Bumper Jokes
86 bumper jokes and hilarious bumper puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bumper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bumper Short Jokes
Short bumper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bumper humour may include short bummer jokes also.
- I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights
- I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying "I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal." Suddenly, I realized how many proctologists there are on the roads.
- Today I saw a car parked with a bumper sticker that said "I miss New york" So I smashed his window in and stole his radio.
- I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit" ...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."
- Missing South Africa In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss South africa."
So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read:
"I hope this helps." - Why do ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers? To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it
- Those "Run Hillary, Run!" bumper stickers are selling incredibly well Democrats put them on the back of their cars, Republicans put them on the front!
- I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks. Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.
- I saw a bumper sticker saying I am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road.
- The woman's bumper sticker claimed she was pro-life... ...but her reckless driving suggested otherwise.
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Bumper One Liners
Which bumper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bumper? I can suggest the ones about bumped and sticker.
- I think I hit a duck. How do you know?
There's a quack in the bumper. - I have a bumper sticker in Braille If you can read this, you're driving too close.
- Why did the dead baby cross the road? It was attached to my bumper...
- Isis bumper sticker I'd rather be heading.
- A Silicon Valley Bumper Sticker: My Other Car Is Autonomous... ...but I never drive it.
- How did the kid get across town so fast? He was tied to my bumper.
- I have to admit, I have a bit of Christian blood. On the bumper of my truck.
- What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts?
Shark absorbers. - I want to get a Pence 2018 bumper sticker. But then again, who wouldn't?
- "If slaves are outlawed, only outlaws will have slaves." -1860s bumper sticker
- I just put a "Run Jeb, Run!" sticker on my car... On the front bumper.
- Bumper sticker reads.... Voices inside my tells me everything is going to be ok
- What does a p**...'s bumper sticker read? BEWARE
I break for children.
Bumper Sticker Jokes
Here is a list of funny bumper sticker jokes and even better bumper sticker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If we can get Al Franken to run for President, with the Green Party candidate as his running mate, my bumper sticker would be... Franken Stein 2020
- Black Car I want a black car with a bumper sticker that says "I'm not racist, my car is black."
- The best way to disguise an undercover cop car would be to put a Black Lives Matter bumper sticker on it. Nobody's gonna think thats a cop car now.
- What does a bumper sticker and an old man have in common? The older they are, the harder they are to get off.
- Heading to work this morning there was a car parked on the train tracks, with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" That train engineer must have REALLY loved Jesus.
- How do you know if you're driving behind a physicist? Their rear bumper has a red sticker that says "if this appears blue, you're driving too fast."
Hope it isn't too niche. - I was driving behind a guy with too many bumper stickers... I had to follow him for ten miles just to read 'em.
- I saw a bumper sticker from a NY Mets fan that said Eat, Mets, Sleep Repeat ... ..I'm not sure as a Yanks fan I could put that on bumpers sticker on my car.
- This morning I passed by a car that had a handicap marker and a bumper sticker that read "JESUS IS STILL THE ANSWER". Made me laugh anyway.
- I saw a great bumper sticker yesterday: "Don't let the accidents in the back cause an accident in the front"
Bumper Cars Jokes
Here is a list of funny bumper cars jokes and even better bumper cars puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just crashed into the back of a dwarf driver.... He gets out of the car inspects the rear bumper and goes up my window. "I'm not happy" he said "well which one are you then?"
- I'm going to the inaugural meeting of the Dodgem Car Appreciation Society later.
They're expecting a bumper crowd. - A carny invited me back to her place for a good time last night... She wasn't kidding, there were bumper cars, a ghost train and a mechanical bull. I had a blast!
- My dad rear ended a car today that had a Jesus bumper sticker on it... ..he stopped in the Name of the Lord.
- Bumper stickers are like tattoos for cars... permanent, identifying, and I don't love Regina anymore.

Quirky and Hilarious Bumper Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about bumper you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean buckle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bumper pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Work hard, Pray hard"....
I couldn't tell if there were Christians or Asians.
A Horse and a Chicken
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking..!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole..!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story -
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
So I notice this bumper sticker
It says " I'm a veterinarian and I drive like a animal" , so I think to myself that there must be a lot of gynecologists on the road these days...
Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
I don't understand this joke about genealogists.
I saw a joke on a bumper sticker.
It read "Genealogists don't die; they just lose their census". I could understand "census" sounding like "senses", but what does the census have to do with anything? And especially "not dying"?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My sergeant just told me this...
Im going to get an old car, take a sledge hammer to the back bumper repeatedly , then get a bumper sticker that says "I brake for tailgaters."
My crazy uncle from Alabama...
...suggested a bumper sticker:
"IF WE'D KNOWN YOU'D BE THIS MUCH TROUBLE WE'D HAVE PICKED THE COTTON OURSELVES"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand."
The daughter asks her Dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand."
"He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
Her Dad said, "You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his d**..."
"I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bumper sticker
I boinked the mother of an honor roll student at Parkdale Elementary.
My wife...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a bumper sticker today.....
I saw a bumper sticker today that said, "My child has more chromosomes than yours (:"
.....what a r**... sense of humor
[True Story]: I was following a semi-truck full of coffins...
I tried to get as close as possible to read the bumper sticker on the back. When I could finally see the writing, it read "Drive safely. Yours may be on this load."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was driving home today and got stuck behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Be an o**... donor!"...
They were doing 20 in a 30.
I guess they aren't feeling that committed to the cause.
So....Whats the deal with atheists?
They don't believe in God, but they believe in bumper stickers?
A man rolls up in the workshop with his car
The mechanic asks:
"Woa there, what did you do with that? The Bumper is ruined!"
The man replies:
"Yeah, I kinda ran over a frenchman"
The mechanic replies:
"What? I mean all the mud there, I don't see any blood"
The man replies:
"Not my fault he ran into the field to escape!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his d**..., I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bumperstickers for r**... bears
Smells like fish, eat all you wish
Ain't be rapin' if they be hibernatin'
Grubs, stubs, bugs - Nobody rides for free
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm s**...".
Some days I just stay at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
I was tailgated going 15 over
I was going 15 over the limit in the fast lane and being tailgated so I moved to the slow lane. The car behind continued to stay on my bumper. I couldn't shake him and was becoming very annoyed.
He looked so ridiculous with his flashing lights and his annoying siren.
A man is driving down the highway when a State Trooper appears at his bumper and turns on his lights ...
The man starts to speed up a little and realizes the trooper is still following him. He changes lanes and the trooper is still following him. The man then proceeds to floor it as fast as his car could go.
After about a 30 minute chase, the man runs out of gas and the State Trooper approaches his window. The man, who is older and has his hands up, appears to be shaking.
The State Trooper says, Sir, why wouldn't you pull over?
The man says, well, about 15 years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper ... I ran because I thought you were bringing her back.
Two terrorists are in a car, driving to bomb some place.
One had a bomb on his lap, the other was driving. The car went over a speed bumper too fast.
"Hey, watch it, Joe! You are gonna set this bomb off!"
"Relax, dude, we have a spare one in the trunk."
My wife says I don't listen when she speaks to me...
Or something like that.
> (From a Bumper sticker I saw years ago)
Last week, a burglary was reported at the fairgrounds
The burglars appear to have taken the bumper cars, the Tilt-a-Whirl, the spinning teacups, the Whirligig swing, the carousel and the Ferris wheel. Detectives have been searching the fairgrounds for clues, but report they still haven't found anything to go on.
I'm going to make a bumper sticker and put Honk if you think I'm pretty
And then I'm going to start stopping at green lights so I can feel good about myself.
Donald Trump goes to the Wizard of Oz for some help...
He tells the wizard, "I have the best brains, the best heart and the best courage of anyone, but if I'm going to win this election I need to make sure that everyone knows."
The Wizard of Oz looks at him and says, "so you don't need brains, heart or courage? You just need to convince others that you have all three?
The Wizard digs around in a bag and pulls out a bumper sticker. "Here, put this on your car."
Biden 2020
Recently, my husband put his car in reverse and accidentally drove it into a wall...
He took it to his mechanic, who replaced the dented bumper.
A few days later, he did it again. "I'm so embarrassed," he moaned, reaching for the phone.
"Why not tell her it was me this time?" I suggested.
"Maybe I will," he said while dialing. "It worked the last time."

