Following is our collection of woolworths humor and flame one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Burn puns for adults, dirty calories jokes or clean candle gags for kids.
There is an abundance of burning building jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 70 funniest jokes on burn. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any george burns witze you can hear about burn.
I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?
Burn it and you get stoned.
"Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."
I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters...
That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.
Stupid firemen
That would explain the doughnuts...
My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???
So I bought her a candle. That showed her.
I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.
If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.
I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting
Because the workers went on strike
I just thought of this, not sure whether its an original joke
One dumbass who never pulls out in time
Stupid firemen.
Stupid firefighters.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...
It MHz.
Because he drank it before it was cool
You left it in too long.
Should have put it on aloha temperature.
Burn it and you get stoned
Last time I take a nap with brownies in the oven.
why don't we just burn it all?
So I bought her a candle!
No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.
Neither, they both burn shorter.
that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. Well, I did that and I feel much, much better, but I'm not sure what to do with all these letters.
Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!
Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though.
That's the last time I take a nap while baking brownies.
Forgot I had a pizza in the oven.
But all of them used to be extremely hot at some point in the past.
Then I took culinary classes.
If you burn a body at a crematorium, you are doing a good job , but do it at home and you're destroying evidence .
He gave me the Koran.
The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.
Doctors say he will be a little cockeyed.
It was a third degree burn.
She's 7, which makes this so much better.
Her: Hey /u/Teeplaysgames, wanna know why Mom named Noah (our brother) Noah?
Me: Sure, why?
Her: Because the first time she saw him, she yelled "NOO! AHHHH!" and the doctor just wrote that down.
The trouble started when I asked him to burn a copy for me.
If you ignore me I will burn your house down.
Should have put it on aloha setting
The doctor said 'Christ man, how did you manage that?!'
The man replied 'Well, I was doing the ironing when I suddenly heard the phone ring. I can't believe that I did this, but I accidentally pressed the iron to my ear instead of the phone!'
The doctor thought for a moment and said 'that explains one ear, but how did you burn the other one?'
The man replied 'Well, I burned that one trying to call an ambulance!'
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time.
I should have put it on aloha temperature
should burn in hello.
If they are not really good, there's a very good chance you'll crash and burn.
So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea.
I set a fat kid on fire.
when I burn it, I get stoned.
Is like watching your favourite pub burn down.
If you don't blow me before bed I'll burn your house down
I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.
Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize
Nobody pulled out it time.
I heard it on the radio while I was driving down the freeway on my way to work. But then I was stuck in traffic.
Some guys came up to my car, knocked on my window and said "Sir, as you must have heard, Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists! They have demanded a 50 Billion dollar ransom, or else they will douse him in gasoline and burn him alive! We are going car to car asking for a contribution."
"Oh Dear!" I exclaimed. "What is the average contribution people are giving to this great and noble cause?"
"About a gallon, sir"
A blonde, an American, and a Russian are in a bar, bragging about why they're better. The Russian says, "We were the first into space!" The American says, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde says,"Well we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The American says,"You know you can't do that, right? You'll burn up before you get there." The blonde says,"Well we're not dumb! We're going to go at night!"
He ate pizza before it was cool
My fault for leaving my brownies in the oven while I took a nap though.
So I lit a fat kid on fire.
He rolled down the window and asked the officer: "Why is there such a traffic jam?"
Officer: "A group of terrorists kidnapped a few politicians and are blocking the road. They have threatened to burn the politicians alive in 1000 gallons of gasoline if they don't get a 5 million dollar ransom within the hour. I'm going from car to car collecting donations and would like to know if you'd please help."
Man: "Ok. How much are other people giving?"
Officer: "On average, about two gallons."
As part of my anger management counseling my therapist said I should "Write letters to the people you hate and then burn them."
So I did, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
... jumping to conclusions.
Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
Because the river was too mainstream.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Some obscure number you've never heard of.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth when he ate pizza?
Because he ate it before it was cool.
In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.
Aloe
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.