The Best 59 Bumps Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bumps jokes. There are some bumps dusts jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bumps rashes puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bumps Jokes and Puns

Let's hear your best Helen Keller jokes.

Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork. Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!

Guy bumps into a friend ...

... and says "Hey, man, can you believe that they fired me for stealing office supplies?"

Friend says, "Wow, that's crazy, they must really be hardnosed about that. Where did you work again?"

"Office Depot."

Frank's wife goes missing

Frank's wife goes missing and a week later he bumps into his friend Larry on the street. "Frank! How are you? You look a little worse for wear. Any news on your wife?"

"Hi Larry, I'm alright. They said I should be prepared for the worst."

"Oh god that's awful!" Larry sympathises.

"Yeah I know right. I had to buy all her stuff back from the thrift shop this afternoon."

Bumps joke, Frank's wife goes missing

It was an accident

A father is driving with his young son who is asleep when he bumps the horn, waking his son. The father apologizes, saying it was an accident. The boy tells him he knows it was, to which the father asks how he knew it was an accident. The son replies "well you didn't yell dumbass when you honked"

I am sorry five.

A Chinese man is walking down the street after just arriving in the U.S. for the first time. He possesses a limited understanding of English. While caught up in the splendor of the city he accidentally bumps into another person.

The Chinese man quickly responds "I'm Sorry!"

The American man says, "I am sorry too."

The Chinese man says "I am sorry three."

The American says "What are you sorry for?"

The Chinese man replies "I am sorry five."

I can't find a title for this joke, still here it is

"So, you say that your husband hanged himself?" asked the judge.
"Exactly", said the widow.
"Then, how can you explain the bumps and bruises all over his head?"
"Well, he used an elastic."

What function do the bumps on a nipple serve?

Its brail for, "Suck This."

Bumps joke, What function do the bumps on a nipple serve?

The night Julius Caesar met his wife

Julius Caesar is looking for a lady. A friend of his suggests a woman he knows. He meets the woman, and they go to his house. The next day, Caesar bumps into his friend again. The friend asks "how did it go"? Caesar replies, "I saw, I conquered, I came."

What is Iron Man when he bumps into Mandarin at EDC

Stark raving mad

What do you get when you run over geese?

Goose bumps

*Girl bumps into a guy at the bar*

Girl: Oh sorry about that, hi.

Guy: Oh! I shouldn't be talking to you.

Girl: Why not?

Guy: Because when I talk to a pretty girl I always make a fool of myself

*The girl smiles, taking this as a compliment*

Girl: You're not making a fool of yourself.

*The guy looks the girl up and down*

Guy: Oh yeah, you're right.

You can explore bumps suddenly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bumps airbag dad jokes. There are also bumps puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I have a really bad phobia of speed bumps...

But I'm slowly getting over it

I use to be terrified of speed bumps...

But I slowly got over it.

I've been working on getting rid of my phobia of speed bumps.

I'm slowly getting over it.

What's annoying about going 90 in a school zone?

The screaming speed bumps

My friend told me she has herpes.

I told her it's not the end of the world, just a few bumps in the road.

Bumps joke, My friend told me she has herpes.

I got a call from a policeman telling me my wife had been in a car accident.

"Is she ok?" I asked worriedly.

"Well, she does have two bumps and a very large gash." he replied.

"I know that, but is she injured in any way?"

I tried learning braille, but it was really tough.

Those bumps are hard to see

Two friends and a cripple are waiting for a train.

Someone bumps into the cripple and his wheelchair starts moving. He falls between the platforms and can't get back up. Then he hears the train coming.

One of the friends tries to jump in and save him, but the other friend grabs him and says, "You're not supposed to go past the yellow line".

Guy gets on a city bus...

and sits down next to a really hot girl. The bus bumps and her glass eyes falls out of its socket and the guy catches it. To repay him for catching her eye and due to the awkwardness she invites him to dinner and a movie and after that they went back to the guys house and had great sex! In the morning the guy looks at the girl and asks: "Do you usually hang out and have sex with random strangers"? She replies: "No, You just happened to catch my eye"!

A English businessman was rushing through an airport when

A English businessman was rushing through an airport when all of a sudden, he bumps into a tiny Asian women.

She immediately says, "I'm sorry!"

In a hurry, the businessman says, "I'm sorry too."

She responds with, "I'm sorry three!"

Confused, the businessman stops and says, "What are you sorry for?"

She yells, "I'm sorry five!!!"

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

I have a fear of speed bumps

But I am slowly getting over it

Those bumps on womens nipples...

are braille for suck right here.

What does a barcode say if he bumps into another barcode?

SKU me

What are those small bumps around women's nipples?

It's Braille for "Suck Here"

A fish swimming upriver and bumps his head.

"Dam" he says.

Did you know you can tell what kind of area you're driving in by the bumps in the road?

A few big bumps means you should probably slow down.

Lots of little bumps means you're in a school zone.

How do gays refer to hemorrhoids ?

Speed bumps

One tension plate bumps into another plate...

"Sorry, that was my fault!"

A man is walking down a hallway when he accidentally bumps into a woman with a lazy eye...

"Hey! Why don't you watch where you're going!" She exclaims. The man replies, "Why don't you go where you're watching?"

What is brown, sweet, got two bumps and lives in the desert?

A caramel.

A white supremecist walks into a bar...

A white supremecist walks into a bar and bumps into another white supremecist. 'Pardon me!' says Joe Arpaio. 'Sure!' says the president.

Note: joke corrected for 'gettability' by my husband.

I had some bumps on my arm and was going to get it amputated.

The doctor thought it was a little rash.

A chocolate bar bumps into George Michael

Careless whispa

Fish is swimming up river when he bumps his head.


A English businessman was rushing through an airport when

A English businessman was rushing through an airport when all of a sudden, he bumps into a tiny Asian women.

She immediately says, "I'm sorry!" in a Chinese-english accent.

In a hurry, the businessman says, "I'm sorry too."

She responds with, "I'm sorry three!" in broken english.

Confused, the businessman stops and says, "What are you sorry for?"

She yells, "I'm sorry five!!!"

I'm deathly afraid of speed bumps

but I'm slowly getting over it.

A cell bumps his toe on a door and yells for his sister's help. What did the cell say?


Donald Trump's lawyer walks into a bar…

... And sits down next to Trump.

He says, "I'm sorry but I can't really help you. You're looking at life in prison for treason."

Frustrated, Trump pays the bartender and storms out. On his way out he accidentally bumps into Mike Pence.

He says to Pence, "Pardon me."

Does anyone know what the tiny little bumps around the nipple are?

They're braille for "Suck me"

"Why do you enjoy running geese over in your car?"

"It gives me Goose Bumps!"

Why did Ed Gein keep his house so hot?

To prevent the furniture from getting goose bumps.

Paul Manafort bumps into Trump walking down a hallway.

Paul Manafort says "oops, pardon me".
Trump says "soon".

Donald Trump is heading to Trump Tower and bumps into a fellow on the busy sidewalk. He turns to the man and says...

"I pardon myself"

FIFA World Cup 2018

A frenchman alks down the street, where he bumps into an Englishman

The Frenchman asks: How are you, what are you up to?"

Englishman: " Ah, nothing much, playing the Croatians in the World Cup tomorrow!"

Frenchman: "What a coincidence...?! We're playing them on Sunday!"

A Frenchman bumps into a English gentleman on a street

"Good day to you sir, what are you up to." says the Englishman.
The Frenchman says "nothing much....what are you doing."

"Oh we are playing Croatia today" answers the Englishman.

"Ah what a coincidence. We are playing them on Sunday you see" replies the Frenchman.

My Grandma died on her 100th birthday.

It was a real shame as we were only half way though giving her the bumps.

A fish swims upriver and bumps it's head:



Guy: Why is it so difficult to say goodbye? I mean should we kiss? hug? or exchange fist bumps?

McDonald's Worker: Sir please, the manager and other customers are looking at us...

I don't see the point in speed bumps

If anything they slow you down

Three in floating in the Ocean.

Three men floating in the ocean in a life raft when a smoke-filled bottle bumps the raft. One guy picks it up and opens it. Out comes the Genie. I will grant you each one wish but it can't be changed…..The first guy shouts-out, turn the ocean to beer. The other two look at him then shake their heads and said, Well now I guess we will have to pee in the life raft.

I have an irrational fear of speed bumps

I'm slowly getting over it

Speed bumps don't make a good combo

Especially when children are present

A cowboy walks into a bar and accidentally bumps shoulders with someone while walking up to the bartender

The cowboy says politely, Scuse me, sir.
The person looks over at the cowboy uncomfortably and responds, Uh, actually I'm non-binary. The cowboy tips his hat respectfully and says, Oh, pardon me M'theydy.

I was sending letters to a kid with cancer

I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.

A couple of geese fell down from the stairs.

They got multiple goose bumps.

They just put speed bumps outside the local school.

Well I hope it was a speed bump.

I have a fear of speed bumps

but it's ok, I'm slowly getting over them.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bumps pardon jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bumps slap piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes