Burned Jokes
155 burned jokes and hilarious burned puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about burned that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes? Learn how to turn the tables and get the last laugh by using a few cleverly crafted "burned jokes". Find out when it's appropriate to light the flame, and the right way to cook the perfect marshmallow.
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Funniest Burned Short Jokes
Short burned jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The burned humour may include short burnt jokes also.
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- My psychologist told me: "Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."
I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters... - Police officer: "I'm here to inform you that your son burned down the school" Parents: "arson?"
Police officer: "yes, your son" - Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
- What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it? Au-burn
^He^^He^^^He^^^^He - Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire? If it burns, it's a smart ant.
If it doesn't, it's retardant. - Greta Thunberg has just been confirmed as a huge polluter. Her Tweet to Tater-Tot was easily the biggest burn in history.
- My therapist told me a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them I did that, and it really worked! But I'm wondering, what do I do with the letters?
- My friend told me, You have a Bachelor's, a Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot. That was a third degree burn.
- Why did the match factory burn down? Because the workers went on strike
I just thought of this, not sure whether its an original joke
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Burned One Liners
Which burned one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with burned? I can suggest the ones about burnt out and fire burn.
- I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting
- I burned my finger on my computer processor. It MHz.
- Burned my Hawaiian pizza... Should have put it on aloha temperature.
- How did the hipster burn his lips? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- My wife made me stop burning clocks She was worried about all that second hand smoke
- I burned 2000 calories today. Last time I take a nap with brownies in the oven.
- If coal is so bad for the environment... why don't we just burn it all?
- I hope the guy who invented Autocorrect burns in Hello!
- What burns longer, a red or a green candle? Neither, they both burn shorter.
- What's a feminists favorite music festival? Burning Man.
- I burned 1000 calories today... Forgot I had a pizza in the oven.
- I used to cut and burn myself. Then I took culinary classes.
- What do you call an insult from an Indian man in a Turban? A Sikh Burn!
- My love for you is like a candle. If you ignore me I will burn your house down.
- The man who invented autocorrect, should burn in hello.
You Got Burned Jokes
Here is a list of funny you got burned jokes and even better you got burned puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do hipsters always burn their mouths eating pizza? They got into it before it was cool.
- My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building. Turns out they were firefighters.
- I got a black girlfriend now. I burned my hand on the stove.
- My friend got sent to prison for pulling out 3 people from a burning building Unfortunately, it turned out they were firefighters
- My girlfriend said that if i got her another useless gift she would burn it... That's why I got her a candle
- Your momma is so hairy When you was born you got carpet burn.
- Why did the arsonist quit starting fires? He got burned out.
- What's the name of the Disney princess that got burned? Cinder-ella
- My coworker got third-degree burns on his tongue. I was going to make a joke about it, but decided it would be in poor taste.
- In tragic news, Donald Trump's personal library has burned down Now he will never find out if the caterpillar ever got a good meal
Badly Burned Jokes
Here is a list of funny badly burned jokes and even better badly burned puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad just burned my little bro so bad He's in prison now.
- Angry Priest: "What will you do if you encounter the burning bush?" "I'm gonna put some anti-fungal cream on that bad boy."
- Have you heard that some bad dogs are running around burning down dog-houses? It's a rash of arfson.
- So I accidentally caused a fire and was badly burned. At least I was in the hospital already!
- Do not reach for the stars. They are hot gas, and will give you bad burns.
- What is it called when you insult an Indian so bad that he bursts into flames? A Sikh burn
Howlingly Hilarious Burned Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about burned you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean destroyed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make burned pranks.
Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?
Because it was pi-rated.
This just in: A white flag factory has burned to the ground in Paris...
... Effectively crippling the French military.
What happened when the shoe factory burned down?
500 soles were lost.
Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you...
you always get burned in the end.
I just burned 12000 calories
I left the pizza in the oven
"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"
"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"
"My dad got burnt."
"Oh, that's terrible. I hope he wasn't burned too badly."
"Nah. They really know what they're doing at those crematoriums."
Why did the hipster get burned when he drank his coffee?
The barista make a joke about sleeping with his mother.
How Do You Start a Flood?
An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.
The attorney said, I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything.
The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her car?
She burned her mouth on the exhaust.
Did you hear about the t**... who was sent to blow up a car?
Well, he burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.
The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."
The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I burned them."
The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."
The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I poked holes in them."
The third nun fainted.
Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...
... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."
They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"
What do a pregnant woman, a burned pizza and a frozen beer have in common?
In all three cases somebody took it out TOO LATE
How can you tell if you're being persecuted by agnostics?
You come home to find a question mark burned into your lawn.
How did h**... achieve 99 firemaking?
He burned yews.
A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down...
No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.
Why wasn't h**... allowed at the barbeques?
He always burned the Franks.
How many p**...-smoking hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Does anyone know? I'm having a party and my lava lamp is burned out.
Did you hear about the Ramen warehouse that burned down?
Dozens of dollars worth of Ramen was lost.
What was built after the Indian sandwich maker's shop burned down?
A New Delhi
Police talking on the radio...
* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...
Johnny burned both of his ears
Johnny burned both of his ears. So the doctor asked him at the hospital how it happened.
Johnny: I was ironing my shirt and the phone rang. So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear.
Doctor: How the heck did you burn the other ear?
Johnny: They called back.
my humor is really dark...
almost as dark as the burned down people in my basement.
I have the Quran on CD...
People sure are getting upset when I said I burned it.
My friend's bakery burned down last night
Now his business is toast
My 85 year old Grandfather just burned me so hard...
Me: "Hey Pup, know what I've been thinking?"
Pup: "Is that what I smell burning?"
I just burned 1,500 calories!
I forgot the pizza in the oven.
A w**... got burned down today...
Some came out running, and some ran out cummimg.
So a man had his eye lids burned off in a fire and the doctors used a new procedure to replace them with his f**...
He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed.
What do you call a Woolworths that has been burned down?
Coles
Did you hear the library at the University of Alabama burned down this morning?
All three books were destroyed.
One of them wasn't even colored in yet.
Donald Trump's Library Burned Down...
In a disastrous fire that destroyed Trump's library huge damages were sustained and all his books were lost. The real tragedy is that he hadn't finished coloring one yet!
Did you hear about the couple's resort that burned down?
Not a single person died.
How many Edward Snowden's does it take to know what is going on in a Clinton administration?
**The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a g**... negligent manner. **
what is common between a pregnant woman and a burned pizza ??
someone forgot to pull it out
My bread factory burned down.
Now my business is toast.
My cousin's shoe store burned down yesterday
There were so many lost soles.
What happened to the Irishman who tried to blow up a school bus?
He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
s**... burns 300 calories an hour.
After doing some extensive calculations, this year I burned roughly 5 calories.
Hear about the blonde t**... who tried to blow up a bus
Burned her lips on the exhaust pipe
I just read a book about Bipolar Disorder.
One hand I liked it and sent it to everyone I know, on the other hand I burned it and my house down.
You know, I don't find the recent super bowl win all that historic...
After all, this isn't the first time Atlanta was burned by the north.
What did the gingerbread man say when his house burned down?
Dang that cost me a lot of dough.
Firefighters recovered just the bottom of one shoe after the shoe factory burned down
It was the sole survivor.
I just burned 3,000 calories.........
I left the cookies in the oven too long! 😎
I just burned 1000 calories
My pizza is gone.
Two retired business men sitting on a beach.
Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.
John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.
Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"
There's a new scam involving counterfeit copper tone sunscreen.
Police are warning the public to read the ingredient list to avoid getting burned.
A Fries Factory Burned Down
It burned down to a crisp
It was so hot in Phoenix, the entire city burned to ground was reduced to ashes
Dont worry, it came right back up the next morning.
I just burned 2,000 calories in a few hours.
That's the last time I take a nap while baking brownies.
Did you hear about the school that burned down in Beijing, China?
25 children died. It was truly tragic.
And the worst part is, they all got out of the building fine, but they just ran around it and then darted back inside.
My ex girlfriend is a lot like my grill.
They're both smoking hot and burned my house down.
"I'd like a spell to make me famous," he said.
"OK," said the witch.
He burned for a week before he died. It was the talk of the kingdom.
Billy Joel's house has burned down. apparently due to a faulty game console.
Investigators say the fire was caused by a faulty game console. However, Mr Joel has claimed that Wii didn't start the fire.
John: Carl, why do you have a bandage on your ear?
Carl: I was ironing my shirts and my phone rang. I picked up the iron instead of the the phone and burned my ear.
John: I get that. But why do you have a bandage on the other ear?
Carl: Well, the phone rang again.
Did you hear about the t**... that tried to blow up the bus?
He burned his lips on the tailpipe.
A man, that gets drunk almost every night, sees his friend while walking.
This one notices that the drunk guy has both ears burned and very injured, so he asks:
"How did it happen?"
The other night my wife left the iron on, then someone called me, and I took accidentally the iron instead of the telephone.
Oh...That s**.... And the left ear?
The idiot called again.
My ex boss's house just burned down...
You know what they say, fight fired with fire.
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb just burned out; this is not the time to discuss it.
I'm not really in the mood to laugh, today my friends bakery burned down...
Now his business is toast :(
What did Woolworths turn into after it burned down?
Coles.
A man went into the doctors with both ears severely burned...
The doctor said 'Christ man, how did you manage that?!'
The man replied 'Well, I was doing the ironing when I suddenly heard the phone ring. I can't believe that I did this, but I accidentally pressed the iron to my ear instead of the phone!'
The doctor thought for a moment and said 'that explains one ear, but how did you burn the other one?'
The man replied 'Well, I burned that one trying to call an ambulance!'
A joke I was told in school...
Dad : Johnny, why are you crying?
Johnny : I dreamed that the school burned down!
Dad : Dont worry, it was just a dream.
Johnny : Why do you think I'm crying!?
Did you hear about the 70s style record company that burned down?
Yeah, it was a disc co. Inferno!
A fire burned one entire forest and only one elder rabbit survived,you know why?
Because old rabbits die hard
More and more firemen are calling in sick, do you know why?
Because they are burned out
Have you heard of the TV show about the airplane?
It sorta crashed and burned, but I think its because the pilot wasn't very good.
Did you hear that the Alabama governor's mansion burned down?
Pretty much took the whole trailer park with it.
Asked to give a statement after a cigarette sparked a fire that burned down a sweatshop where their products were being made, Old Navy replied:
"It's a travesty. It's a truly, horrific travesty. Nobody should be allowed to sell cigarettes to children that age!"
I like my women like I like my m**......
Chopped into tiny pieces and burned to ashes without the police ever finding out.
I wrote letters to all the people I hate, and I burned them.
Now I don't know what to do with the letters.
I burned 2,000 calories today...
I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.
