Following is our collection of funny Bullshit jokes. There are some bullshit horseshit jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bullshit unmoved puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
In a cult the main person knows it's all bullshit. In religion that person is dead.
Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:
"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"
The officer laughs, saying:
"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"
"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
It was right before you had to call them for a legitimate reason.
"BULLSHIT!"
Mrs. Rabin comes to visit her son Bernie for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Elaine. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Bernie's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Bernie and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bernie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Elaine and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Elaine came to Bernie saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
*Dear Mom
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son
Bernie*
Several days later, Bernie received a response email from his Mom which read:
*Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Elaine, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mother*
"Bullshit!" I said. "I didn't even know it was your birthday."
Bullshit, I've got the Coronation Street board game and I'm not a pedophile.
...I said "Bullshit, my dog doesn't have a bike".
...No bullshit.
The bartender pours them both hydrogen peroxide because he's tired of their bullshit every day
But I think that's bullshit because I've never run 5 miles in 30 seconds.
You can explore bullshit bovine reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bullshit dogshit dad jokes. There are also bullshit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Everyone keeps me in the dark and feeds me bullshit.
"Stop using me in your bullshit stories."
... holding a sign "IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK. THIS PATH IS DOOMED!!" Most people just drive by but then suddenly someone stops and yells at the priests: "No one will belive this religious bullshit! You're wasting your time!" After that one of the priests says: Maby we should just write "The bridge has fallen!"?
But this 8 hour wait to go home is bullshit.
She's a Taurus, but I don't believe in bullshit.
But she hasn't saved anyone all day and she's peed in the house twice. This is bullshit.
and I don't believe in bullshit
Because she couldn't take her husbands bullshit.
He said: "who wrote this bullshit"
They recognize bullshit from miles.
But that's bullshit.
One looks to the other and says "See, they still believe your bullshit, pay up!"
Diluted and festooned with so much sweet, pretty bullshit I feel like a fraud for liking them at all, yet possessed of an underlying bitterness and complexity that I secretly fear I will never truly understand or appreciate.
**JIM**: Bob ,did you know people eat manure in some parts of the world?
**BOB**: Thats pure bullshit!!!
**JIM**: Exactly.
Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic
I instantly called her on her bullshit because nobody else was following her when I followed her home.
My uncle smoked. He died only once.
If she keeps this bullshit up, my wife might find her!
I tied 57,000 balloons to my house & my wife didn't die.
Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.
Bullshit
An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.
"Where are you from?" he asks.
"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"
"I'm from Narnia."
"Bullshit, that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.
"Well, you started it" says the Israeli.
Which is bullshit because I ate more t-shirts than anyone else.
Which is bullshit, he didn't even work in the mines!
and I don't believe in bullshit.
"Bullshit!" I exclaimed. "Pie are round!"
"Better you than me!" responded the pineapple.
I did not touch them! It's not true! It's bullshit! I did not touch them! I did naaaht.
Oh hi Mark.
after that everything is bullshit.
But let's face it, thats clearly bullshit, they didn't have cars back then
I would have autism.
It's the eight hour wait to go home that's bullshit.
I said "That's bullshit! I can't remember the last time I forgot something!"
It's udder bullshit.
I'm starting to think this whole opposites attract thing is bullshit.
True story:
Remember that 'Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me' bullshit??
Well, in Year 4, I heard my teacher say this to another classmate. I raised my hand and said 'Miss, I don't think that's right.'
My teacher asked me why I thought so. So, I threw a dictionary at her.
It was a bullshit job.
"This is bullshit!"
There's only so much bullshit a guy can take.
I tell you, as a man, this gender equality in feminism is bullshit.
I asked my 10 year old niece what special day is coming up in February.
"President's Day."
"What does President's Day mean?" I expected her to tell me something about Obama or Bush or Clinton.
Instead, she says, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we get another year of bullshit."
Told one to sit down and shut up.
She couldn't do either.
both of their careers depend on incomprehensible bullshit
Thank you Jesus!
I smell bullshit.
and it leaped right into some bullshit
Dog years are bullshit. My dogs 10 and she still chases tennis balls when I throw them. When my grandma was 70 and I threw a tennis ball and told her to get it she smacked me in the head and walked away muttering.
Apparently it has something to do with donald trump becoming the world's leading supplier of bullshit.
It's basically all this he said Xi said bullshit.
We're not falling for that bullshit again.
Man: Bullshit, why should I pay twice.
\-Who wrote all this bullshit!?
That's bullshit. A perfect guy like me can't possibly have a personality disorder.
When he couldn't smell the bullshit coming out of his own mouth.
I don't know, some bullshit in German, but probably translates to Welcome Bach.
Bullshit
Who's There?
Isabelle
Isabelle who?
Isabelle available to ring? Instead of going through this knock-knock bullshit every time
"Quit your bullshit Gary I've seen you smoke." Said his friend
"That one doesn't count I was drunk that day"
He called me a hypochlorite.
A man comes into a bar and says: "quickly! two beer and two vodka before the bullshit starts!" The barman pours the drinks and the man downs them quickly one after the other.
"Quickly! two more beer and vodka before the bullshit starts!" the barman pours the drinks and the man thows them back like there is no tomorrow
"Quick! Two **more** beer and two vodka before the bullshit starts!"
"Do you have the money to pay for this?"
"Look the bullshit starts already!"
Thats a ton of bullshit !
She is a Pisces, and I don't believe in bullshit.
"Dad, what kind of man should I marry?"
Her father replied, "His wits come secondary. He must be a man who has a beard".
The daughter, bewildered, asked "What is the significance of the beard?"
The father, staring blankly, said "Well any man with the patience to grow a beard has the patience to deal with your bullshit".
As he rolls down his window, the cop asks him, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?!"
The man replies, "Well I sure as hell know that I was within the damn speed limit!"
The cop says, "No sure, that's incorrect. You're meant to exit this freeway at 35 mph, and I clocked you doing over 100."
"That's bullshit!" spat the man. "I ain't dumb. I can read. That sign right over there said exit 125!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bullshit bulldog jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working bullshit nonsense piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.