Burglary Jokes
20 burglary jokes and hilarious burglary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about burglary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Burglary Short Jokes
Short burglary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The burglary humour may include short breaking and entering jokes also.
- I slept through a burglary once and it was a fatal mistake. Next thing I knew I was being thrown in a police van.
- Victim (after burglary): They stole everything from my house but the soap and towels. Cop: Those dirty crooks.
- Huge spike in auto-burglaries where crooks cut openings through top of convertibles. Police spokesman says this type of crime is through the roof.
- There was a pet shop burglary near where I live the other night The police say they don't have any leads
- Burglary At Adult Novelty Store - Burglars were caught by their mechanic after complaining of a serious vibration in the rear.
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Burglary One Liners
Which burglary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with burglary? I can suggest the ones about theft and armed robbery.
- It's muggy outside But inside, it's burglary.
- Police responded to a reported burglary at Tesla's robotics lab. It was an Optimus crime.
- I once slept through a burglary. Next thing I know they're taking mugshots.
- I once slept through a burglary. Next thing I knew I was in the back of a police van.
- How did the burglary tournament work? it was a round robbin'
Cheeky Burglary Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about burglary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mugging jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make burglary pranks.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Insurance
A lawyer and an engineer were discussing insurance.
"You need fire insurance, burglary insurance and flood insurance." says the engineer.
"The fire and theft and burglary I can understand," said the lawyer,
"but the flood insurance? How do you start a flood?"
The police finally catch a notorious criminal,
so the chief himself decides to interrogate him.
Chief: "Let me see here, you have quite the backstory. Theft, forgery, burglary, forgery, blackmail, theft, forgery, forgery, forgery, the list goes on and on. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Criminal: "Well, it took me a while to figure out my area of expertise."
Last week, a burglary was reported at the fairgrounds
The burglars appear to have taken the bumper cars, the Tilt-a-Whirl, the spinning teacups, the Whirligig swing, the carousel and the Ferris wheel. Detectives have been searching the fairgrounds for clues, but report they still haven't found anything to go on.
3 new inmates discussing their sentences
first new prisoner pipes up "i'm in for m**..."
the other two ask him "what did you get?"
"20-life"
second prisoner "i'm in for burglary and r**..."
"what did you get?"
"10-15"
third jailbird "i'm in for burning i**... immigrants"
"what did you get?"
"10 to the gallon!"
A crime at the movie theater
A police detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got done investigating a burglary at the local movie theater," the detective tells the bartender. "They lost almost $10,000." "That's horrible," the bartender says. "Did they get the cash register?" "No," the detective replies. "Just three jumbo tubs of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hot dog."
Police dog
One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."
-Hello?Is this the police?There's an attempted burglary under way..
-Hello?Is this the police?There's an attempted burglary under way in the two story house by the lake how much time you need to come over?
-About 20 minutes sir
-Cool thanks!I wanted to see how much time we 've got before you catch us
There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.
The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.
When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.
