Burnt Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Burnt puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Burnt

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.

Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant...

...I can't pull anything out in time!

How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today..

I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.

What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common?

A man who didn't take it out in time.

What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend have in common?

One dumbass who never pulls out in time

I burnt 1200 calories yesterday!

Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...

What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman and a frozen beer all have in common?

You left it in too long.

My wife worships me

She puts burnt offerings in front of me everyday

My wife treats me like a God

Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.

My dad's bread factory burnt down

Now his business is toast

what does a frozen beer, burnt pizza, and pregnant girl all have in common?

they all happened because some dumbass didn't pull it out in time.

What do you call a cremated Burt Reynolds?

Burnt Reynolds.

Why couldn't hitler go to the barbecue

He burnt the franks

My Buddies bakery burnt down last night....

His business is toast.

What was so great about being a black jew?

They already thought you were burnt

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night..

Should have put it on aloha setting

A local cartoonists studio has burnt down.

Police say that details are sketchy.

What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common?

Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time.

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other night

I should have put it on aloha temperature

I burnt a lot of calories today…

I set a fat kid on fire.

What did a burnt pizza, pregnant girl and frozen beer can have in common?

Nobody pulled out it time.

All of Hitlers generals were having a cookout, why wasn't Hitler invited?

He always burnt the franks.

Little Jimmy goes to school

His teacher asks him "Why weren't you in school yesterday Jimmy?"

He says "Sorry, my Granddad got burnt."

"Oh" she says "Was he badly burnt?"

Jimmy replied "Well they normally do a good job at the crematorium"

What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.

I burnt my Hawaiian Pizza last night.

Must use Aloha setting.

Restaurant Order

A resident in a hotel breakfast room called the waiter to his table.

"I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it's runny, and the other so overcooked, it's tough and hard to eat. Also, give me some grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, luke-warm."

"That's a complicated order, Sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult to prepare."

The guest replied, "Oh? But that's what I got yesterday!!"

Did you hear Muhammad Ali burnt his hand in a few fights?

That's what happens when you punch George Foreman in the grill.

My day has been terrible.

Friend: What's wrong?
Me: My beer is frozen, my pizza is burnt, and my girlfriend is pregnant.

Friend: You can't pull anything out on time, can you?

I just got completely burnt fries at a restaurant.

It really is Black Fry Day.

I just burnt myself making Hawaiian pizza

I should have put it on Aloha Temperature.

The God of the Sun has burnt millions and millions of people...

... But that's ok, because he Apollo-gized.

Two Jews at Miami Beach

Two Jewish men from New York pass each other walking down Miami beach. They see each other walking every now and then over a couple months and eventually introduce themselves and walk together. After walking for awhile the first said to the second how did you end up here in Miami. The second man told him that he owned a garment factory until there was a fire that burnt it to the ground and because he was older he decided to just keep the insurance money and retire. When the second asked the first how he came to be in Miami he told him it was a very similar story. He also had owned a garment factory until a flood destroyed it which also cause him to retire. After their talk they walked for a minute or two and the second man turns to the first and asks, how exactly do you start a flood?

What did the lighter say to his wife when their kid burnt a house down?

"Hey, at least now we surely know that he's arson."

My reddish-brown Toyota minivan caught on fire yesterday

It's a burnt burnt sienna Sienna.

I always get burnt during summer time.

I would go under trees but they're a little shady.

Did you hear about the temple that burnt down?

Holy smokes.

My grandfather got pretty burnt the other day

They don't muck around at the crematorium

A police officer arrives to a crime scene

Hello, captain. What's the situation?
A woman killed her husband. 12 stabs, 2 gunshot wounds, half burnt, and thrown down the stairs.
Oh my god, what was the reason?
She told us the husband intentionally started walking on the floor which she recently cleaned.
Did you arrest her?
No. We're waiting for the floor to dry.

I once burnt down a shoe factory

I feel awful when I think of the soles lost

What happened to the man with two wooden legs whose house burnt down?

He fell on his ash.

Why'd the pizza hipster have a burnt tongue?

He ate it before it was cool.

My wife treats me like an idol

she feeds me burnt offerings

What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What happened to the man who tried to blow up a bus?

What happened to the man who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

My wife must think I'm a god...

She keeps giving me burnt offerings !

A man walks into a store that has a broken neon sign

A man walks into a store and says,"hey, you should fix your neon sign out front, the letter E is burnt out".
The storekeeper replies, "I can't replace the letter, it would ruin the joke!"
"What joke?" Asks the man.
"Stop me if you've heard it before," says the shopkeep, "because it's an old E, but it's a good E."

I burnt my hand on a round stove plate.

It was 360 degrees.

I work with a guy who looks like Burt Reynolds.

He's from Ghana so we call him Burnt Reynolds.

If Burt Reynolds gets cremated

He will be Burnt Reynolds

"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"

"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"

"My dad got burnt."

"Oh, that's terrible. I hope he wasn't burned too badly."

"Nah. They really know what they're doing at those crematoriums."

What do you call someone who can't eat burnt toast?

Black toast intolerant.

Did you hear about the man who burnt down a field full of beans?

He really razed some pulses.

What does a burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common?

Someone that didn't take it out in time.

What's black, burnt and hanging from the ceiling?

A blonde electrician

The hipster burnt his tongue

He must've drank his coffee before it was cool

What is a witch's least favorite food?

Burnt steak.

How are burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend related?

All come from not pulling out on time.

My wife treats me like a god.

Every evening she places burnt offerings before me.

One day I was cooking some eggs and sausages for breakfast, and one of the sausages got burnt.

I'll never cook naked again.

I use to have a white girlfriend, now I got a black girlfriend.

Today I burnt my hand on the stove.

My wife must think I'm God

She keeps bringing me burnt offerings and is always on at me to perform miracles for her.

I was waiting at a stop light yesterday...

Up next to me pulled a small car. It was full of Muslim terrorist types shouting in a foreign language. The car had a half burnt American flag hanging on the side with "Remember 911" spray painted on the side. One of the men stuck his head out the window and shouted "Death to America!!!" They sped off right after before the light changed to green.

Out of nowhere an 18 wheeler slammed into the side of the car, crushing it and killing them all instantly.

I sat for a minute in shock. I thought to myself, that could have been me.

So this morning I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

Last night I burnt my Hawaiian Pizza.

Last night I burnt my Hawaiian Pizza.

I should have used a Aloha setting.

My dad burnt this beautiful slab of meat last night...

He made a terrible missteak.

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just some obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.

Actually it only takes one, but he burnt his fingers because he removed he old one before it was cool.

Two fill in the blank jokes for your particular rivalry.

1. What's the difference between a girl from _______ and a parrot?

You can teach a parrot to say no.

2. Did you hear that _________ school library burnt down?

They lost both books. One of them hadn't even been colored in yet.

After our house burnt down, the police said it could be someone we know...

My wife and I had one question. "Could it be arson?"

Old joke time...I was in a horrible accident and had my whole left side of my body burnt away.

It's ok, I'm all right now.

Why did the blonde give up on trying to blow up a car?

She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe

When I was younger I used to think I was a God.

Most parents give their kids food, mine gave me burnt offerings.

Did you hear about the Irish man who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

A moth goes into a dentists office at 11 PM

He goes to the lady behind the counter and says "i just won a million dollars in the lottery. So i bought my parents a mansion. As soon as i did the mansion burnt down, killing both of my parents and then i got hit by a car breaking my arm. I've never been more depressed or in debt in my life."

The woman sitting behind the counter says "your plight has moved me. I'm so sorry for what you've experienced. But i must ask: why did you come here? Its not a hospital, so i cant help you mentally and I'm not a bar so i cant give you a drink to cope."

And to that the moth says "well, the light was on."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes