buried Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious buried puns

The Earth used to be flat,

but then they buried yo mama.

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Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy got

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My wife asked me where I'd like to be buried...

Apparently "Balls deep in your sister" was not the answer she was expecting.

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Guy is drinking alone at the bar, visibly sad.

The bartender comes up to him and says: "Hey man, you seem down. What's up?"

The guy replies: "We buried my dad two days ago".

The bartender says: "I'm so sorry man. When did he die?".

The guy replies: "I don't know, probably yesterday".

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From grandma: Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In memory of all the faces that were buried there.

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My dad and i were driving past a cemetery

When suddenly my dad said in a serious toned voice

"I know something you don't know about this place.The people living in this town aren't allowed to be buried in here"

And i was really confused so i asked why and he said

"Because they are still alive."

Original: tumblr user @hello.

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My wife asked me where I would like to be buried.......

Apparently, " Balls deep in your sister " wasn't the anewer she was expecting.

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A lawyer named Strange died.

His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"

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Guy: I buried my wife 2 days ago! Friend: Shit! I'm sorry, man. When did she die?

Guy:Probably sometime yesterday

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What do you call a body that's been buried in the wrong tomb?

A grave mistake.

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My uncle was the first man to be fitted with a lead pacemaker. He died last week.

We buried him with a heavy heart.

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Dark

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.Β 
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It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

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A husband and Wife from the States visit the Holy Land...

During the trip the wife tragically dies. A funeral director in Israel tells the husband that she can be buried in the holy land for $500, or shipped back to the US for $4000. The husband immediately says, "Let's ship her back to the states." The funeral director asks why, when it's so much cheaper to bury her her. Husband says "Someone else came back to life after 3 days being buried here before, I'd rather not take that chance."

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Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep?

Because deep down they're good people.

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When they buried the man who invented Tetris

...the whole cemetery disappeared.

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Genie on the beach

A guy is walking along a Florida beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."

"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."

"OK, then, I want to die after Congress balances the budget and eliminates the debt.

"You crafty little bastard," said the genie.

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I'm thinking of starting a youth foundation...

I mean I've already got like 30 kids buried in my basement.

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Why are lawyers buried 15 feet deep in the ground when they die?

Because deep down they are good people.

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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

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A woman and a dog once fell in love.

He buried his bone in her backyard.

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I made the Earth move for the last girl I had sex with.

And then I moved it back to the hole I had buried her in.

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The man who invented the crossword also died today

He was buried 6 down and 5 across.

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What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place?

I've made a grave mistake.

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I caught my Grandma sucking my Grandad's cock last night.

A bit weird, since I thought they buried it along with the rest of him.

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I've heard that more people are getting cremated than buried these days.

I guess coffins are a dying business.

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Yo mama so fat...

When she was buried, the flat earthers announced the earth is not flat anymore.

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Blonde genies

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.

Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.

It's the two blonde genies!

One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"

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Dough Boy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.

The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

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Halloween in Jamaica

It's Halloween in Jamaica and some friends are organising a costume party. Everyone's told that the theme of the party is Moods and Feelings.

One the night itself, there's a knock on the door and when the host opens it, standing on the porch are two guys, completely naked, except for the fact that one guy has his cock buried inside a pear and the other is balls deep in a bowl of custard.

The host looks at them before asking, "Guys, what the fuck have you come dressed as??"

One of the guys smiles and says "Mon, I've come in Despair and he's fucking Disgusted"

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A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.

The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed Virgin, three men buried in the same grave!"

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My wife asked me where I wanted to be buried.

Although I'm pretty sure "balls deep in your sister" wasn't the answer she wanted to hear.

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Strange music

In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.

A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.

Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.

"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."

Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."

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Wishes

A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.

"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."

"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."

The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *Poof!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"

"Yep," the genie said.

"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *Poof!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"

"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"

She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"

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A grave digger...

A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.


The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.


The grave digger hits the coffin.


The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.


The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"


Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."

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Can't take that chance

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker

told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man

thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and

you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take

that chance."

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What are the most funny Buried jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Buried? Well, here are the best Buried dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Buried pick up lines to share with friends.

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