bunny Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bunny puns

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."


I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.


A father wants to have "the" talk with his 14 year old son

'Son, the time has come for me to tell you how children are actually made!'

The boy puts his hands over his ears and yells:

'No! I don't wanna know!'

'But why not?' asks the father, surprised.

'Look, Dad! When I was 7, you told me that Santa doesn't exist. When I was 8, you told me the Easter Bunny doesn't exist either. But I'll be *really* pissed now if you tell me that we don't have to screw girls to make kids!'


A little girl walks into a pet store...

A little girls walks into a pet store and looks up at the owner with her big brown eyes.

"Mister," she said in a quite voice, "I would like a little bunny rabbit".

The owner looks down at her with a smile. "And what type of bunny rabbit would you like?" He responded, "A brown little bunny rabbit or a white little bunny rabbit or a black little bunny rabbit?"

"Mister," the little girl replied, "I don't think my python gives a shit."


What do you call a towel used by a bunny?

A hare dryer!


The Energizer Bunny is starting a career in porn...

They put his batteries in backwards and he keeps coming and coming and coming.


My mom's favorite Easter joke: Why does the Easter bunny hide Easter eggs?

Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's fucking a chicken.



A little girl walks into a pet shop. She asks the owner for a bunny, to which he responds "what kind of bunny would you like? A cute black one, an adorable brown one or perhaps a sweet little white one?"

The girl looks at the owner and answers: "I don't think my python really cares..."


A young girl goes into a pet store.

A young girl goes into a pet store and is looking at the bunny cages when the owner comes up to her.
"So there, what sort of bunny do you want? The wittle white bunny or the wittle brown bunny"
to which she replied, "I don't really think my python gives a shit"


A tour bus is traveling through Nevada...

it briefly passes by the Bunny Ranch in Carson City.

The guide notes, "We are now passing the largest house of legal prostitution in America"

A man in the back shouts, "WHY?!?"


Had a rabbit that would come by every morning. I'd leave a bit of food for him. But he stopped coming one day.

Now he's just some bunny that I used to know.


Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...

Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have sex, I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"


A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, but do you thell baby bunnieth?".

The pet store owner smiles and says, "Why, yes, sweetheart! We sell all kinds of baby bunnies. Now... what kind of baby bunny would you like? Would you like a baby grey bunny? Or a baby white bunny? Or would you prefer a pretty brown bunny?"

The little girl replies, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."


The Energizer Bunny was found dead today from sexual exhaustion

His battery was put in backwards and he just kept coming and coming and coming.


I got a baby bunny today.

I had to swerve pretty hard to do it, but I got him!


A father asked his young son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the
boy exploded, bursting into tears. Confused, his
father asked the youngster what was wrong. Oh
pop," the boy sobbed, "for me there was no santa
claus at age six, no Easter bunny at age seven, no
tooth fairy at age eight and no stork at ten. and
if you're telling me now that grownups don't
really fuck, I've got nothing left to believe in!"


The bunny jogging

A bunny is running through the forest and he meets a hedgehog, who's smoking a joint, so the bunny says:

"Hedgehog noo, don't do it, drugs are dangerous, come to run with me in the forest!"

The hedgehog convinced by the bunny runs with him.
They run and they meet a bluetit who is doing blue crystal meth.
The bunny scandalized says:

"Oh bluetit, please, don't do drugs, it's a very sunny day, run with me and you'll be healthier".

So the hedgehog, the bluetit and the bunny happily run through the forest when they meet the wolf, who's snorting coke, so the bunny says:

"Wolf what are you doing? Come and run with me, coke is really bad bad for you!"

The wolf stops and raises his head, looks at the little company of animals and says:

"What the hell guys? Every time the bunny does ecstasy we all run through the forest like idiots..."


Ever wonder why you don't see the energizer bunny anymore?

He got arrested for battery.


What do you call a bunny in a kilt?

A hopscotch


An old Yiddish man goes to the Bunny Ranch.

He says to the madam, "I'm looking for a girl who knows how to do it the Jewish way."

One of girls walks over to him and says, "I'm new here, and I want to learn how to do everything, so if you'll teach me how to do it the Jewish way, I'll give it to you for half price."

The man exclaims, "THAT's the Jewish way!"


Did you hear about the Energizer Bunny?

A judge charged him with battery.


All the forest animals are having a big car show..

..shining their rims, getting ready to put their cars on display for the forest folk to see. The bunny is hopping along half drunk and stumbles into the clearing.

"WHOAAHhh bear, that's a sweet lambo, how did you ever afford it?"

"Well bunny, i'm not an alcoholic like you" replies the bear.

The bunny takes another sip of his stashed mickey and hops with his face into the rims of a Ferrari.

"Woaahh Fox, how on earth did you afford this!"

The Fox, grabbing a towel out of its back pocket gives the bunny a dirty look and mutters "I don't spend every acorn i earn on booze.."

The bunny, amazed, takes another swig of vodka and hops his way back into the woods.

As everyone is adding the finishing touches to their rides, ready to open the show to the public, a helicopter lands in the middle of it all with the bunny in the pilot seat. He barely makes two hops and throws up.

"Wow bunny.. how on earth did you ever manage to afford that?!" the amazed onlookers exclaim.

" *hic*.. turned in my empties"


Famine in the forest

There was a huge famine in the forest, the animals were starving and they were desperate. One day, as the Bunny was walking down a path, he found a big basket of beautiful, large eggs right in the middle of the road. He counted the eggs: there were 20 of them! He was so happy! But there was no way he could have cooked more than one egg in his tiny bunny pan. So he headed towards the Bears' house to borrow his pan.

As he went down the road, he thought: "with this famine going on, the Bear will certainly want some of the eggs in exchange for his pan. Oh that's fair, even if he wants 5 eggs I'll still have 15!"

"But what If he will want 10?" he thought. "That's alright, 10 eggs will be enough for me."

As he was getting closer to the Bears' house he kept worrying: "what if he wants 15? But what if he wants all of them!?!?"

He knocked on the Bear's door. The Bear opened the door and the Bunny yelled:

"Hey, Bear, you know what!?! Fuck you and your damned pan!!!"


How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?

He uses Hare Spray...

(Ill see myself out)


A doctor, a priest and a model are driving.

So the three of them are driving on a country road, when they hit a bunny. They stop and get out, overwhelmed with sympathy for their fluffy victim, it lies motionless on the road

The doctor draws on all his skills to try and get the bunny up again, but to no avail. The priest kneels down and gives the bunny his last rites and blesses it. They are about to bury it when the model stops them.

She takes a can of hairspray and sprays the bunny all over. It gets up and hops away as the priest and the doctor stand speechless. Ten yards down the road the bunny turns around and waves at the tree companions. Twenty yards away, it turns around and waves again. This goes on until the bunny disappears into the high grass beside the road.

"What on earth is in that spray can?", asks the doctor.

"I don't know ..." replies the model, "... but it certainly works as advertised" And she hands the doctor the can.

The can reads: "instantly revives your hair, adds a permanent wave"


As a child my parents used to tell me about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa

I dont believe in those stories anymore, thank GOD


A man with no arms and no legs is sat on a beach

A man with no arms and no legs is sat on a beach when he spots three playboy bunnies walking by him. They all spot him and feel bad for him so they try to cheer him up.
The first playboy bunny walks up to him and says; "Have you ever been hugged?" The man shakes his head so she gives him a hug.
The second playboy bunny approaches and asks "Have you ever been kissed?" The man shakes his head so she starts to kiss him.
The third and final playboy bunny walks over and asks "Have you ever been fucked?" The man smiles as he shakes his head, so the playboy bunny picks him up and throws him in the sea, shouting "Well you're fucked now!"

Edit - ok yeah his name was Bob


What did bugs bunny save his word processing as?

Whats up.doc


Energizer Bunny Arrested

Charged with battery.


What do you get if you crossbreed a rabbit with an insect?

Bugs Bunny


What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler?

Just the Rottweiler.


Little Johnny and the Birds and the Bees

Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."


Bear and Bunny

One day, a bear and a bunny are fighting. A genie appeared before them and said I will offer you each three wishes if you stop fighting. They both agreed.
For the first wish, the bear wanted all of the bears in his forest except for him to be female. The bunny asked for a motorcycle.
For the second wish, the bear wanted all of the bears in the country except for him to be female. The bunny asked for a helmet.
For the third wish, the bear wanted all of the bears in the world except for him to be female. The genie gave him a look. The bunny started his motorcycle and put on his helmet and said "I want...that bear to be gay" and he drove off.


I gave the pet store $20

Mitch better have my bunny


Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail?

because he was charged with battery


What are the best Bunny puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bunny? Well, here are the best Bunny dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Bunny pick up lines to share with friends.

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