Burger Jokes

What are some Burger jokes?

You: Would you like a keto burger?

My anaconda: No.

One day when I was young......

I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.

What's the difference between a burger, and a blow job?

You don't know?

Let's do lunch sometime!

It was my son's birthday, so I took 4 of his mates for a burger and then bowling.

They had a great time, he would have loved it

A drunk walks into a library...

He goes up to the desk and slurs: I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

The librarian replies: Sir, this is a library!

***whispers*** Sorry, I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger.

It was mine.

I called my wife and said that I'll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence.

I think she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper?

McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.

I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger.

It was good, but the bill was enormous.

What's a bulimic cheerleaders favourite restaurant?

In'n'Out Burger

At the Burger King drive through I said I'll have Bruce Lee's favorite burger please

The cashier said what's that?

So I said A whopaaaaaaaa

My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900.

The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.

An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.''It's all right,'' says the husband. ''We share everything.''

A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he insists.''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.''Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?''The wife snaps, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''

A blonde goes into a library and, speaking clearly and loudly, orders a burger, fries and a milkshake.

The librarian rolls his eyes and says, exasperated, "This is a library, ma'am."
So the blonde leans in and whispers, "Sorry. I'll have a burger, fries, and a milkshake."

A man walks into a bar.

The menu reads

>Burger: $5

>Hand job: $10

He slides a $10 bill to the female bartender and asks:
"Are you the girl who does the hand jobs?"

She responds with a smooth voice:
"Why yes I am"

The man then says:
"Then wash your hands, because I want two burgers"

Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.

They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."

Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?

The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper

A blonde walks into a library

and says to the librarian,"I'll have a cheese burger."
the librarian replies softly says,"Sweety, this is a library."
the blonde whispers,"Oh. Sorry, I'll have a cheese burger."

A man walks into a library...

...The man walks up to the librarian and says "Can I have a burger and fries please." The librarian, confused, replies with "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologises, leans in closely and whispers "Can I have a burger and fries please."

What do you call a burger that merged with a laptop?

*A big mac*

A blonde walks into a library

She goes up to the librarian at the counter and says,

"Hello, can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries?"

The librarian, with a confused look, responds, "Sorry but this is a library."

The blonde pauses for a few seconds. She then whispers,

*"Can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries please?"*

My friend told me to stop making Burger King puns

I said "fine! Have it your way!"

My dad's favorite joke.

A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's gross, you should see him make donuts."

An elderly couple walks into McDonalds...

...and they order a single meal. A man sitting nearby watches as they carefully divide the burger and fries in half. He feels sorry for them and offers to buy them another meal. "It's ok," says the husband, "we share everything."

After a few minutes the man notices that the wife has not touched her food while the husband is busy scarfing away. "I'm serious, it's no trouble," he says. "I can buy you guys another meal."

"And I'm serious," replies the husband. "We share everything! Don't worry about it."

The man looks to the wife and asks "Why aren't you eating?"

She replies, "because I'm waiting for the teeth!"

A blonde walks into a library..

and says: 'i'll have the cheese burger and a coke.'
the librarian is confused and says: 'you know you're in a library, right?'
the blonde goes: 'oh sorry' and whispers 'i'll have the cheese burger and a coke.'

I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn't get me anywhere.

Boy, did I have a smug look later when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive-thru!

What does Bruce Lee order at Burger King?

A *WHOPPA*!

Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant?

Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!

Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger?

It had beef.

Where do burgers go when they die?

Burgatory

A guy walks into a diner and sees the fry cook, with one arm, making hamburger patties by smashing meat under his armpit...

The guy complains to his waiter that using his armpit to make burger patties is the grossest thing a fry cook could ever do to prepare food.

The waiter responds, I assure you it's not. In the morning he makes donuts.

The Bar Joke That Got Me My Bestfriend

A guy walks into a bar and approaches the bartender...
"I'll have a beer," he says.
"That'll be a dollar", replies the bartender.
"A dollar!?", shouts the man, "In that case, I will have a steak and a burger too."
The bartender says, "That will be two dollars."
The man exclaims, "What?! Where is the owner of this bar?"
"Upstairs with my wife", says the bartender.
"What's he doing with your wife?" asks the man.
The bartender responds, "The same thing I am doing to his business."

I just found my first gray pubic hair, and am happy and sad at the same time...

Happy it was not mine, sad that I found it in my Burger King whopper.

What do you say to a female that studied gender science?

Could I have the burger with fries please?

If Dairy Queen and Burger King had a baby, what do you call it?

Restaurants can't have sex you moron.

A shetland pony walks into a Burger King...

He walks up to the counter and whispers "I'll take one whopper please." The cashier says "sure, buy why are you whispering?" The pony looks up at him and says "sorry, I'm just a little hoarse"

I went out the other night and tried a pelican burger for the first time....

It was amazing but the bill was enormous!!

A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar.

A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar..

He says to the barman 'Can I have a pint please?'

Barman says 'Sorry pal, didn't quite catch that, speak up a bit'

Burger says 'Sorry there, I'm a little bit horse'

A man walks into a burger joint

He sees a really pretty blonde lady working behind the counter. He looks at the menu, which reads

-Hamburger: $2.00
-Cheeseburger: $2.50
-Handjob:$25.00

He thinks for a second, then asks the woman "Are you the one that gives handjobs?"
She smiles and replies "I am."
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a burger."

Yo momma's so fat

When she went to McDonalds they had to call Burger King for backup

I had a Wookie burger the other day.

It was Chewie.

A man invites his Jewish friend out for lunch

Upon arriving at the restaurant, his friend says "I'm not sure I can eat here. Is Burger King kosher?" The man waved his hand dismissively and says "Don't worry, it's Burger King: Have it Yahweh."

Your mama is so fat

When she went to the court house and the judge said 'order, order', she said 'a burger and chips please!'

I feel really gay having just eaten burger and fries

I'm just so happy to have Five Guys inside of me.

How did Dairy Queen wind up pregnant?

Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper

Why can you never compromise with a veggie burger?

Because they'll never meat in the middle.

I was walking past Toys R Us today, when I noticed a really long line outside...

I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"

He said, "That's the Barbie queue."

Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...

Why are Wendy's burgers so good?

Because they don't cut corners.

A giraffe walks into a hat store...

...and orders three slices of pizza - any kind would be fine.

The store owner looks puzzled at the giraffe; "Uh, we don't serve pizza slices here-"

"Then a burger or something, I don't care," the giraffe interrupts.

"We don't sell that either, we-"

Again, the giraffe interrupts, noticably irritated with the clerk's attidute: "Just serve me *something*, okay?! I'm *starving* here!"

"But this is a hat store! Can't you read the sign outside?" the store owner asked.

"Well if I knew how to read, don't you think I'd have asked for a menu?!"

Where do burgers like to dance?

At a meatball!

How do you sell beans for the price of beef?

Make vegan burger.

A buddhist monk approaches a burger foodtruck

and says make me one with everything. The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid. Where's my change? the monk asks. The vendor replies, change comes from within

I tried to share a burger with a homeless man, but he refused

He told me to get my own burger

Cheating!!!!

Rod's Wife and Rod Started dieting a week ago.

She proposed that they should have a cheat day today...

She brought home a burger & Rod brought home his Secretary..

From his hospital bed, Rod is wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.πŸ˜€πŸ˜œπŸ˜€πŸ˜œ

I could never eat a vegan burger

I don't believe in cannabalism

What is the slogan for Burger King in Israel?

Have it Yahweh

If I were on Death Row, my last meal request would be a clean burger from McDonald's

I'd be kept alive forever.

A polar bear walks in to a bar...

He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.

The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."

...

...

...

Bartender says: "a Burger?"

PB: ...

...

...

...

BT: "Some wings?"

PB: ...

...

...

PB: "a beer".

The bartender asks "why the long pause?'

The polar bear raises his arms and says "I was born with them"

A man walks into a bar and a busty blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.

The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, "Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, Hand job $10".

He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

She winks and replies, "Why yes I am".

The man says, "Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger".

Man waits impatiently at the Jamaican restaurant...

Man: when will my burger be ready!?

Jamaican man: mon soon!

Man: Soon!? I've already been waiting for 45 minβ€”


[both men were killed by a monsoon]

I'm giving my order at Burger King.

I ask for a Triple Whopper with cheese, and extra mayo. The 20-ish girl in line behind me says, "Do you know what that will do to your body?"

I turned and replied, "Nothing, compared to what my body will do to it."

Bruce Lee walks into a Burger King...

and orders and WHOPPPAAAA!!!

Ordered a burger at GameStop

Sent it back because it tasted so gamey.

Did you hear about McDonald's new burger made entirely of beef lips?

It's called the McJagger.

Five guys walk into a Burger King.

In-n-out.

Why did the infertile chicken cross the road?

She wanted to take adavantage of Burger King's 10 piece special. She now has lil nuggets of her own.

A Buddhist Monk goes into a burger place and with a facetious smile on his face he says "Make me one with everything", smirking at his own wit he pays with a $100 Note. The Monk receives his Burger in due course and little else. A touch perplexed he says "I paid with a $100! Don't i get any change?"

To which the The Cashier serenely replies; "Change comes from within."

When you go to a French-Afghani fusion restaurant...

...but you can't decide between the lamb burger or l'hamburger.

An apple a day.....

Causes job shortages in the hospital.

Have a burger instead!

A guy walks into a library

And asks for a burger and fries, the librarian replies

"Sir this is a library"

And so the man responds

*whispering*
"Id like a burger and fries please"

A mathematician opens a burger restaurant in a city already filled with burger restaurants...

A customer asks the owner:


How do you plan to differentiate from burger restaurants?


The owner replies and says:


I integrate instead.

I've never understood why there's Burger King but no Borscht Czar

After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.

A buddhist monk approaches a burger food truck and says. . .

"Make me one with everything."

If McDonald's starts using nothing but robots

who's going to spit in burger?

I saw a burger running in the street today.

It's fast food.

What do Microsoft and Burger King have in common?

They both hate big Macs.

Me: Honey, we are having dinner tonight with a medieval ruler of Germany.

Her: F*ck. Not Burger King again!!

My math teacher

Staples Burger King applications on failed tests.

My girlfriend just broke up with me, mainly because of my extreme Burger King addiction.

So I said to her "Fine, have it your way."

The boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money....

He serves up a great burger and fries.

Why did the burger run?

Because it's fast food...

A man walks into a library

A man goes to a library, walks to the librarian's desk and says:

"I'd like to have a large burger with french fries and a coke please!!"

Surprised the Librarian says: "But sir, this is a library."

"Oh, I'm sorry", says the man and he whispers:

*"I'd like to have a large burger with french fries and a coke please.."*

What Do You Call a Burger Made by a Hammerhead Shark Man

a BigMaccus

"What is the difference between a burger and a blow job?"

" I don't know, what is the difference between a burger and a blow job?"

"Let's go to lunch!"

Why did Burger King and Dairy Queen have a baby?

Because Burger King forgot to wrap up his Whopper

How to make Burger jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Burger to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Burger? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Burger pick up lines to share with friends.

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