burnt Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious burnt puns

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.


Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

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My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant...

...I can't pull anything out in time!

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How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

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Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today..

I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.

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What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common?

A man who didn't take it out in time.

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What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend have in common?

One dumbass who never pulls out in time

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I burnt 1200 calories yesterday!

Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...

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My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant.

I can't take anything out in time.

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I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today

Should have cooked it on aloha teperature

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So, I have a black girlfriend now

Burnt the shit out of my hand on the stove...

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What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman and a frozen beer all have in common?

You left it in too long.

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My wife worships me

She puts burnt offerings in front of me everyday

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"Did you hear? Grandpa got burnt the other day."

"How badly?"

"Well they don't fuck around at the crematorium."

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My wife said I needed to get more in touch with my feminine side.

So I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and completely ignored her all night for no fucking reason.

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My wife treats me like a God

Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.

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Just burnt my Hawaiian pizza...

Guess I should've put it on aloha temperature.

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My dad's bread factory burnt down

Now his business is toast

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Honest Guy

A truckie who has been out on the road for three weeks steps into a brothel outside Kalgoorlie.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a burnt chop.!!
The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal.
The truckie replies, 'I'm not horny . . . . ... I'm homesick.

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A married truck driver goes into a brothel

He says to the madam "I'll give you $500 for your ugliest girl and baked beans on burnt toast."

The madam replies "For $500 I'll give you my best looking girl and a 3 course meal."

The truck driver replies "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

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what does a frozen beer, burnt pizza, and pregnant girl all have in common?

they all happened because some dumbass didn't pull it out in time.

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What's a pregnant woman, a frozen beer, and a burnt pizza have in common?

Some moron didn't pull it out.

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What do frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common?

An idiot who forgot to take it out earlier.

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What do you call a cremated Burt Reynolds?

Burnt Reynolds.

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Burnt ears...

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor askes her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what about the other." "The bastard called again"

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A man's bread shop burnt down

Now his business is toast.

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Why couldn't hitler go to the barbecue

He burnt the franks

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What was so great about being a black jew?

They already thought you were burnt

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My Buddies bakery burnt down last night....

His business is toast.

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I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night..

Should have put it on aloha setting

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A local cartoonists studio has burnt down.

Police say that details are sketchy.

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What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common?

Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time.

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I burnt a lot of calories today…

I set a fat kid on fire.

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Two Assholes

Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer caused by his cigarette. His body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body, so they called his two close friends, Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to come and try to I.D. the body.

Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet, and Jim-Bob said, "Yep, he's got burnt up purdy bad. Roll 'im over." So, the mortician rolled him over, and Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba." The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was a little bit strange.

Then, he brought in Billy-Joe to I.D. the body. Billy-Joe looked at him and said' "Yep, he's burnt up sumpin' real bad. Roll 'im over." The mortician rolled him over, and Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "Nuh-uh, 'at ain't Bubba. The mortician said, "How can you tell?"

Billy-Joe said, "Well, Bubba had two ass holes, ya know." "What? He had two a$$ holes? Impossible!" said the mortician. "Yep. Everyone in town knowed he had two ass holes, cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two ass holes.'

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Burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night........

.......... should have put it on aloha heat.

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Burnt 1,800 calories today!

Forgot the Pizza in the oven.

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What are the most funny Burnt jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Burnt? Well, here are the best Burnt dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Burnt pick up lines to share with friends.

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