The Best 85 Burger Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Burger jokes. There are some burger mcdonald jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these burger burger king puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Burger Jokes and Puns
You: Would you like a keto burger?
My anaconda: No.
I'm giving my order at Burger King.
I ask for a Triple Whopper with cheese, and extra mayo. The 20-ish girl in line behind me says, "Do you know what that will do to your body?"
I turned and replied, "Nothing, compared to what my body will do to it."
A blonde walks into a library
and says to the librarian,"I'll have a cheese burger."
the librarian replies softly says,"Sweety, this is a library."
the blonde whispers,"Oh. Sorry, I'll have a cheese burger."
A man walks into a burger joint
He sees a really pretty blonde lady working behind the counter. He looks at the menu, which reads
-Hamburger: $2.00
-Cheeseburger: $2.50
-Handjob:$25.00
He thinks for a second, then asks the woman "Are you the one that gives handjobs?"
She smiles and replies "I am."
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a burger."
A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar.
A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar..
He says to the barman 'Can I have a pint please?'
Barman says 'Sorry pal, didn't quite catch that, speak up a bit'
Burger says 'Sorry there, I'm a little bit horse'
Where do burgers like to dance?
At a meatball!
My friend told me to stop making Burger King puns
I said "fine! Have it your way!"
My dad's favorite joke.
A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's gross, you should see him make donuts."
It was my son's birthday, so I took 4 of his mates for a burger and then bowling.
They had a great time, he would have loved it
Why can you never compromise with a veggie burger?
Because they'll never meat in the middle.
I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger.
It was good, but the bill was enormous.
You can explore burger steak reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean burger sandwich dad jokes. There are also burger puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A buddhist monk approaches a burger foodtruck
and says make me one with everything. The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid. Where's my change? the monk asks. The vendor replies, change comes from within
I went out the other night and tried a pelican burger for the first time....
It was amazing but the bill was enormous!!
A shetland pony walks into a Burger King...
He walks up to the counter and whispers "I'll take one whopper please." The cashier says "sure, buy why are you whispering?" The pony looks up at him and says "sorry, I'm just a little hoarse"
Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger?
It had beef.
Man waits impatiently at the Jamaican restaurant...
Man: when will my burger be ready!?
Jamaican man: mon soon!
Man: Soon!? I've already been waiting for 45 min—
[both men were killed by a monsoon]
Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper?
McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.
Why are Wendy's burgers so good?
Because they don't cut corners.
Where do burgers go when they die?
Burgatory
A man invites his Jewish friend out for lunch
Upon arriving at the restaurant, his friend says "I'm not sure I can eat here. Is Burger King kosher?" The man waved his hand dismissively and says "Don't worry, it's Burger King: Have it Yahweh."
Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.
They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."
What's a bulimic cheerleaders favourite restaurant?
In'n'Out Burger
My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger.
It was mine.
A polar bear walks in to a bar...
He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.
The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."
...
...
...
Bartender says: "a Burger?"
PB: ...
...
...
...
BT: "Some wings?"
PB: ...
...
...
PB: "a beer".
The bartender asks "why the long pause?'
The polar bear raises his arms and says "I was born with them"
A blonde walks into a library
She goes up to the librarian at the counter and says,
"Hello, can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries?"
The librarian, with a confused look, responds, "Sorry but this is a library."
The blonde pauses for a few seconds. She then whispers,
*"Can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries please?"*
How did Dairy Queen wind up pregnant?
Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper
A drunk walks into a library...
He goes up to the desk and slurs: I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.
The librarian replies: Sir, this is a library!
***whispers*** Sorry, I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.
What's the difference between a burger, and a blow job?
You don't know?
Let's do lunch sometime!
What do you call a burger that merged with a laptop?
*A big mac*
A man walks into a bar.
The menu reads
>Burger: $5
>Hand job: $10
He slides a $10 bill to the female bartender and asks:
"Are you the girl who does the hand jobs?"
She responds with a smooth voice:
"Why yes I am"
The man then says:
"Then wash your hands, because I want two burgers"
If Dairy Queen and Burger King had a baby, what do you call it?
Restaurants can't have sex you moron.
A man walks into a library...
...The man walks up to the librarian and says "Can I have a burger and fries please." The librarian, confused, replies with "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologises, leans in closely and whispers "Can I have a burger and fries please."
I could never eat a vegan burger
I don't believe in cannabalism
My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900.
The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.
One day when I was young......
I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.
Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant?
Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!
Cheating!!!!
Rod's Wife and Rod Started dieting a week ago.
She proposed that they should have a cheat day today...
She brought home a burger & Rod brought home his Secretary..
From his hospital bed, Rod is wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.😀😜😀😜
What does Bruce Lee order at Burger King?
A *WHOPPA*!
Yo momma's so fat
When she went to McDonalds they had to call Burger King for backup
A blonde goes into a library and, speaking clearly and loudly, orders a burger, fries and a milkshake.
The librarian rolls his eyes and says, exasperated, "This is a library, ma'am."
So the blonde leans in and whispers, "Sorry. I'll have a burger, fries, and a milkshake."
I was walking past Toys R Us today, when I noticed a really long line outside...
I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"
He said, "That's the Barbie queue."
Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...
Your mama is so fat
When she went to the court house and the judge said 'order, order', she said 'a burger and chips please!'
A blonde walks into a library..
and says: 'i'll have the cheese burger and a coke.'
the librarian is confused and says: 'you know you're in a library, right?'
the blonde goes: 'oh sorry' and whispers 'i'll have the cheese burger and a coke.'
I tried to share a burger with a homeless man, but he refused
He told me to get my own burger
At the Burger King drive through I said I'll have Bruce Lee's favorite burger please
The cashier said what's that?
So I said A whopaaaaaaaa
A guy walks into a diner and sees the fry cook, with one arm, making hamburger patties by smashing meat under his armpit...
The guy complains to his waiter that using his armpit to make burger patties is the grossest thing a fry cook could ever do to prepare food.
The waiter responds, I assure you it's not. In the morning he makes donuts.
What is the slogan for Burger King in Israel?
Have it Yahweh
I just found my first gray pubic hair, and am happy and sad at the same time...
Happy it was not mine, sad that I found it in my Burger King whopper.
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.''It's all right,'' says the husband. ''We share everything.''
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he insists.''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.''Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?''The wife snaps, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''
A man walks into a bar and a busty blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, "Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, Hand job $10".
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am".
The man says, "Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger".
I feel really gay having just eaten burger and fries
I'm just so happy to have Five Guys inside of me.
I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn't get me anywhere.
Boy, did I have a smug look later when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive-thru!
I called my wife and said that I'll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence.
I think she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
If I were on Death Row, my last meal request would be a clean burger from McDonald's
I'd be kept alive forever.
How do you sell beans for the price of beef?
Make vegan burger.
I had a Wookie burger the other day.
It was Chewie.
Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?
The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper
What do you say to a female that studied gender science?
Could I have the burger with fries please?
Why did a dad take his son to a burger shop before leaving forever?
To get him a bison burger
What do you call a vegan burger?
A misteak
Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson
It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun
A panda walks into a bar, orders a burger, downs it in a few bites, pulls out a gun and shoots two bullets into the roof.
On his way to the door the waiter exclaims why the f*ck did you do that?!
To which the tired looking panda rolls his eyes and tosses a torn up wildlife manual across the counter, i'm a panda, look it up... before casually walking out the exit
After finding the relevant chapter the waiter reads:
Panda: Large black and white bear-like mammal; eats, shoots and leaves.
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.
Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".
Genie: Wait, what? Why?
Man: It's for a joke, trust me.
Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?
Man: Yes.
Burger King: Have it your way.
I had a heated discussion with an art historian yesterday
We disagreed on whether I ordered curly fries or mozzarella sticks with my burger
A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........
.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'
what are cows knees called?
burger joints
I went to the hospital to visit my friend who had an accident.
While waiting in the waiting room, I felt hungry so bought some juice and 2 burgers from the cafeteria.
I was about to eat, when I saw a kid sitting on the chair beside me looking at me. I asked him if he was hungry. He nodded. So I gave him one of my burgers.
After a few minutes, his mother came and saw him finishing the burger.
She got real angry and started shouting.
"Who is the shit person who gave him this burger. I drove 20 miles to get him tested on an empty stomach."
I
JUST
RAN.
a bear walks into a bar and orders a burger then pauses for a while and says a large soda aswell
the bartender says why the long paws
I'm starting a new business tomorrow.
It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.
I'm calling it, "Resolutions."
Two Canadians in Kentucky
So these two Canadians are driving into Louisville, Kentucky and are arguing about how to pronounce the name of the city.
Its pronounced Lou-is-vill…obviously The oilman from Alberta says
No, you see, it is French! It is pronounced Loo-ie-vee! The guy from Quebec retorts.
They stop at a Burger King for lunch while they're in town. How do you pronounce the name of this place? Say it real slow, we're having an argument we want you to settle.
The kid at the counter takes a deep breath and says… burr-gerr-king
Found a human hair in my McDonald's burger. I was so surprised....
... I didn't know that they use natural ingredients.
How does a burger introduce his wife?
Meet Patty
Went to a burger joint a while ago
My son, 8 at the time, ordered sliders. When the waitress came with our orders, his plate fell and the food went everywhere. He looked at me straight-faced and said, "I guess that's why they call them sliders."
My teacher used to tell me that I would never amount to anything by looking out of the window all day
Man did I feel smug as I passed him his burger and fries at the drive-through last night
Why does the Dairy Queen have small fries?
Because the Burger King forgets to wrap his Whopper!
What does Bruce Lee order in Burger King?
WOPPAAAH!
What's the most important ingredient in a business burger?
The deal pickle!
Why did the astronaut throw away his vegetarian burger?
He wanted something *meteor*.
An elderly couple are at McDonald's
They order one meal between the 2 and go and sit down.
The guy in the booth next to them notices they've only got one meal and offers to buy them another one.
The elderly man says "no thank you we share everything"
So the elderly man then cuts the burger in half and gives half to his wife. She starts to eat and the elderly man just sits there.
The man in the booth looks over again and this time notices the elderly man isn't eating yet. So he asks "why aren't you eating as well?
The elderly man replies "I'm waiting for the dentures"
The Special
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's the special tonight?" he asks the bartender. "It's our blue cheese bacon burger," the bartender replies. "Do you want to try one?" "Nah. I hate blue cheese," the guy replies. "I mean it's literally just cheese full of bacteria." "Hey," the bartender says, clearly offended. "You need to stop discriminating against other cultures."
The silent "Cr"
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and a burger. "Not eating at home tonight?" the bartender asks. "Well the wife's cooking is incredible," the guy replies. "With a silent 'cr' ."
Dad joked my 5 year old to annoyance
I: Did Mom tie your hair up like that to show you how your hair would be if cut short?
She: No, Mom just put my hair in a bun.
I: Is it a burger bun?
She: You know it's not!
I: It's a knot?
She: Aaargh. Stop joking!
What's the difference between a good burger and a shooting star?
One is very meaty and the other one is a little meteor
What does a witch order at In-N-Out Burger?
A double-double, toil and trouble....
Who's Burger King married to?
Dairy Queen.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the burger food jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working burger cheeseburger piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.