The Best 60 Burg Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Burg jokes. There are some burg iceberg jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these burg unsinkable puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Burg Jokes and Puns

A burglar

While robbing a home a burglar hears someone say "Jesus is watching you."
To his relief he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something he heard. The burglar asks the parrot "What is your name?"
The parrot says "Moses"
The burglar goes on to ask "What kind of person names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot replies "The same kind of man that names his rottweiler Jesus."

I'd want a burglar to break into my house,

I'll help them look for money.

Where do burgers like to dance?

At a meatball!

Burg joke, Where do burgers like to dance?

A burglar breaks into a house...

He starts searching the house for valuables and comes across some jewelery, which he begins to stuff into his bag. Just then a menacing voice echoes through the house moaning "Jesus is watching you". The burglar looks around, sees no one and decides his imagination is just playing tricks on him. As the burglar continues his search he finds some electronics, but before he can stuff them in his bag he hears the voice again moaning "Jesus is watching you". This time the burglar takes a good look around the room he's in and realizes that there is a bird cage with a parrot in it. He walks up to the parrot and asks, "Did you say that?". The parrot stares at him for a second and replies "yes". The burglar realizes that the parrot is somewhat intelligent so he asks "What's your name?". The parrot squawks "Moses".
"What kinda guy names his parrot Moses?"
"The same kinda guy who names his vicious rottweiler Jesus"

A burglar

Some young man is trying to get into my room through the window, screamed old Mrs. Kleinman into the telephone.

Sorry, lady, came back the answer, you've got the fire department. What you want is the police department.

No, no, she pleaded, I want the fire department. What he needs is a longer ladder!


Why did the burger sit beside the telephone?

Incase onion rings

A burglar entered my house

In the middle of the night so I asked him what he was doing. He said he was looking for money so I got up and searched with him :(

Burg joke, A burglar entered my house

Burglars are getting very clever these days..

Last night, my wife woke me up..

*Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!*

So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.

Then I realised I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and tv were gone.

What did the burger do when he ate his enemy the hotdog?

he relished it

Why are Wendy's burgers so good?

Because they don't cut corners.

Where do burgers go when they die?

Burgatory

You can explore burg town reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean burg naval dad jokes. There are also burg puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why did Burger King and Dairy Queen have a baby?

Because Burger King forgot to wrap up his Whopper

I was burgled last night, someone stole all my documents.

I was de-filed.

Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.

The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.

The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....

'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'

I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.

How 'done' do you want your burger?

I can do "well-done" all the way to "CPR might actually work."

Burg joke, How 'done' do you want your burger?

A Burglar got into the house of a Lawyer the other day...

After a terrible struggle, the Lawyer succeeded in robbing him.

What was the burglar doing in Wayne Manor?

He was Robin.

How do you know you've been burgled by asians?

You come home to find your math homework was done, your computer was upgraded, and they're still trying to back down the driveway.


Why did the burger run?

Because it's fast food...

Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant?

Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!

Three burglars are running from the police

They go into a dark alley and hide in three sacks. The police look around and one of them kicks the first sack and the burglar goes "meow", "just cats" he thinks. He then kicks the second one and the the second burglar goes " meow" so the police pass it off as more cats. He then kicks the last sack and the burglar says "potatoes".

Why did the burglar take a shower?

Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

Burger King: Have It Your Way!

Burger Dictatorship: Have it My Way!

Burger Communism: Have it Everyone's Way!

Burger Capitalism: Have it Your Way For a Steep Price Hike!

Burger Oligarchy: 1% Have it Their Way!

Burger Democracy: Have Something Your Way!

Burger Anarchy: Don't Have It!

A burglar broke into the Police Department and stole all of the toilets . . .

The police are investigating, but they have nothing to go on.

I went for a burger at McDonald's...

the drive-thru line was super long, but it was worth the weight.

I know a burglar who doesn't understand figurative language

He takes things literally

Burglars are getting smarter and smarter ...

My wife woke me up the other day and said "darling, I think there's a burglar downstairs, can you go and check?" So I go downstairs and look in every room, and there was no burglar to be seen. Then I realised,..

I don't have a wife.

At the Burger King drive through I said I'll have Bruce Lee's favorite burger please

The cashier said what's that?

So I said A whopaaaaaaaa

Why did the burglar skip the kitchen?

He didn't want to take any whisks.

A burglar stole all my lamps

I should be upset but I'm

Delighted

A burglar broke into my home last night.

He was searching for money. So I woke up and searched with him.

I saw a burger running in the street today.

It's fast food.

A burglar walks into an art show.

He says, "Give me all your Monet."

A burglar enters a house

The owner wakes up and asks:
"What are you doing?"
"I'm looking for money"
"Nice, tell me if you find any"

What did one burglar say to the other before entering a window into the church?

"Let us pry."

There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.

The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.

When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.

A burglar stole all the light bulbs in my house

I know I should be more upset, but I'm absolutely delighted!

Why did the burglar avoid stealing the kitchen utensils?

He decided it wasn't worth the wisk.

Burgundy sauce joke

Check out what happens if you say Burgundy Sauce on Snapchat and then play it backwards by Michael Heid.

Burglar was robbing his own house. When asked what are you doing ?

He said "working from home"

Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in.

I asked: What are you doing?

He said: Working from home.

Burger King joke

What does Burger King and my boxers have in common?

They are both the Home Of The Whopper.

Yes there's a burger down there.

That is all.

Burglers broke into my home and I helplessly watched as they went through my belongings

Both of us were afraid to call the cops

A burglar broke into a house. As he was opening the safe, he heard a voice

The voice was saying "Jesus and I are watching you". The burglar turns around and sees a parrot.

"Stupid bird, it was you that scared the hell out of me"

"Yes, it was me, Aristotle"

The burglar laughs and says "That's a stupid name for a parrot"

The parrot replied "Well, Jesus is a stupid name for a doberman"

Two burglars are robbing a liquor store.

One turns to the other and asks, "Is this whiskey?"

The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank."

As the burglar entered our darkened room, I put the red dot right between his eyes and then…

…let my cat do the rest.

Why was the burglar so sensitive?

He takes things personally

A burglar breaks in a house

As he is looking around he hears a voice "Jesus is watching you!" Panicked he looks around but sees nothing and nobody. He keeps searching for loot when again "Jesus is watching you!" This time he does a better search and finally sees a parrot in a cage. "Did you say that?" he asks "Yes, it was me." confirms the parrot. "What's your name?" we inquires. "Moses" answers the parrot. Burglar can't help but to laugh. "What kind of people name their parrot Moses?" "Same type of people that name their guard pit bull Jesus."

A burglar breaks into a joint

While going through the owner's belongings a shrill voices goes:
"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly Father is watching you!"

Slightly irritated, the burglar switches on the light and sees a parrot in the corner, repeating its line:

"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly Father is watching you!"

Burglar: "Hahaha! Look at you, what's your name?"

Parrot: "Jared Leto"

Burglar: "That's an odd name for a parrot. Who would name their parrot 'Jared-Leto'?

Parrot: "The same person who would name his rottweiler 'Heavenly Father'!

*First Cake day joke!

How does a burger introduce his wife?

Meet Patty

Went to a burger joint a while ago

My son, 8 at the time, ordered sliders. When the waitress came with our orders, his plate fell and the food went everywhere. He looked at me straight-faced and said, "I guess that's why they call them sliders."

This just in: A Burger King employee in Kalispell, Montana was arrested today after being caught putting vodka in the orange Hi-C.

Local police say it was the first reported case of a Flathead screwdriver.

Two burglars tried to ransack a comedian's office, but they were caught while making their getaway.

Turns out they couldn't take a joke.

A burglar breaks in to a house

A burglar breaks into a house,

as he's wandering through the first floor he hears Jesus is watching you ,

Startled, he looks around and he sees a parrot, as he sees the parrot it says to him Jesus is watching you ,
Hello parrot says the burglar, so your name is Jesus,οΏΌοΏΌοΏΌeh?
No says the parrot, my name is Moses
Moses? , Says the burglar, who names their parrot Moses?
The same people who named that Rottweiler behind you Jesus , says the parrotοΏΌοΏΌ

A Burglar broke into our house last night. I didn't shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead.

Our three cats did the rest.

Why did the burglar file for unemployment?

Everyone was home last year.

Why are burglars so sensitive?

Because they take things personally

Burglar breaks into a house

Burglar breaks in. Immediately hears a voice say "Jesus sees you". He looks around to figure out who was talking to him. Frustrated he yells " Who is it? Who are you?" "I am moses", answers someone. Spotting the source of the voice, he finds Moses, a parrot. Burglar angrily asks "Which idiot named a parrot Moses?" Parrot answers "Same idiot who named the rottweiler Jesus, RIP".

Who's Burger King married to?

Dairy Queen.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the burg ste jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working burg conserve piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes