The Best 35 Burns Calories Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Burns Calories jokes. There are some burns calories jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these burns calories puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Burns Calories Jokes and Puns

Just burned 2,000 calories.

That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

I burned 2000 calories today.

Last time I take a nap with brownies in the oven.

You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation...

Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though.

I just burned 2,000 calories in a few hours.

That's the last time I take a nap while baking brownies.


I burned 1000 calories today...

Forgot I had a pizza in the oven.

I burned 2,000 calories today...

I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.

I just burned 3,000 calories!!

My fault for leaving my brownies in the oven while I took a nap though.

Today I decided to burn some calories..

So I lit a fat kid on fire.

I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.

Friend: How?

Me: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.

I wonder how many calories women burn by...

... jumping to conclusions.

You can explore burns calories reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean burns calories dad jokes. There are also burns calories puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's the best way to burn 1,000 calories?

Leave the pizza in the oven.

Sex burns 300 calories an hour.

After doing some extensive calculations, this year I burned roughly 5 calories.

Why did the arsonist go to the gym?

To burn some calories.

Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour.

It also gets you removed from your local gym.

Yesterday I've burned 1000 calories

I forgot the cake in the oven.

I just burned 3,000 calories.........

I left the cookies in the oven too long! 😎

I just burned 12000 calories

I left the pizza in the oven

How do you burn a lot of calories at once?

Douse a fat person with gasoline and light a match


My wife told me to burn some calories...

So I found a fat kid and set him on fire.

I just burned 1200 calories...

I left the pizza in the oven too long.

My wife burned 8,000 calories yesterday...

because she left the brownies in the oven too long!

You burn 26 calories a minute kissing.

That's probably why I'm overweight.

Obesity is no laughing matter.

Because laughing burns calories.

During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.

Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?

I just masturbated while wearing my new Apple Watch.

Apparently I burned as many calories as if I walked 8 steps.

I just burned 1,500 calories!

I forgot the pizza in the oven.

When you have sex you burn 1000 calories.

No wonder you're so fat.

Me and a co worker were cremating a fat person.

My coworker said I wonder how many calories we are burning .

I just burned 1000 calories

My pizza is gone.

Sex can burn 200 calories an hour.

I better go on a diet.

Calories are just like the Viet Cong

Even if you burn them, they come back

Bondage sex can burn 200 calories an hour.

Oh boy, can it burn.

I just burned 2000 calories.

I'll never again leave my brownies in the oven while I nap.

Non-consensual sex

burns more calories than consensual sex.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the burns calories jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working burns calories piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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