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Burns Calories Jokes

56 burns calories jokes and hilarious burns calories puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about burns calories that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Burns Calories Short Jokes

Short burns calories jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The burns calories humour may include short calories jokes also.

  1. Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
  2. I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes. Friend: How?
    Me: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.
  3. My wife burned 8,000 calories yesterday... because she left the brownies in the oven too long!
  4. Calories It's not impossible to burn 81500 calories in a day
    --Steve (head of the crematory)
  5. Me and a co worker were cremating a fat person. My coworker said I wonder how many calories we are burning .
  6. question funny Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

    Bill Murray
  7. It's ok to eat a lot at family parties You burn half of those calories anyway trying not to punch someone in the face
  8. How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?
    She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.
  9. My doctor asked me if I exercise regularly, I told him Yeah, whenever I go to the buffet It burns a lot of calories carrying 10 plates at once.

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Burns Calories One Liners

Which burns calories one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with burns calories? I can suggest the ones about fat burning and burning food.

  1. I wonder how many calories women burn by... ... jumping to conclusions.
  2. What's the best way to burn 1,000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.
  3. Why did the arsonist go to the gym? To burn some calories.
  4. You burn 26 calories a minute kissing. That's probably why I'm overweight.
  5. Obesity is no laughing matter. Because laughing burns calories.
  6. I just burned 1000 calories My pizza is gone.
  7. Why are Mistborns always so thin? Because they're always Burning calories!
  8. What fireman is doing in a gym? Burns calories.
  9. Decided to burn 🔥 a lot of calories today
  10. Just burned 2,500 calories in an afternoon... Over baked cookies
  11. How do you burn calories? Set your food on fire.
  12. When Chuck Norris burns calories, he uses a flamethrower.
  13. My girlfriend must burn a lot of calories per day She's always jumping to conclusions
  14. So, an obese man jumped into the fire, why? Because he had to burn some calories.
  15. Why do you want to run for President? Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories.

Comical & Quirky Burns Calories Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about burns calories you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sunburn jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make burns calories pranks.

One day a Blonde went the doctor with a burn on her stomach.


The doctor gasped and asked what happened. the Blonde told the doctor she put a lighter against her stomach.
The doctor asked her why in the world she would do that. the blond said "I was trying to burn calories."

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What's a fat kids favourite instrument?

The dinner bell

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during the act of s**..., who burns more calories?

depends on who's on top.

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Embarrassing Trip to the Local Swimming Pool

A young lady was swimming at a swimming pool and was having a great time burning calories and keeping fit.
To her horror, she found that her swimsuit had torn open at the bottom leaving her lady bits exposed.
Using her hands to cover up her modesty, she stealthily exited the pool by the side and grabbed a nearby sign to cover up.
This somehow got her more attention, and she looked down at the sign.
**"Depth 1.8metres"**
Slightly embarrassed, she got rid of that sign and quickly grabbed another.
More stares came her way...the sign read:
**"Men's entrance"**
She could feel her face getting redder by the moment, threw away the sign and grabbed the last one she could grab.
Practically everyone was looking at her now, if not for the spectacle she was causing, but also for what was now on that sign.
**"Repairs ongoing, please enter by the back"**

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h**...

Maybe h**... was just a fitness trainer and he was helping all the Jews burn a few calories

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Non-consensual s**...

burns more calories than consensual s**....

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You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of m**......

Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though.

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s**... burns 300 calories an hour.

After doing some extensive calculations, this year I burned roughly 5 calories.

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s**... can burn 200 calories an hour.

I better go on a diet.

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When you have s**... you burn 1000 calories.

No wonder you're so fat.

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b**... your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour.

It also gets you removed from your local gym.

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Doctors say having s**... with a Woman burns 150 Calories...

When I had s**... with a Woman, I too lost 150 calories- along with my keys, phone, wallet, and my wife...

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Calories burned during s**...

If the man is ready( same vice-versa).... 1 - 4 calories
If the woman is not( same vice-versa).... 300 - 400 calories.

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b**... s**... can burn 200 calories an hour.

Oh boy, can it burn.

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I just m**... while wearing my new Apple Watch.

Apparently I burned as many calories as if I walked 8 steps.

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Calories are just like the Viet Cong

Even if you burn them, they come back

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They say that during s**... you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

Who the h**... runs eight miles in 30 seconds?