was a blazer.
A man named his children second, minute and hour, and thus he was nicknamed father time
One day, they was all in their house and a robber burst through the front door and said, 'nobody move!' When recalling the event, second said, it was like time stood still'
Today my son asked, "Can you lend me a book mark?"
I immediately burst into tears.
12 years old and he doesn't know my name is Brian.
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician's waiting room discussing their pregnancies.
The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!
The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the missionary position when she got pregnant!
All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Between sobs the brunette & red head finally got her to tell them why she became so upset. She told them she believes she's going to have puppies!!!!!
I was mugged at a bus station, and burst in to tears.
A police officer came up to me and said 'I'm fining you £60'.
I said, 'oh, for crying out loud'
The police officer said 'yes'
Trojan isn't a good name for a condom.
Didn't the real Trojan horse burst and loads of little guys came pouring out of it?
What did the pirate say on his birthday?
Yarr, me parties!
(I told this to my 8-month old and she burst into tears, so I know it's good!)
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.
Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
A drunkard was brought to court for dunkenis behavior
The Judge addressed the drunkard, "You have been brought here for drinking."
Drunkard, "Thank you very much your honour. Let's start."
All, present in the court, burst out laughing.
Banging the gavel, the Judge said, "Order."
Drunkard, "For me Whiskey with Soda please."
A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn
A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door burst open and in leapt a man yelling "Nobody expects the Spanish Inn physician!"
I went to London the other day and was mugged in broad daylight at the train station.
Naturally I burst into tears, and then a policeman came up to me and said, I'm fining you £10.
For crying out loud! I exclaimed.
Exactly, he replied.
Did you know that, with enough pressure, the human lung will burst like a balloon?
Anyway, I lost my medical license today.
My mum burst into tears as I placed her 50th Birthday card in her hands, she said
"One really would of been enough"
I burst into tears right before my physics exam.
The proctor asked, "What's the matter?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the burst bubble jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working burst doorway piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.