Bummed Jokes
39 bummed jokes and hilarious bummed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bummed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bummed Short Jokes
Short bummed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bummed humour may include short bummer jokes also.
- My friend was bummed today because his blind dog has cancer and he is going to have to put her down tomorrow. I wanted to cheer him up, so I said well, at least she won't see it coming.
- I'm bummed out because i was just diagnosed with alzheimer's at least I don't have alzheimer's
- What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a homeless man who works at McDonalds? One of those greasy bums is making a lot more money.
- Jeff bezos Jeff Bezos : I'm really bummed about my divorce
Friend : you probably need some space
Jeff Bezos : ...you're so ... right... - Cannibalism was the last resort but I had no other choice I'm just bummed I cant walk anymore
- I know how to solve the homeless problem and make bums into hard working citizens! Give them construction worker helmets. They already have the standing around doing nothing part down!
- Have you ever been caught bumming? "No!"
Well you must have found a good hiding place then! - Sometimes I drink to cure my malaise. If I get drunk this Friday because I am bummed about the end of the world, am I getting sauced because of Mayan-aise?
- Friend from Australia was bummed he didn't get a job working with marsupials He didn't understand, he had all the necessary koalafications.
- Kinda bummed that my pet goldfish died today of a bladder infection. Although to be fair, I probably should have realized something was up when the bowl kept overflowing.
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Bummed One Liners
Which bummed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bummed? I can suggest the ones about disappointed and saddened.
- I Bet If The Moon Found Out What It Means To Moon Somebody It Would Feel Bummed.
- I recently turned 18 and got an eye test Kind of bummed I didn't get adult super vision
- Arrghh! I'm so bummed! I finally got laid off
- Did you guys hear about the fight in the bathroom? Two bums got wiped
- What do public toilets and homeless shelters have in common? They're both full of bums
- What do you call Tums in suppository form? Bums
- A failing theatre is giving away free tickets to the homeless. They need bums on seats.
- Why are dogs noses so cold? So they dont burn the other dogs bums
- Are you homeless? Cause you are bumming me out
- A man accidentally bummed on a cashmere sweater Guess you could call it cumshmere
- How did the man feel when he figured out he had AIDS? Bummed
- Saw two bums in the street going at it with cardboxes boxes... Pillow fight!
- What happens when you f**... quietly? da-b**...-tss
(sorry) - Hit a pothole and blew out a tire today Ba-Dum-b**...-TSS
- What do you call a guy who has s**... with bums? A hobosexual.
Amusing & Witty Bummed Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about bummed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bumped jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bummed pranks.
My wife isn't speaking to me.
A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks.
The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay?"
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."
The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."
The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."
Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!
Son:"Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"
Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter"
father: "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.
I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.
Sandra is actually your sister.
"The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later ...
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again n she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that.Angela is also your sister."
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,
he went straight to his mother crying.
Son:"Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whoever you want. Dont listen to him He isn't your father."
A happy family.
Son: Dad, I like this awesome girl and want to date her.
Dad: Who is she?
Son: Our next door neighbor's daughter, Sandra.
Dad: Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that son. I have to tell you something but promise me that you will not tell your mom. Sandra is actually your sister.
The boy is obviously bummed out. He finds another girl, but dad tells him that is his sister too. This happens a few more time and he gets frustrated. So he decides to tell his mom.
Son: Mom, I am so mad at dad. I fell in love with 4 girls but can't date any of them because dad is their father.
His mom hugs him affectionately and says,
Mom: Son, you can date anybody you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father.
So, I bumped into this cute g**... the way out of the grocery store...
We talked for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers. I'm trying not to make a big deal about it, but I'm pretty bummed that my insurance rates are going to go up.
A man gets up early Sunday morning
He goes downstairs, puts on his bike gear, takes his bike in the garage but when he opens the door he notices it is pouring. Bummed out, he puts his bike back, undresses, goes back upstairs and crawls back under the sheets, spoons his wife and whispers: "Awful weather outside" And his wife goes: "Ha ha ha and to think my husband is out there on his bike right now"
The CDC said to refrain from hand shakes.
Jeffrey d**... immediately bummed as he turns off the blender
The things kids say....
I work in a middle school and I was talking to a 6th grader today. He was bummed because he's so short:
He says: I should go back to kindergarten with kids my own size.
Me: Well maybe you should try 1st grade because you already know the alphabet, right?
He didn't skip a beat and responded: I'm so American, the only letters I know are U, S and A!
It was hilarious.!! Thank you children for making us laugh.
My 35 year old friend was telling me how excited she was that she finally had s**... with her high school crush.
Next day she tells me shes bummed cause he asked her to go to prom with him.
Why is there never a happy medium?
You'd be bummed out to if you would have to deal with ghosts all day.
Everyone's bummed Summer is ending, but I like the Fall!
It's one of my top four favorite seasons.
Two Egyptians are on a first date together.
They decide to go to a nice restaurant and begin finding out about each other. As the evening progresses, it seems that they don't like or do a lot of the same things. Bummed that it doesn't look like this first date is a success, they decide to walk to get some ice cream in the hopes to finish off the evening on a good note. As they were walking, both let out a really loud f**.... Awkwardly they stare at each other and laugh when they realized what just happened.
I guess they both realized they had that toot-in-common.
"So José, how was America?"
"Oh it was wonderful, amigo, those Americans are so kind. I went to go watch a real American baseball game but the tickets were all sold out. Feeling bummed out I walked around the side of the stadium when I saw a flag pole right next to the field! I climbed right up it and could see the whole baseball diamond with the players getting ready for the game."
"You had to watch from a flag pole? I thought you said the Americans were nice."
"Oh they are amigo! Before the game began every American stood up, looked right at me, and hollered, "José, can you see?"
