Quirky and Hilarious Bumper Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
Missing South Africa
In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss South Africa."
So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read:
"I hope this helps."
I'm going to the inaugural meeting of the Dodgem Car Appreciation Society later.
They're expecting a bumper crowd.
I was in Florida recently to visit a good friend...
and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Detroit."
So I broke the window, stole the radio, and left a note that read...
"I hope this helps."
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Work hard, Pray hard"....
I couldn't tell if there were Christians or Asians.
I have a bumper sticker that says...
"Honk if you think I'm s**...."
Then I wait at green lights till I feel better about myself.
I have a bumper sticker in Braille
If you can read this, you're driving too close.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was attached to my bumper...
I just crashed into the back of a dwarf driver....
He gets out of the car inspects the rear bumper and goes up my window. "I'm not happy" he said "well which one are you then?"
I don't understand this joke about genealogists.
I saw a joke on a bumper sticker.
It read "Genealogists don't die; they just lose their census". I could understand "census" sounding like "senses", but what does the census have to do with anything? And especially "not dying"?
The woman's bumper sticker claimed she was pro-life...
...but her reckless driving suggested otherwise.
A carny invited me back to her place for a good time last night...
She wasn't kidding, there were bumper cars, a ghost train and a mechanical bull. I had a blast!
You can explore bumper mph reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bumper more bumper stickers dad jokes. There are also bumper puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Black Car
I want a black car with a bumper sticker that says "I'm not racist, my car is black."
I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit"
...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."
I saw a bumper sticker today.....
I saw a bumper sticker today that said, "My child has more chromosomes than yours (:"
.....what a r**... sense of humor
Those "Run Hillary, Run!" bumper stickers are selling incredibly well
Democrats put them on the back of their cars, Republicans put them on the front!
Heading to work this morning there was a car parked on the train tracks, with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!"
That train engineer must have REALLY loved Jesus.
[True Story]: I was following a semi-truck full of coffins...
I tried to get as close as possible to read the bumper sticker on the back. When I could finally see the writing, it read "Drive safely. Yours may be on this load."
I was driving home today and got stuck behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Be an o**... donor!"...
They were doing 20 in a 30.
I guess they aren't feeling that committed to the cause.
My dad rear ended a car today that had a Jesus bumper sticker on it...
..he stopped in the Name of the Lord.
I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty"
Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights
Isis bumper sticker
I'd rather be heading.
A Silicon Valley Bumper Sticker: My Other Car Is Autonomous...
...but I never drive it.
I put a bumper sticker on my car that says, "Honk if you think I'm s**..."
Now I'm spending hours a day standing at green lights
I saw a great bumper sticker yesterday:
"Don't let the accidents in the back cause an accident in the front"
I saw a bumper sticker today that read
"My job is a Veterinarian, so I can drive like an animal!"
I suddenly realized how many how many Proctologists there are on the road!
How do you know if you're driving behind a physicist?
Their rear bumper has a red sticker that says "if this appears blue, you're driving too fast."
Hope it isn't too niche.
I got a new bumper sticker the other day.
It says 'honk if you think I'm s**....'
I've never felt so confident. I should probably stop waiting at green lights though.
A man rolls up in the workshop with his car
The mechanic asks:
"Woa there, what did you do with that? The Bumper is ruined!"
The man replies:
"Yeah, I kinda ran over a frenchman"
The mechanic replies:
"What? I mean all the mud there, I don't see any blood"
The man replies:
"Not my fault he ran into the field to escape!"
If we can get Al Franken to run for President, with the Green Party candidate as his running mate, my bumper sticker would be...
Franken Stein 2020
Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his d**..., I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."
This morning I passed by a car that had a handicap marker and a bumper sticker that read "JESUS IS STILL THE ANSWER".
Made me laugh anyway.
I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks.
Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm s**...".
Some days I just stay at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
I was tailgated going 15 over
I was going 15 over the limit in the fast lane and being tailgated so I moved to the slow lane. The car behind continued to stay on my bumper. I couldn't shake him and was becoming very annoyed.
He looked so ridiculous with his flashing lights and his annoying siren.
What does a bumper sticker and an old man have in common?
The older they are, the harder they are to get off.
Al Franken for president in 2020
Jill Stein for vice-president
Just think of the bumper sticker...
I have a bumper stick on my car that says Honk it you think I'm s**...
Then I wait at a green light to make me feel good about myself.
Two terrorists are in a car, driving to bomb some place.
One had a bomb on his lap, the other was driving. The car went over a speed bumper too fast.
"Hey, watch it, Joe! You are gonna set this bomb off!"
"Relax, dude, we have a spare one in the trunk."
I saw a bumper sticker from a NY Mets fan that said Eat, Mets, Sleep Repeat ...
..I'm not sure as a Yanks fan I could put that on bumpers sticker on my car.
The best way to disguise an undercover cop car
would be to put a Black Lives Matter bumper sticker on it. Nobody's gonna think thats a cop car now.
Last week, a burglary was reported at the fairgrounds
The burglars appear to have taken the bumper cars, the Tilt-a-Whirl, the spinning teacups, the Whirligig swing, the carousel and the Ferris wheel. Detectives have been searching the fairgrounds for clues, but report they still haven't found anything to go on.
I put a Honk if you think I'm s**... bumper sticker on my car.
My self confidence is skyrocketing!
A *TON* of people think I'm s**... at this green light right now....
Donald Trump goes to the Wizard of Oz for some help...
He tells the wizard, "I have the best brains, the best heart and the best courage of anyone, but if I'm going to win this election I need to make sure that everyone knows."
The Wizard of Oz looks at him and says, "so you don't need brains, heart or courage? You just need to convince others that you have all three?
The Wizard digs around in a bag and pulls out a bumper sticker. "Here, put this on your car."
Biden 2020
I saw a bumper sticker saying I am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal
Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road.
I was driving behind a guy with too many bumper stickers...
I had to follow him for ten miles just to read 'em.
Earlier today I saw a bumper sticker
It said "I'm a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal!"
Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road!
Recently, my husband put his car in reverse and accidentally drove it into a wall...
He took it to his mechanic, who replaced the dented bumper.
A few days later, he did it again. "I'm so embarrassed," he moaned, reaching for the phone.
"Why not tell her it was me this time?" I suggested.
"Maybe I will," he said while dialing. "It worked the last time."
Today I saw a car parked with a bumper sticker that said "I miss New york"
So I smashed his window in and stole his radio.
Driving down the road today.
I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying:
"I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."
Suddenly I realized how many gynecologists are on the roads.
I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying "I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."
Suddenly, I realized how many proctologists there are on the roads.
I think I hit a duck.
How do you know?
There's a quack in the bumper.
I have a bumper sticker that reads honk if you think I'm s**...
I usually just stop at green lights to get some confidence boosters
As I was driving home from work last night, I saw a bumper sticker that said "I am a veterinarian, so I can drive like an animal".
Suddenly I realized how many proctologist are on the road.
I saw a bumper sticker that said "I'm a veterinarian, so I drive like an animal"
Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road around these parts
