The Best 24 Burns Night Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Burns Night jokes. There are some burns night morning jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these burns night burned puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Burns Night Jokes and Puns

Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...

... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.

The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."

The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.

The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."

They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."

The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well that was when the trouble started.

My friend's bakery burned down last night

Now his business is toast

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde, an American, and a Russian are in a bar, bragging about why they're better. The Russian says, "We were the first into space!" The American says, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde says,"Well we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The American says,"You know you can't do that, right? You'll burn up before you get there." The blonde says,"Well we're not dumb! We're going to go at night!"

Blonde vs. Space

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were taking a tour inside of NASA space center. The tour-guide asked them "What planet or other object in our universe would you go to?"

The red head said. "I'd go to Saturn!"

The brunette said, "I'd go to the Moon!"

The blonde said "I'd go to the Sun!"

The tour-guide looked at the blonde. "But if you go the Sun, you'll burn up and die."

The blonde rolled her eyes and replied calmly. "What, do you think I'm stupid? I'd go at night!"


3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...

1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".

2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".

3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".

1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

"Mr. Brezhnev, the Americans just landed on the moon!"

Brezhnev: "If the Americans were the first on the moon, then Russians will be first on the sun!"

Scientist: "But sun is so hot that astronauts will burn alive there!"

Brezhnev: "Are you stupid? We will fly to there in the night!"

Norm Macdonald: I was gonna say that the Polish government did actually try to land on the Sun back in the..[interrupted: No, no they didn't.] (Norm continues) Yes, and they were ridiculed for it, because they said, you know, you'll burn up when you come anywhere near it.

They said 'we're going at night'

Yo' Mama is like a race car: she burns through four rubbers a night.

Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship

The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"

I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to the Polish, I grew up in the '60's with a mix of Russian, Czech, Hungarian, Pole parents, relatives and friends and this is mild to the shit we dealt ourselves and friends back then. ;)

What???

Three astronauts are sitting at a table,one from the us,one from russia,and one from Poland. The us astronaut says were going to Mars. The russian says we made it to the moon. The pole says were going to the sun. The other two astronauts say you cant land on the sun,you'll burn. Theres nothing to land on. The polish guy says,"dont tell anyone,but were going at night!

You can explore burns night burn reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean burns night degree burns dad jokes. There are also burns night puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


TIL: The Polish Space Program planned to be the first country to send a man to the sun.

When asked how they would prevent their astronauts from burning up, space program officials stated "We'll go at night."

The Polish Astronauts.

Ya' ever hear the one about the Polish Astronauts?

Yeah, so they decided to go on a mission to the sun. The Americans called them up saying, "Poland! You can't go to the sun! You'll burn alive!"

The Poles responded, "AHA! We go at night!"

A man, that gets drunk almost every night, sees his friend while walking.

This one notices that the drunk guy has both ears burned and very injured, so he asks:

"How did it happen?"

The other night my wife left the iron on, then someone called me, and I took accidentally the iron instead of the telephone.

Oh...That sucks. And the left ear?

The idiot called again.

That poor security guard....

A security guard at a factory has two wooden legs.

He was working a night shift once when the factory caught fire.

A spokesman from the fire brigade told the local news crew that
thanks to them arriving on the scene quickly, the factory was saved.

However, the security guard was burned to the ground.

My sister tripped on my acid last night.

Now her foot is burning.

A couple of friends are holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night called Chinese-Burns Night

I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm...

My son and I were talking last night

He said, "Dad, i have to use stay out of the sun so I don't get a sun burn."
I simply replied, "No, no, no. You get son burns from dad jokes."

I did some LSD and watched a candle burn all night.

It was wicked.


A man went to a gay bar and picked up 3 faggots

He burned one, lit the other on fire, and made the other one dinner. Everyone had a nice night.

Took acid for the first time last night

I now have extensive internal chemical burns and tissue damage.

My friend died of heart burn last night

I can't believe Gaviscon

Last night my friend Gavin overdosed on heart burn medicine......

I can't believe Gaviscon.

A blonde, redhead, and a brunette were thinking about what they would do if they went to space.

The redhead said, "I would adopt a martian." The brunette said, "I would give Pluto some steroids." The Blonde said, "I would go to the sun." The redhead replied, "But you would burn up and die." The blonde responded, "Not if I went at night."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the burns night woken jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working burns night woke piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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