My anaconda: No.
I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.
You don't know?
Let's do lunch sometime!
They had a great time, he would have loved it
He goes up to the desk and slurs: I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.
The librarian replies: Sir, this is a library!
***whispers*** Sorry, I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.
It was mine.
I think she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.
It was good, but the bill was enormous.
In'n'Out Burger
The cashier said what's that?
So I said A whopaaaaaaaa
The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he insists.''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.''Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?''The wife snaps, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''
The librarian rolls his eyes and says, exasperated, "This is a library, ma'am."
So the blonde leans in and whispers, "Sorry. I'll have a burger, fries, and a milkshake."
The menu reads
>Burger: $5
>Hand job: $10
He slides a $10 bill to the female bartender and asks:
"Are you the girl who does the hand jobs?"
She responds with a smooth voice:
"Why yes I am"
The man then says:
"Then wash your hands, because I want two burgers"
They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."
The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper
and says to the librarian,"I'll have a cheese burger."
the librarian replies softly says,"Sweety, this is a library."
the blonde whispers,"Oh. Sorry, I'll have a cheese burger."
...The man walks up to the librarian and says "Can I have a burger and fries please." The librarian, confused, replies with "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologises, leans in closely and whispers "Can I have a burger and fries please."
*A big mac*
She goes up to the librarian at the counter and says,
"Hello, can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries?"
The librarian, with a confused look, responds, "Sorry but this is a library."
The blonde pauses for a few seconds. She then whispers,
*"Can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries please?"*
I said "fine! Have it your way!"
A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's gross, you should see him make donuts."
...and they order a single meal. A man sitting nearby watches as they carefully divide the burger and fries in half. He feels sorry for them and offers to buy them another meal. "It's ok," says the husband, "we share everything."
After a few minutes the man notices that the wife has not touched her food while the husband is busy scarfing away. "I'm serious, it's no trouble," he says. "I can buy you guys another meal."
"And I'm serious," replies the husband. "We share everything! Don't worry about it."
The man looks to the wife and asks "Why aren't you eating?"
She replies, "because I'm waiting for the teeth!"
and says: 'i'll have the cheese burger and a coke.'
the librarian is confused and says: 'you know you're in a library, right?'
the blonde goes: 'oh sorry' and whispers 'i'll have the cheese burger and a coke.'
Boy, did I have a smug look later when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive-thru!
A *WHOPPA*!
Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!
It had beef.
Burgatory
The guy complains to his waiter that using his armpit to make burger patties is the grossest thing a fry cook could ever do to prepare food.
The waiter responds, I assure you it's not. In the morning he makes donuts.
A guy walks into a bar and approaches the bartender...
"I'll have a beer," he says.
"That'll be a dollar", replies the bartender.
"A dollar!?", shouts the man, "In that case, I will have a steak and a burger too."
The bartender says, "That will be two dollars."
The man exclaims, "What?! Where is the owner of this bar?"
"Upstairs with my wife", says the bartender.
"What's he doing with your wife?" asks the man.
The bartender responds, "The same thing I am doing to his business."
Happy it was not mine, sad that I found it in my Burger King whopper.
Could I have the burger with fries please?
Restaurants can't have sex you moron.
He walks up to the counter and whispers "I'll take one whopper please." The cashier says "sure, buy why are you whispering?" The pony looks up at him and says "sorry, I'm just a little hoarse"
It was amazing but the bill was enormous!!
A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar..
He says to the barman 'Can I have a pint please?'
Barman says 'Sorry pal, didn't quite catch that, speak up a bit'
Burger says 'Sorry there, I'm a little bit horse'
He sees a really pretty blonde lady working behind the counter. He looks at the menu, which reads
-Hamburger: $2.00
-Cheeseburger: $2.50
-Handjob:$25.00
He thinks for a second, then asks the woman "Are you the one that gives handjobs?"
She smiles and replies "I am."
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a burger."
When she went to McDonalds they had to call Burger King for backup
It was Chewie.
Upon arriving at the restaurant, his friend says "I'm not sure I can eat here. Is Burger King kosher?" The man waved his hand dismissively and says "Don't worry, it's Burger King: Have it Yahweh."
When she went to the court house and the judge said 'order, order', she said 'a burger and chips please!'
I'm just so happy to have Five Guys inside of me.
Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper
Because they'll never meat in the middle.
I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"
He said, "That's the Barbie queue."
Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...
Because they don't cut corners.
...and orders three slices of pizza - any kind would be fine.
The store owner looks puzzled at the giraffe; "Uh, we don't serve pizza slices here-"
"Then a burger or something, I don't care," the giraffe interrupts.
"We don't sell that either, we-"
Again, the giraffe interrupts, noticably irritated with the clerk's attidute: "Just serve me *something*, okay?! I'm *starving* here!"
"But this is a hat store! Can't you read the sign outside?" the store owner asked.
"Well if I knew how to read, don't you think I'd have asked for a menu?!"
At a meatball!
Make vegan burger.
and says make me one with everything. The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid. Where's my change? the monk asks. The vendor replies, change comes from within
He told me to get my own burger
Rod's Wife and Rod Started dieting a week ago.
She proposed that they should have a cheat day today...
She brought home a burger & Rod brought home his Secretary..
From his hospital bed, Rod is wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.😀😜😀😜
I don't believe in cannabalism
Have it Yahweh
I'd be kept alive forever.
He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.
The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."
...
...
...
Bartender says: "a Burger?"
PB: ...
...
...
...
BT: "Some wings?"
PB: ...
...
...
PB: "a beer".
The bartender asks "why the long pause?'
The polar bear raises his arms and says "I was born with them"
The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, "Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, Hand job $10".
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am".
The man says, "Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger".
Man: when will my burger be ready!?
Jamaican man: mon soon!
Man: Soon!? I've already been waiting for 45 min—
[both men were killed by a monsoon]
I ask for a Triple Whopper with cheese, and extra mayo. The 20-ish girl in line behind me says, "Do you know what that will do to your body?"
I turned and replied, "Nothing, compared to what my body will do to it."
and orders and WHOPPPAAAA!!!
Sent it back because it tasted so gamey.
It's called the McJagger.
In-n-out.
She wanted to take adavantage of Burger King's 10 piece special. She now has lil nuggets of her own.
To which the The Cashier serenely replies; "Change comes from within."
...but you can't decide between the lamb burger or l'hamburger.
Causes job shortages in the hospital.
Have a burger instead!
And asks for a burger and fries, the librarian replies
"Sir this is a library"
And so the man responds
*whispering*
"Id like a burger and fries please"
A customer asks the owner:
How do you plan to differentiate from burger restaurants?
The owner replies and says:
I integrate instead.
After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.
"Make me one with everything."
who's going to spit in burger?
It's fast food.
They both hate big Macs.
Her: F*ck. Not Burger King again!!
Staples Burger King applications on failed tests.
So I said to her "Fine, have it your way."
He serves up a great burger and fries.
Because it's fast food...
A man goes to a library, walks to the librarian's desk and says:
"I'd like to have a large burger with french fries and a coke please!!"
Surprised the Librarian says: "But sir, this is a library."
"Oh, I'm sorry", says the man and he whispers:
*"I'd like to have a large burger with french fries and a coke please.."*
a BigMaccus
" I don't know, what is the difference between a burger and a blow job?"
"Let's go to lunch!"
Because Burger King forgot to wrap up his Whopper
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