The Best 75 Burn Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Burn jokes. There are some burn flame jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these burn candle puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Burn Jokes and Puns
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...
I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?
What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common?
Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time.
I met a Muslim man who said he had the Qur'an on DVD.
The trouble started when I asked him to burn a copy for me.
My love is like a candle
If you don't blow me before bed I'll burn your house down
What burns longer, a red or a green candle?
Neither, they both burn shorter.
Watching your wife in childbirth...
Is like watching your favourite pub burn down.
How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?
No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.
A young burn victim gets new eyelids made from his foreskin!
Doctors say he will be a little cockeyed.
I burnt 1200 calories yesterday!
Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...
My little sister's sick burn
She's 7, which makes this so much better.
Her: Hey /u/Teeplaysgames, wanna know why Mom named Noah (our brother) Noah?
Me: Sure, why?
Her: Because the first time she saw him, she yelled "NOO! AHHHH!" and the doctor just wrote that down.
I asked my pusher for something to burn that would get me stoned.
He gave me the Koran.
You can explore burn woolworths reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean burn calories dad jokes. There are also burn puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP
I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.
I burned 1000 calories today...
Forgot I had a pizza in the oven.
You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation...
Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though.
Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved...
The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.
Burned my Hawaiian pizza...
Should have put it on aloha temperature.
I'm getting a little tired of these people coming to my door telling me I need to be "saved" or "I'll burn"...
Stupid firefighters.
What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend have in common?
One dumbass who never pulls out in time
I burned my Hawaiian pizza today...
I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting
What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran?
If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.
My Girlfriend told me that if I bought her any more stupid gifts, she would burn it!
So I bought her a candle!
I burnt a lot of calories today…
I set a fat kid on fire.
Telling a racist joke is like getting in a car with an asian driver
If they are not really good, there's a very good chance you'll crash and burn.
Why do tampons have strings?
So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea.
Many burn victims are not very attractive,
But all of them used to be extremely hot at some point in the past.
I used to cut and burn myself.
Then I took culinary classes.
Why did the match factory burn down?
Because the workers went on strike
I just thought of this, not sure whether its an original joke
What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman and a frozen beer all have in common?
You left it in too long.
My psychologist told me:
"Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."
I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters...
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
The Quran is like weed
Burn it and you get stoned.
Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today..
I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.
I just burned 2,000 calories in a few hours.
That's the last time I take a nap while baking brownies.
My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate......"
My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???
What does the Quran have in common with weed?
Burn it and you get stoned
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
I burned 2000 calories today.
Last time I take a nap with brownies in the oven.
My love for you is like a candle.
If you ignore me I will burn your house down.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth while drinking coffee?
Because he drank it before it was cool
I burned my finger on my computer processor.
It MHz.
The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate...
That would explain the doughnuts...
My wife said if I bought her one more stupid present, she would burn it
So I bought her a candle. That showed her.
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
If coal is so bad for the environment...
why don't we just burn it all?
A man went into the doctors with both ears severely burned...
The doctor said 'Christ man, how did you manage that?!'
The man replied 'Well, I was doing the ironing when I suddenly heard the phone ring. I can't believe that I did this, but I accidentally pressed the iron to my ear instead of the phone!'
The doctor thought for a moment and said 'that explains one ear, but how did you burn the other one?'
The man replied 'Well, I burned that one trying to call an ambulance!'
I call my weed the Qur'an
when I burn it, I get stoned.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night..
Should have put it on aloha setting
I hate these double standards
If you burn a body at a crematorium, you are doing a good job , but do it at home and you're destroying evidence .
My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen
Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!
The man who invented autocorrect,
should burn in hello.
I burned 2,000 calories today...
I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"
Stupid firemen.
A mentor of mine once told me
that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. Well, I did that and I feel much, much better, but I'm not sure what to do with all these letters.
My friend said, You have a B.A., Master's, and a Ph.D, but you still act like a moron.
It was a third degree burn.
I hate those people that bang on your door saying you need to be saved or else you'll burn
Stupid firemen
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other night
I should have put it on aloha temperature
How did the hipster burn his lips?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
But what do I do with the letters?
My psychotherapist once told me that I should write letters to the people that did me harm and then burn them. But what do I do with the letters?
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today
Should've used aloha temperature
I hate those people who come and knock on my door, telling me how I have to be "saved" or else I'll "burn"
Stupid firefighters.
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.
Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
What do you call an insult from an Indian man in a Turban?
A Sikh Burn!
Just burnt my hawaiian pizza in my oven tonight..
Should have used aloha temperature....
What does a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant woman all have in common?
An idiot who didn't take it out in time.
Why do hipsters always burn their mouths eating pizza?
They got into it before it was cool.
I told an airplane joke to my co-worker.
Sadly, it flew right over their head. (It wasn't a 9-11 joke, those crash and burn anyways)
My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans
I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.
Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.
Me: Pinocchio?
Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"
TIFU by complimenting a waiter at a steakhouse
I told him "well done!" and he decided to burn my steak?? Tf
Russian man dies
Russian man die, but for him suffer not over. Man very wicked, and go to hell. There devil make punish: he burn in lake of fire. Is warm. Russian man finally happy.
So devil make lake hotter. But Russian man now is warmer. Now is happier.
Devil get very frustrate. So devil make fire lake into ice lake--lake cold as million Russian winter. But Russia man now happiest of all!
"Devil!" he say, "Hell is freeze! Russia is finally happy country!"
But is not true. Is only story.
Also, man not in hell, only Russia.
When journalists quote you, they have a subtle but unmistakable way to call out your grammatical errors.
It's a [sic] burn.
How did Helen Keller burn her fingertips?
She was trying to read the waffle iron.
My friend told me, You have a Bachelor's, a Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.
That was a third degree burn.
My wife asked what I thought our daughter was going to do in college...
"Crash and burn. It's a double major."
My therapist told me a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them
I did that, and it really worked! But I'm wondering, what do I do with the letters?
Therapist tells his patient to write individual letters to everyone who wronged him and then burn them to gain some peace
Patient comes back the next week and says he's done what the therapist recommended. Then asks what he should do with the letters
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the burn burning building puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working burn george burns piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.