Buried Jokes
148 buried jokes and hilarious buried puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about buried that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the dark side of humor as we take a look at the forgotten jokes that are buried alive! We'll take you to the cemetary, graveside, and beyond to uncover the forgotten dead jokes in search of hidden treasures. Join us for a truly one-of-a-kind expedition into the shadowy world of Buried Jokes.
Quick Jump To
- Short Buried Jokes
- Buried One Liners
- Buried Alive Jokes
- Buried Treasure Jokes
- Buried In Sand Jokes
- More Buried Jokes
Funniest Buried Short Jokes
Short buried jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The buried humour may include short burying jokes also.
- If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris
- Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got
- My sisters and I met yesterday to discuss whether or not to bury or cremate our mother.. We couldn't come to a decision between the two so we are letting her live for now.
- I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
- My uncle was the first man to be fitted with a lead pacemaker. He died last week. We buried him with a heavy heart.
- Dark I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery. - Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?... I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said, "here lies a lawyer and an honest man".
- I like my shovels like I like my women.. I like my shovels like I like my women.
Sturdy. Dependable. Can help me bury a body. - Why do they bury politicians under 6 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they're good people.
- Everyone keeps asking me why I buried my mom in such a terribly ugly outfit We were shopping a few years ago and she said that was the last thing she'd ever want to wear.
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Buried One Liners
Which buried one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with buried? I can suggest the ones about submerged and drowned.
- The earth used to be flat, but then they buried yo mama.
- Why are lawyers buried 12 feet under? A: Because deep down they're really good people.
- Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep? Because deep down, they're really nice guys.
- Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago Because he's still alive
- What do you call a body that's been buried in the wrong tomb? A grave mistake.
- Why do they bury police officers 6ft under. Because deep down they are good people.
- The Earth was flat.... ...until they buried yo mama.
- Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep?
Because deep down they're good people. - When they buried the man who invented Tetris ...the whole cemetery disappeared.
- A woman and a dog once fell in love. He buried his bone in her backyard.
- When beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.
- The man who invented the crossword also died today He was buried 6 down and 5 across.
- My grandpa was buried with his entire butter making kit. He'll be churning in his grave.
- Your mum is so fat Before she was buried the earth was a disc.
- When the Kardashians die, they won't be buried or cremated. They'll be recycled.
Buried Alive Jokes
Here is a list of funny buried alive jokes and even better buried alive puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can't you bury a man living east of the Mississippi in a graveyard west of the Mississippi? He's still alive.
(Learned from my 6th grade math teacher Mr. Warren) - How did the blonde kill an earthworm? She buried it alive.
- Why can't a girl living in America be buried in Canada? Because she is still alive
- What do you ask a lawyer buried alive up to his neck in sand? "Run out of sand, did they?"
- TIL that nobody living in my country can legally be buried in it. It may be because they're alive
- Today I found out that nobody living in my town is allowed to be buried in it. It might be because they're alive
- People who live near cemeteries typically don't get buried there You don't tend to bury alive people
- I decided at a young age that I would get buried in the same way as my father Unfortunately gangsters buried him alive
Side note,could someone please send help - Why does Donald Trump not want to be buried between the tombs of Roosevelt and Eisenhower? He's still alive.
- Imagine if Houdini was still alive. Jokes on him, cause we buried him in a real coffin.
Buried Treasure Jokes
Here is a list of funny buried treasure jokes and even better buried treasure puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You're so ugly, when you were born your mom said... What a treasure and your dad said Lets go bury it!
- My Father always said his children are his treasures. When he buried Debbie in the backyard it took a dark twist.
- Some people are such treasures That you just want to bury them
- What's the difference between a Star Wars fan on a hunt for buried treasure and a black man? One is a nerdy digger..
- Comedians like Chris Farley and George Carlin were so good, they're a national treasure Well, they used to be anyway
Now they're just buried treasure - My GF is like my treasure... I buried her in my backyard yesterday.
- Ugly Kid You're so ugly, when you were born, your mum said, "what a treasure!" and your dad said, "Yeah. Let's Bury it!"
- Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she was born, her mama called her a treasure, so her daddy offered to bury her.
- What's the difference between pirate treasure and Madeline McCann? There's a map showing where the treasure was buried.
- Why did Blackbeard cross the road? To indicate where the treasure is buried.
Buried In Sand Jokes
Here is a list of funny buried in sand jokes and even better buried in sand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a waffle that's been buried in sand? Sandiego
(The first joke I ever made as a kid) - What do you call a bunch of lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
- What do you call 3 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? A good start.
- What do you call 25 lawyers buried neck-high in sand? not enough sand
- What do you call it when a Mexican digs their feet under the sand? Bury-toes. Hah hah
- What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
Howlingly Hilarious Buried Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about buried you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sunken jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make buried pranks.
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
A psychologist tells the troubled man:
tell me about your childhood.
man: it was a horrible time doc, I used to have a twin and everyone accused me for all the troubles he made.
psychologist: what did you do about it?
man: i had my revenge last week..
psychologist: how?
man: I died and they buried him instead.
Did you hear about the new law that passed? If you're living in Oklahoma, it is i**... to be buried in Texas...
But once you die, it's perfectly legal.
There's an old Italian man
There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.
"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."
The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."
That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.
The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."
A husband and Wife from the States visit the Holy Land...
During the trip the wife tragically dies. A f**... director in Israel tells the husband that she can be buried in the holy land for $500, or shipped back to the US for $4000. The husband immediately says, "Let's ship her back to the states." The f**... director asks why, when it's so much cheaper to bury her her. Husband says "Someone else came back to life after 3 days being buried here before, I'd rather not take that chance."
A great cardiologist is being buried.
All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a f**... and he responds "I was picturing my f**... because I'm a gynecologist".
Dough Boy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
What do you call a hundred black men buried up to their necks in dirt?
Afroturf
Strange music
In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.
A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.
Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.
"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."
Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."
Can't take that chance
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take
that chance."
What do a wedding and a f**... have in common?
At the end of the day, a stiff gets buried either way.
A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.
The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed v**..., three men buried in the same grave!"
A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin
...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"
The man replied,
"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....
The policeman fainted.
From grandma: Why do women wear p**... with flowers on them?
In memory of all the faces that were buried there.
An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..
...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.
A farmer saw a plane full of politicians c**... near his farm.
When the police arrived, they asked the farmer what happened.
Farmer: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them.
One of the police men asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"?
Farmer: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive".
But I couldn't believe them.
You know, these politicians. They can lie.
Couple went to Jerusalem...
And the wife died there..
Priest : Sending her body to home will cost you $10,000 , but burial in this holy city will cost just $100.
Man : I'll take the body home.
Priest : Oh,you must really love your wife a lot...
Man : Nothing like that father.....
Just that Jesus was buried here......
and he came alive the third day...
I asked my dad who the favourite child was.
"Ask your brother," he replied.
"Where is he?" I asked.
He said, "Buried in the garden."
Today, I'm gonna dig up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid.
I can't wait to see how big my puppy's gotten.
"Raising a family is hard," he said.
"Not if they're buried close enough together," replied the Necromancer.
The Worst Natural Disaster
So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.
* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.
But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.
A guy meets his friend on the street
but his friend has a horribly swollen face, is missing teeth, has scratches on his arms, blood all over his shirt and he looks scared and disorientated. Of course his friend gets extremely worried and asks:
"Are you all right?! What happened dude?"
"I just buried my mother-in-law..."
"So?"
"Well she resisted".
A lawyer named Strange died.
His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
I made the Earth move for the last girl I had s**... with.
And then I moved it back to the hole I had buried her in.
My Mother in law said to me: "I'll dance on your grave, when you're dead"
"Good!" I said, "I'm being buried at sea."
A grave digger...
A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.
The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.
The grave digger hits the coffin.
The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.
The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"
Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."
My dad and i were driving past a cemetery
When suddenly my dad said in a serious toned voice
"I know something you don't know about this place.The people living in this town aren't allowed to be buried in here"
And i was really confused so i asked why and he said
"Because they are still alive."
Original: tumblr user @hello.
I'm thinking of starting a youth foundation...
I mean I've already got like 30 kids buried in my basement.
We were driving past the graveyard and my dad asks:
"Do you know why I can't be buried there?"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not dead yet, Son."
Why did the necromancer have trouble raising a family?
They weren't buried in the same cemetery.
As a family we couldn't decide whether to have grandma buried or cremated
So in the end, we let her live.
(Gary Delaney)
I came home to find an axe buried in my pc
I think it has been hacked
A man is walking through a cemetery
when he sees a headstone that reads, "Here lies John, an honest man and a lawyer."
"How about that," he thinks. "Three men buried in one grave!"
I want my tombstone to read..
When I said I wanted to be buried under an apple tree, I meant AFTER I was dead!
What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place?
I've made a grave mistake.
I took my grandma to a new spa..
I took my grandmother to a new spa where they have little fish eat away at your dead skin for only $40.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
The Cardiologist's f**...
A renowned cardiologist passed away, and all his friends from the same hospital attended his f**.... In order to pay tribute to his profession and his passion, he was buried in a coffin shaped like a heart.
After the service, it was noticed that one of the doctors was smiling. When asked why, he said "Oh, I'm just imagining my own f**.... I'm a gynecologist, you see."
After Beethoven died and they buried him, you could hear his symphonies from the grave in the descending order, first his symphony No. 9, then No. 8 etc.
He was just decomposing.
Little Timmy drowned the other day.
He was buried in a lifejacket. It's what he would have wanted.
Guy is drinking alone at the bar, visibly sad.
The bartender comes up to him and says: "Hey man, you seem down. What's up?"
The guy replies: "We buried my dad two days ago".
The bartender says: "I'm so sorry man. When did he die?".
The guy replies: "I don't know, probably yesterday".
Little Nancy, 8, was filling a hole in her garden when
the nosey neighbor peered over the fence, and asked "What are you doing?"
Nancy replied, "Well my goldfish dies so I just buried him"
The obnoxious neighbor laughed and said in a condescending tone, "That is an awful big hole for a tiny gold fish"
As Nancy used her shovel to pat down the last heap of earth she replied, "Well he's in your cat"
The man who invented the TV remote control died...
He's going to be buried between two couch cushions.
An American man visits the Holy Land...
An American man visits the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. Sadly the mother-in-law died. When seeing the local Israeli undertaker, it was explained that they could ship the body home for $5,000. But if they buried her locally it would cost only $150. The man said to the undertaker "We'll ship her home." The undertaker asked "Are you sure? It's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here." The man replied "look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that chance."
Driving past a cemetery:
dad: "did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
me: "really? why not?"
dad: "because they're not dead yet."
When I die I want to be buried in wet concrete
So that over time the plot thickens
A trucker calls his boss.
He says:
- I just ran a pig over, what now?
The boss asks him:
- Dead?
- Dead.
- Truck's OK?
- OK.
- So bury it and drive away.
Then the trucker disconnects, and later calls again. The boss asks him:
- You buried it?
- Yes, but I don't know what to do with his cop car.
Yo mama so fat...
When she was buried, the flat earthers announced the earth is not flat anymore.
Before she died, my mom told me she wanted to be buried with my grandma.
I feel really sad about having to kill grandma.
I've heard that more people are getting cremated than buried these days.
I guess coffins are a dying business.
Man : 'It is really difficult to raise a family.'
Man : 'It is really difficult to raise a family.'
Necromancer: 'Not if they are buried close together.'
Man: 'What ? ... '
Necromancer: 'What ? ... '
"There are dinosaur bones buried out back!", I told my kids.
It's not my fault we couldn't afford a proper burial for their grandmother.
Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest
And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane c**...?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."
wrong answer
A guy shows up at his local pub with a black eye. "What happened to you?" asks the bartender.
"Oh, this morning my wife asked me where I would like to be buried," says the guy.
"So?" asks the bartender.
And the guy says, "Apparently, 'Balls deep in her sister' wasn't the answer she was expecting."
An elderly couple were on vacation in Israel
While they were there the wife suddenly dies of a heart attack.
A local mortitian explains the husband that it would cost him 100$ to bury her in Israel but it would cost him 3.000$ to have her transported to America tp have her buried at home.
The husband thinks about it for a while and then says to the mortitian that he would like to have her transported home.
The mortitian asks the why he wouldn't let her be buried in Israel when he could save a lot of money!
The husband then says "well I've heard of a guy who died and was buried here many years ago and he came back after three days. I'm not gonna risk that!"
I get to open the time capsule I buried as a child tomorrow!
I can't wait to see how big my puppy has gotten!
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"
Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: What are you doing there, Nancy?
My goldfish died, Nancy sobbed. And I've just buried him.
The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: That's a really big hole for a little goldfish, don't you think?
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: That's because he's inside your cat.
The merry widow dies and goes to heaven
When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband.
St Peter: "What's his name?"
Her: "Ted Smith."
St Peter: "We've got many, many Ted Smiths up here. Help me narrow it down. Where was he buried and what were his last words?"
Her: "He was buried in Woodbank Cemetery and his last words to me were that if I ever slept with another man, he'd turn in his grave."
St Peter: "Oh right, whirling Ted Smith."
"hey man— you buried my grandmother in the wrong plot"
I guess you could say *[stares muthafuckingly]*... I made a grave mistake.
A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.
So, at the f**... reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.
A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "Of course, I wrote him a check."
An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:
This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.
A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.
The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"
Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johnny?"
"Well, my goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied... "That's because he's inside your cat!"
A lawyer died and was so big they almost had to bury him in a piano case.
Instead they gave him an e**... and buried him in a shoebox.
