The Best 24 Burglars Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Burglars jokes. There are some burglars theft jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these burglars thief puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Burglars Jokes and Puns

My house was robbed last night. The burglars took everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothpaste, and mouthwash.

Dirty bastards.

Two burglars are robbing a liquor store.

One turns to the other and asks, "Is this whiskey?"

The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank."

Burglars are getting very clever these days..

Last night, my wife woke me up..

*Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!*

So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.

Then I realised I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and tv were gone.

Burglars joke, Burglars are getting very clever these days..

Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.

The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.

The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

Why don't cats make good burglars?

They can't get past the laser defenses


Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin Ho Malone?

His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.

A gang of midget burglars broke into a butchers but fled empty handed.

It seems the steaks were too high.

Burglars joke, A gang of midget burglars broke into a butchers but fled empty handed.

The police station was burglarized. The burglars stole the toilet seat.

Police have nothing to go on.

One of my dads faves

Burglars have broken into Scotland Yard and stolen all the toilets

Police say they have nothing to go on

Burglars are getting smarter and smarter ...

My wife woke me up the other day and said "darling, I think there's a burglar downstairs, can you go and check?" So I go downstairs and look in every room, and there was no burglar to be seen. Then I realised,..

I don't have a wife.

What do hackers, gay men and burglars all have in common?

They want access to the back door.

You can explore burglars trespassers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean burglars arrest dad jokes. There are also burglars puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Want to know how to scare burglars off?

First: Put pictures of a tiger all around your house.

Second: Put a cat litter tray in your hallway and take a dump in it.

Last week, a burglary was reported at the fairgrounds

The burglars appear to have taken the bumper cars, the Tilt-a-Whirl, the spinning teacups, the Whirligig swing, the carousel and the Ferris wheel. Detectives have been searching the fairgrounds for clues, but report they still haven't found anything to go on.

How do you fight off four burglars with nothing but a TV remote?

Please respond quickly!

Why are burglars so sensitive?

Because they take things personally

Three burglars are running from the police

They go into a dark alley and hide in three sacks. The police look around and one of them kicks the first sack and the burglar goes "meow", "just cats" he thinks. He then kicks the second one and the the second burglar goes " meow" so the police pass it off as more cats. He then kicks the last sack and the burglar says "potatoes".

Burglars joke, Three burglars are running from the police

A man gets woken up by intruders in his house.

He phones the police and says "There's people robbing my house, please send help".

They dispatcher says there's no cars or police available.

The man hangs up and phones back 2 minutes later.

"I just shot the guys. They're both here with bullets in them"

2 minutes later, police cars, helicopters, armed forces, counter-terror police turn up and raid the house, catching the burglars in the act.

The police looked confused and asked "You said you shot them!"

The man replied "You said there were no police available."

1937 in Moscow

Moscow. The year is 1937. At around 3 am, a man wakes up to the sound of the door being broken down and he goes to inspect it. He returns to the bedroom where his wife is trembling and crying. "Don't worry my dear, it's just burglars!"

If you've heard of Post Malone maybe you've heard of Ho Malone

It's this classic movie about a young boy who gets left behind by his family at Christmas and has to defend his house from burglars.


When I was young we were so poor

That burglars broke into the house in the middle of the night. They couldn't find anything to steal so they woke us up to make fun of us.

Two burglars tried to ransack a comedian's office, but they were caught while making their getaway.

Turns out they couldn't take a joke.

We had gay burglars the other night.

They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Why didn't Kevin from Home Alone call the cops when the burglars came around?

He was running a trap house.

Burglary At Adult Novelty Store -

Burglars were caught by their mechanic after complaining of a serious vibration in the rear.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the burglars cops jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working burglars policemen piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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